I went to Boston and All I got was...

freezeburn.  JK

So.. I'm back from Boston and well...

I'm exhausted!!!!

Boston was great! 
Amazing! 
Wonderful! 
Exciting! 
AND COLD! 
Really, mother f'n COLD! 

And I was INSIDE!  lol

First of all, I need to THANK all of you who stood outside for literally hours on end to wait your turn to come inside and meet us. I can only hope that you maybe made new friends with the people in front and behind you and made the outdoor experience fun in some way. Maybe you took pictures of guys abs?! Maybe you yelled "VAGINA" at strangers driving by in their cars?! Or maybe that only happened on Saturday night? lol

Have you seen the video of the line? It's pretty amazing. You're all pretty freaking amazing.
https://www.facebook.com/#!/photo.php?v=10200820626068141

Also, I heard that people were turned away from standing in line and didn't get to come in at all, but I haven't seen that online anywhere. Did that really happen? Because I'm telling you that all the other authors and myself were fully willing and prepared to head outside in the cold with y'all and sign your books. Personally, it hurts my heart to think that people planned to come and didn't get in. Maybe it was all a rumor. I'm sincerely hoping so.

So, while in Boston a group of us decided it would be a good idea to take a talking historical tour of the city. Um, first mistake...trying to keep a group of rowdy authors and their friends quiet during a TALKING tour.  Apparently we're a bunch of "dicks." At least that's what we were told.

Dicks in action:


Me and Tara Sivec aren't dicks. We're just silly. Although in Tara's books, those two words sorta go hand in hand. Maybe once we were called dicks, we all should have started talking in Pirate speak?! Arrrr matey, we're a buncha dicks arrrr! (read seduction & snacks people) Ps- tara, what the hell are you cupping in this pic?!  My ribs?


Do you read C&C book blog?!  Well it's run by this here gorgeous and amazing person, Christina. She's crazy, which only makes me love her more honestly.


I got to meet so many of you on Saturday that I knew from facebook, instagram and twitter. That was super fun for me!  I freaking love you guys!  And really, y'all give me the COOLEST dang gifts!!!  Thank you so much to Pushy Girl Paintings for bringing me this one of a kind painted baseball!  I adore it.


And I also got this awesome mug filled with chocolate quarters and chocololate baseballs. It was so rad!  Thank you Candice for doing that!  I love it.  :)

How are your favorite authors in real life?
Pretty damn cool, I must admit.

I mean, I've always been in love with Tarryn Fisher (my angsty little nymph):


And Rebecca Donovan (my real life fairy- she just hides her wings):


And S.C. Stephens, Tara Sivec and CJ Roberts!

But this time I got to meet and fall in love with people like Kyla Linde (I sort of want to turn this picture of her into a christmas ornament and hang her on my tree)! 


And Jessica Park!


And Katie Ashley!


And Raine Miller! And Emmy Montes!  And so many other people who were simply awesome!!  It's so cool when an amazingly talented and creative group of women can be in one room together and all get along!

I have some crazy story to tell y'all about the drunk guy named Soup who almost got his ass kicked by Sterling, but i'm tired. Maybe tomorrow (definitely not tomorrow).  lol 

I'll leave you with the shirt I wore in Boston.  Loving some Jack F'n Carter.  :)  <3


Thank you again to everyone who came out! You made the whole day worth it. You're the best group of freaking readers I could ever ask for. Thanks for always making me feel so good about what I do (and WHO I do it for).  Love y'all.  Hard.  :)

Ps- if you were in boston and you posted a recap, link it in the comments! I'd love to read them all if I can!!  :)

and then lightning struck my plane

i almost had the whole row to myself yesterday on my flight from oakland to burbank.

almost.

