the house

our house.

our OLD house.

the house we no longer own.

it's no longer ours.

we no longer live there.

i honestly haven't allowed myself to sit and process the events of the past year in regards to the house. i think i might have a breakdown at some point.  because really....

it is all

so.
fucking.
sad.

we owned a home.  our first home.  i got fired.  we lost our home.  our first home.

and it has been an AWFUL experience.  a horribly, awful, experience.

i have a lot to say about the people who bought our house in the auction. 

the real estate agents who bought our house in the auction.

A LOT to say.

and now that we're officially out of our home, i will be saying them. 

but not right now. 

right now, my toe hurts.  my feet are pained.  my fingers cramped and fingertips bruised.

and i'm tired. 

but i'm REALLY, REALLY, REALLY happy.

our new rental is SUPER cute- very light, airy and pretty.  and everything i've decorated so far looks a bajillion times prettier here than it ever did in the house we owned. 

have i mentioned how truly kind and wonderful our landlords are? 

blessed.

auction vs short sale

does anyone know if your house can be BOTH approved for a short sale and also go into an auction???  because that's what happened to us-  and i've heard from numerous people that it's illegal. 

our house was approved for a short sale. our specialist put in for the auction postponment.  clearly, the auction person didn't get the memo.  the people who bought our house are real estate agents who KNEW we were in the middle of a short sale.

so i'm wondering if anyone has ever dealt with this before- can we fight it?  i'm super fucking pissed that we're going to have a foreclosure on our credit, as opposed to a short sale....

also, i want the people who INTENDED TO BUY OUR HOME to be the ones who actually get it and live in it! you know? 

this whole situation is so fucking up. 

house auction UPDATE

I tried to get in touch with my apparent "short sale specialist" yesterday and all morning this morning. He never answers the phone. I left him voice mails yesterday. I called his boss. 

No one answers.

So instead of just sitting around, I decided to go to the auction that my house was supposed to be in. I didn't know where it was. I thought it was at the courthouse, but I don't think this town has a courthouse. It was at the community center in a very specific part of the parking lot.

Weird.

There were only about 8 people there. Maybe. 

And me.

Some of them knew who I was because they've driven by my house before to stake it out. And my car was in the driveway.  And now my car was there.

One of the guys asked me if I was the owner.  He said, "I know you have an offer. I don't understand. Maybe it's postponed and you just don't know yet? But your house is the one I was sent to bid on."

Awesome.

The auction guy read the list of postponments.  Our house wasn't on it.

But it was the FIRST! HOUSE! UP! FOR! AUCTION!

So at least we win something, right?!

That's when things got real fun.  And by fun I really mean that I lost my shit and couldn't stop crying.

There was a bidding war going on over this here house. I think there were 4 of them going back and forth- raising their bids by $100 dollars at a time. Really?  Cut to the chase people. 

So by the time it all stopped, someone else owned my house. So I cried some more.  And then asked the auction guy if this was the end all of it all because we're trying to do a short sale and we have an offer that we've put in and I don't understand if this auction is "binding" or not?!?!?

He said he didn't know.

So I cried some more. And then everyone watched me with sad eyes.

At least they looked like they cared.

And now I'm sitting here, staring at the most gorgeous dog i've ever owned in my life, wondering what the fuck comes next?  I'm not joking when I tell you that i've been looking for places to rent for the last YEAR. 

I'm having a problem finding a place that will allow dogs.  Dog haters. 

I think I'm going to throw up now.

Just kidding.  But I am going to work out. Can you run on the treadmill and cry at the same time?  I'll let you know.

at 11am the house goes to AUCTION

i think i told y'all that i got a notice on the front door about the house going into auction, the day we had our HUGE open house? 

the auction date was set for may 3rd at 11:00am.

today is may 3rd.

it's almost 11:00am.

as of right now, they still haven't POSTPONED the auction.

even though we've accepted an offer on our house. we're doing a short sale.

IT ISN'T POSTPONED.

i've been dealing with this for the last 2 weeks. they said they couldn't make a postponment decision until monday, april 30th.  that was 3 days ago.  and a decision still hasn't been made.  and the house is still on the auction list.

wtf?!?!?!?!

do i go to the courthouse today and watch as someone bids on my house???  why haven't they freaking postponed it??

we accepted an offer

okay! so we accepted an offer for our house on Tuesday night. It is now Friday. Our auction date is on May 3rd. That's coming up rather quickly, wouldn't you say?

I'm starting to get a little freaked out. I have NO IDEA where we're going to go. I mean, i've been looking for a house to rent that will take our TWO! BIG! DOGGIES! but um... it's a little hard.

I know it will all work out, but omg, what if it doesn't?!?! what if we have to leave our house and we have nowhere to go- WHERE DO WE GO???

seriously.

where would we go?

that's a little scary.

this part really fucking sucks.

know what else sucks? that to do the short sale, we have to give them a shit load of paperwork... AGAIN. i'm SO TIRED of providing the SAME EXACT paperwork to the bank over and over and over again. it's freaking irritating.

