Book Paintings!

Book paintings?!

What the heck is a book painting you ask? 

Many moons ago in a land called Instagram there lived a painter, an author and a reader.  One day the reader tagged the author in a sketch of The Perfect Game and the author proceeded to ask intelligent questions like:

OH MY GOD!  WHAT IS THIS?!?!?!?
IS THIS A SKETCH?!?!?
AND THEN IT BECOMES A PAINTING?!?!?
ARE YOU GETTING THE PERFECT GAME AS A PAINTING??!?!!
OMG, CAN I GET TPG AS A PAINTING?!?!?!?
CAN I BUY SOME PAINTINGS FOR MY AUTHOR FRIENDS?!?!?
WHAT IS THIS MAGICAL LAND I HAVE STUMBLED UPON?!?!?!??!

And thus, my Perfect Game painting was born.  :)

And so were these other two paintings I bought for my author friends, S.C. Stephens

 

And Samantha Towle

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Aren't they freaking cool?

 

I think so too.  Obviously.

 

So anyway, Danielle (that's the painter from the land of Instagram) has set up shop on facebook where you can go and order your own painting!  From whatever book you loved- although if she hasn't read it yet, you'll have to help her out and make sure you tell her what elements you want on it.

 

They're pretty unique gifts and they are even more awesome in real life if you can believe that!  Not to mention that they are affordable as well! I just wanted to give her a little shout because I believe in her talent and I want nothing but great things for her. 

 

If you're looking for a cool, one of a kind painting, look no further than Pushy Girl Paintings.  :)

 

http://www.facebook.com/PushyGirlPaintings

 

 

 

pillow talk

no really, i need to talk about pillows.

i swear we've had this conversation before- but it was probably 5 years ago.

people, i'm freaking dying at night. i don't want to go to bed because i know how uncomfortable i'll be. my pillow- IT HURTS MY HEAD AND MY NECK. i have a tempurpedic mattress topper, and i have 2 pretty expensive pillows to choose from.

they both suck.

they both hurt.

i wake up with splitting headaches i can't cure. literally.

i sleep on my back and my side.

HELP ME! do you sleep on your back or your side? lol what pillow do you use? do you love it? have you ever had pillow issues and you had to get a new pillow because your head hurt every morning????

for reals people- this is a huge problem. if i can't sleep throughout the night and then wake up in pain all day- well, i'm going to be a really miserable person to live with at some point. lol

suggestions?

it's so weird!

it's just weird the things people will accept without question, versus the things they won't. i guess it has to do with personal experience- what they think they "know" to be true, as opposed to what "can't possibly" be.

does this make any sense?

okay- i read a book the other day (it was The Deepest Cut by J.A. Templeton) and some of the reviews were complaining about how the love story happened way too quickly. and why did all of YA books have this aspect of falling in love lickity split? but what made me laugh was that the love story was between a girl and a ghost. so i loved how it was perfectly acceptable for her to love a ghost, but it wasn't acceptable for her to love him so fast.

WHAT????

lol

people are funny.

and picky.

the other thing- so many women in their late 20's and early 30's are reading young adult books. which is awesome, cause personally, i prefer to read them too, so i totally get it. but then, those women are the ones who write and complain about how things are "cliche" or how they hate the "dialogue", or why was everything "SOOOOO intense right off the bat" or how "annoying" it is that all the characters are "gorgeous".... etc etc etc..

and it takes everything in me to NOT remind those people that they are CHOOSING to read books that aren't written for them. and instead of making broad generalizations about how all the YA authors are the same, maybe they should stop reading YA books and start reading Adult ones? It's just funny how easy it is for people to blame every writer, instead of possibly looking within and realizing that maybe they've outgrown some YA literature. all the stuff they bitch and complain about, the teenagers love and enjoy. the teenagers can relate to that stuff. and hello, when you're a teenage girl- things happen fast! you fall in love FAST! you fall in love HARD! you think about the consequences later!

anyway. lol

it's funny the things people argue about in regards to my book. the things people try to CONVINCE others can't possibly be true- the things they question- the behaviors they call "unrealistic"... oh, if they only knew how much of that book was based on true events. most of the things people complain about and would probably bet their life couldn't be true- actually happened. so to me, it's all so ironic. it's weird what people refuse to believe in. i guess we're all shaped by our experiences.

things that have never happened to us before, or to anyone we know, might seem far fetched and unbelievable. but that doesn't mean they are.

why does everyone always want everything for FREE?

i have found that trying to start your own business(es) means:

that people will constantly surprise and amaze you.

in both good and bad ways.

the people you know will want your services for nothing. or at least at an extremely discounted rate. and while i understand that to a degree on one hand- the other hand, (you know, the one that's empty and has no money in it because i don't have a job and i'm trying to create ONE by starting a business) is like.. WHAT THE FUCK? if i give everyone i know all my services and products for FREE, then how am i ever supposed to make any money? i can't create or be successful in any business i try to launch, if i don't charge my friends at least something.

and that's the other thing- i cannot for the life of me, imagine asking one of my friends who is trying to start a business, to do some of the things i'm asked to do...

it's one thing if it's offered.

it's another thing if it's not.

part of me thinks that people just don't get it. what goes into everything i do. i mean, how can they?

