today we say goodbye to our doggy

when we moved into our new place, we noticed our dog, Tacoma's mouth was filled with blood. we had no idea what was happening until we noticed some huge sore like thing in her mouth. we thought it was just something weird and it would go away.

and we thought it did.  but a few days later, we noticed this big lump like thing on her bottom jaw.

i took her to the vet and he told me that it was a tumor and needed to be removed to find out if it was cancerous or not.

i was shocked. it never even crossed my mind that the thing could be a tumor. i don't know what i thought it was, i just never thought something like that.
so we had the surgery done and the tumor removed. the vet let me know that he thought it was cancer because the tumor had "roots." he told me to keep an eye on her jaw and hopefully it would take months before it grew back and then we'd remove it again.
we hoped for the best.

hoped that the tumor wouldn't grow back anytime soon.

but less than two weeks later, it had reappeared.  and it was larger than the last time.
and everyday since it's reappearance, it's grown in size. we had to make a tough decision. because at the time tacoma was still eating normally and still jumping and running around, wagging her tail.  it's SO freaking hard to decide whether or not to put your dog down when she's acting completely normal!!!!  you know? 

but realizing that the tumor was continuing to grow- and that she was drooling icky puss/blood stuff constantly, bleeding more frequently, the tumor smelled rancid, not to mention the fact that we're going out of town and were really nervous about leaving her in pet care in her situation.... we decided it was best to put her down.  we would hate to be out of town when something happened to her. could you imagine?

since our  decision, she has gone downhill. she is definitely uncomfortable, doesn't feel well and thankfully, she is basically letting us know that we've made the right decision.  and in the right time.

but let me tell you, if you have to put your dog down, waiting any longer than 1 day for your appointment is pure hell. we've known since monday that we were putting her down today. it's been a fucking countdown the entire time.  it's been torturous!  to live knowing "this is the last this" or "this is the last that"....  HORRIBLE. 

it was an awful night last night in our house, and it's going to be an awful evening tonight. it's never easy to lose a friend. and i'm going to miss her so much.  she was a pain in the ass, but she was my pain in the ass.

we love you butts. we'll miss you.  <3
 

it's all good in the hood

hey everyone. thanks for listening to my pity party the past few days. i'm EXTREMELY happy to say that i'm in a far better place then i have been the last week. i feel good. i am determined to take all the negative feedback in regards to my writing and apply it to my actual writing. i want to write better. i want to tell my stories better. i want you to care about the characters. so i'm trying to learn from all of the crap. :)

anyway, enough of that. i'm sick of talking about it.

i went home and i don't think i ever posted any pics!!!! so without further adieu, here are some pics of my crazy brother and sister, my hot nephew and my soon to be hot son. :) is that weird? eh, so what.

the pier in santa monica... it was a gorgeous day!


blake walking...


i guess you're never too old to chase birds! :)


my brother, my sister and me!


LOL- this pic makes me laugh


this is awesome! i wish blake's face wasn't cut off


when my books become movies, i want him in them


playing on the lifeguard tower


cousins. or brothers as they like to tell people


sisters

why does everyone always want everything for FREE?

i have found that trying to start your own business(es) means:

that people will constantly surprise and amaze you.

in both good and bad ways.

the people you know will want your services for nothing. or at least at an extremely discounted rate. and while i understand that to a degree on one hand- the other hand, (you know, the one that's empty and has no money in it because i don't have a job and i'm trying to create ONE by starting a business) is like.. WHAT THE FUCK? if i give everyone i know all my services and products for FREE, then how am i ever supposed to make any money? i can't create or be successful in any business i try to launch, if i don't charge my friends at least something.

and that's the other thing- i cannot for the life of me, imagine asking one of my friends who is trying to start a business, to do some of the things i'm asked to do...

it's one thing if it's offered.

it's another thing if it's not.

part of me thinks that people just don't get it. what goes into everything i do. i mean, how can they?

if you aren't a photographer then you don't you don't know what it's like to shoot hundreds of photos during one session, and then spend over/up to 2 hours just narrowing down the best shots. and then i typically spend anywhere from six to ten hours processing the photos. it may not sound like much, but it is a lot of detail work. a lot of staring at the computer, making a beautiful shot, even more beautiful. i love the results i get, but it IS work for me to get them that way. and it's time consuming.

if you're not a baker then you don't know that i worked my ass off for over 16 months on my cupcake recipes and frostings. you don't know that i didn't have a chocolate frosting for almost 2 years because i couldn't make one that didn't taste like shit on my cupcakes. you don't understand how much time, care, and perfection goes into baking up the yummiest cupcakes in the world (ahem, those would be mine by the way... in case you were wondering-lol). but i guess the thing that tends to shock me the most when it comes to my cupcake business... is the sheer number of people who ask me for my recipes.