until this guy sat down in the aisle seat and promptly threw all of his crap on the middle seat between us. (can i talk for one second about the amount of people that do that on plane flights? if you are one of these people, stop now. or at least ASK before you throw your jacket, your papers, your briefcase on the seat between you and another person. i mean, what the hell entitles you to that seat? who the hell do you think you are? the airplane seat god? it's not that i want that middle seat for anything.. BUT YOU COULD AT LEAST ASK "do you mind if i put this here..." i'll say no, of course. but then i also won't think you're a complete selfish and rude jackass with a mom who doesn't love you) so i was mad at the aisle seat guy for being a seat hog.

but that faded with the two ridiculously annoying chatterboxes sitting directly behind me. i learned they were sisters. and that one of their birthday's was on monday. and that valentine's day is on sunday. and that monday is a holiday so maybe they should make reservations on sunday instead of saturday since monday is a holiday. and sunday night probably won't be as crowded as saturday night cause monday is a holiday. and it's a sunday. and monday is a holiday. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! did i mention that their voices were enough to make me want to bound and gag them for the entire flight? (clearly i am an incredible speller from phone)

note to everyone... if you are going to be loud and super chatty on a plane flight.. do us all a favor and AT LEAST BE INTERESTING. fuck.

our distaste for the annoying sisters bonded me and aisle seat guy. and i learned he wasn't a jackass after all. but he did make our plane late so i told him he was being punished. he also didn't turn off his blackberry and he was writing and sending emails for the whole flight. i didn't care about that, because can someone tell me if our phones being on really does anything to a plane in flight???? i "accidentally" left my phone on the entire time.

which is why WHEN OUR PLANE GOT HIT BY LIGHTNING i was able to get that tweet out!!!!

it struck right next to me. at least it sure looked that way. cause when i turned to my left and looked out the window, i literally saw the bolt.

it was bright.

it was LOUD.

and then my left side got very warm.

and everyone has asked me if it did anything to the plane like make us jolt or anything, but i honestly can't remember or say because we were in so much turbulence before it happened that i really don't know. but i don't think it did.

anyway, right after it happened, the guy next to me let out this horrified, "oh my god!!!" in an octave about 18 pitches higher than his regular speaking voice. and that fucking made me laugh out loud so hard. cause he was so scared. and for whatever reason, i wasn't. and then he was like, "why aren't you scared" and i said to him, "cause. what do you want me to do?! it's not like i'm flying the plane... " and then i went on and told him that it was probably his fault for sending emails the whole flight and the lightning gods were mad at him. and he laughed and pointed at the annoying girls sitting behind us.

and we both agreed that it was definitely their fault. and that the lightning was trying to strike them into shutting the hell up.

word.

friday= thursday recap of funness!

okay, first of all- i was in la yesterday. which was, as always, wonderful for my soul. even though it was super freaking humid and made me feel like i was in hawaii everytime i walked outside (which i really DON'T have a problem with). i realized yesterday that i try really, really hard to convince myself in different ways that it's okay to live where i currently do. and i try to make myself believe that i could be totally happy up here in the long run. and i try to force how great i think things and places are. and i try to make myself feel like i love them. but then i'm in southern cali, and i realize that it's not true. it's just something i try to do internally to make my life better. same shit, different day.

another thing. balloon boy? omg, i got a text from my girlfriend cat who told me a kid was floating in the air with a balloon. so what does my brain think? that some fucking 6 year is holding onto a bunch of regular old helium balloons, and how he's flying super high. i start freaking out thinking "omg, what if he lets go? what if his hands get slippery and the strings start falling out? what if he gets scared cause he's going up too high and he lets them all go??? don't let go kid!!!" yeah. i thought he was flying away like the movie up. i'm awesome. and super smart.

a lady sat next to me on my flight down to burbank. she was super cool, but funny. first, she was staring at me super crazy and making these "hello!!" faces at me, without actually saying hello. and she kept doing it. raising her eyebrows like aren't i going to say hi or something to her. then she stared at me super long and goes "i'm sorry. i thought you were my daughter's friend. do you ? you look exactly like his daughter. and she's a good friend of my daughters. so i was waiting for you to say hello to me and i couldn't figure out why you weren't. it's because you're not her." genius. then out of nowhere she asks me "are you going down to LA to read lines?" and i was like.. "yeah- how did you know that?" then she proceeded to ask me what part i was auditioning for and i got all confused for a second cause i'm blonde and then i realized that she thought i was an actress!!! and since i was just a model earlier in the week, i got all excited again! i think it's fun when people think i'm on tv and things like that. it makes me laugh.