if you aren't a photographer then you don't you don't know what it's like to shoot hundreds of photos during one session, and then spend over/up to 2 hours just narrowing down the best shots. and then i typically spend anywhere from six to ten hours processing the photos. it may not sound like much, but it is a lot of detail work. a lot of staring at the computer, making a beautiful shot, even more beautiful. i love the results i get, but it IS work for me to get them that way. and it's time consuming.

if you're not a baker then you don't know that i worked my ass off for over 16 months on my cupcake recipes and frostings. you don't know that i didn't have a chocolate frosting for almost 2 years because i couldn't make one that didn't taste like shit on my cupcakes. you don't understand how much time, care, and perfection goes into baking up the yummiest cupcakes in the world (ahem, those would be mine by the way... in case you were wondering-lol). but i guess the thing that tends to shock me the most when it comes to my cupcake business... is the sheer number of people who ask me for my recipes.

MY RECIPES!!!!!!

why the hell would i give you my recipes to my cupcakes? then you would never order them from me again because you could just make them yourself. and really, WHO asks that of someone?

i guess the same kind of people who ask me for my books for free. i wrote that book. it took me almost a year from start to finish to have that book ready to print. it came from my guts. why wouldn't you want to support it? i have to buy my books in advance. they cost money. and then i have to pay for shipping. that costs money too. i don't make that much profit on my paperback books. but some of my friends want them for free. for every person who i gave a free paperback copy too- i PAID you. not only did i give you the book, but i gave you the money it cost to make it, write it, ship it, etc.

you're welcome.

and i don't mean to sound like a bitch or anything, but it's just that i'm shocked i guess at how many people want something for nothing. especially when they know i'm currently unemployed. i don't have a job. i don't have an income. why the fuck would you want my stuff for free?

it surprises me everyday the people who choose to support me (in all honesty, it surprises me everyday as well, the people who choose NOT too). i never expected that so many people that i went to HIGH SCHOOL with would buy my book. i know that might sound weird, but high school was a long ass time ago. so many of my hs friends have jumped on the book train, simply to support what i'm trying to do. and that, is really what true friends are made of.

i could not appreciate their support any more than i already do. they all blew my mind. in the best way possible. so i thank them for that.

it's been amazing seeing who has supported and bought my book. it's also been a little sad at seeing certain groups of people not support, not help, not offer something to spread the word (when they have a lot they could do with their reach, influence, followers, fans), but i guess that's life.

i'm definitely learning who i can count on to be there for me ... as well as who won't. it's just funny, the people i expected hands down to really do something- haven't at all. a group of people who claim to be so focused on community, support and building each other up- they all just want THEMSELVES built up.

but then again, maybe i haven't done enough for them in the past?

who knows?

all i do know is- if you have a friend who is trying to start a business- be considerate, and offer to pay for their services. they'll thank you for it down the road.

:)

the scandal at cooperstown!

first of all, cooperstown (aside from being the home to the baseball hall of fame) is also the home of the cooperstown dreams park. some lucky kids get the opportunity to play baseball there during 13 weeks of tournaments. if you don't play when you're 12, you won't ever get the chance again. the concept is super cool.

SO, if you keep up with my facebook posts then you know that out of 104 teams, we made it to the championship game during the week we were there!

pretty awesome, right?

we definitely thought so.

now here's where things get dicey. and i must mention that the rumor mill runs rampant at that park. i can't even tell you the amount of crazy things i heard that week.

the other "team" that made it into the championship game wasn't even a team before the tournament. they were put together by the man who OWNS cooperstown dreams field. this team had kids from 5 different states on it. our boys were like, "they didn't even know each other's names." apparently, the team was put together so that the owner's grandson could play on a winning team. another thing i heard was that they flew the pitcher in that day to pitch in the championship game. i don't know if that's true or not, but it honestly wouldn't surprise me.

let me side note really quickly with a, ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?!! your grandson HAS to win, or what? he feels just like the other 103 teams that played there and didn't win?!? what the hell are you teaching that kid? you have a sucky team that won't go very far.. don't worry kid, i'll BUILD one for you, and pay for the team to come there. i mean, what a freaking joke. it's one thing to care about your family, but it's another thing to seriously go overboard with the whole "winning" and "losing" concept. personally, i think that guy is sort of an asshole who needs to learn how to lose. not to mention the fact that he's probably not helping his grandson with any real character building experiences.... aside from having to deal with other kids hating him for being so spoiled. i suppose that builds character somewhere down the line.

now let me just say that teams being built like that- is not this totally crazy, far out concept. teams do it all the time. and if someone called me up and said, "hey jenn, we want to fly blake out to play on this team in florida- and all expenses are paid for." you'd find me hard pressed to say NO. so i get the concept. i understand the idea. and i'm not opposed to it, necessarily.....

but what i do think is...

there is a TIME and a PLACE for teams like that to be playing against one another. but that's the key- multiple teams like that- all sorts of built and put together teams to be playing against each other.

cooperstown dreams park tournament is NOT the time, NOR the place for something like that to happen.

you have to understand that the teams that go to those tournaments, are local little league times... or teams who play travel baseball together all the time. some of the teams are really great. and some aren't so great. but they're all there for the same reason- to play baseball in a really cool environment. to do the thing they enjoy doing. to play with heart. it isn't all about winning. it's about the experience.


