Lots of Pretty Pictures!

i know i've been MIA... but i've been busy!!  it's a good thing, so don't be sad.  :)  my next book, The Perfect Game will be out on OCTOBER 12th and i couldn't be more excited about it!  this book is different from the other two in the sense that it's more mature- there is sex in the book... foul language... lol... 

so while my book is at the editor, i got to shoot one of my most favorite seniors ever for her senior pics. (side note, that's her fantastic booty and legs on my Chance Encounters cover)...

and then literally right after taking those photos, i headed out to half moon bay for a super
fun wedding!  it was so pretty and so much fun.  congrats you two- FINALLY!  :)

and thennnnnnnnnnnnnnn, we had the end of the year party for blake's travel baseball team! it was a busy weekend. i'm tired. lol love these families and their kids! i will miss seeing them on a regular basis.

 

 


























so yeah.. that's it. no big. just been a little busy!  but see! there i am!  alive!  happy!  and awesome!  :)  hope you're doing the same. 

the house

our house.

our OLD house.

the house we no longer own.

it's no longer ours.

we no longer live there.

i honestly haven't allowed myself to sit and process the events of the past year in regards to the house. i think i might have a breakdown at some point.  because really....

it is all

so.
fucking.
sad.

we owned a home.  our first home.  i got fired.  we lost our home.  our first home.

and it has been an AWFUL experience.  a horribly, awful, experience.

i have a lot to say about the people who bought our house in the auction. 

the real estate agents who bought our house in the auction.

A LOT to say.

and now that we're officially out of our home, i will be saying them. 

but not right now. 

right now, my toe hurts.  my feet are pained.  my fingers cramped and fingertips bruised.

and i'm tired. 

but i'm REALLY, REALLY, REALLY happy.

our new rental is SUPER cute- very light, airy and pretty.  and everything i've decorated so far looks a bajillion times prettier here than it ever did in the house we owned. 

have i mentioned how truly kind and wonderful our landlords are? 

blessed.

auction vs short sale

does anyone know if your house can be BOTH approved for a short sale and also go into an auction???  because that's what happened to us-  and i've heard from numerous people that it's illegal. 

our house was approved for a short sale. our specialist put in for the auction postponment.  clearly, the auction person didn't get the memo.  the people who bought our house are real estate agents who KNEW we were in the middle of a short sale.

so i'm wondering if anyone has ever dealt with this before- can we fight it?  i'm super fucking pissed that we're going to have a foreclosure on our credit, as opposed to a short sale....

also, i want the people who INTENDED TO BUY OUR HOME to be the ones who actually get it and live in it! you know? 

this whole situation is so fucking up. 

house auction UPDATE

I tried to get in touch with my apparent "short sale specialist" yesterday and all morning this morning. He never answers the phone. I left him voice mails yesterday. I called his boss. 

No one answers.

So instead of just sitting around, I decided to go to the auction that my house was supposed to be in. I didn't know where it was. I thought it was at the courthouse, but I don't think this town has a courthouse. It was at the community center in a very specific part of the parking lot.

Weird.

There were only about 8 people there. Maybe. 

And me.

Some of them knew who I was because they've driven by my house before to stake it out. And my car was in the driveway.  And now my car was there.

One of the guys asked me if I was the owner.  He said, "I know you have an offer. I don't understand. Maybe it's postponed and you just don't know yet? But your house is the one I was sent to bid on."

Awesome.

The auction guy read the list of postponments.  Our house wasn't on it.

But it was the FIRST! HOUSE! UP! FOR! AUCTION!

So at least we win something, right?!

That's when things got real fun.  And by fun I really mean that I lost my shit and couldn't stop crying.

There was a bidding war going on over this here house. I think there were 4 of them going back and forth- raising their bids by $100 dollars at a time. Really?  Cut to the chase people. 

So by the time it all stopped, someone else owned my house. So I cried some more.  And then asked the auction guy if this was the end all of it all because we're trying to do a short sale and we have an offer that we've put in and I don't understand if this auction is "binding" or not?!?!?

He said he didn't know.

So I cried some more. And then everyone watched me with sad eyes.

At least they looked like they cared.

And now I'm sitting here, staring at the most gorgeous dog i've ever owned in my life, wondering what the fuck comes next?  I'm not joking when I tell you that i've been looking for places to rent for the last YEAR. 

I'm having a problem finding a place that will allow dogs.  Dog haters. 