MY RECIPES!!!!!!

why the hell would i give you my recipes to my cupcakes? then you would never order them from me again because you could just make them yourself. and really, WHO asks that of someone?

i guess the same kind of people who ask me for my books for free. i wrote that book. it took me almost a year from start to finish to have that book ready to print. it came from my guts. why wouldn't you want to support it? i have to buy my books in advance. they cost money. and then i have to pay for shipping. that costs money too. i don't make that much profit on my paperback books. but some of my friends want them for free. for every person who i gave a free paperback copy too- i PAID you. not only did i give you the book, but i gave you the money it cost to make it, write it, ship it, etc.

you're welcome.

and i don't mean to sound like a bitch or anything, but it's just that i'm shocked i guess at how many people want something for nothing. especially when they know i'm currently unemployed. i don't have a job. i don't have an income. why the fuck would you want my stuff for free?

it surprises me everyday the people who choose to support me (in all honesty, it surprises me everyday as well, the people who choose NOT too). i never expected that so many people that i went to HIGH SCHOOL with would buy my book. i know that might sound weird, but high school was a long ass time ago. so many of my hs friends have jumped on the book train, simply to support what i'm trying to do. and that, is really what true friends are made of.

i could not appreciate their support any more than i already do. they all blew my mind. in the best way possible. so i thank them for that.

it's been amazing seeing who has supported and bought my book. it's also been a little sad at seeing certain groups of people not support, not help, not offer something to spread the word (when they have a lot they could do with their reach, influence, followers, fans), but i guess that's life.

i'm definitely learning who i can count on to be there for me ... as well as who won't. it's just funny, the people i expected hands down to really do something- haven't at all. a group of people who claim to be so focused on community, support and building each other up- they all just want THEMSELVES built up.

but then again, maybe i haven't done enough for them in the past?

who knows?

all i do know is- if you have a friend who is trying to start a business- be considerate, and offer to pay for their services. they'll thank you for it down the road.

:)

the last of the road trip

going home is always awesome. it did kind of suck that the weather was completely craptastic. i mean, i get enough crappy weather living up here. so now that we're gone of course.. it's supposed to be 80 degrees all week.

here are the last of the super fun pics we took, and things we did. i love being home. i can't put it into words, but those of you who truly know me, know how it feels for me to be where i belong. i won't sugar coat that fact anymore.

a necessary visit everytime i go home. miss you friend.

customer appreciation day means GINORMOUS SUNDAE TIME!!!!

and snow on the grapevine! and silly pictures of ourselves during our long ass drive! we love being together.. me and the boy have loads of fun. :)

today was filled with DISNEY!

of the land and the adventure kind!!!! :)

because i live dangerously (and risk potentially losing my phone.. clearly i am CRAZY!!!!) this is me and my brother DURING big thunder mountain railroads ride. HAHAHAH


we.love.pretzels!!! of the mickey mouse kind.



cindy (@californiaboys) came to see me! YAY!!! she was gorgeous and awesome and wonderful! :) but it was awesome because i was texting her once she said she was IN THE PARK!!!! and i was like "awesome! i'm wearing bright ass yellow!!!" to which she responds with something like "cool." and i was dying... like well what the hell are you wearing?!?! so i ask her. she responds with, "black." LOL this was going to be hard.
this is us without our sunglasses on...

and then with, for the papparazzi.. you know how it is. (right dan?)


me and my brother (did i mention that he awesomely drove out last minute from vegas to do disney with us! rad!!!)


a horse. i love horsies. this is his butt. ha


last, but not least.. me and the boy

road tripping part 2

today was filled with awesomeness! in the form of the warner bros lot(s)!!!! i freaking love being home. i love being in so cal. i love being where movies happen.. tv shows happen.. talk shows happen.. life happens!!!! i love the entertainment industry, and in all honesty... i think i've forgotten just HOW much. i think i try to constantly tell myself i'm okay and it's fine that i'm not working in it currently... and that i'm not in la working is perfectly fine.

as.mother.f'n.if.

thanks for the reminder.

warner bros is my most favorite lot out of all the movie lots... i just think it's the most awesome and fun and lively. :) (paramount, you own me in the old school charm category)

here's a subway station replica... bye blake!


if you watch pretty little liars, you might recognize the next couple of pictures






the friends fountain!


my new house


come on in!


sets are fun! so is my life. :)

oh yeah.. stage #26 at warner bros.. well,look closely at the last thing filmed in the tv section. DUR. WINNING!