so to have the freaking owner build a team to basically CRUSH all the other competetion, was just pathetic. no team that played that team stood a chance. we knew going into the game that there was no way in hell we were going to win. i don't care about that part- what i mean is, we didn't have to win the game, but it sure as hell would have been nice to at least have a GOOD game. there was no hope for a good game against this team of 6 foot 12 year olds, with a pitcher who threw 80 miles an hour.


yes people, 80 miles an hour for a 12 year old is NOT normal. that is crazy fast. the kid was ridiculously talented.


but how was that game fun for anyone? it wasn't fun to watch. it couldn't have been fun to play. not even for the team who crushed everyone. and really, didn't they do exactly what they were put together to do? oooooh, you guys got to the championship game? how shocking. you won the game? ooh, even bigger shocker.


i just think it was a really shitty move. not to mention pathetic.


what happened at that tournament should go against everything that park should be about. and the fact that it was the owner who did it, makes it even more jaw dropping. actually, that's the part that makes me ANGRY. that he knew what he was doing. what he was doing TO 103 other teams. he needs to see that he wasn't doing something great and nice for his grandson, but he was doing something selfish and mean to about 1200 other kids. his "gesture" was at the expense of everyone else there. and it wasn't fair. it wasn't a fair fight. and i just think it's wrong on every level, regardless of us being in the championship or not.

i know i wasn't the only one to feel that way because the ENTIRE stadium that night was rooting against that prebuilt team, and for us. they would have rooted against that team no matter what- everyone was so pissed off about the whole thing.

anyway, the true champions that night were this group of kids. at least in my eyes.

so cal trip!

i went down to so cal last week... which some of you already know because you saw my post about MAKING DONUTS AT A DONUT SHOP AT MIDNIGHT! which seriously, was pretty much the coolest thing ever!!!!!!

and you read about my high school reunion. which again, was ridiculously fun!! a billion times more fun than i ever anticipated it would be! :)

but you didn't see all the other things and people i got to see while i was down there! it was by far the best trip i've taken in a long ass time. i saw SO many people (and not in a rushed way either).. far more than i ever normally see when i head home.

i visited my super fun gf who i have known since we were teenagers!!! we made a reverse oreo with our hot friend franklin.




he was such a good sport and let us dress him up with silly glasses and do stupid things. we <3 you ft!!!!




i left santa monica in my rearview (literally)


and headed over to my most favorite beach ever... (enter malibu, pt dume, surfrider, zuma, etc)


headed home for my reunion, but not before stopping by my sister's house for a quick photoshoot with the fam!






then i headed down to san diego and loved my drive along the coast.


where i spent the night with my high school bff ali and her family. :)






and then i visited my college bff's family and had the best time ever!






what an overwhelming, emotionally satisfying, incredible trip- filled with people i love, adore and cannot believe i'm so blessed to have in my life. :) xoxo

happy summer everyone!

significance & japan links

when things like the earthquake and tsunami in japan happen, it really reminds me how much of an asshole i am sometimes. i mean, really...
"i can't get a book agent." wah.
"no one wants to publish my book." wah.

it's just so ignisificant in the grand scheme of things. and when i think about what TRULY matters in life- at least to me- big fucking boo hoo that i haven't published my book (yet). i understand that i have dreams and goals and those things are important to me. and it's completely okay to want things, want to accomplish things..... but i'm just saying that for me, what really matters is that the people i love are safe.

that all the people i care about are okay.

and by the way california.... do you have your earthquake preparedness kit ready? i have one in the car, but i really need one in the house. or under my bed. or something. and i always freak that i don't have enough water (cause um, i sort of always drink it all).


so here are some links that i think are important.. how to help japan if you can... and other nifty links.

Maki is a blogger who has ties to Japan and she is blogging, tweeting and updating news that she gets. she also has an incredible list of how to help and organizations that you can donate too.
Japan Earthquake: How to help, personal update

Sachiko is from Japan... and although she is not living there currently, her family is still there. she is deeply affected by everything going on there right now (obviously) and her blog posts are moving and touching.

yahoo has a great list of links for how to help.

the sf gate has a great post on what we all need for emergency preparedness kits.. it includes food, water, first aid, clothing, etc. it's pretty detailed, but we should all try to make something to keep in a backpack or in something easy to grab in a hurry.

love. xoxo

setting the anger free

it's almost been a year since i got fired from my job. emotionally, it doesn't feel like that length of time has passed. i feel like i am nowhere near being healed. everytime i go on an interview, i am reminded just how ridiculously fucked up i am from what that job put me through. i wish i could explain to you the emotional and mental anguish that i've lived through. but to put it simply;

i am really angry.

i am beyond bitter.

and i don't want to be either of those terrible emotions anymore. i know time is the best healer, and i've sat here day after day expecting the negative feelings to dissipate with time. it's almost as though i've half expected to wake up one morning with all the resentment and bitterness magically gone. but the truth is, they aren't really going anywhere (at least they don't feel like they are). i could point to you the exact location where they have taken up residence inside my body- because i FEEL them in there. a large ball of wadded up negativity that doesn't belong inside me. it's like a foreign feeling.

and it's time to evict it!