I think I'm going to throw up now.

Just kidding.  But I am going to work out. Can you run on the treadmill and cry at the same time?  I'll let you know.

we accepted an offer

okay! so we accepted an offer for our house on Tuesday night. It is now Friday. Our auction date is on May 3rd. That's coming up rather quickly, wouldn't you say?

I'm starting to get a little freaked out. I have NO IDEA where we're going to go. I mean, i've been looking for a house to rent that will take our TWO! BIG! DOGGIES! but um... it's a little hard.

I know it will all work out, but omg, what if it doesn't?!?! what if we have to leave our house and we have nowhere to go- WHERE DO WE GO???

seriously.

where would we go?

that's a little scary.

this part really fucking sucks.

know what else sucks? that to do the short sale, we have to give them a shit load of paperwork... AGAIN. i'm SO TIRED of providing the SAME EXACT paperwork to the bank over and over and over again. it's freaking irritating.

2 months bank statements
2 months paycheck stubs
last 2 years tax returns
write a harship letter

argh mc argh-er-son.

i really hope they accept the short sale and delay the foreclosure and the auction date. plus, i'd really like the family whose offer we accepted to be able to get the home. you know?

okay.. carry on with your friday. :)

It's short sale time!

Okay- i know there are quite a few of you who have been following along on my house journey. and i know i tend to keep y'all hanging for months on end, but it's just that nothing is going on during that time. except for me stressing about WHEN bad things are going to start happening and the waiting. good lord, the W-A-I-T-I-N-G.

that's the worst part.

we officially put our house on the market this past friday. on saturday morning, i awoke to a notice of TRUSTEE SALE on my door. which means, the house has an auction date. the date is set for may 3rd, which is exactly 1 year since we stopped paying our mortgage.

our realtor says she should be able to stop the auction date because we have offers on our house. we'll accept one of the offers and then send it off to the bank.

i think pushing the auction date is easier than stopping the actual foreclosure process. i guess we'll see.

things i did in regards to putting the house up for short sale:
-did not allow a lock box on the house since we still live here and we have dogs. i never thought about it when i walked through other people's homes to see if we wanted to buy it. but it's sort of invasive to have people in your things. looking at your bed, your photos, your stuff. i don't like it. so i insisted on being here when/if people were coming by. and that has been another adventure all on its own!
-did not allow a huge "for sale" sign in our yard. that shit is embarrassing and i don't want to have to answer all the neighbors questions. i feel like we just moved here for pete's sake!

there have been HUGE amounts of traffic in our house. it's listed for $175,000 LESS than we bought it for. and when we bought it, we thought we got a great deal. *suckers* on friday i had 21 appointments to view the house. on saturday i had about half of that. my phone won't stop ringing today and i'm so over this i can't even tell you.

so that's where we're at. short sale. we choose/accept an offer tomorrow to send over to the bank. and then i'll let you know how that goes- what happens, etc.

any questions? feel free to ask them in the comments and i'll do my best to answer anything i can. i think comments are the best cause you might have a question that someone else wants to know too. :)

Hearst Castle!

My mom came down for a visit and we drove along the coast to Monterey and then to Hearst Castle. I've grown up in Southern California my whole life and i've NEVER been to either of these places. Hearst Castle is more North and Monterey is way more North. lol

Anyway, it was AWESOME! Monterey is ADORABLE and Hearst Castle is STUNNING! I want to live in one of the guest houses forever. Or at least until my Malibu Beach House is ready for me to move into. :)

Me and my mommy in front of the Neptune pool!


This was one of my favorite statues on the grounds...


This is the view of the Pacific and the town of San Simeon from the top of the castle grounds. Stunning!


Just another statue- he's so cute! :)


This is one of the guest homes facing the mountains. I think it's called a "hill view" home. They are adorable and I want an ocean facing one! Clearly i'm easy to please. lol


How cute is this? She's holding a frog with a crown in the palm of her hand and she stands at the very top of a 3 tiered fountain.


This gorgeous statue is located inside the indoor movie theatre. And when I say movie theatre, I mean it. Mr. Hearst didn't have a small screening room- it was a HUGE theatre lined with probably 20 of these statues.


This is the entrance to the Neptune pool...the most stunning pool in someone's "home" i've ever seen.