2 months bank statements
2 months paycheck stubs
last 2 years tax returns
write a harship letter

argh mc argh-er-son.

i really hope they accept the short sale and delay the foreclosure and the auction date. plus, i'd really like the family whose offer we accepted to be able to get the home. you know?

okay.. carry on with your friday. :)

It's short sale time!

Okay- i know there are quite a few of you who have been following along on my house journey. and i know i tend to keep y'all hanging for months on end, but it's just that nothing is going on during that time. except for me stressing about WHEN bad things are going to start happening and the waiting. good lord, the W-A-I-T-I-N-G.

that's the worst part.

we officially put our house on the market this past friday. on saturday morning, i awoke to a notice of TRUSTEE SALE on my door. which means, the house has an auction date. the date is set for may 3rd, which is exactly 1 year since we stopped paying our mortgage.

our realtor says she should be able to stop the auction date because we have offers on our house. we'll accept one of the offers and then send it off to the bank.

i think pushing the auction date is easier than stopping the actual foreclosure process. i guess we'll see.

things i did in regards to putting the house up for short sale:
-did not allow a lock box on the house since we still live here and we have dogs. i never thought about it when i walked through other people's homes to see if we wanted to buy it. but it's sort of invasive to have people in your things. looking at your bed, your photos, your stuff. i don't like it. so i insisted on being here when/if people were coming by. and that has been another adventure all on its own!
-did not allow a huge "for sale" sign in our yard. that shit is embarrassing and i don't want to have to answer all the neighbors questions. i feel like we just moved here for pete's sake!

there have been HUGE amounts of traffic in our house. it's listed for $175,000 LESS than we bought it for. and when we bought it, we thought we got a great deal. *suckers* on friday i had 21 appointments to view the house. on saturday i had about half of that. my phone won't stop ringing today and i'm so over this i can't even tell you.

so that's where we're at. short sale. we choose/accept an offer tomorrow to send over to the bank. and then i'll let you know how that goes- what happens, etc.

any questions? feel free to ask them in the comments and i'll do my best to answer anything i can. i think comments are the best cause you might have a question that someone else wants to know too. :)

talked to the bank yesterday

I'm not sure if i ever told you guys that we finally got a notice of default. i guess it was about a month ago. so we're officially in the foreclosure process and there will be an auction date set on our house within the next few months.

at least that's what they say.

yesterday i finally was able to contact someone at the actual bank! during this time, it's always been someone NOT with the bank, but some sort of collector just seeing if you're going to pay-

the lady at bank of america was a first class bitch. shocking, i know. she was so fucking condesending that i wanted to reach through the phone and kick her in the neck!!! she's so lucky we don't have the ability to do that sort of thing....yet.

"well when will you be on your feet enough to start paying your mortgage?"
me- "well i can't really answer that since i've been unemployed the last 2 years. i've tried to get a job this whole time..."

"oh, you haven't had a job for 2 years? WOW... well are you doing ANYTHING to bring in income to your family?"
me- "what do you mean? in what regard?"

"well are you willing to do anything to bring in money? maybe you should rent out a room?"
me- "i have a child in the house and i'd really rather not rent out a room to a stranger, but thanks."

"okay, so you really don't have anything you're willing to do. and you can't afford your property anymore. my advice to you, and i'll be noting this in your file, is that i'm recommending you take any money you've saved and go find a place that you and your family can afford to live in."

wow, thanks for that brilliant gem.

this was all after she said there was nothing they could do for us. we don't qualify for any kind of modification- not in house, out of house, govt, etc.

so after getting that final answer yesterday- it sort of all hit me. and i got a little sad. it sucks to know that we're losing this stupid ugly house... if only for all the time, effort and money we've put into it. money, that realistically, we didn't have. but we wanted to make our house nicer- prettier- feel like home- and it sucks that i kind of look at all of that as a complete fucking waste of my precious time, money and effort.

it's all been for what?

i was also sad because i think that i carry the stress of this whole house situation on my shoulders. or it lives in my head daily. i cringe everytime the mailman comes near the house. i'm petrified that he's going to ask me to sign for something that says we have 30 days to vacate the property. i feel like i just sit here waiting for it all to drop around me.

and i know i could end all of that by just packing up and leaving first- before any of that happens- but the flip side is- WE'RE SAVING MONEY! and the allure of trying to save as much as we can, outweighs everything else right now. i'm obsessed with trying to just build as much of a nest egg as i can while we're in this situation. i'm terrified that we'll need all the money once we leave this place. and i want to have it.

so do we sit here and wait until we're told to leave, or do we start packing and leave on our own accord- and put this part of our lives to rest and start the next part? i will admit that living this way feels stagnant- like i'm not moving forward- like i'm on pause- stuck-

anyway, that's where we're currently at. i imagine it's only a matter of time before we're packing up and trying to find a place to live with out 2 big dogs. *crosses fingers*
until then, the psycho in me wants to get boxes and start packing up everything we don't use, need, etc. i want to make this as painless as possible for when we do have to go- i want everything except our clothes and kitchen shit to be packed and ready. you know?

