Happy 2 0 1 3 !!!

It's New Years Eve... like RIGHT! NOW!

And i'd be lying if I didn't tell you that new years was pretty much my most favorite holiday ever.  There's just something MAGICAL about new year's eve.

I don't know if it's all the promise of what's to come... or if it's the hope, the excitement, the unknown, or all the chances we seem to give ourselves at the start of a new year... but whatever it is, I FREAKING LOVE IT!

You already know that the beginning of 2012 saw a lot of struggle.. the loss of my home, still no job, and my books not really selling enough to make me feel "worthy."

BUT, the end of 2012 has pretty much rocked. I released The Perfect Game in October and since then it's hit the USA Today Best Seller's list, been a Barnes & Noble best seller, a Kobo Best Seller, along with being an Amazon Top 100 Best Selling Book for OVER 60 days (and it's only been out for like 70 something)!!!! That surpassed even my wildest hopes and dreams! I never expected to have the longevity I am having with this book.  :)

But I am so freaking thankful. 

AND HAPPY.

Sincerely.

2012 brought me an agent.

It brought me deals and offers...

It brought me audio versions of ALL THREE of my currently released books! I never expected that. In all honesty, I'd never even thought about it. So that was such a nice surprise. Thank you Audible.  :)

2012 has blown my mind.

YOU have blown my mind.

But as I sit here writing this blog post, I'm honestly hoping and praying that this is just the beginning. I find myself wishing with all my heart that the end of 2012 is just the beginning of what's to come for me in 2013.

I want to continue to grow my team, my business, my brand, my name- I want people behind me (or beside me) who want the best for me, my books and my readers... and who understand how the indie world works (or at least are willing to listen and try to figure it out). It's different coming onto the scene as a traditionally published author versus going from being a self pubbed one to a traditionally published one. I want all sorts of brilliant people around me who want to help me rise to the top. Positive, good, smart and ambitious people. Here's to hoping my team grows in just that way in 2013 because I want to continue being successful.  :)

Because honestly...being a successful author feels really fucking good. The fact that I am making a living from writing now... I cannot even put into words how absolutely mind blowing it feels. How I finally feel like I am doing the right thing- I'm on the right path- I'm following my heart and it's finally paying off. And I can stop beating myself up for being a non-income-bringing-in-loser-mcloser-face.  lol  You know what I mean. It doesn't feel good to contribute NOTHING to your household.

But now I am! And it's been so FULFILLING!

THANK YOU.

Because I've said it a million times before, but it bears being repeated... I can't do this without you. 

I could have never had the year I just did without every single one of you who gave my book a chance- who fell in love with the story I told- and who recommended it to other people.

Your word of mouth is my best friend. And I can never tell you "thank you" enough for it. Just please know that I never take you for granted.  And that I honestly do try my best to answer every email, tweet, facebook post, etc.  Because you mean the freaking world to me. You're not just "a reader"... I consider you a friend.

So kittens... Here's to a freaking amazingly MAGICAL 2013! 
For all of us! 
I hope you follow your heart and it leads you to true joy. Thank you for inspiring me with your words, your emails, your posts... and i'll do my best to keep turning out books that make you proud.

Remember when I released The Perfect Game I talked about getting a tattoo if it reached the Amazon Top 100?

Well I did it.

Just a little while ago. By a Giants fan, but let's not talk about that part. (hi tito's vodka, you are amazeballs)

This is what I hope I do for every.single.one.of.you.

