no one wants to talk about it.
or they pretend they've forgotten.
the latter makes me mad. how can you forget that day? if you lived through it, witnessed it, watched it unfold on tv, heard cries from your friends on the phone and then watched the news after it all happened... how can you EVER forget that day?
every year, i say the same damn thing- "it feels like it just happened yesterday..."
but the thing is- to me... it does.
i still remember everything i ever felt from that day. hell, i still FEEL the same feelings right now- ten ridiculous years later.
and no, i can't believe it's been 10 years. i can't believe that much time has passed. it should be enough time to at least watch tv shows on the subject and not burst into tears, right? 10 years should be enough time to talk about the day without your eyes welling up, right?
well apparently it's not enough time for me.
because i still can't do any of those things.
i taped a special that i hadn't seen before, called "9/11- where were you" and i asked blake to watch it with me.
i completely forget that he has no real memory of that day. i mean, how could he- he was only 3... and for as obsessed as i was with watching every.single.thing about it on the news, i distinctly remember shielding him from it. he didn't need to see those images frame after frame repeating themselves. he didn't need to be tortured that way i was torturing myself.
so we watched the show and he asked a lot of questions. and he was shocked as certain images and scenes were shown from that day. he constantly said things like, "was that real? was that real footage? oh my gosh, was THAT real? was that plane flying into the building the real plane doing that? did anyone survive? what about the people on the plane... did any of them survive?"
he was shocked. he was horrified. it was as though he was seeing it all for the very first time.
and i cried.
i think this year... i'm going to dig up my new york pictures that i took when i first visited the city in 2001 (before the attacks). they were on real film, so most of you haven't ever seen them before, and i can't remember the last time i looked at them.
i'm going to post some each day- along with my tributes to sal calabra and my birthday twin, leah e. oliver. i know i have some fireman photos in there that i harrassed during my visit. i hope they're all currently living, loving and being loved in return.
until then... never forget. live your life. don't dwell in sadness and horror- but never forget what happened that day and what we lost... as a country, as a people, as a human being.
xoxo
Showing posts with label news. Show all posts
Showing posts with label news. Show all posts
Friday, September 02, 2011
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
pausing
in memory of columbine. a day i'll never forget.
it's seared into my memory as if i knew every single person there that day (i didn't). i remember working out at work with meg at the gym, watching the kids running from their school with their arms up and their shirts off. we didn't have the volume up, so we didn't know what the hell they were doing. me, being the utter and complete smart ass i am all the time, made fun of the boys with no shirts on. i think i remember saying things to meg like "let's all take our shirts off while we run towards the tv cameras. we'll be so sexy."
we both laughed of course. because we had no idea what the fuck was really going on. we had no clue that the boys without their shirts had taken them off to try and stop the bleeding from their teacher... who lay in a classroom with them, dying.
i became obsessed with columbine. i wanted to read everything.. hear everything.. know about every victim.. how they died.. where in the school they died.. sick shit, right?
but i couldn't get enough.
i was absolutely horrified at what had happened. and in all honesty, i think that tragedy is helped solidify my absolute hatred (and probably fear) of guns and what people can do to other people with them.
so today- 4/20/2011- 12 years later. i still think about that day. how i felt. how i still feel. and everyones whose live changed in those moments.
Friday, June 04, 2010
joran van der sloot wants to be my friend
at least that's what twitter tells me.
you know he just really wants to kill me.
seeing an email in my inbox that said "joran van der sloot has requested to follow you on twitter" gave me the freaks... and made me laugh.
hope you go to jail this time fucker.
you know he just really wants to kill me.
seeing an email in my inbox that said "joran van der sloot has requested to follow you on twitter" gave me the freaks... and made me laugh.
hope you go to jail this time fucker.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
september 11, 2009
when i first participated in dc roe's 2996 challenge, i got to learn about a brave firefighter named sal calabro. it was truly my pleasure to honor him, get to know him, and write about him. i was grateful for the project because it introduced me to someone i wouldn't have known otherwise. on that day when so many of our lives were changed forever, he was a hero. and he paid the ultimate price. i can't believe his family has had to live these past 8 years without him. it breaks my heart.
when dc sent out the email that he was doing the project again, i signed up without hesitation. and this time, i got Leah E. Oliver.
the first thing i noticed about leah was that we shared the same birthday. september 12th... the day after "the day." i stopped for a moment before i read any further about her to just kind of appreciate the randomness (and not so randomness) of it all. what was the likelihood that the person i would get to write about would share the same birthday as me?
the more i read about leah, the more i found myself smiling and thinking that we would have totally been friends. everyone said the same things about her. how warm she was... her amazing smile.. she made everyone feel welcome.. she was always positive and smiling and happy. everyone who knew her talked about how much they loved her and her laugh. what a great way to be remembered.... always happy. i can only hope to be so lucky.