sometimes i do wish i was famous. just for being myself though.... but in an awesome way. not a dipshitty kinda way like stupidhead and fuckwad. (bet you know who i'm talking about without me even mentioning their names)

ps- let's go dodgers!!!!!

why i wanted to shank the woman who sat in my row on my plane ride but i didn't because i don't even have a shank and really, who does that?

probably people in jail, but i digress.

i flew down to burbank yesterday (the land of holy fuck, another fire.. please stop burning. i love you so much that it hurts me to see this. thank you). so the first thing that happened on my wonderful and amazing flight was the cocksucker who sat behind me actually reached his hand through my seat to MY window and shut the shade. i let it pass because there was another window not too far from me, but i was still completely shocked that he did that. i mean, WHO DOES THAT????

well at that point, i'd seen nothing yet.

this freaking chick proceeds to sit in the aisle seat of the row i'm sitting in. she promptly takes up both seats with her stuff. she throws down the tray from the middle seat and puts her starbucks coffee on it. and some papers. and a book. and whatever else will fit on there and spill over onto me. then she tosses pieces of a newspaper all over the middle seat. puts an enormous bag there and then squeezes another one under her seat.

the thing is though, i wouldn't have cared at all if she wanted to use up all that room if she just would have said "you don't mind if i put my stuff here do you?" i mean, it's just common courtesy. right? you don't own both seats. i don't own both seats. i would NEVER put my stuff there without asking the other person if they cared or not. but maybe that's because i can see outside of myself sometimes. so the whole flight i was annoyed that this chick was so selfish and apparently so self involved that she felt she deserved 2 seats..

anyway, i started writing in spirit magazine... and i wrote "this chick next to me just took up 2 seats with all her crap without asking. so rude. don't you hate when people act like that on flights?"

and then i stopped.

and i was upset that i put such negativity out there. that i wrote it in a magazine that i hoped someone else would read. i figured they'd agree and laugh and probably be like... ah, that sucks. poor person. but then i realized that i didn't want to put ONLY that out there. so i started to write other stuff. and i flipped the pages and found myself writing things like:

are you living your dreams? why not?

are you trying to achieve something that seems out of reach? go for it! i believe in you. you can do it!!!

don't live the way you think others expect you too.. live the way your heart wants you too.

and things like that. i wrote a lot more, but each one was just very positive and affirming and i felt good about it. i know it sounds silly, stupid or crazy.. i mean, i told my sister what i did and she said i was a weirdo, while looking at me like i was insane. but i think that if i was flipping that magazine and read all those things, i'd smile. who knows, someone might read my words and be inspired to do something more with their life. something they have been afraid to do. it actually reminded me a lot of post secret and the notes people leave in the post secret books at bookstores. it's about encouraging people to chase their dreams. telling them it's okay to go against the norm and do what they truly want. achieving true happiness doesn't come from someone else telling you how to live your life.... it comes from within. sometimes, we feel like we have no options, or we feel trapped. i know it's hard to do what we want- life gets in the way. money holds us back. trust me, i can relate. and sometimes people need to hear things, even if it's from a stranger.. or read on a blog.. or some note scribbled in a magazine on an airplane flight.

i don't know. all i do know was that it made me happy to write those things. it made me feel good. and hopefully, if my words in that magazine do that for even 1 person, that will make me happy. of course i'll never know, but still.... i'll just tell myself that somewhere right now, someone i don't know is reading my words and they are smiling.

and that lady from the plane? she ended up being 2 people down from me in line at the rental car counter. and she started yelling at the wonderful women who work there (whom i love because i see them every 2 weeks and they are always so kind and good to me) things like "THIS IS HOW YOU LOSE CUSTOMERS!!!! WHAT KIND OF CUSTOMER SERVICE IS THIS?!??" just general nastiness. it took EVERYTHING in me to not turn to that lady and tell her to shut her fucking mouth. but instead, i just made sure the women who worked at hertz knew that i appreciated them and that i knew how wonderful they were. because they are.

and so are you.


this is like a pollyanna fucking post. i'll bitch about something tomorrow.