Is it bad if I already want to add to the tattoo?  LOL

Happy New Year everyone! I love you! 
xoxoox

my wish for YOUR 2012

i love new years eve!! it is one of my most favorite days of the year! i associate it with new beginnings, the pursuit of dreams and realizations and goals fulfilled... and of course, my most favorite... MAGIC!

new years eve to me is magical. it's an evening filled with wonder. and hope. when our eyes and hearts seem more open than usual to the possibilities of what's to come... what will the upcoming year hold for us?

my wish for everyone in this 2-0-1-2 is...

that we are all blessed enough to follow our hearts. to feel as though we are doing what we are meant to.

that when we hear our soul's call, urging us to do that certain something that seems impossible, THAT WE AT LEAST TRY TO DO IT!

i hope that we all have the doors to our hearts open wide. and when those doors open, we feel things in ways we've never felt before. we see things through clearer eyes. we feel things through a fuller heart.

i hope that 2012 shifts our perspective. i hope we all start seeing our world differently. through heart shaped glasses instead of dollar signs. i hope we see riches defined less with the amount of money in our pockets, and more with the amount of love we are giving and receiving. sure, love doesn't pay the bills at night- but money doesn't warm your soul.

i hope that we are all blessed enough to realize what it was that we were put on this earth, in this lifetime, to do- and that just the realization alone brings us more internal peace than we've ever known before.

i'm really not sure that i can say it better than Oprah did on her finale. it held as much meaning for me then, as it does now. i hope when you read this, you find yourself shaking your head YES in agreement. i hope it speaks to you, the way it spoke to me.

"What I knew for sure from this experience with you is that we are all called.

Everybody has a calling, and your real job in life is to figure out what that is and get about the business of doing it.

Every time we have seen a person on this stage who is a success in their life, they spoke of the job, and they spoke of the juice that they receive from doing what they knew they were meant to be doing. We saw it in the volunteers who rocked abandoned babies in Atlanta. We saw it with those lovely pie ladies from Cape Cod making those delicious potpies. ... We saw it every time Tina Turner, Celine, Bocelli or Lady Gaga lit up the stage with their passion.

Because that is what a calling is.

It lights you up and it lets you know that you are exactly where you're supposed to be, doing exactly what you're supposed to be doing.

And that is what I want for all of you and hope that you will take from this show.

To live from the heart of yourself.

You have to make a living; I understand that.

But you also have to know what sparks the light in you so that you, in your own way, can illuminate the world."

Happy 2012 everyone! let this be the year that we each go out and find what illuminates us, and light up the world with our inner glow!

holiday's are for grieving

it's that time of year again.

the start of the holiday season. where everyone i know can't stop thinking about the people they've lost. where the days become that much harder to get through. where our thoughts are consumed by the ones we don't have anymore.

and i totally get it.

i do.

it's fucking hard this time of year. it's hard because the entire focus of the holiday's is on family and love and being surrounded by those people you care the most about.

well what if the people you care the most about are no longer living?

then how are you supposed to find your happiness? how are you supposed to be thankful? how are the holiday's supposed to bring you joy, instead of sadness? sometimes it's really hard to see around our grief.... to see through the pain of loss.

for everyone who is struggling this time of year:

i send you peace.

and love.

and the hope that you will find it a little easier to spend your time seeing the people and things you do have in your life. the ones who love us, believe in us, support us, encourage us, lift us up, shape us, etc. instead of the ones you don't.

if we spend the whole day thinking only about what we've lost, then we lose sight on what's right in front of us. we stop seeing the people in front of our eyes when we focus solely on the ones we've lost sight of.

they wouldn't want that.

hell, they don't want that. cause you know they're watching. and when we're nothing but sad, it makes them sad. you know?

anyway, happy thanksgiving everyone.

i hope you have a day that's filled with love. and when you find yourself grieving for those who are gone and you get lost in old memories... don't forget about the ones who are still right there with you, waiting to make new ones.

(i know, i know... so much easier said than done)

why valentine's day is dumb (sort of)

when i was single, i convinced myself that i hated valentine's day. it was a stupid, made up holiday for hallmark, chocolate companies, and the flower industry. i think i mostly tried to make myself believe all of this, because i was alone. and what single girl in her right mind would be a fan of a day that is all about representing the love she was so desperately lacking in her life? yeah, valentine's day was dumb and no one was going to get her to say otherwise. it wasn't that she didn't believe that valentine's day was idiotic, cause a part of her certainly did.... but she knew it was mostly because she had no one to share it with.