"Life is about not knowing. Surely the last few weeks have proved that to all of us. But bringing Leah into this world is one thing I know for certain I’ve done absolutely right in my life. I love all my children equally, and I’m equally proud of each of them. Leah was just that little bit special because she was my first. As oldest children often do, Leah marched through life with a sense of purpose, determined to be successful. And she exceeded my expectations all along the way."
when dc sent out the email that he was doing the project again, i signed up without hesitation. and this time, i got Leah E. Oliver.
the first thing i noticed about leah was that we shared the same birthday. september 12th... the day after "the day." i stopped for a moment before i read any further about her to just kind of appreciate the randomness (and not so randomness) of it all. what was the likelihood that the person i would get to write about would share the same birthday as me?
the more i read about leah, the more i found myself smiling and thinking that we would have totally been friends. everyone said the same things about her. how warm she was... her amazing smile.. she made everyone feel welcome.. she was always positive and smiling and happy. everyone who knew her talked about how much they loved her and her laugh. what a great way to be remembered.... always happy. i can only hope to be so lucky.
i don't think you'd guess by this gorgeous picture of her, but she loved to go on motorcycle rides with her dad. a passion that they shared with one another. there is a memorial page up for leah where her father has written the sweetest most heartbreaking letter to his only daughter. the following is part of what he wrote:
"Life is about not knowing. Surely the last few weeks have proved that to all of us. But bringing Leah into this world is one thing I know for certain I’ve done absolutely right in my life. I love all my children equally, and I’m equally proud of each of them. Leah was just that little bit special because she was my first. As oldest children often do, Leah marched through life with a sense of purpose, determined to be successful. And she exceeded my expectations all along the way."
leah grew up in dartmouth, massachusetts and went to college at columbia university. it seems like leah's life was just getting started. she had a new boyfriend (in an old friend) and had recently started working at marsh & mclennan in the world trade center. she couldn't wait to show her mom the view from the 96th floor. the 96th floor. i guess you can only imagine how and why she didn't make it out that day. she loved her co-workers and felt like she had the job of her dreams. things were falling into place for this 24 year old.
24.
never to turn 25 because the following day would not come for her.
she left behind so many family members who miss her. a boyfriend who has had to move on without her when he thought he was going to spend the rest of his life with her. it's hard for me to write about someone who was so young and whose life was just getting started. because you read about the person they were and you want so much more for them. you know how much they could have had and then you get angry that all of that was taken away. imagine how i'd feel if i had the pleasure to actually know leah in real life??
september 11th still hurts. sometimes i think i'm ready to deal with certain aspects of it. like a tv special about 9/11 will be on and i'll record it so that i can watch it later at my own pace. but then i'll go to turn it on, and within the first 30 seconds, i'm already in tears and i can't take it. i'm not ready. it's still too raw. and it's been 8 years. and i didn't even know anyone who lost their life that day personally. (i know people who knew people) it wasn't right. it wasn't fair. and it breaks my heart to know how much my life has changed since that day, and i wasn't even directly affected. so many other people have had to live each day since without their loved ones in their life. and all i can say is that i'm sorry. i'm so sorry that sal's boys have had to grow up with only a memory for a father. i'm so sorry that leah's family has to go on without her. i'm sorry she never got to have her 25th birthday. but i can promise you that i will forever think of her on our day from here on out.
there is a scholarship set up in her name.. there are tributes to her where you can read more about her. i wish i could have known her.. but i'm glad this project introduced me to her. and now to you.
24.
never to turn 25 because the following day would not come for her.
she left behind so many family members who miss her. a boyfriend who has had to move on without her when he thought he was going to spend the rest of his life with her. it's hard for me to write about someone who was so young and whose life was just getting started. because you read about the person they were and you want so much more for them. you know how much they could have had and then you get angry that all of that was taken away. imagine how i'd feel if i had the pleasure to actually know leah in real life??
september 11th still hurts. sometimes i think i'm ready to deal with certain aspects of it. like a tv special about 9/11 will be on and i'll record it so that i can watch it later at my own pace. but then i'll go to turn it on, and within the first 30 seconds, i'm already in tears and i can't take it. i'm not ready. it's still too raw. and it's been 8 years. and i didn't even know anyone who lost their life that day personally. (i know people who knew people) it wasn't right. it wasn't fair. and it breaks my heart to know how much my life has changed since that day, and i wasn't even directly affected. so many other people have had to live each day since without their loved ones in their life. and all i can say is that i'm sorry. i'm so sorry that sal's boys have had to grow up with only a memory for a father. i'm so sorry that leah's family has to go on without her. i'm sorry she never got to have her 25th birthday. but i can promise you that i will forever think of her on our day from here on out.
there is a scholarship set up in her name.. there are tributes to her where you can read more about her. i wish i could have known her.. but i'm glad this project introduced me to her. and now to you.
