dear facebook - aka the place that can't leave well enough alone

please dear god, for the love of all that is holy and right with this world,

STOP FUCKING WITH MY PROFILE PAGE!!!!!!

i sincerely do not understand why that concept is so fucking difficult for you to grasp? why do you INSIST on changing our pages every 6 months? i freaking LOATHE it, every.single.time.

but this time? it's the worst. the banner and what-not is sort of cute- totally liveable, but the rest of it? confusing as all hell. makes no sense. why is everything all over the place in little myspace boxes? but it's not even different information. it's just status updates everywhere. it's freaking stupid, mark fuckerface.

if i could close my account and still be able to maintain my "fan" pages, i would. because you make me HATE facebook. you make it suck. and i don't understand why you can't just leave well enough alone?

also, since you clearly have a problem sitting still... or you constantly have a "let's redesign everyone's profile pages.. again! and then let's do it again tomorrow! oh, this is so much fun!" hair up your ass.... can you at least make the update OPTIONAL?

so if people love the new pages layout and look- they can choose to display their page that way? and for those of us (the smarter bunch) who know how messy and stupid it looks, can keep our pages the way we like?

i hate you.

you're like some sort of lunatic who gives people no choice. you probably get off on the control.

well knock it off, fuckerbitch. you're pissing me off.

but i'm sure you'll do it again in 6 months.

gray hair? REALLY???

shut.
the.
front.
door.

y'all?

is this thing on? *tap tap*

cause um... not only did i find a gray hair last night in my beautiful luscious golden locks... that mother fucker had friends.

LOTS.
OF.
FRIENDS!!!!!!!!!

i am WAY too young, and FAR TOO immature to have gray hair.

so imagine how much i freaked out last night when i saw the first unruly little fucker sprouting out of my head. it literally became GRAY HAIR WATCH TWENTY ELEVEN up in my bathroom.

i think i seriously spent about an hour searching for all those stupid things and then yanking them out.

they were easy to find though. wanna know why?

CAUSE THEY ARE UNRULY!!!!!

they are all weird, and curly and don't lay right! not to mention the fact that they reflect the light ALL WRONG! they don't glow with golden prettiness- they are dull and brassy.

why can't they grow out in colors like dark blue, purple or pink or something? i would love that! random little bright hairs scattered throughout! FUN!

but nooooooo. they're gray.

GRAY!

i have gray hairs! that grow! out of my head!

why is this happening to me?!?!? can i make it stop? can i will it away? act more immature? start wearing diapers? WHAT CAN I DO???

i am too cute for gray. i am too happy for gray. i am too fun for gray. i refuse!! help me.

hi, i'm the one who can't stand voice mail

i hate voice mail.

i mean, not your voice mail. yours is lovely. i should clarify that i mean, i can't stand CHECKING voice mail on my cell phone.

it irritates the living crap out of me. clearly, i've seen that you called. do you realllllly have to leave me a message that says you called? no shit.

it's right there.

on my missed call notification.

unless you have some super hot sighting of ryan gosling in the street in front of my house, there is really no reason to leave me a voice mail (and in all honesty, by the time i check the freaking thing, he'll be long gone anyway). can't you text me the information you need to convey?

it's just SO.MUCH.EASIER.

i don't say this because i'm lazy.

i say this because i enjoy being efficient. and checking my voice mail is ridiculously time consuming.

it takes forever.

i have to call it. then the stupid annoying lady bosses me around with all these directions i've heard 100 times before. the worst part is when i'm just trying to get the message you just HAD to leave for me, and i hear her say, "you have 2 messages that will be erased... first message from..." and then i have to deal with all of that crap just to get to your stupid message that says, "HEY. CALL ME."

i think to punish you...

i won't call you back.

for like a week.

you hear me voice mail leavers?

you're all on time out.

and i know you, friends of mine... you're all tempted to call me and leave me voice mails now just cause i told you not too. well don't get pissed at me when you tell me something "important" and i don't check it for a week.

that is seriously how much i hate checking my voice mail. and why i don't leave voice mails for other people. i assume y'all can't stand the amount of time it takes to check your voice mail either. if i call you and you don't answer, i trust that you saw i called. and if i just HAVE to tell you something, i'll text it to you. or if i NEED to talk to you, i'll text you to tell you to freaking call me cause i need to talk to you.

so i guess i don't really dislike my voice mail... i just dislike the amount of time it takes to check. i like things quick and easy.. you know, like my men.

you?