road trippin

the boy and i are road trippin this week! so i'm taking y'all along... sorry if this is a repeat for any of you. HA! :)

LOVE any sign that says LOS ANGELES and SOUTH on it! that's where we're heading!


and clearly, it makes us both extremely happy!


but the boy is easily bored.. even when we take an entire new way home with all sorts of things to see- he'd still rather look at the birds of anger.


when we got our first glimpse of the ocean, i made blake roll down the window in the pouring rain and try to take a good pic. yeah. this is what we got instead. it'll have to do.


after stopping to visit my gf meg (waiting on a pic from her. she's slow. she's meg)

we stopped for pea soup (why does everyone hate on pea soup?! it's good fuckers)... i used to come here as a kid on our way to solvang! it was tradition.. and now i made blake do it too. i love forcing my childhood traditions on my child! it's good to be the parent.



more to come!!!!!

oh, deer.

2 years ago when we went to my mom's for christmas... we just happened to be driving around god knows where and we literally happened upon a shit load of deer. they were in this one neighborhood and there were tons of them.

it was stunning seeing them so up close and i was happy i had my camera with me.

so this year, 2 years later, when we back to my mom's for christmas... it was a high priority to me to see if the deer were still hanging around that neighborhood.

imagine how happy i was to see that they were! i just think this is so freaking cool. and blake loves seeing them all like this. totally awesome. :)











these deer are my new tradition. i hope they never leave. :)

it's a good thing i don't have a job

because my social life is through the roof right now. ha

the other weekend my sister came to visit us and it was the first real visit, with actual time spent here since we moved in two and a half years ago. we had so.much.fun!!! i love my sister.. she is awesome! we worked out together.. ate frozen yogurt.. complained about the weather (sorry boyfriend).. ate delicious cheese and honey... and we went out dancing!!!! which was my favorite part definitely. we danced our asses off for over 3 hours. I LIVE FOR THAT!!!! plus, it was just so fun because my sister was married when i was like 13, so this was the first time i've been out with her while she's been single and stuff. which may sound terrible, but it just made it more fun.

this is us right before we headed out for the night.



i know, we look like a couple of fucking jolly rancher candies. suck it.

then last weekend we headed to reno for blake's baseball tournament with my famous bomber babes. which was amazing because i was there with these hot bitches.



and my super hot boyfriend

we did things like hang out at the pool... and drink.. and swim..

and we played beach volleyball!!!

and then we had to evacuate the pool area immediately because of the crazy ass lightning and thunder storms in the area. which was awesome cause i never get to see lightning.. and well, it was still hot as hell outside so who cares what the weather is doing if it's still hot out?! ha

that weekend was amazing. my mom and her super nice boyfriend (should he be a manfriend if he's a grown up and not really a boy?) was there to watch blake play baseball for the first time ever!!!!

my sister came too!!! which was awesome cause she hasn't seen him play ball since we moved from so cal 5 years ago.

and my gf cat who lives in the area showed up too!!!!

blake was so excited to have them come watch him play. blake loves having fans. :) my mom and sister got to see him pitch almost a full game and my mom and my gf cat were there when he hit a homerun!!!

can we just pause for a moment though and mention the fact that i am a complete and total idiot because i forgot to take any pictures of blake and my mom together?!?! who does that?!?!?

anyway... i leave for new york on saturday for almost a week. i got my wish to getaway and visit my gf's!! it's at a cost though- i mean, i must really love my girlfriends if i'm going to fly across the damn country on the big bus in the sky. i hate flying southwest from burbank to oakland, i can't believe i'm flying on it from here to new york. good lord. pray for me. it's going to take me 10 hours to get there. but you know what? it's totally worth it. because the flight was free. and because i get to see some of my closest friends. and i get to go to new york. I LOVE VISITING NEW YORK!!!!!!!!! i super love parts of my life a whole heck of a lot. yay for seeing these crazy ladies who i haven't seen since we took blake to new york in 2008!!!


i come back from new york on thursday afternoon and my girlfriend cat (from above) will be at my house the next day. and then becks will be at my house the following day. and once they all abandon me on tuesday, it will almost be time for blake to start junior high/middle school!!!! which is super exciting and super scary. i think it's more scary. eeeeeek. and once blake starts school, i feel like i am going to have to get super serious about finding a job. not that i haven't been super serious, but maybe i'll start applying at places i don't really want to work at?? which means maybe i'll apply at taco bell or something. which would suck. i don't know. doesn't this type of stuff work itself out?!

it has been great to have a summer with the boy.. although i feel like all i've done is bitch about the money i don't have and the things we can't do. but it's better than no summer with him at all.