i realized the other day that i need to take an active approach to ridding myself of these feelings. it hasn't been enough for me to simply say things like "i let go" or "i release this" with my thoughts... that hasn't been working. AT ALL. so i've come to the conclusion that i need to perform a physical act of letting go. i need to do more to help my mind, my spirit and my body release the thoughts and feelings that i've allowed to hold me prisoner for the last year, because i felt it was well within my rights to feel the way i did. and it was... well within my rights to feel the way i did. but i no longer choose to harbor these emotions. they are holding me back. they are holding me down. they aren't doing anything positive for me or my growth-
so i have to

LET. THEM. GO!!!!

so this is me... physically allowing myself to let go of all the anger. and documenting the process. because it's important to me. and maybe it will resonate with someone else.

step 1- i wrote down every negative emotion, feeling, or word that i associated with that environment. no matter how awful, how negative, how mean.... if i FELT it, i acknowledged it, and wrote it on its own piece of paper. i gave the word power by writing it down.

step 2- i folded each word i had just given life into halves.



step 3- i placed each of the words in a dish and headed outside.

step 4- i lit the pieces of paper on fire.



i literally burned them to ash. all of the negative feelings and emotions that i had been harboring for the past year... all the words i had just given POWER by writing down... i BURNED THEM TO NOTHING. and then the paper no long existed. the words written on the paper no longer existed. everything looked the same. black, bits of leftover ash from what once was.

step 5- then, i set the ashes free.

i sent them into the wind and thought in my mind over and over again, i let you go. you are no longer welcome inside me. i release you.

and at the risk of sounding completely cheesy... i got chills from head to toe when the last set of ashes flew into the breeze. and my heart felt lighter... less constricted... better somehow.

and i took a deep breath and i knew.. it would all be okay.

i know someone with a disease

last summer, after her trip to italy, my good friend (and bomber babe) susan started not feeling well. her arm felt like it was on fire and she had no clue what was going on. she was constantly in pain.

A LOT of pain.

and it wasn't getting better.

she was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis (MS). they think she's had it for years, but that the flare ups would happen so mildly, that she wouldn't even realize they were flare ups. this time, it was unbearable.

our sons are on the same travel ball team. i talk about susan on here all the time. she's one of the reasons i love playing travel baseball so much. she is literally, one of the best people i know. after her diagnosis, let me tell you, the fun began. an umbrella is her constant staple at all tournaments now. she can't stay out in the heat for too long, because it will cause her pain.
we mist her.
we fan her.
we shade her.
whatever we can do to keep her comfortable, we're willing to do it because not having her in the stands with us is completely not acceptable. we love her too much.

one of the best things about her is by far, her attitude. from the moment she was diagnosed, she knew she wanted to fight it. she was willing to try anything. she never wanted this disease to beat her, she has always wanted to beat this disease. she wanted to get her pain down to as bearable of a level as possible. so she has shots once a week that literally knock her on her ass for the entire next day. i know. i've visited during one of those days. she has no energy and it's literally a struggle for her to do anything . it's weird seeing her like that in all honesty. you see, normally she glows. she is a big ball of light with a gorgeous smile. she lights up a room when she walks in it. she commands it. she is vivacious, courageous, strong, independent, beautiful, kind, generous, giving, thoughtful, smart, determined, successful and fun!!!!

i could not love this person anymore than i already do and i cannot imagine my life without her in it. i am reminded how much i love everything about her, everytime i see her.

the whole point is that we're doing a bike ride for MS. and i just joined the team. listen, i know i'm late in joining (the ride is in like 3 weeks or some shit)... it's just that i kind of hate committing to stuff... especially if it's too far in advance. i have no idea what life will throw at me. HA

but i finally did it!!!! okay? i'm on the team!!! cruisin' for susan!! :)

and now of course, i have to raise money. so i'm posting a link to my page and if you'd like to donate (i don't care if you donate one dollar), that would be super rad. and if you don't want too, that's okay too.

listen, you don't have to buy my friendship or love, but i'd like to at least give you the option. :)

http://main.nationalmssociety.org/site/TR?px=8742722&pg=personal&fr_id=13803&s_tafId=147951


susan and her son

sometimes a quick getaway is much, much more

i am running the gauntlet of emotions here kids. this quick trip of mine to new york and new jersey somehow feels more life changing than anything else. y'all know how freaking sensitive i am. how deeply i feel things. and how aware i am of my feelings, my emotions, my desires, and wants, etc.

this trip was incredible. i don't know if it's because i haven't traveled anywhere in almost 2 years. i don't know if it's because i don't have a fucking job right now and being unemployed is the weirdest thing to me ever. i don't know if it's any number of things. but what i do know is that right at this moment, my heart hurts. and i constantly want to burst into tears. i'm a tired, emotional wreck.

i love new york. i love where i stay in jersey. i love the people i meet when i'm there. i love how straight forward and non bullshit everyone is. that is so my style of person. no beating around the bush. no coy games. just straight to the point. it makes me laugh and there is something refreshing about the honesty of it all. when you're used to people who are so concerned with what they say and how they say it.. and want to make sure they're leaving the best impression of themselves with you at all times (no matter how dishonest it may be) there is something to be said about people who don't act that way. i appreciate it. maybe it's because it's how i am. no bullshit. honest and straightforward. and i've always scared the crap out of people in la. it's funny to me when i don't.