10:01pm... um- edited to add.. this isn't entirely true cause um, i like hearing some of your voices. and i'd be sad if i didn't have voicemails from my drunk friends, my hot friends, etc... there is a reason i have three voicemails saved. it's cause they rule.

10:15pm pss- i think i just had a bad night. i had like 4 voice mails to check and 3 ones to get through to hear them. and then each voice mail was REALLLLLLY long.

10:21pm ppss- carry on people. call me. leave voice mail. do whatever. i just may not listen to it for a few days... but if it's good, i might just keep it forever!

holy crap it's cold!

i spent the entire weekend sitting outside at a baseball tournament. it was 35 degrees (give or take). i was stressing out before we left about how the hell i was possibly going to stay warm. i was thinking over all my warm weather clothes *insert fits of laughter here*.... how was ONE SWEATSHIRT going to keep me warm all day and night long?!?!?!

listen, i like to do things like ice skate and snowboard in the snow and cold. but otherwise, i don't sit outside for hours on end in the freezing flipping cold doing absolutely nothing. at least not on purpose. so i'm not prepared for stuff like this.

thank the goddess i have a boyfriend who is insane. and believes in warm weather gear. and actually owns things like.. jackets! and gloves! because without him.. and this amazing jacket he let me wear all weekend, i probably would have died. just like i said in my twitter.



then the wind kicked in. and while i was super happy to have that amazing coat thing.. i was still freezing my ass off. everywhere that coat wasn't, was cold. i don't like being cold. at.all.

i also had a brilliant realization while at these games


see?


ster was not made to be all covered up and in layers. ster was made to be free.. in tank tops and happy clothes. winter clothes are not happy clothes!

so um.. is it cold where you are?

why i don't dress warm.

i'm tired of people yelling at me to put on a jacket. or to wear something warm. just like i'm sure they're tired of hearing me yell "brrrrrrrrrr" everytime i walk outside. i know, if i had something warm on, then i wouldn't be saying brrr. i get it.

but i just wanted to announce to the world that the reason i don't wear jackets, or warm things (most of the time) is because I HATE SLEEVES. i hate having things on my arms. unless they are really baggy and loose... i don't like feeling like i don't have freedom.... like i can't move. i don't like the feeling of having things restricting me... or confining me. (i'm sure somewhere a psychologist is having a field day with this analogy).

but it's totally true. it's the same reason why i can't ever wear socks to bed (ew) or pants in bed. i hate the feeling of everything getting all tangled up and wrapped around my legs. i end up feeling like my legs are choking. i sleep in a tank top and boxer shorts. anything else will drive me crazy. hell, i can barely stand to have sheets on the bed. cause they are always super tight at the end of the bed where they are tucked in- and i hate that feeling of being restricted and not being able to move my feet around freely.

omg, can you tell i have restriction issues?! ha! so, what weird issue do you have? you know you have SOMETHING that's crazy like me. right?

nopobloyourmom- not a fan.

i hate the whole post everyday for the month of november crap. i hated it when it started, and here.. however many years later, i still fucking hate it.

look people. what is the point? why are you posting every single day if you normally would not post every single day?!? just to say something that is utterly pointless, for the SAKE OF SAYING SOMETHING THAT IS UTTERLY POINTLESS?!?! it's annoying. truly.

i wish you all would stop. :)

and while you're at it, please for the love of my sanity make your reads full in your feed reader. i like to be able to read your whole post in bloglines- otherwise i don't have the time to click into each blog individually.

help me out here, eh?

yeah, i'm done bitching for today.