There were fountains ALL over the grounds. They were awesome. everything was awesome! lol

talked to the bank yesterday

I'm not sure if i ever told you guys that we finally got a notice of default. i guess it was about a month ago. so we're officially in the foreclosure process and there will be an auction date set on our house within the next few months.

at least that's what they say.

yesterday i finally was able to contact someone at the actual bank! during this time, it's always been someone NOT with the bank, but some sort of collector just seeing if you're going to pay-

the lady at bank of america was a first class bitch. shocking, i know. she was so fucking condesending that i wanted to reach through the phone and kick her in the neck!!! she's so lucky we don't have the ability to do that sort of thing....yet.

"well when will you be on your feet enough to start paying your mortgage?"
me- "well i can't really answer that since i've been unemployed the last 2 years. i've tried to get a job this whole time..."

"oh, you haven't had a job for 2 years? WOW... well are you doing ANYTHING to bring in income to your family?"
me- "what do you mean? in what regard?"

"well are you willing to do anything to bring in money? maybe you should rent out a room?"
me- "i have a child in the house and i'd really rather not rent out a room to a stranger, but thanks."

"okay, so you really don't have anything you're willing to do. and you can't afford your property anymore. my advice to you, and i'll be noting this in your file, is that i'm recommending you take any money you've saved and go find a place that you and your family can afford to live in."

wow, thanks for that brilliant gem.

this was all after she said there was nothing they could do for us. we don't qualify for any kind of modification- not in house, out of house, govt, etc.

so after getting that final answer yesterday- it sort of all hit me. and i got a little sad. it sucks to know that we're losing this stupid ugly house... if only for all the time, effort and money we've put into it. money, that realistically, we didn't have. but we wanted to make our house nicer- prettier- feel like home- and it sucks that i kind of look at all of that as a complete fucking waste of my precious time, money and effort.

it's all been for what?

i was also sad because i think that i carry the stress of this whole house situation on my shoulders. or it lives in my head daily. i cringe everytime the mailman comes near the house. i'm petrified that he's going to ask me to sign for something that says we have 30 days to vacate the property. i feel like i just sit here waiting for it all to drop around me.

and i know i could end all of that by just packing up and leaving first- before any of that happens- but the flip side is- WE'RE SAVING MONEY! and the allure of trying to save as much as we can, outweighs everything else right now. i'm obsessed with trying to just build as much of a nest egg as i can while we're in this situation. i'm terrified that we'll need all the money once we leave this place. and i want to have it.

so do we sit here and wait until we're told to leave, or do we start packing and leave on our own accord- and put this part of our lives to rest and start the next part? i will admit that living this way feels stagnant- like i'm not moving forward- like i'm on pause- stuck-

anyway, that's where we're currently at. i imagine it's only a matter of time before we're packing up and trying to find a place to live with out 2 big dogs. *crosses fingers*
until then, the psycho in me wants to get boxes and start packing up everything we don't use, need, etc. i want to make this as painless as possible for when we do have to go- i want everything except our clothes and kitchen shit to be packed and ready. you know?

i know i'll thank myself later for it.

more! new! doggy! pics!

have you met our new doggy pete? i call him puppy. it makes me laugh because he is clearly NOT, a puppy. but he's so freaking cute i can barely stand it.

i think i could look at his face all day. i love him so much! he's one million times better than a brand new puppy and i'm so happy we have him in our house. :)

so today, i took him to a dog park for the very first time. and yes, i brought my camera. so here's some more pics of my puppy. lol











ps- the weather was so nice today. it almost felt like i was at home. WHICH I WILL BE ON FRIDAY! woo hoo!!! wish i could bring my doggy with me! :)

if you see me in the grocery store, you should probably run the other direction

um.

y'all?

if you know me, know me.... (you know, like in real life and stuff) then you know that i'm not really a klutz. i do however do lots of stupid and silly things like, put gravy on my salad as the dressing... or fall completely sober on the dancefloor while having a pretend makeout session with my girlfriend during the song, "i kissed a girl"...

but otherwise... i don't think people think of me as a "klutz."

at least not to my face. haha :)

so, these last 2 trips of mine to the grocery store have been completely out of character. not to mention, dangerous! oooh, i've become dangerous. how sexy.

no no, this is not that kind of dangerous! it's the bad kind. the dangery kind. for reals. so if you see me- i am not kidding when i tell you... RUN THE OTHER WAY! get as far away from me as possible!