i realized during this trip that i really, really, really enjoy meeting new people. i realized that i really can make friends with anyone, anywhere i go. when i first got there, i went with j-fo to her junior high school reunion. and i met and loved everyone there. i got into a really deep and honest conversation with one of her old classmates. we ended up exchanging a few emails during the course of my trip and i don't know that i've ever been so flattered before, as to hearing this stranger tell me that meeting me made him believe in love again. that he knew the right girl was out there somewhere for him... and that meeting me made him realize that the old him (the one he loved and thought was gone forever) was still there inside- all he has to do is find the right girl to bring it out. and he thanked me for helping him see and realize this about himself. he said he hadn't felt that good about who he was in years.

how can someone telling you something like that not completely change you? i feel changed. i feel like maybe he opened my eyes a little bit to the effect i can have on people? i don't know, that sounds really weird and cocky and kind of asshole-ish. it's not how i mean it though. i guess after hearing that from him- i just felt really good about the person i am. and i realized how much i enjoyed helping him realize that about himself. and how happy it made me to hear him say he believed in love again... and that he was open to it.. and that he knew he could be happy again. because all i want is for people to be happy in their lives. life is too short to be unhappy, or bitter, or mad. i love the affect that strangers can have on one another. i changed this guy, and in return he changed me. no matter how small the change... i appreciate what he's made me realize (even if i can't put it into words well).

i met some guys in the airport bar. (shoutout to matt, jon, sean and gary!!!) we all had these ridiculous layovers and so we just hung out and chatted. sean the bartender was so freaking funny and happy and told me how much he loved his job. he honestly made me think that i might make a really kick ass airport bartender. LOL i love people.. i love chatting.. i'm a fucking smart ass who can dish it out with the best of em.. and these people can't stay around me forever because they eventually have to get on a plane (which is perfect in my opinion). i think i might have found my new career path. :) jennster, the airport bartender!!!!! i love it. and now we're all friends on facebook. i love that technology has advanced us all to the point that we can keep in touch with people we meet anywhere from 5 minutes, to 5 hours. you know? it's like that shit was made for sensitive people like me who want to keep in touch with people they've just met, because i'd never forget about them anyway.


i met this amazing guy on my flight from maryland to denver. we sat next to a boy scout who made me laugh and made me want to cry the whole flight. i told that 16 year old boy the importance of knowing how to kiss well. and that a bad kiss can ruin everything. that boy didn't want to believe anything i told him on that flight, so he would ask the guy sitting next to me. and the guy would constantly remind him that i knew more about girls than either one of them did. i think the boy scout hated me cause i was blonde, but i guarantee you he'll never forget what i told him about kissing and that too much saliva is a bad thing and that no girl wants to be assaulted by your tongue. ha ha ha that flight was the best flight ever. the conversations were incredible. and we laughed so much. you can learn A LOT about a person when you sit with them for 4 and a half hours and make the effort. we all made the effort. see? i appreciate things like that so much.





i had so many great experiences on this trip. it's hard to be back here in a place i don't love being. it's made me realize that i really enjoy traveling. i enjoy meeting new people and having conversations that matter. i love making new friends. i love being social. so now i'm wondering, how can i find a job that let's me travel and make new friends? what can i do that would let me really be me? how can i combine everything that i love into something that makes me money?
why can't i get paid to make friends and change lives? lol. any ideas???? i feel like there has to be something that is soulfully fulfilling and fills my heart with goodness and gladness... have to figure out what that is.

late to the party, per usual

blah blah.. dooce got invited to the white house for some working mom panel thing (can't you tell i'm totally caught up on this subject?!).. i'm always the last to know about this stuff.

look, in my opinion.. here is the bottom line:

heather is not your typical person. she makes a living from blogging. and a pretty damn good one at that. that's not something the majority of bloggers will ever achieve. the way she makes her money, is not normal.. hence, she is not a typical working mom.

i understand why people are upset, or are questioning why she got invited to the white house to represent working moms.

the thing is, when people think of working moms, they don't think of her. i think people tend to think of people they can relate too. people who do the same types of things they have to do. people who take their kids to daycare, clock in and out, report to someone else, fight traffic to get home in time for ball games or dinner, miss dinner, etc. i think as human's, we think of people who are like us.

it's kind of like in the same way when people talk about the typical blogger, and bloggers get upset when heather gets chosen to represent them. because nothing about heather and the business she has created is typical in any way. therefore, the typical blogger can't and doesn't relate to her.

but my problem is.....
why can't heather accept or see that? why does she have to write a blog post complaining about how hard her life is? and defending how hard she works? and then say she would never treat people the way people treat her... (when i know first hand how UNTRUE that statement is)?

why can't she just say she understands why people think she shouldn't have been invited? why can't she just see the situation from outside her own viewpoint?

in my opinion, it would have been really cool if she had said something like... hey fellow bloggers, i totally see why you don't view me as the typical working mom, but here's why i think i am. or you're right, i'm not the typical working mom, but i totally have work issues too and here's what i plan on talking about from my perspective.

or maybe she's just out of her mind overjoyed at getting an invite at all and doesn't care what it's for or about (cause that would be crazy exciting no)?!

and if that's the case, just say so.

just be honest.