i know i'll thank myself later for it.

remember our house situation?

you guys, i'm so sorry that i haven't talked about our house, or the situation at all lately. i seriously forgot that a lot of people have been finding my blog when they search about losing their home, short sale, foreclosing, how bank of america sucks hairy balls, etc. and i forget that y'all want to know just WHAT THE HELL is going on.

we DID stop paying, like i mentioned in this post here. (all the posts about our house, and deciding what to do, etc are here)

so we stopped paying. it's been, what, 5 months i think? yeah, i think that's right. we are still paying our home owners insurance (someone asked about that), but property taxes are another story.

ideally, we'd still like to work with the bank. we don't have a lot of faith that that will happen, but we don't really know for sure.

we have looked into a short sale. we will definitely pursue that option if we have to, but right now, we're waiting. there are a lot of things to think about- if you sell your house for less money than you owe, can the banks come after you for the difference? or are you liable for the difference on your taxes (filing the difference as income). there are all scary questions that you have to find out. each state is different.

and really, i don't know how all you people who have put your homes on the market do it! it freaks me out to think about strangers traipsing around in here when we aren't home. what do you do with your things? it just feels so violating. eeeek.

anyway, it's still stressful. i wait everyday for that letter to come giving us a time limit to get the hell out of the house. when it comes, i'll make sure to post about it.

right now- we're just waiting. unsure of what is coming, or when exactly. i wish i had more to tell you. i mean other than the almost daily phone calls (that AREN'T even from the bank mind you, but a collection agency who has no power to make any deals because they AREN'T the bank), there isn't much going on. which is both a blessing and a curse. i try not to think about it.

the state of MY unemployment

oh yeah, i'm unemployed.

remember?

i bet you forgot, cause i don't really talk about it that much.

if you haven't lost your job within the last 2 years, then you can't possibly understand just how bad it truly is out there. unless your significant other has lost their job... or someone who affects your finances.

when i got fired, i thought i would literally go 2 months (maybe) without having a job. i never thought in my wildest dreams that i would be one of those 99 weekers. but here i am. closing in on that 99 week gap far quicker than i'd care to admit.

see, i work(ed) in the entertainment industry in some form or another for what feels like my entire pretend grown up life. and so now that i'm living up in the wrong part of the state for that- well, my entertainment options are limited. not limitLESS (cause that would be rad) but clearly, without fail, reminded almost daily that my job options are... limitED.

if you haven't lost your job lately, then you don't know what it feels like to apply for (literally) hundreds jobs you have no interest in really doing. or to send your resume to hundreds of places you think won't make you want to kill yourself at the end of the day.

see, if i learned anything from my last work experience, i learned that life is too short. that we all spend way too much time at the office. our whole lives revolve around work, being at work, doing work for (usually) OTHER people, and then we constantly stress about fitting our family and the rest of lives into our work schedule. if we're going to be spending THAT much time doing something, we should really LOVE what it is that we're doing.

so the state of MY unemployment, is my daily search for jobs that don't scream "I SUCK" in my face. not to mention the fact that i have sent what feels like a million resumes for jobs in LA, doing all sorts of things back in the entertainment industry. have i failed to mention that most of the jobs i apply for, i'm recommended for? have i also failed to mention that i don't even get so much as a phone call for any of these jobs?

it's an AWFUL job market right now. and i say this because if you're working, you don't have any idea what it's like. you truly don't. you can hear people say it, but if you're anything like me, i'm sure you think it doesn't apply to you. and there is also no way you can relate while you're continuing to get a steady paycheck and pay all your bills on time.

if you know me at all, you know how fucking utterly ridiculous it is that i haven't found a job in a year and a half. but i can't tell you enough, how NOT easy it is. how when someone does actually call me back, it's usually to tell me that they love my resume, but unfortunately:

i'm way overqualified
or i'll be bored
or why would i want to work in that industry, when my background is clearly all entertainment based?
or you'd be great, but we can't pay you enough (and by enough, i want to be clear that i will not work for $10 or $12 dollars an hour, fuck you very much)

but you know, that's even IF i get a call or an email response. 98% of the time, i feel like i fall into some black abyss of resume hell, even though i feel like i should rise to the top with all the flying puppies and rainbow makers.

the state of MY unemployment means we're losing our house that we bought less than 3 years ago. because i lost my job, we can no longer pay our mortgage. you all know the hell we've gone through with bank of america, and how we waited an entire year to get an answer (OF NO) for a home loan modification. you all know we've stopped paying our mortgage and we are trying to short sale our house, instead of foreclose.

i interview for temp jobs i don't get. HOW DOES SOMEONE NOT GET A FUCKING TEMP JOB?!?!

the other day i ran into the guy who owns the local ice cream shop in town. he told me that he has grown men, who have all sorts of degrees, asking him for a job. asking if he can pay them to scoop ice cream. men with degrees, willing to scoop ice cream for a paycheck.

if that doesn't say it all about what the hell is going on out there, i don't know what does.