because two times ago i was in the pasta aisle and i turned a jar of sauce to read the label on the back, it fell off the shelf. i tried to do the whole juggle thing with my hands, while one arm was holding a carry on cart thing, and then my hair fell in front of my eyes and i had no idea where the jar was anymore. so i just threw my foot up in the air in the hopes that my leg would have eyes and be magical or something and i'd actually catch the freaking jar of sauce on my foot. or at least break its fall.

but no.

i don't think my magical foot was anywhere near the jar of sauce as it plummeted to the ground. do you know that my brain actually thought, "oh, it's not going to break. it's going to hit the ground and be totally fine. i broke its fall enough with my mad juggling skills that maybe it will BOUNCE when it lands."

ahem.

bounce?

i think my brain bounced.

that bitch SHATTERED to the floor below and broke into a billion pieces. did i mention that this aisle is right by the door? so everyone walking in was muttering things like, "awwwwww" and "oh no!!!" and there were gasps of horror. because this was clearly a tragic moment in grocery store history.

and i realize that people probably break things all the time in stores, but i never have before. and it looked like a freaking crime scene. it would have been awesome if someone had busted out some tape and outlined the blob on the ground. lol

okay... moving on to TODAY!

i grabbed a cart that had a weird front wheel. but me, being the non-discriminatory cart person that i am, stuck with the disabled shopping cart.

so once i was done shopping and the cart was filled with all my stupid shit... the front wheel STOPPED moving.

it just stopped.

have you ever had a cart stop moving on you before? well if you haven't, let me tell you what happens. you turn into a complete non functioning person. because your body doesn't stop trying to push the damn thing. but it's done moving. and then, everything happens really quickly.

so the wheel stopped.

but i didn't.

and the fucking thing TIPPED OVER ON ITS SIDE!

holy shit, i can't stop laughing right now. lol

it was so loud as it crashed to the freaking ground. and everyone waiting to check out was like, "OH MY GOD!" and "OH NO!" "WHAT HAPPENED?" "ARE YOU OKAY?"

what the hell? who has a shopping cart just tip all the way over? and do you know how ackward it is trying to put it back upright is? it doesn't want to go!!! good lord. lol

did i mention the eggs? oh yeah, they died.

another tragedy in the grocery store. thanks to yours truly.

clearly the lesson here is that i should no longer be allowed to grocery shop unsupervised.

or supervised.

i should probably be banned altogether.

the beach!!!!

those of you who aren't familiar with northern california.... well.... let's just say that the beaches are often, F-R-E-E-Z-I-N-G!

they are usually windy.
foggy.
and cold.

but i spent the day at the beach yesterday and it was GORGEOUS!!!!! not a cloud in sight! and no wind!

i miss the beaches of southern california SO much, that i was over-freaking-joyed when i got the beach and it didn't suck! :)

i took pics (of course)!











wasn't it perfect?!?! :)

and this is my favorite pic i took all weekend. it makes me smile.

remember our house situation?

you guys, i'm so sorry that i haven't talked about our house, or the situation at all lately. i seriously forgot that a lot of people have been finding my blog when they search about losing their home, short sale, foreclosing, how bank of america sucks hairy balls, etc. and i forget that y'all want to know just WHAT THE HELL is going on.

we DID stop paying, like i mentioned in this post here. (all the posts about our house, and deciding what to do, etc are here)

so we stopped paying. it's been, what, 5 months i think? yeah, i think that's right. we are still paying our home owners insurance (someone asked about that), but property taxes are another story.

ideally, we'd still like to work with the bank. we don't have a lot of faith that that will happen, but we don't really know for sure.

we have looked into a short sale. we will definitely pursue that option if we have to, but right now, we're waiting. there are a lot of things to think about- if you sell your house for less money than you owe, can the banks come after you for the difference? or are you liable for the difference on your taxes (filing the difference as income). there are all scary questions that you have to find out. each state is different.

and really, i don't know how all you people who have put your homes on the market do it! it freaks me out to think about strangers traipsing around in here when we aren't home. what do you do with your things? it just feels so violating. eeeek.

anyway, it's still stressful. i wait everyday for that letter to come giving us a time limit to get the hell out of the house. when it comes, i'll make sure to post about it.

right now- we're just waiting. unsure of what is coming, or when exactly. i wish i had more to tell you. i mean other than the almost daily phone calls (that AREN'T even from the bank mind you, but a collection agency who has no power to make any deals because they AREN'T the bank), there isn't much going on. which is both a blessing and a curse. i try not to think about it.