there is something wrong when you constantly feel like people are out to get you, people hate you, they are jealous of you, etc etc. it's not that those people don't exist, but every single person who expresses an opinion different than yours isn't a hater. i'm not writing this post because i'm jealous. i'm writing this post because i'd like people to see that there are other ways to handle these situations. everyone else isn't wrong at the expense of one person being right all the time.

and just because some people don't think heather was a good choice for the panel, that doesn't mean they hate her.. or are jealous of her.. or think she doesn't work hard... she just doesn't fit the mold of who they feel the typical working mom is. and there's nothing wrong with that. the sooner we all figure that out, the better we'll be.

apparently we're white trash

blake came home yesterday and he was pissed off. he had just gotten into a verbal argument with one of his friends. i think they tend to do this more and more the older they get.. i don't know, it just seems to happen a lot lately.

so he was telling us what happened and then he goes "he called me white trash. what is white trash? what does that even mean???" and i went through a gamet of emotions. all at once i was so sad for my little boy (who is so not little) because he was called a name he didn't understand. and then i was so happy that he had never heard that term before and wasn't familiar with such bullshit name calling. and then i was angry that his friend did know the term and felt the need to spew it onto my kid. and then i was mad some more wondering where the fuck the kid heard it from in the first place? do his parents walk around their house calling people those kinds of names? or did someone at school say it to him? i have no idea where he heard it, all i know is that now he called my kid it.

blake's little face was so sad. he was so confused and angry, but he was hurt at being called that name. and he just didn't understand it. any of it. he told me that once his friend called him that, he responded with, "yeah, whatever that even means. you are too." i had to stop myself from cracking up. i could just imagine his face trying to figure out just what the hell he was just called, and was it supposed to be a bad thing?

but today i'm still a little pissed. i mean, are we teaching and allowing our kids to talk to eachother this way? it's not that far off from calling people racist names. granted, i don't think white trash is the equivalent of some of the other horrifying words people choose to call people of other races. but still. it's offensive. it's meant to be offensive. it's meant to be hurtful. it's not said to be nice. and i'm just pissed off about it. pissed off that at that kids age (10 years old), that's how he talks. and that's how he's talking to my kid. and i don't want my kid to be around assholes who talk this way. and i know i can't control it or stop how other kids speak to my kid, but it still sucks.

i like the fact that blake had no idea what that meant. that he had never heard that term before. i liked that. you know?

ladies! (and gentlemen)

apparently we need to step up our A games. someone doesn't like us.

Anonymous said...
I see I must have upset you, and for that I apologize. I've been viewing people's blogs lately and what's struck me is how vacuous, daft, empty, fatuous, frivolous, meaningless, mindless, puerile, trifling, trivial, vapid and worthless most are. I thought someone should let you know that. For instance, would you be fascinated if you found a blog that started with 'I bought a cat today'...or how about 'Today I let the dishes stack up in the sink'...would you be utterly enthralled?

Just sayin'
9/05/2009 9:03 PM



rock the fuck on everybody. rock.the.fuck.on.

why i wanted to shank the woman who sat in my row on my plane ride but i didn't because i don't even have a shank and really, who does that?

probably people in jail, but i digress.

i flew down to burbank yesterday (the land of holy fuck, another fire.. please stop burning. i love you so much that it hurts me to see this. thank you). so the first thing that happened on my wonderful and amazing flight was the cocksucker who sat behind me actually reached his hand through my seat to MY window and shut the shade. i let it pass because there was another window not too far from me, but i was still completely shocked that he did that. i mean, WHO DOES THAT????

well at that point, i'd seen nothing yet.

this freaking chick proceeds to sit in the aisle seat of the row i'm sitting in. she promptly takes up both seats with her stuff. she throws down the tray from the middle seat and puts her starbucks coffee on it. and some papers. and a book. and whatever else will fit on there and spill over onto me. then she tosses pieces of a newspaper all over the middle seat. puts an enormous bag there and then squeezes another one under her seat.

the thing is though, i wouldn't have cared at all if she wanted to use up all that room if she just would have said "you don't mind if i put my stuff here do you?" i mean, it's just common courtesy. right? you don't own both seats. i don't own both seats. i would NEVER put my stuff there without asking the other person if they cared or not. but maybe that's because i can see outside of myself sometimes. so the whole flight i was annoyed that this chick was so selfish and apparently so self involved that she felt she deserved 2 seats..

anyway, i started writing in spirit magazine... and i wrote "this chick next to me just took up 2 seats with all her crap without asking. so rude. don't you hate when people act like that on flights?"

and then i stopped.

and i was upset that i put such negativity out there. that i wrote it in a magazine that i hoped someone else would read. i figured they'd agree and laugh and probably be like... ah, that sucks. poor person. but then i realized that i didn't want to put ONLY that out there. so i started to write other stuff. and i flipped the pages and found myself writing things like:

are you living your dreams? why not?

are you trying to achieve something that seems out of reach? go for it! i believe in you. you can do it!!!

don't live the way you think others expect you too.. live the way your heart wants you too.

