why does everyone always want everything for FREE?

i have found that trying to start your own business(es) means:

that people will constantly surprise and amaze you.

in both good and bad ways.

the people you know will want your services for nothing. or at least at an extremely discounted rate. and while i understand that to a degree on one hand- the other hand, (you know, the one that's empty and has no money in it because i don't have a job and i'm trying to create ONE by starting a business) is like.. WHAT THE FUCK? if i give everyone i know all my services and products for FREE, then how am i ever supposed to make any money? i can't create or be successful in any business i try to launch, if i don't charge my friends at least something.

and that's the other thing- i cannot for the life of me, imagine asking one of my friends who is trying to start a business, to do some of the things i'm asked to do...

it's one thing if it's offered.

it's another thing if it's not.

part of me thinks that people just don't get it. what goes into everything i do. i mean, how can they?

if you aren't a photographer then you don't you don't know what it's like to shoot hundreds of photos during one session, and then spend over/up to 2 hours just narrowing down the best shots. and then i typically spend anywhere from six to ten hours processing the photos. it may not sound like much, but it is a lot of detail work. a lot of staring at the computer, making a beautiful shot, even more beautiful. i love the results i get, but it IS work for me to get them that way. and it's time consuming.

if you're not a baker then you don't know that i worked my ass off for over 16 months on my cupcake recipes and frostings. you don't know that i didn't have a chocolate frosting for almost 2 years because i couldn't make one that didn't taste like shit on my cupcakes. you don't understand how much time, care, and perfection goes into baking up the yummiest cupcakes in the world (ahem, those would be mine by the way... in case you were wondering-lol). but i guess the thing that tends to shock me the most when it comes to my cupcake business... is the sheer number of people who ask me for my recipes.

MY RECIPES!!!!!!

why the hell would i give you my recipes to my cupcakes? then you would never order them from me again because you could just make them yourself. and really, WHO asks that of someone?

i guess the same kind of people who ask me for my books for free. i wrote that book. it took me almost a year from start to finish to have that book ready to print. it came from my guts. why wouldn't you want to support it? i have to buy my books in advance. they cost money. and then i have to pay for shipping. that costs money too. i don't make that much profit on my paperback books. but some of my friends want them for free. for every person who i gave a free paperback copy too- i PAID you. not only did i give you the book, but i gave you the money it cost to make it, write it, ship it, etc.

you're welcome.

and i don't mean to sound like a bitch or anything, but it's just that i'm shocked i guess at how many people want something for nothing. especially when they know i'm currently unemployed. i don't have a job. i don't have an income. why the fuck would you want my stuff for free?

it surprises me everyday the people who choose to support me (in all honesty, it surprises me everyday as well, the people who choose NOT too). i never expected that so many people that i went to HIGH SCHOOL with would buy my book. i know that might sound weird, but high school was a long ass time ago. so many of my hs friends have jumped on the book train, simply to support what i'm trying to do. and that, is really what true friends are made of.

i could not appreciate their support any more than i already do. they all blew my mind. in the best way possible. so i thank them for that.

it's been amazing seeing who has supported and bought my book. it's also been a little sad at seeing certain groups of people not support, not help, not offer something to spread the word (when they have a lot they could do with their reach, influence, followers, fans), but i guess that's life.

i'm definitely learning who i can count on to be there for me ... as well as who won't. it's just funny, the people i expected hands down to really do something- haven't at all. a group of people who claim to be so focused on community, support and building each other up- they all just want THEMSELVES built up.

but then again, maybe i haven't done enough for them in the past?

who knows?

all i do know is- if you have a friend who is trying to start a business- be considerate, and offer to pay for their services. they'll thank you for it down the road.