kristabella came to cali

and all you got were these stupid pictures of us at wineries!

ha! you know you're jelly! :)

this is us at MUMM.. i drank some sparkling something or other. i liked it so much i bought a little, tiny bottle. HA
(just curious, but um.. why does my face look oompa loompa orange in this picture?!)


and here we are at sutter home, where my new favorite wine (BUBBLY MOSCATO!!!!) was born (much thanks to sarah and geo for intro'ing me to the fab new flave)


i think we were at ruthorford here. have i mentioned how NOT FUN wineries are? everyone is sooooo stuffy and blahhhhhhhh.


thank god we had each other!! (and baby 24 year olds who just moved away from their mommy from delaware to harrass!)
kristabella has the blurry pics of them! HAHAH!

the 40 mile MS bike ride

it happened folks.


oh yes, did it happen.


i did 40 miles ON MY BEACH CRUISER for the second year in a row! (go me) it's not that riding a bike 40 miles is all that hard... cause let's face it, it really isn't. but you try going uphill on a freaking beach cruiser.


that.shit.sucks.

this year was WAY harder than last year. i have no idea why. other than maybe i was uber motivated last year? or maybe cause i KNEW where the hills were and when they were coming this year?! i have no clue, but i feel like i had to get off my bike a lot to walk it up those stupid hills. i'm a failure.

not really.

i totally rule.

like our team tent- WHICH HAS WON BEST TENT TWO YEARS IN A ROW MIND YOU! we (and by we, i mean robin the tent designer, decorator, purchaser of all things tent) TOTALLY ROCK!!!!!!!


speaking of our tent, did i mention that we had an arts & crafts section for the kids to make beachy picture frames? ahem. i'm a kid. so i made one. BUT LOOK HOW PRETTY IT IS!!!! :)
i named my frame MALIBU. like the beach, not the rum, alchies.


until the REAL pictures come back, all i have are blurry camera phone pics. cause i'm awesome like that!


to everyone who sponsored me... THANK YOU SO MUCH! i had fun (even though it may not sound like it)... i will be doing it again next year. i'll complain more then! ha


and YES, i did cut the sleeves off of my shirt. i don't believe in sleeves people. i'm not sure HOW MANY TIMES i have to tell y'all this! :)

so i crashed a funeral today

don't judge.

and i mean, i didn't really crash some random strangers funeral... i went with my girlfriend who didn't want to go alone (totally don't blame her at all. funerals alone SUCK!!!)

what i found the most interesting though, since i obviously didn't know the person who had passed... was that it doesn't really matter if i knew her or not.

human emotion is human emotion, no matter what.

people expressing how wonderful and amazing an individual was- is so touching regardless of who it's coming from, and who it's about. i found myself in awe of how many lives one life can affect. and how deeply one person can affect another.

human life is human life. people touch each other every single day. and we are so blessed when we have others in our lives who give us so much positivity, encouragement and love.

i found myself bawling at one point during the service because an ex-student got up to speak about his old teacher. he talked about how he had never expected a caucasian teacher to take such an interest in an african american child, during a time when racial tensions and issues divided a nation. he was moved by her. he was inspired by her. he said she made him feel less like a student and more like family. he didn't know why she chose him, all he knew was that he was so incredibly grateful she had. he credited her with giving him the courage to be who he is today... for inspiring his fearlessness... for taking chances...

i was beyond moved.

i was inspired by his words. his emotions. his being.

and i found myself hoping that someone would be able to say something half as nice as that about me when i leave this earth.

we never know what kind of profound impact someone may have on us.

we never know what kind of impact we can have on another.

i say we go out and impact each other with magic! :)

the state of MY unemployment

oh yeah, i'm unemployed.

remember?

i bet you forgot, cause i don't really talk about it that much.

if you haven't lost your job within the last 2 years, then you can't possibly understand just how bad it truly is out there. unless your significant other has lost their job... or someone who affects your finances.

when i got fired, i thought i would literally go 2 months (maybe) without having a job. i never thought in my wildest dreams that i would be one of those 99 weekers. but here i am. closing in on that 99 week gap far quicker than i'd care to admit.

see, i work(ed) in the entertainment industry in some form or another for what feels like my entire pretend grown up life. and so now that i'm living up in the wrong part of the state for that- well, my entertainment options are limited. not limitLESS (cause that would be rad) but clearly, without fail, reminded almost daily that my job options are... limitED.