now that i'm technically taken (hahaha), i'm still not a big fan of the day of cupid. but i started wondering if i wasn't a big fan because boyfriend completely sucks ass on this day. maybe if he was a fantastical gift giver on the day of love, i'd feel differently? but instead, he claims to hate it, more often claims to forget it exists, and rarely (if ever) acknoweledges it. why the hell would i get excited for a day that more often times than not, ends in utter and complete disappointment? i wouldn't. so i sit here and still tell myself that valentine's day is dumb. it's stupid. who cares? blah blah blah.... but it's all because i don't want to be let down. i'm all about self preservation and protection people. if you never knew that about me, you know now. i will do whatever it takes to protect my mind, heart, soul and spirit. i will build brick walls 100 feet in the air, if it means that i won't come crashing down in the end. although sometimes things are worth the fall, and i know that- but for other things... get me the mortar and bricks.

it's not like i deserve the special treatment anyway. i feel like my unemployed, non working ass doesn't really doesn't have the right to want for anything right now. i love how everything in my life currently revolves around the fact that i don't have a job. no jenn, you cannot turn on the heater during the day-YOU HAVE NO JOB! you do not deserve anything special or overly romantic- YOU DON'T PULL YOUR WEIGHT FINANCIALLY! how dare you want anything above and beyond when YOU CAN'T GIVE IT! clearly, i don't put enough pressure on myself.

anyway.. maybe the correct way that i feel about valentine's day is more like- it's a constant let down and a constant disappointment, so i choose not to believe in it. it holds no magic for me. it's dumb. lol

do you love or hate valentine's day? do you get gifts? do you give gifts?

oh, deer.

2 years ago when we went to my mom's for christmas... we just happened to be driving around god knows where and we literally happened upon a shit load of deer. they were in this one neighborhood and there were tons of them.

it was stunning seeing them so up close and i was happy i had my camera with me.

so this year, 2 years later, when we back to my mom's for christmas... it was a high priority to me to see if the deer were still hanging around that neighborhood.

imagine how happy i was to see that they were! i just think this is so freaking cool. and blake loves seeing them all like this. totally awesome. :)











these deer are my new tradition. i hope they never leave. :)

why i love new years!

in list form...

because it feels like magic is in the air!
something about the start of a new year feels refreshing... like you can do anything!
the possibilities are endless!
it's exciting to think of what may come!
i love odd numbers so i am so happy it is almost 2011!!!!!!!
new years feels like a fresh start.... a new chapter... an exciting beginning!
it feels positive, and happy!

i used to travel and go to a diff city or state each new years eve to party.. i miss doing that. i love how nye feels like it is a magic present full of surprise and promise... all you have to do is unwrap it!

do you like new years?

i wish you all a magical and wonderful 2011 that is full of answers to dreams, promises and fulfillment. even when the road gets hard and it hurts, i hope the outcome leads you to a better tomorrow.

xoxox
ster!

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holiday must makes?

the holiday's really are almost here... (and soon they'll be gone). which is sad. i love this time of year. i love making sugar cookie cutouts and frosting them. snickerdoodles... chocolate covered pretzel rods.. peanut butter and chocolate balls... omg, and fudge! i feel like i haven't eaten or made fudge in forever!!!! (granted, i haven't made all these yet, but um... talking about them is making me drool)


goodies!


i love to bake goodies that make everyone i love fat! lol


but i was wondering... what are your holiday must makes? what do you make this time of year that you normally don't make at any other??

or what does someone else make this time of year, that you look forward too? for me, i LOVE my mother in law's salt cookies! holy heck, they're delish!!!!!

be a santa to a senior!

this is the time of year for giving... we tend to go out of our way to do something nice for others right now.

i came across this website the other day, and i have been meaning to post about it. it's called BE A SANTA TO A SENIOR. i think that we tend to focus on the needy children and families (which is unbelievably kind and generous and super rad), but we totally forget about our senior citizens.

when i read this website, i cried. everything makes me cry lately. for some reason, i'm an emotional basket case (no, i'm not pregnant). anyway, there are apparently a lot of senior citizens who don't have any family or anyone around them. some of them go the entire year without getting a single gift. that makes me so sad. here is part of the main story on their website:

"In 2006, Be a Santa to a Senior volunteers visited a local nursing
facility and distributed gifts to a number of residents, including one
87-year-old woman whom we'll call Mary. She was pleased to receive her gift and
thanked us profusely, but it wasn't until we returned to give Mary another gift
in 2007 that we recognized the true value of Be a Santa to a Senior.
When we
entered Mary's room for our second visit, we noticed that the only card on her
bulletin board was the Be a Santa to a Senior card from the previous year. As we
spoke with her caregivers we found out that our Christmas card and gift were the
only items she had received throughout the year. Mary re-read the card regularly
to help keep that memory alive."

so, i went to the website and found out if there were any stores in my area participating in the program, and there were! i found the holiday tree and chose 2 seniors off of it. and i'm really hoping that what i got them makes them smile. it feels good to do something for other people. and for whatever reason, it feels good to do something for the people we all tend to forget about.

i call this one

the evolution of eating pudding in a cup... if you're drunk on halloween. and only if you're me, since i'm the ONLY ONE IN THIS GROUP who did this right!!!!

spoons are full of pudding to put in mouth!!!! (except atalea.. it's already in there)


getting closer!


woot woot! gaby ate hers... here comes mine!!!! (i love how i'm eyeing it, like it's going to attack me or something)


someone has a big mouth!


yum!


i am just now noticing that atalea's face has not changed in all of these pictures.. lol


i think it's funny, but i can't do my normal open mouthed laugh, or pudding will spill out.


i look funny with my mouth closed whilst mid laugh


finally! she set the spoon free!

how old is too old to trick or treat?

someone asked me that this morning and i honestly didn't have an answer.

what do you think is too old to go trick or treating? personally, i don't two shits if high school kids still do it, as long as they're dressed up. i think out of high school, you should have better things to do with your time... and so i think that would be my answer.

but some people think jr high is too old. and high school is definitely too old. i just know they're doing it for candy. i mean, who the hell doesn't want a pillowcase full of free mother f'n candy???? they aren't dummies. but a costume is a must. you know?

so what do you think?

9/11

please visit my older blog posts to read about the tributes i have done to victims of 9/11 (click on their names down below).

never forget.

continue growing, learning, loving and living... but always remember what we lost that day.

in my hearts forever. xoxo

leah e. oliver

salvatore calabro

let's talk about gifts!

i want to talk about gifts. not only because i scored super high on receiving gifts in the 5 love languages quiz i took, but because i'm wondering if i'm the only person who does this. who puts weird restrictions on what is or isn't an appropriate gift depending on the occasion.

oh my gosh. i am a total freak huh?

okay, so what are the standard gift giving days? valentines day... anniversary.. birthday.. and christmas, right? so, i've discussed how stupid i think valentines day is many times in the past. i've also discussed that while i think it's freaking stupid, i still want it acknowledged. BUT, i've also talked about the fact that i don't want anything expensive or extravagant on valentine's day. i just want something. flowers. candy. a card. dinner. something. SOMETHING!!!! i think it took boyfriend 5 years and me completely losing my shit before he got the message. valentine's day equals something small and inexpensive... but still, something.

then our anniversary. boyfriend wanted to buy me a laptop and i went into some freaking tirade about how i don't want a piece of electronic equipment for our anniversary. that our anniversary is about us... and our relationship... and to celebrate the day we got married and gave our friends the best.wedding.party.ever. and that i wanted our anniversary to be sweet and romantic. if he was going to spend that kind of money, i would rather go away for the weekend. go to the hotel where we got married and at least stay 1 night, or something. i kind of wish we would do that every year. but just basically i set these parameters that our anniversary was about romance. travel. getting away. hotels. or diamonds! ha.. but not a freaking computer. because how is that romantic? it's not, but it's logical. and thus boyfriend = logic and jennster = not.

think that all those other gifts... a new computer. ipod's. cars. expensive shit... are perfectly acceptable birthday and christmas gifts.