:)

i can't write here right now because

i can't stop writing my book!!!

i know, i know.. i said i'd never write a book. i was never one of those bloggers whose sole purpose was to get published. it was never my intention or my reason for blogging.

but this book... this fictional story that i've wanted to tell.. it's been in my mind for YEARS. and it's simply never left. so i decided it was finally time to bring it to life.

and bring it to life i have. i can't freaking stop. it's consumed me. i think about the characters and the story constantly and only wish i could write the story as quickly as my mind thinks it up. but i can't. because writing.. well it's hard.

and time consuming.

and way slower than you want it to be.

why didn't y'all tell me?

:)

thank you to everyone who has inspired my characters.. inspired my writing.. and encouraged me to continue. i could not bring this to life without you. i hope it rocks as much as i want it too when this is all said and done.

DIY front walkway!!! aka my wrist will never be the same

so.. boyfriend and i prepped an area in front of our house probably a freaking year ago to put down some sort of paver stone.

we got grass and turned what was once hideous and gross ugly bushes into a gravel pit, and then the other dead and awful area of the yard into pretty grass.


because my girlfriends are coming out in like 4 weeks, i have a fire lit under my ass to finally get things done that i've put off for forever. i realize that it's not a great time for me to be spending money, but you know what? this front porch and our walkway NEEDED to be done. and it's been sitting there, looking like embarrassing shit for over a year. not to mention the fact that it was literally a gravel pit for people to attempt to walk on, so i don't care that i probably "shouldn't" have done it now. clearly i wasn't going to do it when i HAD a job, so at least it's done!

i must say that i am a brilliant mother f'n genius and i made the amount of stone i bought work (when it wasn't enough at all) by creating a border around the area of the lawn and the house... and when the amount i bought still wasn't enough? i made the border BIGGER! and then, i was only short literally 2 pieces of stone. so i patted myself on the back.. told myself i rocked.. and then wanted to die because holy crap, doing stone stuff yourself is kinda hard.
and it takes forever.
and you have mini meltdowns because you get hungry.
and then you get thirsty.
and then you see people walk by and stop and stare and make polite conversation but you know the whole time THEY ARE JUDGING YOU and you want to put some stone in a place on their body it can't possibly go. but that's not nice, so you smile and wave and then tell them unless they're about to pick up some stones and get to work, you have to stop chatting with them. that usually gets them to leave because seriously, who wants to help with this shit?!

thankfully, blake wanted to help! he shoveled dirt (after he mowed the lawn ..and weeds.. in the backyard)

and then he worked on chipping away some concrete from our steps


we started with a big pile of dirt (also known as a "yard")


and a ton and a half stack of stones.


tacoma does not look entertained


so then boyfriend (who was unbelievably amazing and did so much of this job himself because i would have never been so meticulous or organized. don't get me wrong, the stones would have gotten done and they would look pretty, but they would be all wobbly and not level and all of us girls in high heels would fall and break things. so basically, he is amazing.. not to mention SO GOOD at doing stuff like this!!!) put down the border between our stones and the grass- which is another thing that if i was doing this alone, wouldn't have gotten done. "um, what's a grass border and is it REALLY necessary?"


and then i shoveled so much dirt that my arm is in a ridiculous amount of pain. i assume this is what i dunno, carpel tunnel, or tendinitis must feel like. it is swollen, huge, and just hurting!! i think it's just strained, but it sucks how much i can't twist or move it. i am pretty sure that by tomorrow, my hands won't work anymore. it's been nice knowing you hands. you've been good to me over the years, thanks. this is the last known picture of me with working hands.


anyway, after we did all this prep work to actually put the stones down, i started freaking out because when you put all the stone down and there is nothing between them but the spaces of air.. they look freaking AWFUL and i was looking at boyfriend thinking "why is it so ugly??? oh my gosh, i spent all this money and this is freaking hideous and awful and i hate it!!!!"

but then he reassured me that once it is full of sand in all the cracks (haha) it will look better.
and thank the goddess he was right!!!!!!! well i like it better anyway. and that's all that matters.