if you haven't lost your job lately, then you don't know what it feels like to apply for (literally) hundreds jobs you have no interest in really doing. or to send your resume to hundreds of places you think won't make you want to kill yourself at the end of the day.

see, if i learned anything from my last work experience, i learned that life is too short. that we all spend way too much time at the office. our whole lives revolve around work, being at work, doing work for (usually) OTHER people, and then we constantly stress about fitting our family and the rest of lives into our work schedule. if we're going to be spending THAT much time doing something, we should really LOVE what it is that we're doing.

so the state of MY unemployment, is my daily search for jobs that don't scream "I SUCK" in my face. not to mention the fact that i have sent what feels like a million resumes for jobs in LA, doing all sorts of things back in the entertainment industry. have i failed to mention that most of the jobs i apply for, i'm recommended for? have i also failed to mention that i don't even get so much as a phone call for any of these jobs?

it's an AWFUL job market right now. and i say this because if you're working, you don't have any idea what it's like. you truly don't. you can hear people say it, but if you're anything like me, i'm sure you think it doesn't apply to you. and there is also no way you can relate while you're continuing to get a steady paycheck and pay all your bills on time.

if you know me at all, you know how fucking utterly ridiculous it is that i haven't found a job in a year and a half. but i can't tell you enough, how NOT easy it is. how when someone does actually call me back, it's usually to tell me that they love my resume, but unfortunately:

i'm way overqualified
or i'll be bored
or why would i want to work in that industry, when my background is clearly all entertainment based?
or you'd be great, but we can't pay you enough (and by enough, i want to be clear that i will not work for $10 or $12 dollars an hour, fuck you very much)

but you know, that's even IF i get a call or an email response. 98% of the time, i feel like i fall into some black abyss of resume hell, even though i feel like i should rise to the top with all the flying puppies and rainbow makers.

the state of MY unemployment means we're losing our house that we bought less than 3 years ago. because i lost my job, we can no longer pay our mortgage. you all know the hell we've gone through with bank of america, and how we waited an entire year to get an answer (OF NO) for a home loan modification. you all know we've stopped paying our mortgage and we are trying to short sale our house, instead of foreclose.

i interview for temp jobs i don't get. HOW DOES SOMEONE NOT GET A FUCKING TEMP JOB?!?!

the other day i ran into the guy who owns the local ice cream shop in town. he told me that he has grown men, who have all sorts of degrees, asking him for a job. asking if he can pay them to scoop ice cream. men with degrees, willing to scoop ice cream for a paycheck.

if that doesn't say it all about what the hell is going on out there, i don't know what does.

so yeah, i'm still unemployed. and that unemoployment check is going to stop coming real soon.

then what?

oh, harry potter.

i won't give any spoilers away regarding the last movie, but i will tell you this...

I

FREAKING

LOVED

THE

HELL

OUT

OF

IT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i mean really!!!!!!!

i went in with not high expectations because i was SO disappointed after seeing the last one. probably because i hadn't read any of the books, right? and so i felt like it was SO boring. but in all honesty, i watched it again a few weeks ago and i loved it a billion times better than when i saw it in the theatre.

in all honesty, it was the first harry potter movie that i didn't walk out of confused. normally, i am pretty confused (who was that guy? what are they talking about? what the hell is a horcrux? why don't they explain anything?! maybe i should read the books!) but this time? NOT confused at all.

well, i'm not confused, confused.

i mean, i do still have a couple questions. but i don't want to ask them right now in case people haven't seen the movie yet, OR read the book.

can i please still talk about the fact though i do not like (at all, never going to like them) ginny and harry together?!

ugh.

it annoys the living crap out of me. and i don't know if it's because i don't really like the chick who plays her in the movies. that could be part (most) of it.

she just seems like a fan. like a harry groupie. i don't get why he likes her. at all. it reminds me of edward of bella. i GET why she likes him. but what i don't get is why the hell on this green planet, he even is remotely interested in her?!?!

i'm harsh huh?

this may totally come back and bite me in the ass someday with my books.

eeek

okay. so harry. the final film.

i loved it!! i wasn't disappointed! i wasn't let down! i thought it was really well done. REALLY well explained. i just thought it was overall, freaking awesome!

i totally want to go see it again. like RIGHT NOW! i will say that everyone said they thought this entire movie would be one huge action scene, but it's not.

at all.

there is good action, but it's not ALL action. there are slow parts.