dear blogger

thank you so much for LOCKING MY BLOG and telling me that MY BLOG IS SPAM!! thank you for also telling me that i do request a review for unlocking my blog IT WILL BE DELETED!!! there's nothing more you could do to potentially freak me the fuck out then by saying you're going to delete my entire blog. don't make me come over there and fuck a bitch up. cause i will.

you suck! and i don't mean in the good way that gets guys all excited to come home at night. i mean in the foulest of ways of all things suckiness. you hold the gold medal. wear it proudly.

please tell me, oh wise spambots (who obviously can't tell spam from grade a meat) what the fuck in this blog led you to believe it was spam?!!??!! i mean, seriously. the fact that i'm writing this post right now and it has a huge red WARNING issue above it and one of those stupid fucking word verification things below it (that i can't even read the letters cause they don't spell words, they just spell stupid things. and i hate them. yes, even yours if you have one on your blog) just so i can SAVE this post. not publish it of course. cause well, then i'd be publishing more spam! and omg, did you even take 2 seconds to read this fucking blog?!?! of course you didn't. cause then you'd know that there is no way that posts about cotton candy cooters and how incestuous me and my friends are, are spam!!!! ugh.

have i told you how much you suck yet? oh yeah, the gold medal. still wearing it? good. ugh. never have i been more annoyed. well never more than i can remember right now, although i'm sure there have been plenty of things and times that were more annoying.... but for all purposes of this here blog- let's say i have never been more annoyed than i am right now! got it?!?!?!

if you're reading this post, the shit is unlocked. finally. blogger- suck it!

and then a bumper sticker offended me

normally i have no problems with bumper stickers on people's cars. well, i do think they are a little ridiculous and i have never understood why people insist on putting their political and religious beliefs all over the back of their car. i mean i get it that your car is a really personal part of you and who you are, and if you want to advertise to the world that you think hillary clinton is c word, then apparently, you're entitled to do it. i guess i just don't understand WHY you would want to show strangers your most personal thoughts and opinions? do you just want to be judged? can you put something on your car that is really controversial and then get offended or upset if someone flips you off, or yells at you while you're driving? cause in my opinion, if you do that, then you kind of deserve it. you can't put something on your car to invoke responses from people and then get mad when they do respond.

per usual, i'm straying.

this morning there was a truck in front of me and he had about 20 bumper stickers plastered all over the back of his car. i couldn't help but read them when i stopped because they were eye level with me and pretty much IN.MY.FACE. so i'm looking at all of them, and then i get to the very last one on the bottom of his truck:

send all liberals to afghanistan

and immediately, right after reading it, i was offended.

not just as a person who considers herself mildly liberal (because i am NOT fanatical liberal, or crazy liberal, or over the top liberal, etc) but as a human. as a person. as a woman. as a mom. as a wife. as a friend. a sister. a daughter. does the guy driving that truck really think that? would he really want that? would he truly support doing something like that???? because i can't imagine someone who didn't believe it, would drive around with it on his car. and so it set me off on a tangent (of course) about how truly mean and cruel that is. and how scary that way of thinking is. and do people really think like that? and just how sad. and how mean. and is the guy driving a father? does he have kids? what if they grow up to be liberals? would he then change his mind and take off his sticker? i mean, WHO PUTS SOMETHING LIKE THAT ON THEIR CAR?????

*sighs*

i guess to me, the equivalent would be something like send all pro-lifers to iraq. now wouldn't that offend all the pro-lifers out there? doesn't that offend you (if you happen to be pro-life) just to read it?? wouldn't you wonder what kind of person i was when you drove past me on the freeway, or am i just blowing this out of porportion cause i'm pms'ing? lol

iydtwydiphy pt 2

continued. i'm a girl of my word.