and things like that. i wrote a lot more, but each one was just very positive and affirming and i felt good about it. i know it sounds silly, stupid or crazy.. i mean, i told my sister what i did and she said i was a weirdo, while looking at me like i was insane. but i think that if i was flipping that magazine and read all those things, i'd smile. who knows, someone might read my words and be inspired to do something more with their life. something they have been afraid to do. it actually reminded me a lot of post secret and the notes people leave in the post secret books at bookstores. it's about encouraging people to chase their dreams. telling them it's okay to go against the norm and do what they truly want. achieving true happiness doesn't come from someone else telling you how to live your life.... it comes from within. sometimes, we feel like we have no options, or we feel trapped. i know it's hard to do what we want- life gets in the way. money holds us back. trust me, i can relate. and sometimes people need to hear things, even if it's from a stranger.. or read on a blog.. or some note scribbled in a magazine on an airplane flight.

i don't know. all i do know was that it made me happy to write those things. it made me feel good. and hopefully, if my words in that magazine do that for even 1 person, that will make me happy. of course i'll never know, but still.... i'll just tell myself that somewhere right now, someone i don't know is reading my words and they are smiling.

and that lady from the plane? she ended up being 2 people down from me in line at the rental car counter. and she started yelling at the wonderful women who work there (whom i love because i see them every 2 weeks and they are always so kind and good to me) things like "THIS IS HOW YOU LOSE CUSTOMERS!!!! WHAT KIND OF CUSTOMER SERVICE IS THIS?!??" just general nastiness. it took EVERYTHING in me to not turn to that lady and tell her to shut her fucking mouth. but instead, i just made sure the women who worked at hertz knew that i appreciated them and that i knew how wonderful they were. because they are.

and so are you.


this is like a pollyanna fucking post. i'll bitch about something tomorrow.

:)

when is it wrong..

to stand up for yourself?

is it ever wrong to defend yourself? does our pride and do our ego's cross the line sometimes? do they get in the way and cloud our judgement as to what is or is not acceptable behavior? are there times we should sit there, keep our mouths shut, and just take it?

talk to me people. i really need to hear it.

know what i'm sick of?

i'm really sick of other bloggers telling us it's okay to feel a certain way about something. or it's NOT okay to feel a certain way about something. or yes, this is allowed to upset you, but THIS however, is not. don't fucking tell me how to feel, or what to feel. i get that it's how you feel, but i do NOT have to agree with you.

it seems like when certain bloggers post their opinions on their blogs, they do so with such disdain for the other side, that you'd be a fucking asshole to disagree with them.... or heaven forbid, think differently.

note to world:
opinions are just that.
YOUR OWN THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS ON A SUBJECT.

people do not have to agree with you. people are not idiots, or uneducated, or assholes because they don't see things the same way you do. people are not losers when they don't find the same things funny as you. people are not any less credible if something doesn't offend them, but it offended you. women are still GOOD women even if they don't see everything in the same way as other women. holy fuck did that make sense?

like that whole stupid motrin fucking commercial hoo hub. what if it didn't offend you? what if it didn't piss you off? what if you saw that commercial and simply, did.not.care? does that make you any less of a woman? who gives a fuck.


we are all different.


we are all opinionated and our opinions are extremely personal.

i know that this blog post right here could be construed as the same exact thing i'm posting about... my point is that there are bloggers out there who post in a manner that is so extreme, it's sometimes hard to read. even when i agree with their point of view, the way they write about it sometimes makes me cringe- i can only imagine how the people who disagree with what is being written must feel. we all post our opinions and our thoughts. i mean, that's what our blogs are for. i'd like to think that when i post things, i'm open to hearing people disagree with me in the comments section. i don't post things assuming that everyone will be on board the ster train of thought. you know?

i guess i just got offended reading some posts lately and feeling like those people were telling me how to feel. and telling me i was wrong if i didn't agree with how they were telling me to feel. i'm not a 12 year old kid who needs to have her mind and thoughts shaped and persuaded. i get that you feel a certain way and you're most certainly entitled to that. but i do not have to agree. and it does not make me any less of a kick ass, wonderful chick to think differently than you do.

earth day is great and all

but i really think we need a people day.

a be nice to one another day. a love your neighbor day. something that brings back the sense of community.

i don't know. i get so freaking disheartened sometimes when i think about how fucking self involved we all are. how everything we seem to do as a society is for the individual. trying to get ahead. make more money. have more toys. see more sights. do more stuff. express ourselves for the sake of expressing ourselves. it's all about me, me, me.

it just seems like there used to be a simpler time. a time when neighbors and communities cared about eachother more. when people not only knew eachother, but helped eachother. now it seems like most of us don't even know our neighbors. myself included. i'm rarely home. i know some of our neighbors, but not all. and the ones i do know i barely see, let alone speak too. it just makes me sad, you know?

i feel like we have totally grown as a race to be completely self involved. and i don't see that changing anytime soon. i think we grow more and more towards that concept all the time. we don't think outside of ourselves. everything is about ourselves. it's like a bigger picture never comes into play. it's all about the small picture- the immediate- the now. our perceptions are so screwed up. our values are all askew. i think we've all fallen into this fucked up trap about how we think we have to live... things we think we have to do to get by on a day to day basis. it's like we have this really messed up mindset that has been told to us so many times, we've started to believe it must be true.

and then we have the kids-
so many of us are raising a generation of kids who can't take being told no. who are being taught that they will always win no matter what. that they will never have their feelings hurt. they will always make the team. and that they are entitled to it all. we are raising our future generations to be entitled, spoiled little brats who won't be able to handle rejection.