Monday, April 20, 2009
10 years later
i can't believe it's been 10 years since the shootings at columbine. 10 years since i was at my work gym watching it all unfold on tv's with my girfriend and co-worker meg. 10 years since we were wondering why the hell all the kids were coming out of that school with their shirts off. 10 years since we learned that their shirts were off because they were trying to stop their teacher, dave sanders, from dying.
columbine wrecked me.
i knew no one from the school. no one from the area. but that entire scene horrified me in ways that i still can't comprehend. it made me feel things i had no business feeling.
i was completely consumed. i couldn't stop reading about it. watching it on the television. researching it online. i wanted to know about all the victims. everyone left behind- littleton's tragedy became my own. their grief, was mine. i cried with them. cried for them. but mostly, i just cried.
i get like that sometimes. feel things so deeply and with so much intensity. sometimes i think i'm not normal. i don't get like this with everything. not every single school shooting affects me the same way. not every single tragedy rips me to the core. but some do.
and columbine did. it always has. even now, 10 years later, talks of it stops me in my tracks. i hope everyone has found some sort of peace in these past 10 years (gosh, has it really been ten years?). some sort of happiness, hope and love. and to those who were lost that day... i will never forget you.
columbine wrecked me.
i knew no one from the school. no one from the area. but that entire scene horrified me in ways that i still can't comprehend. it made me feel things i had no business feeling.
i was completely consumed. i couldn't stop reading about it. watching it on the television. researching it online. i wanted to know about all the victims. everyone left behind- littleton's tragedy became my own. their grief, was mine. i cried with them. cried for them. but mostly, i just cried.
i get like that sometimes. feel things so deeply and with so much intensity. sometimes i think i'm not normal. i don't get like this with everything. not every single school shooting affects me the same way. not every single tragedy rips me to the core. but some do.
and columbine did. it always has. even now, 10 years later, talks of it stops me in my tracks. i hope everyone has found some sort of peace in these past 10 years (gosh, has it really been ten years?). some sort of happiness, hope and love. and to those who were lost that day... i will never forget you.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
my letter to obama
you are SO serious all the time. i don't mind it really, but do you think that you could slip in a few smiles now and then? because your smile? AWESOME. when you smile, it makes me smile. and i don't think you have any idea how freaking adorable you are when you're smiling.
so yeah... here is the ster checklist:
- smile more
- sour face less
thanks! :)
ps- when i was getting dressed this morning i stared into my closet and wondered what i should wear for such an amazing and incredible day. i chose BRIGHT YELLOW. so did your wife. we are one. i'll be waiting for my white house invite.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
plane down in hudson!
i am amazed when i see this picture right here... and i guess it's the one thing that twitter is useful for. the guy who took the picture wrote this caption with it "There's a plane in the Hudson. I'm on the ferry going to pick up the people. Crazy." - JKrums
crazy is right. but also amazing and awesome and thanks for sharing it.
crazy is right. but also amazing and awesome and thanks for sharing it.
and i HAVE to post something to sully (Chelsey B Sullenberger) - you are a hero. you are an incredible pilot who did an unbelievably amazing thing today. today's "crash" could have ended quite differently had you not been behind the wheel (is it a wheel when you fly a plane??). i hope everyone is thanking you for saving their life today and is so grateful for the outcome you provided. you are a hero. truly. i'm sure you don't see yourself that way, but i bet you i can find millions of people who think differently. my thoughts are with you. thank you.
Friday, November 21, 2008
my twilight review
i'm sorry folks, but you knew this would happen. well maybe it wouldn't have happened, and i wouldn't be writing this review at all if the movie was half way decent.
you might want to stop reading here if that last sentence hurt you.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! stephanie meyer and catherine hardwicke, are you freaking idiots or what?!?! melissa rosenberg, did you really adapt the book this fucked up in your screenplay, or did catherine completely fuck you in the directing and editing process?!?!? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
okay, just had to get that out first.
*breathes*
i wanted this movie to be good. i knew there was a distinct possibility that the movie would be terrible, but i was hoping for the best. plus i'd read the book- how bad could the movie be right? right?!?!? *cries*
we're all in agreement that the books are not written by an amazing novelist, correct (kind of like this blog)? and even though they aren't written all that well, there is still something about them that is super enjoyable and fun, right? so i was kind of thinking along the same lines in regards to the movie... it might not be done really well, but it would still be super enjoyable. i.was.wrong.
first of all, i don't know how ANYONE who has not read this book could sit through this movie. i don't think they would understand what the hell was going on half the time. this movie was developed so freaking poorly, only those of us who read the book understood what a certain look, gesture, "i'm going to vomit if you sit next to me" actually meant. there were parts in the movie that were laughable. like embarassingly so.
i am really at a loss for the casting process on this movie (although i lean towards blaming the director entirely.. i mean, did that bitch even read the book?!?!?). i almost feel like i am owed a fucking explanation as to WHY IN THE LIVING HELL they chose the person they chose to play rosalie?!?! worst.casting.decision.ever. at least not if you're trying to adapt the novel in any way shape or form. also alice? while she looked exactly the way i pictured her to look, her acting was terrible (which is also probably the director's fault- i am beginning to think she can't direct at all). and jasper?! i don't know about you, but when i read the books i never pictured him as this totally weird, offbase, almost mute type non-person. did you? cause in the movie, he's just so weird. and he says literally 5 words in the whole movie. um, who else sucked? oh yeah esme! i would never in a million years cast her to play this part. i just don't get it. like i want catherine hardwicke to get her pathetic directing ass onto this blog and tell me why she chose these people. i want an explanation people. i demand an answer!!!!! oh, who did i like in the movie, you're asking? i like the chick who played bella (although her voice was really annoying and if they aren't careful, she's going to come off like a super whiney, i'm never happy, just kill me, type of character- you know, kind of like meredith grey on grey's anatomy. omg, please kill her already).. and i'm partially now in love with the guy who played edward (bite me. no seriously. do it.).. and i think the casting for all the high school characters (eric, angela, jessica and mike) were awesome! mike was hilarious and jessica cracked me up. they were perfect. good job there! thanks for barely putting them in the damn movie.