1. the gas pedal is the large one on the far right. step on it. it is your friend. so, for the love of my sanity, if there is no plausible reason for you to be driving 10 miles under the speed limit, DON'T.DO.IT.
2. isn't the law now that if you're going to talk on your cell phone, you must have an earpiece? i realize they did this, because one cannot talk and drive at the same time. the moment your car goes from 75 to 50, i know you're on the phone, and i want to run you off the road. invest in a $10 headset, dumbass. and oh yeah, get outta my way.

i guess i only had 2 more. cause they all revolve around the fact that i need you people to step on the gas pedal. i loathe being stuck behind slow people who are going slow for no good reason (unless you're older, then i truly forgive you for just about everything.. ask boyfriend)...

if you do this when you're driving, i probably hate you

this morning while i was driving to the airport, the following jackasses drove in front of me:

1. some chick READING A MAGAZINE and attempting to drive at the same time.  lady, you cannot do both.  do you understand this??  you cannot READ A MAGAZINE and operate a car, asshole.
   
2. some jerk smoking with his windows down, blowing the smoke out the windows and right into my car.  sorry smokers, but i loathe the smell of cig smoke.  then he tossed it out the window as if the freeway was his personal garbage can.  jackass.
3. some punk who literally cut me off and then SLAMMED on his brakes.  if you're going to force your way in front of my car (whose name is sam by the way), you better step on the gas, not the brake.  asswipe.

to be continued....  no really.

i don't mean to be a downer

but divorce is truly an ugly thing. it brings out the worst in people. the mean parts. the nasty, bitter, greedy, evil parts. parts that otherwise people hide. or don't show. i'd like to say it brings out sides that don't normally exist- but can you truly show a side of yourself that isn't there otherwise? i don't think so. it's always in there somewhere... you don't just suddenly turn into someone you're not. i think we all have the ability to be many things- "it's the choices we make when we think no one's watching that truly define our character."

the fact that both my sister's and my mother's divorces have gone on for the past 3 years is nothing short of ridiculous. the fact the my father had my mother served with legal papers over the thanksgiving holiday, is nothing short of fucked up. i will never believe that the timing of that wasn't intentional. the fact that my ex brother in law served my sister with the most ridiculous legal papers ever last night, asking for an insane amount of money that she could never ever possibly have (when he has plenty of fucking money) is nothing short of greedy, malicious, and pathetic. how he even sleeps at night is beyond me.

the lengths to which people who once loved eachother go to hurt eachother- truly disgusts me. i can't stand seeing people i care about in so much pain. people who have had to deal with this bullshit on and off for the last 3 years, and we wonder why they're so beat down emotionally. can you imagine having to go through all of this turmoil for the length of 3 years? and knowing that it's only continuing and NOT getting better or going away? where the fuck is the light at the end of the tunnel for them? i feel bad that they have to go through this. i feel bad at how ugly it all is. and i just wish it was easier and simpler and whole lot less nasty. but i think people just truly lose sight of things when money is involved. and people turn into greedy fuckfaces who don't see the reality of situations. nevermind the kids, or what is best for them- let's just make sure we can financially fuck their mother so hard, she'll never see straight again. cause that's what really matters right?
revenge.
making her pay.
and then turning it all around so that you feel okay with your actions. vindicated. so your kids don't have a house to live in... as long as you feel justified, it's not really your problem right? cause it's all about you. and as long as your poor wittle feewings are intact, no one else matters. not even your kids- no matter how many times you try to say they matter- actions will ALWAYS speak louder than words.

and right now.. your actions tell me that you are spineless, poor excuse for a man. and the fact that my nephew has you as a role model makes me want to vomit. i can only hope he grows up to be nothing like you.

why ticket brokers should die.

i truly don't understand the ticket world. first of all, how the hell did ticketmaster get the monopoly on selling ALL THINGS tickets? from concerts and sports, to plays and musicals. if you want to buy a ticket to anything, it's through ticketmaster. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN? and why do they have no competition?!?!?! someone open a fucking competitor stat! seriously. i mean, ticketmaster can have a $10 dollar service charge, then a $4 dollar printing charge, $2 dollar to scratch my ass charge, etc and so forth and you have no choice because NO ONE ELSE SELLS TICKETS!!!!!! it's weird. and kinda fucked up.