but is that weird? or do you do that too and you never realized it before?!?!

twenty - ten

2010.

that shit is just crazy.

i remember when it turned 2000 like it was yesterday... can't believe THAT night was 10 years ago. CRAZY i tell you.

anyway, just a quick note-

i appreciate every single one of you who chooses to read my words whenever you choose to do so.. whether it's daily, monthly, or once a year. thank you. thank you for giving me an outlet in which to express every single thing i could ever want too (okay, not every single thing) and for always being there for me. the friendships formed from having this blog and this community are real. and i am so very thankful for every one of them. for every one of you.

i just wanted you to know how much you mean to me. how much this space means to me. how much the way that we come together for eachother, means to me. we are an amazing group of caring, wonderful, thoughtful, giving people, us bloggers. and it's magical. just like tonight is.

so happy new year (happy noodles) everyone! i know it's been an uphill battle for a lot of us lately. battling with things like depression, feeling unsure about where our lives are headed, what's coming next, feeling frustrated and longing for change. all of this is part of what's to come. we have to trudge through the crap to get to the gold. i guess it wouldn't be any fun if the gold just sprouted down from the clouds and onto our heads. that's what i tell myself anyway. all your hard work will be worth the reward.

just hang in there.

it's going to get better.

love you guys!

xoxoxoxoox

winter time!

click over to see the new winter theme! and when you hover, the snow falls!!! i think this is exciting for me, cause i don't live where it snows (thank the goddess)... but all you snow bound people are probably like, "screw you jennster!!! i don't need to see the stupid falling snow and freezing ass theme on your blog.. i can just look out my window fuckyouverymuch."

ahem

sorry.

why did everyone get puppies for christmas except me??? is it because i told everyone i hoped they got puppies on my blog and on facebook??

i think it is.

oh.my.gosh.

i am totally magical.

like harry potter, but way hotter.

it's almost new years!! i freaking love new years! it's one of my most favorite days because it's so exciting.... it's all new feeling and fresh and you get to start over- or at least that's what you tell yourself cause it's way more fun that way.

i love big parties and super huge crowds, but since i married mean-nasty, we don't do anything fun like that. which is a bummer and always makes me super sad every.single.year. i was having a blast for awhile there.. new years in tahoe, new york, vegas, la of course, san diego... every year was somewhere new. i loved it! but no more. *le sigh*

anyway, i'm excited for the new year! i'm really looking forward to some changes. i know they're coming, i just don't think they're going to be easy at all, so it's a little scary. i don't mind change, it's just the difficult, painful change i'm not too fond of. easy change is all good. HA

happy noodles everyone (that's what my niece used to say for new years)!!! i hope it's FUN, happy, filled with friends and love, and lots of dancing!!!!!!! (i'm not giving anymore of you fuckers puppies!!!)

holiday goodness

how come no one ever told me how fucking delish dark chocolate covered pretzels were??? i realize this is something i should probably already know, so the only thing i can think of is that maybe i've always been told to try milk chocolate covered pretzels. and i'm not a big fan of milk chocolate at all. even less so as i get older. milk chocolate drools... dark chocolate rules. another thought about this whole travesty? maybe i always tried those tiny little ass knot pretzels... so you probably can't even taste the salt on those... which i think is part of the whole point of these treats. salt + sweet = heaven (right now somewhere boyfriend is saying "i've got something sweet and salty for you.").

my point?

are these.


and these


and hello, do you realize how freaking good they are?!?!! well someone's wife from work makes them every year and i about died and couldn't stop eating them. so i decided to try to make them to bring to christmas dinner tomorrow. and i modified with the white chocolate cause i had some white chocolate chips hanging around.

and i think i just found my new favorite thing to make over the holidays. good lord.

speaking of crap and eating it. i feel like i'm about to bust out of my jeans. it's a little frustrating because while i have been eating more crappy than usual, i've also been conscientious about eating well during the other times and i am continuing to work out. but um... i've gained 3 pounds. i know that doesn't sound like a lot, but i just freaking lost 7 or whatever. so i'm not all excited to gain half of it back.

