things that inspire

i LIVE to be inspired. by anything. by everything.  beautiful pictures, people, scenery, words... 

as a writer, i'm surrounded by sound lyrics and other people's writing that resonates somewhere deep within me. it's a beautiful experience when that happens. i love words that don't suck.  :)

anyway- when i read something that makes me want to jump on top of my couch and scream YES YES YES this is SO me!  i print it out as fast as i can and pin it to my dream/wish board! 

you know the one... (it's changed since i took this pic- dramatically, but you get the point)

i just wanted to share my latest additions with you!  :) 



GOD I LOVE BEING & FEELING INSPIRED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! two thumbs up for inspiration and a full heart and a soaring soul! :)

inspiration!

fyi- i found an editor who is AT THIS VERY MOMENT, working on any grammar issues within In Dreams. I should have the newly edited version up this weekend! just wanted y'all to know! YAY!

moving on... lol

I have a "Wall of Inspiration." lol, That's what I call it. Basically, it's the wall next to my desk where I'm supposed to work (but never do because I move around constantly, sit in weird places and go wherever feels best that day to write), filled with all sorts of quotes, song lyrics and goodies. They make me happy. :)













Fellow author, Veronica Mordem, shared a quote with me the other day that I have completely stolen, adopted, want to put onto a t-shirt and wear everynight to bed... I sort want to get it put on hats I make my dogs wear as they follow me around the house like stalkers.

"If you want to be successful, you must be willing to be uncomfortable." Gil Eagles

I am in love with this quote because "uncomfortable" was the perfect word to describe how I was feeling after all the crazy download madness! Everytime I start to freak out a little, I read those words and I feel better. Here's to making the un-comfort-ness TOTALLY WORTH IT! :)

Do you have any quotes or things you like to surround yourself with? Share them with me!

my wish for YOUR 2012

i love new years eve!! it is one of my most favorite days of the year! i associate it with new beginnings, the pursuit of dreams and realizations and goals fulfilled... and of course, my most favorite... MAGIC!

new years eve to me is magical. it's an evening filled with wonder. and hope. when our eyes and hearts seem more open than usual to the possibilities of what's to come... what will the upcoming year hold for us?

my wish for everyone in this 2-0-1-2 is...

that we are all blessed enough to follow our hearts. to feel as though we are doing what we are meant to.

that when we hear our soul's call, urging us to do that certain something that seems impossible, THAT WE AT LEAST TRY TO DO IT!

i hope that we all have the doors to our hearts open wide. and when those doors open, we feel things in ways we've never felt before. we see things through clearer eyes. we feel things through a fuller heart.

i hope that 2012 shifts our perspective. i hope we all start seeing our world differently. through heart shaped glasses instead of dollar signs. i hope we see riches defined less with the amount of money in our pockets, and more with the amount of love we are giving and receiving. sure, love doesn't pay the bills at night- but money doesn't warm your soul.

i hope that we are all blessed enough to realize what it was that we were put on this earth, in this lifetime, to do- and that just the realization alone brings us more internal peace than we've ever known before.

i'm really not sure that i can say it better than Oprah did on her finale. it held as much meaning for me then, as it does now. i hope when you read this, you find yourself shaking your head YES in agreement. i hope it speaks to you, the way it spoke to me.

"What I knew for sure from this experience with you is that we are all called.

Everybody has a calling, and your real job in life is to figure out what that is and get about the business of doing it.

Every time we have seen a person on this stage who is a success in their life, they spoke of the job, and they spoke of the juice that they receive from doing what they knew they were meant to be doing. We saw it in the volunteers who rocked abandoned babies in Atlanta. We saw it with those lovely pie ladies from Cape Cod making those delicious potpies. ... We saw it every time Tina Turner, Celine, Bocelli or Lady Gaga lit up the stage with their passion.

Because that is what a calling is.

It lights you up and it lets you know that you are exactly where you're supposed to be, doing exactly what you're supposed to be doing.

And that is what I want for all of you and hope that you will take from this show.

To live from the heart of yourself.

You have to make a living; I understand that.

But you also have to know what sparks the light in you so that you, in your own way, can illuminate the world."

Happy 2012 everyone! let this be the year that we each go out and find what illuminates us, and light up the world with our inner glow!

oprah's final show

i don't want oprah a lot.. probably because i was always working while she was on. but whenever i did watch her show, i liked it.

i'll admit it.. i LIKE oprah. :)

so i watched her very final show yesterday.. not having any idea what it was going to be about, who was going to be on it, etc.

to my surprise, there were no guests.

just oprah. talking. thanking. being grateful.

but what i took from her show- was what i've been talking about for awhile now here on this blog. and a lot of what i've reading lately in terms of spiritual websites.

this huge shift in consciousness. this shift in people's priorities. this calling that is happening to get people to be where they are supposed to be (hence, dramatic events happening- loss of house, loss of job, divorce, etc)....

when she spoke the following words, i found myself sitting on my couch shaking my head back and forth in a YES!!!! motion, just completely agreeing and yelling at my tv, "THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN TALKING ABOUT OPRAH!!!! THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO SAY!!!"