so yeah, i'm still unemployed. and that unemoployment check is going to stop coming real soon.

then what?

choosing to accept

it's really neat to me when i think about something and then i find myself pointed to words, or thoughts that really resonate with mine.

i am loving all the things i'm reading lately. everything talks about letting go. about releasing all of the things in our lives that are holding us back. that within the last 2 years, more people than we can count have been through life changing events. divorce, death, loss of job, loss of house, relocation, etc.

all of these things that we could see as "bad" if we chose too.

i definitely don't choose to see the hardships in my life that way. i don't think losing my job was bad. i knew at the time that getting fired was what needed to happen to get me out of there. that no matter how abused i felt, i was never going to leave on my own (without another job to go to). so until i either found a new job, or got fired- i wasn't leaving.. even though i KNEW i needed to get the fuck out of there. i was (and AM) thankful for being released from that prison.

and this house... everything that is going on with it. in my opinion, it's just the next step... the next thing that needs to be released.. i don't see potentially losing this house as something bad happening to me either. it's stressful. it sucks. but it's ok.

i think that things happen for a reason. i think that when we're not supposed to be somewhere anymore, forces out of our control help get us moving- in whatever way possible. usually, dramatically.

i read this the other day and it spoke to me. it made me rethink everything. it brought my peace of mind. and maybe you'll like it too. :)


"Accept that you are being worked over into something utterly new that has never existed before. If there is a push for you to release something, release it. Fighting it, only slows it down and causes suffering."

"...Drop all "ideas" as to what you should do, who you should be, what work you should seek, what future you should have. The objective is to simply let go of all ideas, all aspirations, all desires. Let go of all impulses to control your life. Have courage to do what you've never done before."

"When we have nothing, there is nothing to hold us back."

my (current) house- by the numbers

just to further depress myself.. or make myself feel even shittier than i already do- i wanted to write down just what we'll be losing when we lose our house... in dollar signs.

can someone point out to me the clear space and time when the american dream of home ownership turned to anything but? i honestly think that i can remember when it happened. when everything changed and got totally screwed up. it truly wasn't that long ago.

*deep breath* here goes:

i took $15,000 out of my retirement fund to put down on the house.
"a sure thing" everyone said. "a home is a sound investment, the best investment you can make!" i love that bank people and realtors make you unrealistic promises and guarantees. "in 5 years, you'll MAKE money on this house! it will be worth more than you paid for it and you'll both be making more money in your jobs." quite the crystal ball you guys had. hope you aren't continuing to say those things to people.

dear bitterness and hurting heart- stop distracting me.

okay..

$25,000 down on the house (15k of that from my retirement)

$15,000 worth of structural work UNDERNEATH the home. the cement posts were rotted and buried in water. they all to be replaced before we even moved in. we were initially told this would cost $5000 and that the bank would cover it.

$2000 for new carpet in the bedrooms only$$ for ceiling fans in 4 bedrooms (none of the rooms had any lights built in, so i figured this was the easiest and best way to have light and air in each room)

$$ for endless amounts of paint. i repainted the entire house (after taking down walls upon walls of 30 year old wallpaper)
boyfriend repainted the ceiling throughout the house (but not before he scrapped off the popcorn from every inch).
i also repainted all of the bedroom, closet & bathroom doors, as well as the cabinets in the hallway & bathroom.

$$ for appliances- fridge, exhaust fan, washer & dryer

$$ for furniture- couch, dining room table & chairs, shelving units, stands, etc

$$ for new hardware- all door handles & hinges and kitchen cabinet handles

$$ for sod, pipes & machine equipment rentals- tore up the decaying and rotting hot tub & deck in the back yard and planted grass throughout. also did french drains so the area would drain properly and not flood like it was.
also tore up the front yard and planted grass

$1500 for front entrance- stone & rock walkway

$$ replaced front door, garage entrance to house door & new locks for each

$$ blinds & window coverings on 30 year old windows we couldn't afford to replace just yet (thank the freaking goddess).. in our vain attempt to keep the heat/cool air in/out of the house


and the absolute MOST IMPORTANT factor of all:
$$$$$$$$$ all of our time. doing everything ourselves. weekend after weekend of work, work, work on the house. updating, fixing, making it look decent. hours upon hours that we can never get back.


it sucks to think that we're going to lose this house (or short sale, but either way- it will no longer be ours) and in essence, we will be losing everything we've put into it. all of our time. all of our hard work. all of our efforts. and a shitload of money.

just kissing it all goodbye.


thanks for nothing.


all of that and we'll walk away with nothing to show for it, except a completely fucked up credit score.

it just doesn't seem right.

we're going to stop paying our mortgage

i feel awful. the other week, i was sick to my stomach just THINKING about foreclosing.

on one hand, i need to be free of this house that weighs me down. it's like a fucking anchor in the sea of life, and if i do not cut free from it, it will literally pull me under the waves and laugh as i drown.

this house is killing me.