god!
okay- do you see how long this freaking post is already!??!! damn twilight for sucking! i wouldn't have to write something this long that people stopped reading 10 minutes ago IF YOU JUST WOULD HAVE BEEN GOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
moving on. the direction (yes, i am now hating seriously on the director of this film) was beyond shiteous. it kind of reminded me of pearl harbor. very little substance, but lots of pretty light and oooh, isn't edward pretty? let's just circle the camera around him 500 times so we can see his prettiness from every angle possible! and then let's pan up, but still circle cause he's prettier from above, don't you agree?!?! the circle cams were ridiculous and never ending through the whole movie. they were totally unnecessary and just made the movie more silly. especially with the number of times she did it. lame. you hear me hardwicke? LAME!
and i really don't know what happened with the screenplay. i don't know if melissa actually wrote a halfway decent script and the director changed it, or what. but i truly don't understand why they didn't adapt the screenplay more closely with the novel. there was no reason to not almost film the novel word for word. it couldn't have been that hard. i mean, the first time bella sees the cullen's in the book is the best. looking across the room in the cafeteria- seeing their gorgeousness (oooh, circle cam!!!) and then asking jessica who they are. even the jessica/bella convo in the book is totally natural. well the movie is just lame. bella sees the cullens walking oustide the window towards the caf and is all "who are theyyyyyyy"... i don't understand why she couldn't have seen them in the caf the way it was in the book?! WHYYYYYYYYY?!?!? they took absolutely no time at all developing the story between bella and edward before completely jumping into the whole "i can't live without you. me either." parts. the book is unbelievable enough, but i buy into it far more than i ever could with the movie. the movie just really blew it on the whole character development part from any and every angle. they cut things from the book that i felt didn't need to be cut. they took away conversations that i felt really should have been had. they changed little things that they didn't need to change and it affected the movie in a negative way. they are missing so much of the character interaction. and they needed it. whenever mike and jessica came into the picture- they added humor and fun to the movie. but they were out of the scene as quickly as they came in, and then it was all circle cam on the pretty vampire and pale girl.
look, i realize that no movie is ever half as good as the book it's trying to be (except the notebook), but i just think that there was no reason for this movie to be this craptastic. i could have written a better screenplay. i would have adapted it far closer to the novel, and it would have been better. i definitely could have cast it better. i just don't understand why they ruined it this way? and the makeup?! omg, did they just have people run through a huge spray of powder and then put them on set?!?! the makeup was the worst. i mean, come on people- were we making powder here? memoirs of a geisha? oh, we're not?!?! THEN ENOUGH WITH THE RIDICULOUS ATTEMPT AT PASTY WHITENESS. it was distracting.
okay, i have to stop myself before i have a stinking aneurysm (if i do though, please blame the director). i'll just apologize to all of you who are going to see this movie. because it's beyond disappointing. i want to take it back. i want them to go back into production and recast, rewrite and refilm. i want a do over! PLEASE DO A DO OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!
at least edward was hot. *sighs*
ps- towards the end of the movie, edward starting doing the mouthy pout thing that shane west does all the freaking time (see- a walk to remember) and that gets annoying. leave your lips alone and stop trying to contort them into stupid positions.
you might want to stop reading here if that last sentence hurt you.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! stephanie meyer and catherine hardwicke, are you freaking idiots or what?!?! melissa rosenberg, did you really adapt the book this fucked up in your screenplay, or did catherine completely fuck you in the directing and editing process?!?!? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
okay, just had to get that out first.
*breathes*
i wanted this movie to be good. i knew there was a distinct possibility that the movie would be terrible, but i was hoping for the best. plus i'd read the book- how bad could the movie be right? right?!?!? *cries*
we're all in agreement that the books are not written by an amazing novelist, correct (kind of like this blog)? and even though they aren't written all that well, there is still something about them that is super enjoyable and fun, right? so i was kind of thinking along the same lines in regards to the movie... it might not be done really well, but it would still be super enjoyable. i.was.wrong.
first of all, i don't know how ANYONE who has not read this book could sit through this movie. i don't think they would understand what the hell was going on half the time. this movie was developed so freaking poorly, only those of us who read the book understood what a certain look, gesture, "i'm going to vomit if you sit next to me" actually meant. there were parts in the movie that were laughable. like embarassingly so.