we need to refocus. as a fucking world. some things are right. some things are wrong. and there are punishments for doing wrong. and sometimes you will lose. sometimes your feelings will get hurt. and sometimes you won't make the team because you know what? you're NOT fucking good enough. and there is nothing wrong with that. it's a part of life. how come we've decided that the best thing to do for our kids, is to completely shelter them from experiencing anything that may help them grow as people?

i realize i'm talking about 2 really different issues that i probably should have addressed seperately, but i dunno- maybe somehow they're connected. maybe they correlate? maybe people are raising their kids that way because they feel so fucking bad for the way they're choosing to live their life? maybe they're not home enough, so they want their kids to be happy all the time? i don't know.. what do you think?

the things we say

a lot of us say things in the presence of others that we don't really think about. i've done it. i'm sure i still do it. i think that when people are passionate about something, they just say everything they think and feel about it, without truly thinking who they're talking too.

earlier today i was in a room where people got really off topic and started talking about things that got them really riled up. they started to name call the people on the other side of their argument. and i kept attempting to interject by saying that the people on the other side feel just as strongly about their beliefs and opinions as they did theirs. but none of it mattered. they couldn't see that they were doing the same thing that the other side does. they couldn't see that they were what they claimed to "hate."

it's one thing to think your beliefs are right for you- it's another thing to think they are right for everyone. when did we become a society so full of ourselves, that our opinions are the only ones that matter? they said so many offensive things in that room, not once even considering that i might be on the other side of their argument. it's okay to name call and be a complete jackass, as long as you do it behind those people's backs, right?

i'm happy that people are passionate about things in life. truly, i am. but the way that we go about it- the way all sides go about it- it's so ugly. yet each side thinks they're the non-ugly side. they think they're superior.

and it's just sad really. because how are we supposed to improve our lives.... and live together on this planet, if we think we're above anyone who has a different opinion than we do?

how are you remarkable?

someone asked me the other day what i've accomplished in my life that i considered "remarkable." and of course i went off on some huge diatribe about how i think that remarkable is a really, really, awe inspiring word. and i didn't think that anything i'd done in my life could be classified as "remarkable."

i mean, i think i've done lots of awesome things. i've had amazing jobs and met incredible people and have had a really cool life so far. but i guess i just feel like the word remarkable insinuates that you've overcome these unbelievable odds to accomplish something... or you did something when the entire world said you couldn't... or you've inspired greatness in others..

and i just don't see how anything i've done in my life, couldn't have been done by someone else. i don't think that i've done anything that others couldn't do.

i guess i don't see myself as remarkable.

but maybe i should.

i do see myself as awesome. and hot. but not necessarily remarkable.

and then that opens a whole other can of questions. like WHY don't i see myself as remarkable? why don't i think being a succesful single mother is a remarkable thing? maybe because i didn't feel like it was so hard, so nothing remarkable could be that easy (not that it was entirely easy, but everyday was not this life or death kind of struggle and i think there are lots of single moms who had/have it far worse, and far harder than i ever did).

and so i was wondering if people saw themselves as remarkable. so i ask you... do you feel that you've accomplished remarkable things? if you think you've done something remarkable, i want to hear about it! and if you don't think you have, i want to hear that too!

people tell me things

it's true. strangers tend to tell me things about themselves.. their lives.. their families.. all sorts of things. it's all very random. and usually out of nowhere. but it tends to happen to me everywhere i go. and i'm not kidding.

i mean how else would i know that the sweet old man at trader joe's has a wife who ate too much salt? and that the eating of the too much salt affected her heart and almost killed her. and that she had to have surgery to repair the arteries. but at least she's going to be okay. and they're happy. and he thinks that the things at trader joe's are too expensive and how can anyone afford to buy their food from there? and how come people don't just cook in their own homes anymore? and don't forget to lay off the salt! because of him, i haven't been salting things. really.

and then there was the guy at the gas station. i mean, i was sitting there, filling sam (my jeep) up with gas, and next thing i know this guy has told me all about his 22 year old daughter. she was addicted to drugs, but she's been clean and sober for a few months now. she had to move back home and if she was going to live with him, she had to clean up. but she doesn't have a job right now. and he's worried that the guy she is dating is a total loser. but he's just trying to be a good dad. and he just wants the best for his daughter. and i told him that i knew both. and i meant it.

and i can't forget that guy with an accent so thick, trying to explain to me that he wants to be an airplane technician. and so he's moving to denver colorado on august 2nd to go to school there. he said there was a school in la, but he was afraid of falling in with a bad crowd and he thinks denver is a safer bet for him. i laughed when he mentioned that he would probably lose his tan and turn white living there. i wished him luck. and i meant it.

i always walk away from things that like and wonder if it ever happens to anyone else? or am i the only one? on one hand i think it's neat to talk to people and hear the things they choose to tell me. but then i wonder WHY me? i mean, do i have a sign on my forehead that tells people it's okay to get completely personal with me and tell me things you may not even tell your friends? i really don't mind it, i just find it kind of fascinating. and in some ways, i consider myself lucky.

does this happen to you? or someone you know? or do other weird things happen to you? what happens to you often enough that you think it's odd?