i can sit here and tell you that i never should have done it. never should have bought it, but none of that matters. doesn't matter what i should have done, or could have done... the point is, i did buy the house. and now i need to unbuy it. that would be cool- an unbuy option. money back guarantee. someone invent that. tomorrow.

anyway.. when i think about being free from this burden (and trust me when i tell you that my shoulders carry the weight of this burden and they are only so strong), it feels good. i am certain that at some point, i will feel immense relief from being out from under this. at some point.

because when i think about NOT paying my mortgage anymore... you know, willingly and knowingly NOT paying my mortgage anymore...well, that makes me want to throw up. it makes me feel horrible. like everything inside me gets twisted up like a fork twisting spaghetti.

i think it's because that's not the kind of person i am. i don't just NOT pay for things. i don't skip on my credit card bills, or car payments, or any payments. i pay for my shit. and i pay it on time. hence the shining gold star credit rating i currently have.. and will soon lose. because i am choosing to save myself, instead of drown.

i think i just want it out there that this decision, no matter how right it is for me, and how much sense it makes financially... has been one of the toughest decisions i've ever had to make. and even though i know that getting out from under this house will be the best thing for our family, the actual process of DOING that (instead of just thinking about it) is so unbelievably hard.

it is one thing to talk about what we should do. it is another to actually start doing it.

you all know that we've tried to work with the bank. apparently having a mortgage that is 61% of our current gross monthly income is perfectly acceptable and not worthy of a loan modification. last week i read more things than i can even understand about short sales, home loan mods, what crooks the banks are, foreclosure, credit scores, etc. it all boils down to the simple fact that the banks make more money foreclosing on your home, than they do working with you to modify your loan, or accomodating a short sale. i know that doesn't seem like it makes any sense, but it's the truth. THE BANKS MAKE MORE MONEY IF THEY FORECLOSE ON YOUR HOME. hence, they don't give a shit if that's exactly what happens to you.

so we've decided that come next month, we will no longer be making our mortgage payments. the thing is, we're making them now- but it's at the cost of our property taxes and home owners insurance. if we were get either of those bills in the next month or so, we'd have NO money to pay them. i'd like to think that once we stop paying, the bank will work with us, but i've read far too many horror stories online to know that it's more than likely, not the case. they make more money if we foreclose, remember?

i don't know what's going to happen, but i'm sure it won't be pretty. this totally sucks.

when did i become a passenger in my own life?

sometimes i sit and wonder how the hell my life has gotten to the point it's currently at.

but mostly, i wonder why the fuck i can't get out of it? why can't i seem to change any part of it?

i feel like i'm up against this brick wall- fighting, scratching, clawing, punching.. doing anything i can to break through it. and on the other side are these ridiculously muscular animated thugs- who keep piling on more and more cement so that the wall can NEVER come down. but see, i have no idea they're there.. piling on more cement. but they know i'm trying to get through. and everytime they hear me fighting, they laugh.

at me.

because in their minds, my fight is pathetic. my strength is weak. they know that unless THEY allow me get through the wall, it's never going to happen. i fight, kick, scream, do everything i can to move one of the bricks... even if it's just in the slightest. but they're always there- making sure that exact thing doesn't happen.

and so i sit here... wondering... how did i get to a place where i'm currently unemployed, can barely get any interviews, will probably foreclose on my first house soon, living up in northern california with no end in sight, feeling completely unsuccessful when i should be anything BUT.. ???? not really how did all of this happen, but moreso why won't any of it end?

when did i become the passenger in the car driving my life?

it's as though i'm in a "view only" seat. i can no longer make the decisions. i can no longer decide where we're turning or what direction we're heading...

it's literally as though what i want and what i strive for no longer has any relevance. none of it matters. because i'm no longer making my reality... well... real.

and i wonder if this is some sick sort of lesson i'm supposed to be learning about letting go.. giving up control.. trusting that things will work out when and how they're supposed too... but really? how can you ask someone to give up complete and total control in their own life? because that's how i feel.

powerless.

it's been over a year of me fighting for change. fighting to make a difference in my own life. reaching for the things i truly want, only to have them kept out of reach. putting myself out there time and time again, only to have it all thrown back in my face. or completely ignored. not sure which is worse.

the bottom line is- if i'm not driving the car of my life... who the hell is? and how can i kick them the fuck out and get back in the driver's seat?


edited to add... just want to make sure y'all know that i'm not depressed, i'm not sad, i'm not in a bad way- i'm just simply trying to point out how it feels to be me right now. just matter of factly. i simply feel like i have no say what goes on in my life right now. like no matter what i try to accomplish or achieve, it's 100% out of my control, and not working for me. the end. :)

what happens when we foreclose?

we finally heard from bank of america yesterday in regards to our year long battle to get accepted into the trial home modification program (due to me losing my job, hence the primary income at the time.

they said NO. even though our mortgage is currently 61% of our monthly gross income.

they also encouraged us to continue paying our mortgage on time and if we think that we might have problems doing that in the future, we should call a specific number.

go fuck yourselves b of a. no, seriously. GO.FUCK.YOURSELVES.