i am really at a loss for the casting process on this movie (although i lean towards blaming the director entirely.. i mean, did that bitch even read the book?!?!?). i almost feel like i am owed a fucking explanation as to WHY IN THE LIVING HELL they chose the person they chose to play rosalie?!?! worst.casting.decision.ever. at least not if you're trying to adapt the novel in any way shape or form. also alice? while she looked exactly the way i pictured her to look, her acting was terrible (which is also probably the director's fault- i am beginning to think she can't direct at all). and jasper?! i don't know about you, but when i read the books i never pictured him as this totally weird, offbase, almost mute type non-person. did you? cause in the movie, he's just so weird. and he says literally 5 words in the whole movie. um, who else sucked? oh yeah esme! i would never in a million years cast her to play this part. i just don't get it. like i want catherine hardwicke to get her pathetic directing ass onto this blog and tell me why she chose these people. i want an explanation people. i demand an answer!!!!! oh, who did i like in the movie, you're asking? i like the chick who played bella (although her voice was really annoying and if they aren't careful, she's going to come off like a super whiney, i'm never happy, just kill me, type of character- you know, kind of like meredith grey on grey's anatomy. omg, please kill her already).. and i'm partially now in love with the guy who played edward (bite me. no seriously. do it.).. and i think the casting for all the high school characters (eric, angela, jessica and mike) were awesome! mike was hilarious and jessica cracked me up. they were perfect. good job there! thanks for barely putting them in the damn movie.
god!
okay- do you see how long this freaking post is already!??!! damn twilight for sucking! i wouldn't have to write something this long that people stopped reading 10 minutes ago IF YOU JUST WOULD HAVE BEEN GOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
moving on. the direction (yes, i am now hating seriously on the director of this film) was beyond shiteous. it kind of reminded me of pearl harbor. very little substance, but lots of pretty light and oooh, isn't edward pretty? let's just circle the camera around him 500 times so we can see his prettiness from every angle possible! and then let's pan up, but still circle cause he's prettier from above, don't you agree?!?! the circle cams were ridiculous and never ending through the whole movie. they were totally unnecessary and just made the movie more silly. especially with the number of times she did it. lame. you hear me hardwicke? LAME!
and i really don't know what happened with the screenplay. i don't know if melissa actually wrote a halfway decent script and the director changed it, or what. but i truly don't understand why they didn't adapt the screenplay more closely with the novel. there was no reason to not almost film the novel word for word. it couldn't have been that hard. i mean, the first time bella sees the cullen's in the book is the best. looking across the room in the cafeteria- seeing their gorgeousness (oooh, circle cam!!!) and then asking jessica who they are. even the jessica/bella convo in the book is totally natural. well the movie is just lame. bella sees the cullens walking oustide the window towards the caf and is all "who are theyyyyyyy"... i don't understand why she couldn't have seen them in the caf the way it was in the book?! WHYYYYYYYYY?!?!? they took absolutely no time at all developing the story between bella and edward before completely jumping into the whole "i can't live without you. me either." parts. the book is unbelievable enough, but i buy into it far more than i ever could with the movie. the movie just really blew it on the whole character development part from any and every angle. they cut things from the book that i felt didn't need to be cut. they took away conversations that i felt really should have been had. they changed little things that they didn't need to change and it affected the movie in a negative way. they are missing so much of the character interaction. and they needed it. whenever mike and jessica came into the picture- they added humor and fun to the movie. but they were out of the scene as quickly as they came in, and then it was all circle cam on the pretty vampire and pale girl.
look, i realize that no movie is ever half as good as the book it's trying to be (except the notebook), but i just think that there was no reason for this movie to be this craptastic. i could have written a better screenplay. i would have adapted it far closer to the novel, and it would have been better. i definitely could have cast it better. i just don't understand why they ruined it this way? and the makeup?! omg, did they just have people run through a huge spray of powder and then put them on set?!?! the makeup was the worst. i mean, come on people- were we making powder here? memoirs of a geisha? oh, we're not?!?! THEN ENOUGH WITH THE RIDICULOUS ATTEMPT AT PASTY WHITENESS. it was distracting.
okay, i have to stop myself before i have a stinking aneurysm (if i do though, please blame the director). i'll just apologize to all of you who are going to see this movie. because it's beyond disappointing. i want to take it back. i want them to go back into production and recast, rewrite and refilm. i want a do over! PLEASE DO A DO OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!
at least edward was hot. *sighs*
ps- towards the end of the movie, edward starting doing the mouthy pout thing that shane west does all the freaking time (see- a walk to remember) and that gets annoying. leave your lips alone and stop trying to contort them into stupid positions.
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
i am SO proud!
so freaking proud to be an american today!
i am SO excited and it seriously makes my heart smile that i live in a nation that would elect a black man to lead and run our country. not only did we elect this man- we OVERWHELMINGLY elected this man! that is exciting! and SO amazing! and so heartwarming!!! and it seriously makes me proud. proud of what this nation has become. proud that we can accept someone and believe in them to be our leader, regardless of their color.
we've come a long way america. a long way. we still have far to go, but this is a beautiful step. a beautiful, amazing, wonderful step.
i am SO excited and it seriously makes my heart smile that i live in a nation that would elect a black man to lead and run our country. not only did we elect this man- we OVERWHELMINGLY elected this man! that is exciting! and SO amazing! and so heartwarming!!! and it seriously makes me proud. proud of what this nation has become. proud that we can accept someone and believe in them to be our leader, regardless of their color.
we've come a long way america. a long way. we still have far to go, but this is a beautiful step. a beautiful, amazing, wonderful step.