AND ANOTHER THING- why doesn't anyone tell you that when you're putting together these pieces of stone that clearly are not made to go right next to eachother.. that they all fucking form triangles?!??!?! everything and the way the spaces end up working.. all triangles. triangles!!!!! now you know.

this is the finished front patio area. we still have to get some small stones for the border around the large rocks.. and the sand is still settling, etc... but you get the point!


i will admit that i did leave boyfriend for the majority of sunday to do some serious patio furniture shopping and comparison. i didn't intend to be gone for so long and the whole time i was away i was racked with guilt. not that i could have done what he was doing anyway, but i should at least be there for moral support.. or to be his beer wench or something. i don't like it when he's doing work that i wanted done and i don't do it too. it's like having a manager who gives you all the shit jobs and surfs the internet all day. if that is you- you suck and should change cause all your employees hate you. and boyfriend, thank you for all your hard, meticulous, incredible work.

where was i? patio furniture! oh yeah, check it!!!


so...was it worth it?
absolutely!!!! i now have a gorgeous walkway and an area where i can sit in the front of the house. and i think this is the first time since we moved in that i can look at my house and not want to burn it down! this is progress people.

would we do it again?
absolutely NOT. i think the first thing boyfriend said after we were done was something like, "we are NOT doing this shit to the backyard."

i heard that.

the rest of our summer days will end something like this

why is it so easy...

to doubt yourself?


have you ever realized that?

it's fucking annoying.

because it seems like you can plan and follow what feels right for only so long. until doubts creep in. or ONE doubt. and it seems like that 1 negative thing can throw you off your path completely.

it's what is happening to me right now.

and it's pissing me off. cause before i had this doubt, i was really motivated. and happy. and singing songs with little birds on my shoulder. nah, you're right.. i would have kilt the birds. but still... this thing.. it felt right.

but now. i'm not so sure anymore. now, i can't shake the doubt. and i don't know if it's because it's scary? or unknown? or a complete and total RISK that involves a ridiculous amount of potential failure... or because i've been reading a lot of information and i'm not liking what i'm hearing. or what i hear scares me. and then leads me to think that maybe it's not the right choice for me. that maybe what i want out of this potential thing, isn't the reality of what i would be getting. maybe i never saw things clearly. maybe i do always cloud things in rainbows and puppies.

*sigh*

it's frustrating to me to see how easy it is to make me start questioning everything.
to make me stop believing.
to make me doubt myself and my potential.

but i guess the reality is... great rewards require great risks. but at what cost? and when is that cost too great?

calling all bloggers who design!!!

i am in the process of needing a few things designed and i figured WHO better to ask then my fellow bloggers who design on the side?? or my fellow bloggers who are super talented, but don't get enough business, or enjoy designing.

i love my fellow bloggers and so i want to support them.

here's what i'm looking for (and will pay for):

1- a really cute logo of a girl- who is cartooney, but also resembles the ster. in theory she would show from head to toe and would be holding something in her hand. cutesy, but not annoying. slightly sexy, but nowhere near slutty. this is family show. lol

2- a template that would have the existing logo incorporated in it. this would be used for monthly newsletters, so i need to be able to type in it and email it out. but i'm looking for a cute design that would be the border of the page, etc. (think word document)

3- possible business card design

4- and a website banner/header (to be used on website and blog)

let me know if you're interested. you can either talk to me in the comments or email me directly at jenn(at)jennster(dot)com.

thanks in advance!!! :)

UPDATE- this is not for a blog makeover, or this blog. this is for a business, so everything needs to look and feel professional, while still being fun and silly and happy!!! :)

if jennster's rockin

don't come a knockin.. did i write that already in a recent post? i probably did because once again, i'm sitting here feeling like i'm rocking on the waves. i'm not complaining though. you'll never hear me complain about getting to spend the entire day on a boat, in water. well, unless the boat capsizes and we're in the middle of the ocean with no one around and people drown and die and stuff.... then i'll probably complain. but as long as we're chilling on a freaking lake.. i'm cool.