the whole point with TRYING to get our loan modified, was so that we wouldn't have to stop paying. was so that you would help us. even though you have it noted, that defaulting on our loan is immanent.

i don't know how you sleep at night, people who run and are in charge of this program, and at this point, i honestly don't give a shit. i'm passed caring and trying to make this work. i'm passed being beyond stressed out because we have to make this ridiculous house payment.

no more.

so now my question is... when i stop paying on the house and let it get foreclosed on.... what REALLY happens to my credit?

i want to know what the reality is if i let this happen? how will i be impacted? how screwed up will i be, if i default on my home loan, but stay current with everything else?

how long will things be screwed up, or is there some sort of understanding in regards to people whose credit is messed up solely due to losing their home? you know, since it's happened to so many people in the past few years?

i really want/need to know.. so if you know anyone who got foreclosed on, or if you walked away from your house- can you please tell me how it impacted your credit, your ability to get new things, your life?

and thanks. :)

hopefully this is my last post

about bank of freaking america.

are you sick of reading about the loan modification program that i've been talking about for the last YEAR? i am sick as fuck from writing about it.

let's recap, shall we?

got fired at the very end of march last year.
filed immediate paperwork for home loan modification.. so let's say, april.
was told a decision would be made by 90 days. (i remember thinking 90 days was crazy long and holy shit, i'll have a new job by then so it won't matter.. this sucks)
loss of paperwork
refill out paperwork
resend to someone, who will only give us a fax number, but no phone number to contact them
208342094 phone calls to 2139812093 different people who all say different things.
lose paperwork again
say we aren't qualified.. let them know if our situation changes
followed by an immediate additional letter saying our situation is in the final stages. we should hear in 30 days.
i think that was about .. i dunno, 75 or so days ago


to this:
checked my bank account the other day. and instead of the normal mortgage amount, there was almost EIGHT HUNDRED ADDITIONAL DOLLARS TAKEN OUT!!!!!

EIGHT.HUNDRED.DOLLARS.

listen up fuckheads, i need HELP with my mortgage. i don't need you to go into my bank account, WITHOUT ANY WARNING, and take out an additional 800 dollars from my account.

and that's the part that really gets me. that i've been in this program, trying to get help with the loan for almost an ENTIRE YEAR. and just now they start taking out extra money. without saying a thing? what if that money wasn't there? then what? and that money WAS there, because it goes towards NEXT MONTHS MORTGAGE, assholes. i just don't get why they have the right to take extra money without saying a word?!?!?

and when i called, you know what they told me?

it's some sort of escrow fund (to cover taxes, which are completely up to date, and homeowners insurance, which is already paid through the entire year)... and if i want that money to STOP being taken out EACH MONTH FROM NOW ON, then i have to OPT OUT of the modification program.

for which, we have NOT YET BEEN APPROVED FOR, mind you.

and have i mentioned that the amount they took out is far over what is needed to cover the taxes & insurance anyway????

what the fuck is up with this?!?! i mean, is this seriously how all banks are doing business now? do people know this shit is going on? does the government? do they care?!??!

so let me get this straight:
you ask for help
they string you along for as long as they can
they lie
"lose" paperwork constantly
don't give you anyone to talk to on a consistant basis
then take out money (that you don't have) IN ADDITION to your current mortgage, and expect you to not default on your loan?!?!?!?

bank of america, next month our mortgage will be short almost 800 dollars. i sure hope to shit you can figure the fuck out why.

and i'm sure this will be all our fault.

and you'll foreclose on us.

because you totally suck at this whole HELPING PEOPLE STAY IN THEIR HOMES thing.

just in case you forgot or something...

just wanted to mention that it has almost been ONE FULL YEAR since i have been unemployed. and that means that it has almost been ONE FULL YEAR since we have filled out numerous stacks of paperwork, dealt with a million phone calls, fifty thousand different answers, rejections, refiles, we've lost all your paperwork- send it all again, updated bank statements, yes i'm STILL unemployed (thanks for the reminder asshole), no contact numbers to reach anyone WHEN you have a question, we will get you an answer within 30 days- we've heard that one about 3 times now, TO TRY AND GET OUR MOTHER F'N HOME LOAN MODIFIED.

bank of america, you disappoint me on a daily basis. i don't know how long we're supposed to wait until you give us a fucking answer. i mean, is it really that difficult to see that we need financial help? i've been unemployed for a year now. um, this has CLEARLY affected our monthly income.

but no, it's cool that you don't give a shit. i'm sure it's because we keep paying our stupid mortgage. i'm sure you don't think we need help. if they needed help, then they would default on their loan.

i just don't understand how something like this could take a full TWELVE months to process. when they said that longest it would take was 90 days.

it is sincerely no wonder that we are all in such disarray..... such chaos when it comes to our homes and losing them. this business is ridiculous. and the most unhelpful that i have ever encountered before.

seriously- makes me never want to own a home again. don't see the point in all the stress.

the post where i tell sears to blow me

what is it with corporate america and their ability to make me want to tell them to go fuck themselves?!?!?!