another thing. why the fuck is scalping tickets illegal, but ticket brokers are perfectly legal?!?!? why are there no regulations on ticket brokers? how come it's legal for them to mark up a ticket price by 1000 % and get away with it?? i don't understand it. and why do musicians allow it? i mean, it's not news to anyone that hannah montana concert tickets were virtually bought out by the ticket brokers (which they do for EVERY popular concert and sporting event) and then they mark up the tickets by HUNDREDS, if not THOUSANDS of dollars and attemp to sell them. how come they can do this? is there no way to regulate and put a stop to this? no way to monitor brokers and give them a percentage they can mark up, but cannot go past that?! i just think it's beyond messed up that they do this. it's so greedy and so money motivated, it makes me sick. i feel like hannah montana's camp has to know that her tickets were selling for over 1000 a ticket in most areas. why isn't there outrage? why don't musicians band together to put a stop to ticket brokers? i mean, doesn't it offend them. i'm sure they don't see any of that profit. and i'm sure they wouldn't want their fans to pay 1000 to see them in concert, or they would have made the tickets that much to begin with. know what i mean?

i'm just pissed off. and i want to do something about it. i want to put a stop to brokers and the insane way they do business. it can't be legal, and if it isn't... how come they get away with it? and does anyone have a good way to actually cut down on this type of stuff? i guess with the internet, it makes it way too easy for anyone to get tickets to things. like why doesn't ticketmaster try to fight this kind of thing? i'm sure it's because they don't really care. BUT WHY DOESN'T ANYONE CARE?!?!? why isn't anyone else pissed off? this has to stop. but i don't know how. BUT I WANT TO KNOW HOW.

just another reason why the bay area is

just plain silly.


you go all summer with literally a handful of really nice, hot days. but for the most part, your days off are spent in just kind of warm weather that doesn't last and leaves the moment the sun goes down.

but the second those kids step back into the classroom for school to start, it heats up like a mother fucker. what kind of mean spirited crap is that?!?!

i think the bay area hates kids. and me of course.

a movie theatre DOES NOT EQUAL your living room

what the hell is wrong with people??!!!
(if you are one of these people, then i'm talking to you too.. so pay attention)

my girlfriend and i went and saw a movie tonight. it was a pretty full theatre, so we had couples on either side of us. during the whole entire movie both couples talked. the couple next to loree constantly discussed what was happening during the movie... what was being said.. why he was doing what he was doing, where it was coming from, WHAT COUNTRY MADRID WAS IN, etc. FOR.THE.WHOLE.MOVIE. the best part? we actually MOVED OVER in our seats to make room for them. i won't make that mistake again. can't sit together? too bad. have to sit in the front row? enjoy your neck cramp.

the couple next to me, they just talked the whole time. they talked along with the movie- giving the characters encouragement and stuff. you know the type- talking AT the screen as everything is happening. seriously people.. they can't hear you. even more seriously... i can. the woman next to me actually said at one point during the movie.. "you go girl!!" it took everything in me to not turn to her and start talking shit. especially since it wasn't even a part that really required a going of the girl. idiot.

listen up people- the movie theatre is NOT your living room. if you want to hoot and holler and ask your darling husband what the hell is going on the whole entire time- do it in the comfort of your home. it's freaking rude. and beyond annoying.

*end rant*

and she's still working out

some of you have been emailing me and asking me about my weight loss progression (non existant) and if i'm still working out.

yes, i'm still working out. i will tell you that i did this video workout that had my legs so freaking sore, i couldn't walk properly for 3 days. and the day after, i would literally fall onto the toilet when i had to pee. picture this- my legs were so sore that i couldn't hold myself up... so when i was going to sit down on the toilet (to pee because girls don't poo), i couldn't stop myself from falling. i fell everytime. like a big ole crashing ass onto the seat. and of course i had to literally use all my arm strength to pull myself off the damn thing. what the hell? i am beyond straying.

working out.. yes! losing weight... NO! but i must admit that i have not been eating healthy or nearly as fabulous as i should. and i am definitely an lose/gain weight person solely based on what i shove into my mouth.

so anyway, that's it!

first dance lesson tonight! WISH US LUCK! :)

new post.. you want a new post?