stupid pretzels.

did you see my twitter about the aisles and aisles of VALENTINE candy out already? of course you didn't cause it didn't twat. stupid twitter (except for @babitosdad and @TheCaffeinatrix cause they said i'm their sexiest twitter follower. damn straight fuckers).


have a great christmas tomorrow if you celebrate! have a super merry everything.. i hope you get everything you want, and things you didn't even realize you wanted.. like PUPPIES! and unicorns! hahaha

xoxoxoox

holiday's with the fam damily

since marrying boyfriend, we have to switch things up on the holiday's. for christmas one year we'll go to his 'rents... and then the next year we go to mine. we do the same with thanksgiving. it's totally fair and i'm completely fine with it. i dig the back and forth.

but this year.... my mom decided she wanted to come to us because she didn't want to be alone. which means that my mom is coming to boyfriend's family's christmas dinner. and um, now my sister is coming up too. which i think is awesome, but also a little crazy.

not that my family and boyfriend's don't get along.... it's just that the way we do holiday dinners couldn't be more different. boyfriend's family likes everything to be perfect and super nice, which is awesome and i appreciate. but it's just that sometimes that can create a super stressful atmosphere (don't get me wrong, they have a ton of people come over and if i had to cook for that many people, i'd probably flip my fucking lid). my family is just way more laid back and well.. we obviously don't care about eachother as much. haha

maybe this year will be different because for the first time, everyone has to bring a dish! i'm excited about this just because i hope it will make everything easier and less stressful. which means, it will be more fun and relaxing for the people who normally spend the entire day in the kitchen cooking!!!! yay!!!

what do i get to make you ask? the potatoes. the delicious, amazing, cheesy, potatoes. they might make it to the dinner table.... if i don't eat them all first. which is a very real possibility. wish me luck.

do you have to bring a dish, or does someone else do all the cooking where you go? and.. WHERE do you go for christmas? that is, if you celebrate it. :)

happy HO HO

just a quick note...

1st- thank you so much for reading and responding to a fellow blogger in the post below. she needed to hear it all, and appreciates it so much. so do i.

2nd- happy holidays everyone!!!!!!!! i love love love this time of year, but also realize that i think i like it the most when we're going to my moms over christmas. see, it snows where she lives. and while i have absolutely zero (i cannot stress that enough) desire to EVER live where it snows.... there is something completely magical about a white christmas. so ever since she moved up there, it's been fun to have white merry ho ho days with blake. if there's ever a time to have snow.... it's on christmas. i don't know why, it's just a requirement or something. you know, like lap sitting.

have you finished your shopping? i'm almost done. for the most part done. but then i think about who i still haven't bought for and i realize that i'm not done. at all. and that i'm running out of time. EEEEEEEEK. and that of course i haven't bought anything for certain people cause i have no clue what to get them! the easiest to shop for gets their gifts bought first! ha

so what about you? are you done????

the holiday party that wasn't

boyfriend and i got all dolled up on saturday night to head to my work's holiday party. yes, getting dressed in all black equals dolled up. i had been sick all week, so i didn't have time to shop for anything to wear... which annoyed me all day long. i had to wear old clothes. boooo


we weren't in the party 20 minutes (isn't the lighting pretty?) ....




when the POWER WENT OUT!!!!!!

total.blackness.

okay, there were some candles, but that was it.

and when total blackness occurs... pictures like this happen.

you know, where peoples heads get cut off...




and only half of someone's body is in the shot


or nothing but a cup is there.


and you kind of think it's funny to blind people with your camera flash, so you just flash it constantly.


and when they complain, it makes you want to keep doing it more. cause you're all sorts of considerate and stuff.

at some point you get used to being in the dark (even though they've asked you to leave at least 5 times already) and your pictures get better!


and eventually you do leave cause you notice it's starting to get really fucking cold in there with no power. and you also realize that you're starving. and it's still dark. and this isn't that fun in the dark without power cause hello, that means, NO MUSIC!!!!