Saturday, September 13, 2008
from happy tears to sad ones
my heart has been slowly cracking since the moment i heard the news about yesterday's horrific metrolink crash.
i used to take the metrolink. that was my route. and sometimes, when i would leave work a little early on a friday, it was also my train. it has since become my sister's train. that actual one. thankfully, for whatever reason yesterday morning, she decided to drive to work instead of take it.
but now she's left feeling vulnerable, and worried for the familiar faces she's used to seeing almost daily. she's freaking out because she would have been on that train. would she be alive right now? how hurt would she be? are her friends okay? will she recognize any of the ones who didn't make it? will i?
you see, the trains in so cal are a little different than say the subway in new york. it's a bunch of commuters going to work, but we pretty much sit in the same exact train car every single day. and usually, in the same area. the trains have an upstairs and a downstairs. and honestly, you either sit in one or the other, all the time. i sat downstairs in the "first car" on the way to work, which became the "last car" on the way home from work. after the accident in 2005, we all abandoned the "first car" and sat in the next one. because our car took the brunt of the impact when it crashed into a parked car on the tracks and 11 people were killed. we all decided it probably wasn't the safest car to be in on the way to work. it was the train that left right before ours that got in the accident.
so right now i'm just hurting so badly for everyone. so hurt for what's to come. when that final number of fatalities is released. and then the names. and then the faces that go with the names. because even though you might not "know" some of the people on the train, you know their faces. you see them daily. you recognize them. and you sit there thinking about how easily it could have been you... or someone you love.. or someone you know. and then you cross your fingers and hold your breath because one those equations could still hold true.
my condolences to everyone who lost someone yesterday. i hurt with you. i grieve with you. i cry for you.
i used to take the metrolink. that was my route. and sometimes, when i would leave work a little early on a friday, it was also my train. it has since become my sister's train. that actual one. thankfully, for whatever reason yesterday morning, she decided to drive to work instead of take it.
but now she's left feeling vulnerable, and worried for the familiar faces she's used to seeing almost daily. she's freaking out because she would have been on that train. would she be alive right now? how hurt would she be? are her friends okay? will she recognize any of the ones who didn't make it? will i?
you see, the trains in so cal are a little different than say the subway in new york. it's a bunch of commuters going to work, but we pretty much sit in the same exact train car every single day. and usually, in the same area. the trains have an upstairs and a downstairs. and honestly, you either sit in one or the other, all the time. i sat downstairs in the "first car" on the way to work, which became the "last car" on the way home from work. after the accident in 2005, we all abandoned the "first car" and sat in the next one. because our car took the brunt of the impact when it crashed into a parked car on the tracks and 11 people were killed. we all decided it probably wasn't the safest car to be in on the way to work. it was the train that left right before ours that got in the accident.
so right now i'm just hurting so badly for everyone. so hurt for what's to come. when that final number of fatalities is released. and then the names. and then the faces that go with the names. because even though you might not "know" some of the people on the train, you know their faces. you see them daily. you recognize them. and you sit there thinking about how easily it could have been you... or someone you love.. or someone you know. and then you cross your fingers and hold your breath because one those equations could still hold true.
my condolences to everyone who lost someone yesterday. i hurt with you. i grieve with you. i cry for you.
Thursday, September 11, 2008
has it seriously been 7 years?
that blows my mind. i can't believe how time just flies. truly. i can't ever let 9.11 happen and not acknowledge it. i still can't watch movies about it. i still can't breathe when i see certain images. i still want to throw up inside when reliving the moments.. the feelings.
so today, 7 years later, i haven't forgotten. and i hope you haven't either. there's no reason to stop living your life or letting what happened that day rule the decisions and choices you make. yet there's also no reason to pretend as if it never happened. acting as if the whole day never occurred is beyond my comprehension. and my heart couldn't bear it. i carry part of the pain of that day with me always.
2 years ago i remembered sal calabro. i'm going to post the post again now:
it's been 5 years since the attacks on the World Trade Center. 5 years. September 11th has affected me in too many ways to count. too many ways to truly even begin expressing in writing, words, or otherwise. i'll try to sum it up by saying it's something that is never very far from my mind. i will never forget how i felt that morning. my drive to work.. blinding myself with tears that wouldn't stop falling. i specifically remember looking to my right at the car passing me and him just looking at me, with total concern in his eyes. and then sitting at work glued to the television, wondering what the fuck i was doing there. the pain. the horror. the emotions. everything about that day comes screaming back to me in an instant if i let it.
i know people are tired of reliving this day. they want to move on. but what about those who lives were forever changed, more than yours or mine was? how do you balance moving on, with remembering? and when do you get to the point that watching a special about 9/11, or seeing pictures, or hearing voices of the now dead- doesn't bring you to tears? when does it become something you can talk about without having an emotional breakdown? does it ever? they say that time heals, and in my life i've always found that to be true... until now. because to me, 9/11/2001 is just as real today, as it was then. i'm having trouble putting it into the past. it's like there's this hole inside of me that just stays raw and full of so much intense emotion. and that's where everything about this day resides and lives. just as alive now, as it was then. i have no idea when or if that will ever change.
when i chose to participate in dc's 2996 project- i had no idea what i was truly getting into. sure, i would be given a name of a "victim" from that day to write about. but i had no idea how much i'd come to learn about one person i'd never heard of before. and now, i just wish i'd gotten the chance to know him in life, instead of the opposite. i am leaving this up for a few days because i really want it to sink in. sal was a person you could have known. he could have been your neighbor, your friend, your coach, your local fireman, etc. he was all of those things to many people. and now he's gone. the least i can do is allow everyone the time to actually read about him and get to know him while you deal with your own emotions about 9/11.
so this is for sal- and everyone who knew him.. and those of us who didn't get the chance.
so today, 7 years later, i haven't forgotten. and i hope you haven't either. there's no reason to stop living your life or letting what happened that day rule the decisions and choices you make. yet there's also no reason to pretend as if it never happened. acting as if the whole day never occurred is beyond my comprehension. and my heart couldn't bear it. i carry part of the pain of that day with me always.