but i don't know. i'm on a total harry high right now! if i had harry potter glasses, i would wear them around all weekend waving my magical wish wand at people, casting spells.

hell, i still might do that.

anyway, if you're on the fence about the last potter movie. jump off it! go see it! and then tell me how much you loved it, so we can be on harry high together!!!!! :)

character assassination of a 12 year old

bare with me folks, cause i'm in a state of ridiculous pissed off-ness. and i'm sure this post will make it all the way around this tiny little town i'm currently living in- and to that i say.. GOOD.

i think.

sometimes it sucks being honest and owning up to your words when they are raw, real and authentic. and you have to potentially see the people you are talking about around town. and look them in the eye. and know that they read what you wrote. it's much easier to talk about people you don't know. or people you'll never see in real life. :)

in a nutshell- blake's last year of little league sucked. his coach was less than inspiring and left a lot to be desired. in a role where you should be building confidence and encouraging the small people to be more! awesome! bigger! people! he did the exact opposite with his belittling, yelling and public humiliation during and after games.

if you know anything about the sport of baseball, you know how mental of a game it is. and as a player, you are so fucking caught up in your own head that the last thing you need is your coach pointing out all your flaws and failures. especially at this age when you're still learning what you're capable of handling, what affects you, etc.

cut to our last game of the season when the coach tried to make an example of blake (in return for something blake had said). he yelled at blake in the team meeting, told him that he had no respect for adult coaches and then threatened him with, "you'll pay for that dearly during all- stars."

um... who the hell threatens a 12-year old kid?!?!? and oooooh, you'll pay for that in all stars. really? what the hell kind of threat is that?! little league isn't even real baseball for fucks sake!!!!!!! (and people, do not start emailing me or posting in the comments section about how you disagree and little league is real baseball. i refuse to have this pretend argument. talk to me when the players can lead off and steal like normal people, and when you move the bases and pitching mound back an acceptable amount of feet. see? i'm right. told you. lol)

by the end of the season, blake was beaten down and had simply had enough. continuing to play with this coach was no longer an option. so blake was put in the uncomfortable position of telling his all-star coaches that he did not want to play because of this other coach's involvement.

I APPLAUD blake for standing up for himself.
BLAKE DID THE RIGHT THING (for him).
HE FREAKING RULES, AND YOU SUCK.

i told you i was pissed off.

sometimes i'm unreasonable when i'm angry.

i am a girl.

so, he told the coaches (both of them) that he didn't want to play. one of them convinced him to come to 1 practice, and then decide. blake agreed. after that practice, and then sleeping on it for the night, he decided that he didn't want to continue the unhealthy coaching relationship he had been in for the past 5 months, and he respectfully declined playing.

shortly after his decision, one of the coaches called my home demanding to hear it from blake personally. so blake got on the phone and told the guy he didn't want to play. and he didn't want to play "because of coach so and so" and that he "didn't want to be on the same field as him" any longer.

end of story.

i mean, that is where the story should have ended, right?

because he got chosen for all-stars. he said no. we all move the fuck on, right? clearly, we do not move.the.fuck.on.

so now... from what i'm hearing... things are being said about my son. people are saying that blake isn't playing because he wasn't having fun on the field. or because he has conflicts with his travel baseball team. or because he's a baby. and they're saying blake quit all-stars, when the truth was that he never wanted to play in the first place. they are saying all sorts of things about him and why he's not playing, but nothing they are saying is the truth.

i am angry that adults are spreading, fueling and encouraging misinformation about my son- all for the sake of not admitting, or owning up to the real reason why he doesn't want to play. other coaches (who damn well know better) are blatantly lying when asked by other adults as to why blake isn't playing.

when the real reason is perfectly logical. perfectly acceptable. and should be respected. hell, it should be freaking honored with a medal. or a brownie at the very least.

listen, i understand that it isn't everyone's business as to why blake chose to leave. (although now it is, since i've taken it to the world wide internets!!!) but if people were simply trying to be "pc" or handle the situation a certain way, they should have said that they weren't sure why blake wasn't playing, instead of making up a pretend answer and having that answer reflect upon him.

which puts him in a weird position when his friends say things like, "i heard you weren't playing all-stars because of travel baseball." to which blake is like, "huh? that's not true. who told you that?" and then he's confused and doesn't understand why people are not only talking about this and making it a huge deal, but why they would say something about him that wasn't true in the first place.