"What I knew for sure from this experience with you is that we are all called. Everybody has a calling, and your real job in life is to figure out what that is and get about the business of doing it. Every time we have seen a person on this stage who is a success in their life, they spoke of the job, and they spoke of the juice that they receive from doing what they knew they were meant to be doing.... Because that is what a calling is. It lights you up and it lets you know that you are exactly where you're supposed to be, doing exactly what you're supposed to be doing. And that is what I want for all of you and hope that you will take from this show. To live from the heart of yourself. You have to make a living; I understand that. But you also have to know what sparks the light in you so that you, in your own way, can illuminate the world."

just reading that (especially the last sentence) brings tears to my fucking eyes. it fills me with hope. it RESONATES. that's exactly where i am right now. and where i have been. and what i've been trying to figure out... and CREATE.

i feel like we're all being called to do what truly makes us happy. and by doing what makes us happy, we will affect the world. by sharing what we love with others, it will uplift those around us. goodness and positivity ALL AROUND! :)

you may think i'm crazy.. or not get what i'm saying. and that's okay. i just feel excited. and happy. and sort of impatient because i'm so ready to embody my awesomeness and have it feel right... i'm ready to FEEL like i'm on the right path again- like i'm doing what i'm supposed to be doing... like i'm where i'm supposed to be... like everything in falling into place. that feeling you get when you just instinctively know things are unfolding how they are supposed too. i'm ready for all of that.

for me.

and for you.


"My great wish for all of you who have allowed me to honor my calling through this show is that you carry whatever you're supposed to be doing, carry that forward and don't waste any more time. Start embracing the life that is calling you and use your life to serve the world."

what path am i heading down?

i know that after a year of being unemployed, i should be foaming at the mouth at any job prospects, right?


RIGHT?


then why is it, with every interview i go on.. i find myself less and less interested in working for other people? you know how you leave an interview and you're just dying with excitement and anticipation inside? you want the job SO BADLY you can taste it.... and you feel like if you don't get it, you'll be crushed?


i remember feeling like that.


but i'm not sure where those feelings went. cause i haven't felt like that one bit since getting fired. nothing has made me feel... well... in all honesty... anything.

and as i drive myself home from all my interviews, i find myself thinking constantly about how uninteresting the job sounded. or how unappealing. and i find that my WANT for what seems like any position- just isn't there.


and what the fuck man? cause shouldn't i be feeling the exact opposite? i mean, shouldn't i be wanting pretty much any job? shouldn't i be trying my damndest to get.. ANY job????


i probably should.


realistically.


but you know what sucks? it's that i don't want to be unhappy. i don't want to be in the position i was in, in my last job. i NEVER want to be miserable working again. it's not worth it. it's not okay. we spend too much of our precious time working for other people. and if we don't LOVE what we're doing- it just seems like such a waste. for everyone involved. i like to care about my job. i like to be happy everyday. and i like to feel good about what i do. and i guess i'm not willing to compromise on that yet.


am i being an idiot?


logically, i try to convince myself that there is something wrong with me. lol but really. like maybe i've just become so complacent being home that i forget what working is like. or maybe i've lost sight of reality? or maybe i think i can behave this way because i have an unemployment check. (note to self, those will run out one day. soon. proceed to vomit)


but then there's something that lives inside me. let's call it my gut. and my gut talks to me... A LOT. and it tells me all sorts of things that when i say them out loud (like now) sound sort of insane....... but when i say them to myself, they resonate. they feel right. i don't have a reason for why i feel the way i do- i just do. and i trust it. i trust that whatever it is that i'm feeling- the non want, the disinterest, the feeling that "this isn't the right path for me..." it's all there for a reason.


there is a bigger picture.


and while it might not be clear, my feelings definitely are. i don't necessarily understand just what the hell is going on with me... but i do trust that i'll figure it all out.


right?

setting the anger free

it's almost been a year since i got fired from my job. emotionally, it doesn't feel like that length of time has passed. i feel like i am nowhere near being healed. everytime i go on an interview, i am reminded just how ridiculously fucked up i am from what that job put me through. i wish i could explain to you the emotional and mental anguish that i've lived through. but to put it simply;

i am really angry.

i am beyond bitter.

and i don't want to be either of those terrible emotions anymore. i know time is the best healer, and i've sat here day after day expecting the negative feelings to dissipate with time. it's almost as though i've half expected to wake up one morning with all the resentment and bitterness magically gone. but the truth is, they aren't really going anywhere (at least they don't feel like they are). i could point to you the exact location where they have taken up residence inside my body- because i FEEL them in there. a large ball of wadded up negativity that doesn't belong inside me. it's like a foreign feeling.

and it's time to evict it!

i realized the other day that i need to take an active approach to ridding myself of these feelings. it hasn't been enough for me to simply say things like "i let go" or "i release this" with my thoughts... that hasn't been working. AT ALL. so i've come to the conclusion that i need to perform a physical act of letting go. i need to do more to help my mind, my spirit and my body release the thoughts and feelings that i've allowed to hold me prisoner for the last year, because i felt it was well within my rights to feel the way i did. and it was... well within my rights to feel the way i did. but i no longer choose to harbor these emotions. they are holding me back. they are holding me down. they aren't doing anything positive for me or my growth-
so i have to

LET. THEM. GO!!!!

so this is me... physically allowing myself to let go of all the anger. and documenting the process. because it's important to me. and maybe it will resonate with someone else.

step 1- i wrote down every negative emotion, feeling, or word that i associated with that environment. no matter how awful, how negative, how mean.... if i FELT it, i acknowledged it, and wrote it on its own piece of paper. i gave the word power by writing it down.

step 2- i folded each word i had just given life into halves.



step 3- i placed each of the words in a dish and headed outside.

step 4- i lit the pieces of paper on fire.



i literally burned them to ash. all of the negative feelings and emotions that i had been harboring for the past year... all the words i had just given POWER by writing down... i BURNED THEM TO NOTHING. and then the paper no long existed. the words written on the paper no longer existed. everything looked the same. black, bits of leftover ash from what once was.

step 5- then, i set the ashes free.

i sent them into the wind and thought in my mind over and over again, i let you go. you are no longer welcome inside me. i release you.

and at the risk of sounding completely cheesy... i got chills from head to toe when the last set of ashes flew into the breeze. and my heart felt lighter... less constricted... better somehow.

and i took a deep breath and i knew.. it would all be okay.