well i'd like to not be the fucking travel agent at work.

if there is one thing i hate doing.... it's booking travel. i hate booking flights for people. know why? because it always changes and i think i'm just way too organized and detail oriented to have such chaos. not to mention that fact that with every change, i'm essentially doing the same job over again- so in the end, i feel like i just did the same thing about 50 times. and that's frustrating. and have i mentioned how time consuming it all is? because for some reason, travel (and all that goes with it) just takes up the whole freaking day (and who has time for that? oh yeah, travel agents). one change is never simply one change. one change usually means a hotel change... which leads to a car change.. and don't forget about a meeting change... and potentially a meal reservation change.. and the color of the sky change.. and i want a puppy change..

booking travel is seriously the one thing i can't stand. and it's the one thing that i can't seem to get away from in any job.

travel- why doth you plagueth me so- eth?

can i shoot the birds?

one thing i've noticed about living up here (aside from the how badly the weather sucks) are the freaking birds.

apparently, northern california has about a bajillion and a half birds. and even more apparent is the fact that they all live outside my window. i hate them. they never shut up. i mean, WHAT KIND OF BIRD STARTS CHIRPING AT 4:30 IN THE MORNING IN THE POURING DOWN RAIN?!?!?!? the kind that lives outside my freaking window i guess. stupid birds.

it's not like they have a nice sound or anything. they have the most obnoxious, high pitched chirp- i seriously want to throw rocks at them. anything that will make them fly away and bother someone else.

birds suck.

the end.

welcome to environmental hell

moving up to marin county has been an experience. a lot of people up here are over the freaking top with their political beliefs, their environmental stance, and whatever else they can protest about. it's beyond annoying. i consider myself liberal, but when compared with these people... good god, don't compare me to these people. it's different up here. and not the good kind of different..

blake said something tonight during dinner, that kind of got me thinking. it was about his teacher and how he had told the class that something was "bad." they were having a conversation about pesticides and insects and birds and how their eggs were affected, etc. and why are they talking about this in 3rd grade? pesticides? and spraying fruit? i mean, how did this even come up???

it is a little bit scary because blake just happened to tell us this one particular conversation. what about all the other ones he doesn't tell us about? at open house recently, there was a sierra club poster in the classroom. i think it's a bit inappropriate because whether or not you want to admit it, the sierra club is a pretty political group. and while i think that some of the things they do are good, i could never support them based on the fact that they want offroading to be banned. they fight to close public land and roads so that people can't offroad on them. well that's something my family and i enjoy doing. we love to offroad. we always stay on the trail.. we leave it cleaner than we found it... and we get to see amazing places and things we wouldn't ever see otherwise. but the sierra club would have you believe that offroading is the worst thing ever for our environment (we might run over and crush a soon to be extinct rock). i hate the extremes and don't understand why there can't be more compromise on things? why people have to take such a firm, extreme stance, and not budge at all? why can't they just give all the information and state things as their opinion, rather than trying to pass them off as factual?

i guess it just makes me wonder what else blake is being told as an 8 year old, and not questioning? that's the worst part i guess. that he probably just listens, accepts and doesn't even think to question it. because what 8 year old mind is truly grasping these types of concepts? know what i mean?

working on my fitness

i just wanted to let y'all know that i am still working out! and i have gotten to the point where i actually WANT to do it!!!! yay!!!! i feel icky if i don't work out on one of my "must work out" days.

i still haven't lost weight or seen any other results, but i almost don't care. okay, that's totally a lie. but still..... i'm sticking with it. i feel good about it. and dammit, i swear now that it's spring (it is spring, right?) i'll start to lose weight. really. doesn't it make sense that if the weather is warmer, it will be easier to lose weight?? it makes sense in my mind.... which i guess doesn't account for much.

ps- i tried on my wedding dress this weekend with my shoes and it fits so freaking perfect, it's ridiculous! i love it! can't wait to wear it in real life, on the real day!!!!

progress report

i still hate working out.

but i still AM working out.

i still haven't lost a fucking pound, inch, etc.

can you hear me growling from where you are???