:)

airport goodies

random boy...SNEEZE

me... bless you

rb... thank you

me... welcome. u almost blew yourself outta your seat

rb... i was just trying to get your attention

me... well you have it


dead silence

i am in the airport

and my co worker is orturing me by eating some crazy fruit filled danish. he is also drinking starbucks. i cannot do either of these things.... you know eat or drink. haha

today will prove to be the hardest day since i am traveling to la and the place i am going is filled with sweet treats (omg i totally accidentally wrote twats lol) for me and bubble gum and fruit platters. i cannot have any of those things. if i can make it trough today i can make it through anything bitches.

ok i have to go. saicoworker just asked how we can become best friends before the day is over if i spend the hole time ignoring him by texting. i suppose i owe him some ster time so he feels loved.

xoxoxo

southwest can suck it!

can someone please tell me when the fuck the airline industry stopped being considerate? i'm sure it was soon after 9/11.. but man, it truly sucks to fly anymore. you get harrassed at security (which i really don't mind.. not even the part where i take off my shoes and shrink 3 inches).. and heaven forbid if you try to bring a freaking suitcase anymore.. why are we punished for wanting to take clothes when we travel?? so really what the industry is telling us, is that we shouldn't pack at all when we travel. we should wear the same clothes day after day. because you can't buy clothes wherever you're flying too cause HOW ARE YOU GOING TO BRING THEM HOME WHEN YOU CAN'T CHECK A SUITCASE WITHOUT PAYING MORE MONEY FOR A FLIGHT THAT YOU PROBABLY ALREADY PAID WAY TOO MUCH FOR!!!! i'm straying. how odd.

southwest simply, does.not.care. if you're running late, they do nothing to help you get anywhere on time. for whatever reason they feel like at that moment, they cancel flights. no reason. no explanation. just a loud speaker announcement saying "flight blah blah is cancelled. please see an agent at the ticket counter." then they shrug their shoulders and tell you that you can take the next flight, an hour (or more) later... or you can fly into an airport that's nowhere near where you need to drive too when you get there. and when you try to tell them that all of these options are going to make you late for your session- they don't care. they shrug their shoulders and flitter off like some fucking demon fairy from airline hell.

then when you're actually on the plane.... good lord, they hate you even more. i truly remember a time when flying southwest was fun. the people working there were fun, and funny. it just doesn't seem to be that way anymore. i think they all hate being there. they don't want to give you a drink. they want to tell you to shove the peanuts up your ass. they can barely crack a smile. and it just sucks. because i'm super nice to those bitches. i fucking smile and say hi and attempt to be polite. and they aren't any of those things back. and i wonder why the hell i'm trying so hard to be nice when i'm the damn customer and they're the damn customer service person?!

and to be fair, it isn't just southwest. all the airlines suck anymore. none of them have any charm or fun or pleasant customer service. they're all mean, and bitter and seem really unhappy. and you know what? they probably are. and i would assume they have every right to be- but when i fly, i just want to be treated nicely. i miss the good ole days. i miss the days when you didn't pay $5 for a box of snacks that only 1 thing in there was good. i miss the days when the people who worked there, truly cared if you were comfortable, happy, etc. or at least they acted like it. now they can't be bothered.

i guess it's just sad. we've gotten to a point where flying is more of a chore than a convenience. it's become something that a lot of people dread doing because it's become so difficult and so un-fun. and i think that sucks. so right here and right now-

i dare an airline to bring the fun back!!!!!!

i double dog dare you!

jennster in the airport, part 129381029312

i think that everytime i travel, i'll have to do an airport recap post. seriously, i always have so much to say after flying! lucky you.