so you attempt to take one more girly group shot before you leave.


and then you walk outside and see what all the commotion is about.
oh hi, water! you look awful high!


so you walk around to where your car is parked and you see firemen literally taking buckets of water out of a car for the owner. then you see your car. and you are so happy you have a gas guzzling, environment hating, suv. (woot woot) cause the water didn't get high enough to get IN your car. but boyfriend still had to take off his shoes and socks to wade through the wetness to get the car. he is amazing.



the end. :)

traditions

like most families.. i like to bake. and the holiday's are when i go a little bat shit bake crazy. weekend i baked snickerdoodles, and peanut butter balls and i made the sugar cookie dough so that blake and i could make them when he came home. i figured i'd make whatever else later.

i remember growing up with my mom and baking all day long. my job was to roll the snickerdoodles in the cinnamon and sugar.. and not eat them *ahem.* i got to roll and cut out the sugar cookies. eating half the frosting and frosting the cookies with the rest. eating chocolate chip cookie dough. it was a mess, but it was fun. and it completely makes me think of christmas. so now that's what i try to do in my house. cookies with mom. cookies with blake. it's what we do.

but this weekend... the boys came home from camping and promptly started to feed themselves. they got out the leftover turkey.. and the popped what they thought was mashed taters into the microwave. about this time, i opened the refrigerator door and searched high and low for the sugar cookie dough. then i looked in the microwave. and in a huge blob of warm mess, sat the cookie dough....

i stopped the microwave and then started cracking up. and then laughed harder at the thought of blake scooping the dough out on his plate.. loading it up with butter.. and then wondering why it tasted so sweet?!?!

the mashed taters were still in the fridge. you know, cold.

the dough was/is ruined.

but that's okay. i'll just make more.

what are your holiday traditions?

the post where i realize wearing nothing but panties and a bra will totally get me free drinks. right?

i fucking love halloween!!! i am so excited that it's tomorrow! i just wish i felt better. yeah, i am feeling kinda sickly. all the signs of a fever, minus the fever. weird right? my body is super achy and i don't have a lot of energy. i feel run down. and old. just kidding. i never feel old. anyway, who wants to come be my nursemaid? you have to dress up.

speaking of dressing up. you know the costumes that they sell for us chicks? the ones that everyone likes to call "slutty." (in all honesty, i've probably called them slutty before)

the thing is, i remember trying one on either last year or the year before. and pretty much other than going bathing suit shopping, nothing has made me feel so bad about myself. that's right. IT MADE ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MYSELF! i didn't choose to feel bad, the costume made me do it!!! suck it. but to tell you the truth, if my ass and thighs were not the size of china at the moment (or if the costume actually was long enough to cover my entire ass), i would totally rock one of these slutty ass costumes. and i wouldn't feel bad about it. i'd feel hot. so i think everyone who hates them, is just mad they can't wear them. ha.


maybe i'll just walk around the neighborhood in my new sexy bra and panties and just tell people i'm a victoria secret plus size model. that's totally normal and wouldn't embarrass blake at all.


the neighborhood we live in is super cute though. it seems like every house is out mingling and the parents pull wagons full of things to make drinks, like hot toddy's and whatever else will keep you warm. how fun is that? i bet if i wear underwear and a bra i'll totally get all the drinks i want for free. and i bet the mom's will hate me. whatever. it's not like they don't have their own underwear they could have worn out in public. they're just mad they didn't think of it first. it's like i'm the only creative person around or something. jeez. i bet i totally start a trend and next year all the moms are traipsing around in their vickie's secret gear and we become like the most popular place in all of the town to trick or treat at. and then i bet some other mom will try to take credit for the idea and say that she started it and i'll be like "say what bitch? you started what?" and she'll try to say she did it first, but years ago before i even lived here and i'll be like "oh no you did'nnnnt" and then i'll bitch slap her and it will be on. and of course i'll win cause i am an ass kicker.

oh yeah.

i am such a fucking trend setter.