right this very moment (okay, more like 20 minutes ago) i realized the fridge was broken. it was flashing an E F error code.. which of course, you have no idea what that means unless you look it up online. the manual doesn't say anything about any flashing error codes. no codes, no flashing, no nothing. stupid manual.

so i called sears. because that's where we got our kenmore elite fridge from. sears. i'm pretty sure that call i made was routed to.. i dunno, zimbabwe maybe... maybe it was kentucky? all i know is that there was some major breakdown in communication along the way.

them- "what phone number is associated with your account when you bought the fridge?"
me- "oh geez, i'm not sure.. try this number."
them- "no account is showing with that number."
me- "shoot, i'm sorry. okay, try this one."
them- "no account is showing with that number."
me- "crap. i dunno, how about this?"
them- "no account is showing with that number."
by this point i'm thinking that maybe i'm talking to a robot. so i give her 1 more phone number and pray to the fridge gods that it's the right one.
them- "yes, that works."
praise the freaking lord cause i was running out of numbers to choose from lady.
them- "can you give me the name associated with the account?"
me- "yes. it's jenn"
them- "thank you janet."

dies.

after i revived myself, she informed me that the soonest a technician would be in my area (cause clearly, they're flying in from zimbabwe.. or riding a horse from kentucky), would be on tuesday, the 25th. THE TWENTY MOTHER FUCKING FIFTH.

that is eleven days away. eleven days. you know what happens to food without a freezer or a fridge in 11 days?

yes, you in the back waving your hand violently?

does it go bad and spoil, miss janet?

someone give the girl a prize!!!

it spoils. it unfreezes. it melts. IT ROTS.

it's a total and complete loss. awesome.

so unless sears wants to send me a $300 gift card to a local grocery store to replace all of the food i will lose WAITING on my non bon bon eating ass (cause i don't eat warm ice cream bitches) for the next 11 days.... HOUSTON, WE HAVE A PROBLEM.

and listen, i realize that there are things going on in the world.. maybe going on in your world, that are far more serious than my fridge breaking. i'm not trying to say omg, people are dying, BUT MY FRIDGE IS MELTING MY ICE CREAM (at least you can afford ice cream, janet!!!!).
and it's not like my dishwasher broke and heaven forbid i have to hand wash dishes until it's fixed. or my stove broke and so i won't be able to cook anything on the stove.. which would stuck, but still.. totally liveable. this is the one thing in the home that houses your food and without it.. um... your food doesn't last... it doesn't keep. why the hell am i defending this?

the point of my frustration is that i'm sick and tired of not feeling cared about by anyone or anything (business speaking). you sold me a product. i did nothing to make it break. it's broken. it's not even 3 years old. and you want me to wait until all my food has spoiled to come and fix it. and on top of that, you'd probably charge me some ridiculous price to make it do what it's supposed to do in the first place. i'm sick of companies not caring. i'm sick of feeling like customer service is the last priority on the business grid anymore. it disgusts me. how does anyone stay in business when they treat people this way?

sears, if you ask people to wait 11 days before you can fix something like a refridgerator- you're kind of an asshole and you have an efficiency problem you should be looking into fixing. maybe you don't have enough technicians. hire some. all i know is that if you don't remedy this, i can guarantee that i'll never buy a single thing from your company again. not even if you were the last company on earth. i'd build it myself. with my robot lady from zimbabwekentucky and whoever the fuck janet is.

end of the year updates of suckiness (and why bank of america still sucks ass)

it's weird how not working completely zaps my brain and makes me feel as if i have nothing of worth to write about on my blog. i know, i know, cause my blog was SO worthy when i actually had a job. shut it.

at least i felt productive and inspired and like i had a freaking life. i did things like actually LEAVE THE HOUSE everyday when i had a job. and no, it wasn't to take or pick the kid(s) up from school.

my book is in the middle/end of some interesting rewrites per the suggestions of my brilliant friends who have read the first version. all of their feedback has been incredible, and i've totally agreed with them when they've said they needed more in certain parts. hence.... writing more. but i'm ready to sum it all up, stop the rewrites, read through it one last time, and start hounding the agents again.

this getting an agent thing is hard. but we all knew that already, didn't we?

timing is everything and i truly believe that in the case of the type of book that mine is... that saying couldn't be more true.

we think we got declined for our home loan remodification. but you know, they told us to let them know if our financial situation changes. LET THEM KNOW IF IT CHANGES? so pretty much.. LET THEM KNOW IF IT GETS WORSE. thanks for the fucking help, assholes. i love how that the main income provider of the household loses their job, and we barely bring home enough money to cover everything.... but we should let them know if our situation changes.


sweet.

i firmly believe these places do not want to help you. have i mentioned how many times they have "lost" our paperwork???? and how many times i had to send things over because our COMPLETE file, was suddenly "incomplete?" also, can i mention that i would only get fax #'s to reach people, and when i sent a fax asking them to please call me because i had questions, NO ONE would call. awesome. thanks for the help. thanks for caring. THANKS FOR TRYING TO HELP US MODIFY OUR HOME LOAN SO WE CAN CONTINUE PAYING OUR MORTGAGE TO YOU.