but i'm really f'n tired, so bare... bear? bere? with me here.. yeah. okay. thanks.

have you ever stopped to think about the type of information you tell complete strangers when you're on a flight with them? seriously. i came off of my flight to burbank yesterday feeling like i had just learned this one guys entire.fucking.life.story. i mean, i know what this guy did the day he graduated high school (packed up and moved to anchorage, alaska)... and where he lives now (boise, idaho).. and what he does for work (this really convoluted internet he will make you lots of money, you give him half, type job)... and all about his 2 kids (his son is in college and his daughter is going to beauty school)... i know how long he was married (23 years) and how long he's been seperated (1 year).. and why they split up (way too long and totally not my place to post, although apparently all the rest of this personal information is).. i know what he likes to do in his spare time (kayak, river raft, travel).. i saw pictures of his daughters gorgeous, yet enormous, first tattoo... and i saw her high school graduation picture (where she wore some seriously killer shoes)... i saw pictures of his dog when he was a puppy and his dog as a real dog (the best one was where he had a completely muddy nose, and 2 front mudded paws.. awwww)... and that's about it. but really, isn't that a lot of information to learn about someone in a 1 hour flight? he should be thankful i'm not psycho, or some crazy person- because i think people are far too forthcoming without thinking about it, when they fly.

i always think about the type of information i'm telling someone. BUT, it doesn't necessarily stop me from spewing it all out. hell, the guy who flew back to oakland with me last night knows what i do for a living, what husband does, husband's name, where we live. good god, husband is going to KILL me when he reads this. i'm an idiot huh? maybe. but i also know where he lives, and that he was down in LA interviewing for a job in pasadena (did you get an offer yet? DID YOU? DID YOU TAKE IT? TELL MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!), and that he had an interview at flickr!!!! (i heart flickr, except for their videos. stupid video flickr.), and where he's from originally (beantown), and how long he's lived in san francisco (10 years too long!), and how when he moved out to california from boston- he thought that nor cal would be like so cal (he soon realized that it wasn't), and a slew of other things (i think). and obviously i gave him the link to this blog, because he promised he'd come here and tell me about the jobs, and if he got offers, and if he's going to move to southern california (which would obviously be the smart thing to do) or not.

so yeah. maybe i'm just as forthcoming as everyone else is. eeeek. are you? when you travel, do you find yourself engaged in conversations with strangers, or do you sit silently and hope you're not sitting next to someone like me?

did you know that i'm a celebrity?

neither did i.

guy #1: "are you hiding from your fans?"
me: "huh? oh, my sunglasses? no. my eyes are killing me and i have a headache so i don't want to take them off."
guy #1: "and your fans. you are on tv aren't you?"
me: "what?? no. i'm just tired and my eyes.. they're really bothering me."
guy #1: "and you don't want people to take your picture."
me: "no seriously. my eyes. THEY.ARE.HURTING."
guy #1: "and your fans... "
me: "FINE! yes, and my fans. damn fans. they're so annoying."
guy #1: "i knew it."

moments later....

guy #2: "what sitcom are you on again?"

*gives up*
me: "it's not a sitcom, it's more like reality tv."

*puts sunglasses on and hides*

if i was live blogging yesterday

from the airport.. it would have gone something like this...

so, i'm sitting here in the airport and there are these 2 guys to my right who look like they are straight outta orange county choppers, or some shit. they are making me laugh. they talk so fucking loud.
now they are both lying down in the middle of the airport. sleeping. feet to feet. i'm going to take their picture.
oops, i woke one of them up. he asks if i want to join the slumber party. i laugh. and decline, OF COURSE! sheesh!
the one i woke up just gave me some bandana of their store. SEE, they are totally like orange county chopper guys! but they're sand guys, or something with sand in the name. anyway, the bandana is cute... you know, if you like scary skeleton guys on your head. whatever, i'll still totally wear it.

the guys i'm supposed to be traveling with are still not here. what if they don't show up? no seriously. if they don't get here soon, we're totally going to leave without them.