2 years ago i remembered sal calabro. i'm going to post the post again now:
it's been 5 years since the attacks on the World Trade Center. 5 years. September 11th has affected me in too many ways to count. too many ways to truly even begin expressing in writing, words, or otherwise. i'll try to sum it up by saying it's something that is never very far from my mind. i will never forget how i felt that morning. my drive to work.. blinding myself with tears that wouldn't stop falling. i specifically remember looking to my right at the car passing me and him just looking at me, with total concern in his eyes. and then sitting at work glued to the television, wondering what the fuck i was doing there. the pain. the horror. the emotions. everything about that day comes screaming back to me in an instant if i let it.
i know people are tired of reliving this day. they want to move on. but what about those who lives were forever changed, more than yours or mine was? how do you balance moving on, with remembering? and when do you get to the point that watching a special about 9/11, or seeing pictures, or hearing voices of the now dead- doesn't bring you to tears? when does it become something you can talk about without having an emotional breakdown? does it ever? they say that time heals, and in my life i've always found that to be true... until now. because to me, 9/11/2001 is just as real today, as it was then. i'm having trouble putting it into the past. it's like there's this hole inside of me that just stays raw and full of so much intense emotion. and that's where everything about this day resides and lives. just as alive now, as it was then. i have no idea when or if that will ever change.
when i chose to participate in dc's 2996 project- i had no idea what i was truly getting into. sure, i would be given a name of a "victim" from that day to write about. but i had no idea how much i'd come to learn about one person i'd never heard of before. and now, i just wish i'd gotten the chance to know him in life, instead of the opposite. i am leaving this up for a few days because i really want it to sink in. sal was a person you could have known. he could have been your neighbor, your friend, your coach, your local fireman, etc. he was all of those things to many people. and now he's gone. the least i can do is allow everyone the time to actually read about him and get to know him while you deal with your own emotions about 9/11.
so this is for sal- and everyone who knew him.. and those of us who didn't get the chance.
Sal was 38 years old and just finishing his shift when the attack began on the WTC in new york city. he cancelled plans he had just made with a friend to work out, turned his car around and headed back to the firehouse. Once there, he jumped on his firetruck heading towards the destruction. That's just the kind of man he was. He didn't run from chaos.. he ran to it... to help ease it. Sal had been part of Ladder 101 for 14 years, since he first started working as a fireman. That firehouse was a second home to him. All of his co-workers, brothers. The entire Ladder Company was lost that day. 7 guys just vanished into the rubble; to never be heard from or seen again. The group of guys from that ladder company are now referred to as the "Seven in Heaven." Sal was one of them.
A proud American, you could often find Sal watching specials about World War II and the Vietnam War on the History Channel. Growing up with his older brother, they would often fight about who would get to go to war (if there was one) and who would stay home with their single mother. It seemed that the only time Sal questioned defending the nation, was when his mom was involved. When she passed away, he got his only tattoo on his left shoulder, in her memory.
Like most firefighters, Sal loved his job. But he loved his family more. His greatest joy in life was watching his 2 young sons grow up. He coached the T-Ball team, and when he couldn't be there, he would call his wife multiple times daily to see how they were doing and what they were up to.
"He was an unbelievable dad," Mrs. Calabro said. "I can't explain it. My kids would always look for him before they would look for me. When they got hurt, they wanted their daddy."
Sal and his wife met as teenagers in a grocery store where they both worked. They'd been together ever since and were married on September 16, 1989.
Sal was a beloved firefighter. His catch phrase was "You're the best!" Whenever he would say it, people would respond back with, "No Sal, you're the best!"
"The guys on the job loved him," Mrs. Calabro said. "Since he was there for 14 years, they called the firehouse 'Sal's House.' They said he was the heart and soul of Ladder 101."
Now the "heart and soul" of Ladder 101 only exists in memories, on memorial walls, in framed photographs, and in the hearts and soul of those he touched and loved. The man who once described heroes as "people who knowingly and willingly enter a peril situation and lay down their lives for other people" has become just that. A hero by his own definition. And mine as well.
Rest In Peace Salvatore Calabro. And thank you for letting me get to know a true hero.
this website has a lot of information about the Seven in Heaven and is where i found the majority of my information and pictures about Sal.
i am adding in this poem that salvatore's wife wrote to him.. i just found it, so forgive me for adding it so late.
i found this poem here... please click the link, because maybe the person you're blogging about has a love letter as well.
Salvatore CalabroTuesday, 1/7/2003
A Conversation With Sal
Often I dream of a conversation with you.
I tell you I love you, and wish 9/11 wasn't true.
What the hell did happen?