this past weekend i got to take blake to a giant/padres game (go padres). the best thing is, i can introduce this kid to all sorts of tv & movie celebrities, singers, etc and he's just chillen. but you introduce that kid to some major league baseball players, and he loses his mind. the funniest thing this weekend was when he got to shake hands with these guys and they signed a baseball for him. he had the goofiest grin on his face and he had to go sit down on a golf cart cause he was going to pass out. HE WAS FREAKING OUT! and then he yells at me when i ask him if he's ok. i guess i should be happy that the guys who make him get all silly and totally crazy inside are not celebrities or singers, but athletes. which is also why i get super pissed off when athletes do stupid things (suck it manny).

i also took some fun engagement type pictures for my good friends jimmy and loree. there is this exposed brick wall downtown and everytime i see it, i think sexy. i knew what i wanted them to do on that brick wall, but as you can see from the pics... loree was way too uncomfortable. i totally should have gotten her drunk first. jimmy was fine though and he did exactly what i wanted, but her body language isn't having any of this nonsense (they'll probably kill me for putting this up here).


whatever.. here are some non sexy shots. lol

your life's list-

people always talk about "their list"... you know, the things they want to do before they die. and for the most part, it seems like everyone has a.lot.of.stuff they want to do. i find that i'm kind of hard pressed to really think about shit i want to DO before i croak. for me, it's more like places i want to visit. i guess i should sit down, and truly think about this before i post it. but you know, i won't... so here goes

when i think about lists like this, or read other people's- it doesn't really resonate. i mean, people say they want to bungee jump, or skydive, or climb mt everest.. shit like that. i don't have those kinds of things on my list. i don't even think about them really. i feel like i don't have THINGS i want to do. i mean, if i want to do something, i go do it.

for me, it's more about things or places i want to see. and not really the things for the most part- more the places. i think the older i get, the more i want to travel and experience the world. this is going to sound extremely stupid (like i care) but when we went to vegas last year, walking around hotels like the venetian and the paris- it made me almost crazy!!! i was dying looking at the architecture and the style and everything about both of those hotels. it made me want the real things so badly. and i remember turning to boyfriend and telling him that i wanted to go to both of those places in real life. we HAVE to travel. we HAVE to go see these places. and that's my list i guess. that's where i feel like i "have" to do things- i have to travel.

there are only a handful of places i truly want to visit. i mean, if i died and didn't see these places, i don't think i'd be up in heaven all annoyed about it. but if i don't go to italy before i die, you're going to have one extremely pissed off ghost on your hands. i'll be a traveling pissed off ghost, but still pissed.

• i want/must go to italy or my life will not be complete

there are other places i'd really like to see. i'd like to go to:

• paris
• london
• ireland
• greece
• australia
• germany

and then there are states i'd like to visit here. i think whenever people think about traveling, they always immediately look outside of their own country. but every state in our own country is so different! i still want to visit:

• tennessee
• north carolina
• alabama
• mississippi
• kentucky

i'm kind of obsessed with the south... i've already been to georgia, south carolina and louisiana, but in all honesty, i'd like to go back to all 3 places and see more. but i want to visit new places first before i do a round 2, you know?

so what's on your list? do you have things you want to do, or places you want to see?

I TOLD YOU STUPID PICS WERE COMING!

let's talk camera's (and lenses)!

alright everyone! i know that most of you (if not all) are picture taking freaks (in a good way). so let's talk camera's! let's talk lenses!!!

i already know what kind of camera i want. the canon xti (body only). i've been researching and reading and reading and researching all sorts of lens options (i think my brain just exploded inside my head). i know that i want a lens for pretty much everyday shooting. and i know that i need a zoom lens for blake's baseball pictures- and whatever else. ideally, i'd like 1 lens that fits both needs.

so.. what type of camera do you have and do you like it? what type of lenses? talk to me people! i need your input! :)

ps- i know what the numbers on the lenses mean, so you don't have to dumb it down for me. lol