ooh, that girl has super pretty hair! and that is pretty much the cutest kid ever. mom's and their sons are funny. "do you want to get a big cookie for the plane ride?" "otay!"
i miss when blake was that little. he was so dang cute and funny. now he's just big and funny.

oooh, i see one of my co-workers!!!!! one down, one to go- and we're seriously leaving soon.

uh oh, the sand chopper guy is awake again. he's asking me to email him the pictures i took of them sleeping so they can put it on their website. i can do that. and i guess he wasn't really sleeping now was he? faker face.

oooh, cookies. yum.

i bought some vitamin water, and i've never bought that shit before and i bought the one that was labeled "energy" but of course i don't look at the type of flavor it is... i take one sip, and it tastes like mango, or peach, or kiwi, or some shit i do not like. i throw it away. the whole dang thing. in the trash.

now i'm really starting to worry cause where the heck is gc?!?!?! i am going to call work to get his cell phone and find out where he is!!!!!

ok i'm back. gc did not answer his phone. i'm calling again. OH he answered! he said he just woke up! which reminds me that i totally had a dream last night that me and gc were shopping for valentine's day presents for his wife and we missed our flight!!!!!!!! now he's laughing and saying he's at the airport- OH, THERE HE IS! YAY!!!!!!!

phew. the gang's all here.

gc just asked if he has time to get a coffee. i told him yes, but now we're boarding the plane. and he's getting coffee. lol... the best part was, when i sat down in the plane, i got a text that said "where did you all go???" HAHAHHAA.. oh man. poor gc.

it's not normal...

....when a 70 year old (literally) woman can fold herself up into a pretzel on an airplane seat and sleep the whole flight. we're talking legs crossed over her head... her head folded down like she was a plastic doll.. and her arms wrapped around her legs. not to mention the fact that her hair looked like a 4 year old chopped at it randomly with bits and pieces all hacked at.

and then the same woman doesn't have the strength to push the button on the overhead luggage compartment to get her things out.

weird right?

i'll talk to anyone. even your dad.

it's funny. i am the type to pretty much talk to anyone. strangers in the bathroom. the guy sitting next to me on the train. the chick in front of me in a line. anyone. everyone. etc. and people talk to me too. maybe i just look approachable. or cheap.

it's unbelievable the amount of information people give you in a mere 5 minutes. yesterday at the airport, i had a conversation with a very inquisitive grandfather of 2, who informed me that there was "no way" i was "old enough to have a 9 year old." i promptly made out with him. he was really sweet though. curious about my job and how often i had to fly to LA. told me all about his retrofitting work on a building in glendale... his family spread out across northern california and his 2 grandkids. we talked about baseball and how my kid rocks at it. he had the best smile and would constantly giggle at all the things i would say. you know, cause i'm fucking hilarious in real life. but it was nice. purely enjoyable. and it's moments like that... meetings like those.. that just make me feel good about people in general. it reminds me that everyone has a story to tell. and perfect strangers can be truly enjoyable company.

and my good fortune continued as i got on the plane. i saw an adorable mom coming towards me, holding her year and a half year old son. she gave me a look and i was like, "come sit with me." i know how hard it is to travel alone with a kid. everyone you pass is praying you won't sit with them. your kid cries, and people blame you. as if really, why can't you control your child from expressing his discomfort? she was so thankful that i wanted her to sit with me. we had great conversations about this blog, and blogs in general.. and she said she wished she knew about blogs when she first had her son. she mentioned struggling with post partum, and i couldn't emphasize to her enough about the amount of support that is out here with all you wonderful bloggers. how this medium has such a strong community bond, she would wonder how she ever got along without it. we talked about moms who work, and moms who don't- and she was like "did you ever notice how they seem to hate on eachother??" i laughed. if she only knew the amount of blog posts dedicated to that ridiculous subject. her presence made the flight just fly by. and her son? well he felt me up a number of times. and since i let him get to second base, i figure he owes me at some point. so grow up famous kid, i'm cashing in.