MY SON HAD THE BALLS TO STAND UP AND REMOVE HIMSELF FROM A SHITTY SITUATION.

MY SON SAID ENOUGH IS ENOUGH AND CHOSE NOT TO TAKE IT ANYMORE.

the real issue here is that coach.

not my son.

and the sickest part of all of this- is that those people who know the truth, yet are choosing to lie when asked... they are supporting the coach who sucks at coaching, instead of supporting the kid who has an extremely valid point. they are throwing a 12-year old under the bus.

for what?

for who?

a coach who triggers more harsh feelings from parents and players than any coach i've ever known?

why aren't we defending the kid who was put in the position of making an adult decision? why aren't we standing by him, telling him we believe in him, learning from this and teaching others from it?

blake did the right thing.

and it's even clearer to me now how rare that quality truly is in people anymore.

summer is hectic!

man, i feel like i have no time to do anything... how the hell did i ever work full time?!

HAHAHAH! that seriously, was just a joke.


it's weird though how time is organized once you're not "forced" to organize it in the same way. i mean, when i was working... i only had a very limited amount of time to get things done, so i crammed them all into those small pockets of availability. now that i have my days "free"... the same projects, or errands, or things that need to get done- end up taking the entire day to do.

you know?

maybe you don't.

so what have we been up to? well i've been baking lots and lots of cupcakes (and forgetting to take pics of their yumminess)

and we went to a bbq the other day and i took a bunch of candid pics, that i love.











and i feel like i've been running around like crazy. cause you know, i'm about to have a TEENAGER in about 5 or so days! eeek

when self defense isn't okay

during the school year this year there were issues between blake and one particular boy. these issues would crop up over and over again.

blake is in 7th grade. or he was. i guess he's officially an 8th grader now? scary.

anyway, this boy felt that it was okay to slap blake in the face on numerous occassions. now i wasn't there, so i have no idea how hard the slap was, or what it was like- all i know is what blake told me. and i assume that the kid probably did like a light smack to his cheek or something. but he did it more than once. he did it far more than a handful of times. and the vice principal of the school was aware this was happening.

well blake didn't like it. i'm sure you're shocked. no really, come slap me in the face... i enjoy you violating my personal space and touching me uninvited.

so near the last day of school, the boy slapped blake again (for seriously probably the 20th fucking time). blake turned and shoved the living shit out of the kid.

i'm not sure how this got to the principals office, but all i know is what came home to me from my son.

blake came home and told me that the assistant principal of his junior high school told him that:

"SELF DEFENSE IS NOT OKAY AT SCHOOL."


i'm just going to sit here for a minute and let you read that line again.




and again.



and then one more time.




self defense is not okay at school.



ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!??!!?


hold on, because now i'm all pissed off and riled up again.


*BREATHES*


okay, look. i understand that a school environment probably isn't allowed to support any type of "violence." i get it. i also get that they have zero tolerance on things. i truly do get that there needs to be rules and safety, etc. i understand that school needs to be a safe enviornment for our kids- I WANT A SAFE ENVIRONMENT FOR MY KID.

but you're telling me that if someone is sitting there getting the living shit beat out of them... they have to just take it?

they can't defend themselves and punch back.. or kick... or shove.. or do something to stop it?

they just have to sit there and get hit over and over again until that person decides they're done hitting them?

what the fuck, man?! you cannot teach our children that they cannot defend themselves!!!!! moreso, you can't tell them that it "ISN'T OKAY" to defend themselves. and i'm sorry, but i don't consider allowing someone to get hit (and not fight back) a safe environment.

our society has gotten so screwed up somewhere along the way. because how else has DEFENDING your self, become not okay?

if blake defends himself, he'll get suspended. why is my kid getting in trouble for not allowing someone to violate him? when did it become wrong to hit someone back who hit you first? we can't tell everyone to "turn the other cheek" all the time. we can't raise an entire generation of our boys to be giant PUSSIES. cause that's what we're doing.

we're constantly telling them to "walk away..."
"don't fight back.."
"turn the other cheek..."
"find an adult or someone who can help at all costs..."

i just really, really, really, think that mentality is wrong. a

nd if that kid slaps blake again next year, i hope he punches him in the fucking jaw. because maybe then, that kid will stop putting his hands on my son's face.

and when blake gets suspended for DEFENDING himself at school. i'll take his ass out for ice cream or something. because he won't be in trouble at home.