it makes me feel like they don't take you seriously until you stop paying. oh, you have money in your joint savings account? then you have money to pay your mortgage. oh, that money is for your $6000 property taxes that are due? and both of your cars are over 10 years old and on the verge of falling apart (but we don't have money saved for that)? over $1000 is for your homeowner's insurance? we don't care WHAT it's for, all we know is that you have money. so you can pay. you don't need our help. go fuck yourselves and good luck with the job search.


there is a small part of me that feels like me losing my job isn't their fault, or their responsibility. they aren't a fucking charity. i get it. but i just feel like with all that's gone on in the housing market these past couple of years, that they would WANT to help people stay in their homes. it makes me lose even more faith that humanity when it comes to giant corporations and business. they are greedy and don't care about people. they care about the money they make, the money they can continue to make, and worry about losing money.......... not the people involved in ANY aspect of those things.


it's disgusting and makes me sick. and also makes me thankful that i currently don't work for someone like that. because i'd rather be unemployed than work for a company who only cares about the bottom line.

maybe this is part of the reason why i'm still jobless. i need to work somewhere that does something better. that cares about people. that truly makes a difference and makes you feel good about what you do. and i certainly haven't found that yet. i guess we'll see.

now go read something that WILL make you feel good and warm your heart. jenny is rad. but the people who commented and read her blog are just as rad. cause this was an explosion of goodness and awesomeness by blogkind. :) holiday giving at its finest.

http://thebloggess.com/?p=9493

bank of america can suck it

one of the first things i did when i got laid off was contact the bank who has our home loans, and do the tons of paperwork required to try to get our loan modified, under the new program. granted, i still have NO idea what the program entails.

anyway... when i hadn't heard back, i called. they explained the process to me and that things take up to 3 months to get an answer. i remember thinking at the time, how ridiculous 3 months sounded. and that they probably just hope your situation changes within that time frame so you won't qualify for the program anymore.

i called 3 months ago and our paperwork was in the last phase. and i was informed that i should have an answer soon. but then i never heard. so i called again and the person on the phone told me that all our stuff was just sitting there.

just.sitting.there.

it had gone to the last place it needed to go for a decision, and then hadn't gone anywhere else. she was apologizing profusely, but i was livid. it's been 7 months since i filed that paperwork. 7 months without a job. 7 months since i first asked for help.

and the paperwork is just SITTING THERE???

this is why i hate banks. i'm so pissed off. they don't want to fucking help us. they don't give a shit about us. the same way they didn't give a shit about us when they were approving us for our home loan in the first place. i remember them telling us how much we were approved for and i almost spit. they were insane. no wonder people got into trouble. it was a good thing we didn't listen to them. there was NO WAY IN HELL we could have ever afforded what they said we could have. i blame them fully for the real estate crisis we're in now.

we NEED help. and they are doing nothing to help us. paperwork is sitting there. and we're just waiting to hear if we QUALIFY for some program. and if we do, it's only a temporary qualification or some shit. i don't even know what the home modification program entails? i'm sure they aren't doing charity work and just forgiving loans amounts. the truth is, it's probably not even really helpful at all in the long run.

the most jacked up part about all this bank shit, is that we don't even qualify for certain kinds of help because we keep paying our mortgage. we would only qualify once we stopped.

that is crazy to me.

this whole thing is crazy to me.

the cost of living...

my neighbor and i had a super long talk yesterday about how expensive it is to live in california. she came from another country and somehow found herself living in one of the most expensive counties in the nation. she isn't quite sure how that happened exactly, but she was wondering why she continued to put up with it. why she continued to CHOOSE to live here. so she started looking at "affordable" places to move too. the kind that were family friendly, with good schools and community...

and that got us both talking about how life is a choice.. and that we choose to live here. we choose to pay ridiculous housing costs that get us very little for our money. and in choosing to live this way, we put ourselves in situations where we HAVE to work. and i was trying to tell her that we pay for what we have- like we pay to live in california. and that is worth it. and then she asked me HOW it's worth it and i started laughing because i was like, "well it's not worth it as much up here, but in southern california, the way of life, the lifestyle.. it's definitely MORE worth it." but i also continued with the theme that maybe we make our life harder by living here. and maybe life doesn't have to be this much of a financial struggle all the time if we lived somewhere else?

and so i started wondering if those other "affordable" places to live in- well if it all balances out somehow. like if you make a third of what you would make here, so while it would still be crazy cheap housing costs (to us californians).. maybe it's not crazy cheap because you don't make enough money to pay for it and so you still feel like you HAVE to work all the time to pay for your house?!?

and so i don't really know and so i'm asking. for those of you who live in other states.. do you feel like the way of life is better and you don't have to work to live? or do you feel like there is a give and take? talk to me people.. tell me what you love and don't love about where you live.

our neighbor and i might be looking to relocate. ha