Do you believe it yourself?
I'm still in shock, and don't know what to do with myself.
You needed to know about history and war,
Did you know you'd be part of such violence and gore?
What would you say? Are you OK where you are?
You remain in my heart, and are never too far.
I hope you have everything you didn't have in this life.
I hope you forgive me for my shortcomings as a wife?
The world has gone crazy. Nothing is the same.
I want to keep you alive -- let everyone know your name!
Sal Calabro -- my husband, a father, a hero he is.
The flag now in vogue was a fashion statement of his.
In my sleep we do visit. No words do I hear.
I understand you are with me -- your smile says don't fear.
People think I am crazy, your signs I do see.
Moths, numbers and birds are messages for me.
Help me and guide me in raising our boys.
They need to remember you and all of the joys.
Their lives are filled with sadness. You were their best friend.
Please protect and guide them 'til the very end.
We have all changed. Life isn't the same any more.
I hope you will meet me when I come through that door.
Until then I'll always love you!
Keep letting me know that you are here.
And I will let you be remembered --my love and my dear.
The father of two is remembered in this letter written by his wife, Francine.
Thursday, September 04, 2008
ster-olitics
i don't like discussing politics. i really don't. i think part of the reason is that i'm never as informed as whoever is going batshit about it is. i can't have an intelligent discussion about things i don't know about. or things i only kind of know about- especially when the other person has read every single piece of literature, and heard every single bit on talk radio, in regards to their side of things. i truly think that a lot of people just regurgitate other people's opinions and try to sell them as their own unique, original thought. like whatever they hear on talk radio, or on a news channel, suddenly becomes their opinion as well. they even word it the same way. same argument. same points. same thoughts. just a different voice.
politics isn't fun to me. it's so personal. i mean, your beliefs are a part of who you are. what you think. what you feel. what you value. what you want. and i don't think that i should have to defend what i think, feel, value, or want. i shouldn't have to discuss it if i don't want too. i shouldn't have to "debate" it or give reasons for why i think it, etc. but i know lots of people feel differently. and i know a lot of people like to debate and discuss politics. although i kind of don't know why. it's not like you'll ever change someone's mind or opinion. so to me, it's kind of pointless. and in the end, people just end up super frustrated. the worst part? when people think their side is "right" and the other side is "wrong." that's how it always seems to go. each side can't understand why and how the other side can see things the way they do. it just gets ugly. i mean, i'm registered as a specific party, but i don't necessarily agree with EVERY SINGLE THING that party agrees with. sometimes i consider myself more middle of the road with certain issues. sometimes i think that there's a balance to be found in combining each sides views of certain things. but it's the personal issues that i'm not middle of the road on. it's those issues that really have me leaning the way i do.
i think this post stems from the fact that my household is divided politically. and it's hard. because boyfriend is really into politics. and he wants to talk about it. and he wants to defend his views and he wants to hear reasons for why i think certain things. he questions me. and i immediately get defensive. i shut down. i don't want to talk about it. i don't need to give him reasons for why i want to vote for someone. see, this all goes deeper. it goes back to the last election. to when i broke down in the fucking voting booth because i was so rattled and so involved in heavy political discussions with him for months (every.single.night) that i just couldn't take it. i questioned myself. i questioned everything. and i got so angry. i felt like he made me feel like i couldn't vote for whoever i wanted too, because i didn't have a good enough reason. so i remember calling him and yelling at him when i walked out of the voting station. telling him through my hysterical tears that if he ever made me feel like that again i'd break up with him. and it wasn't his fault. i mean, he didn't even realize what he was doing to me. what our conversations were doing to me. he just thought we were having simple, rational discussions. apparently, i was losing my mind. i'm not built to have political discussions every single night. or probably ever. but did i ever tell him that? i don't think i did. i just continued to engage him in debate.. or discussion.. or whatever the hell we were talking about.. and that is so not me to go all political sally on someone. i must have been trying to get him into bed or something.
so yeah. here we are again. 4 years later. and i can't take having a repeat of 4 years ago so i totally shut down. i feel like i cannot talk to him about this stuff. or more accurately, i don't want to talk to him about this stuff. i don't want to debate. i don't want to defend. i don't want to come up with a litany of reasons for things. i just want to say i'm voting for so and so cause i like that he's this and that and have that be the end of it. but with boyfriend, he'll want to go into the "this" and the "that" reasons. and that's really not who i am. i never have been and i'm wondering if i totally false advertised to him when we were dating- and i wonder if that was part of the appeal. i wonder if he still loves me after this post. or respects me.
politics isn't fun to me. it's so personal. i mean, your beliefs are a part of who you are. what you think. what you feel. what you value. what you want. and i don't think that i should have to defend what i think, feel, value, or want. i shouldn't have to discuss it if i don't want too. i shouldn't have to "debate" it or give reasons for why i think it, etc. but i know lots of people feel differently. and i know a lot of people like to debate and discuss politics. although i kind of don't know why. it's not like you'll ever change someone's mind or opinion. so to me, it's kind of pointless. and in the end, people just end up super frustrated. the worst part? when people think their side is "right" and the other side is "wrong." that's how it always seems to go. each side can't understand why and how the other side can see things the way they do. it just gets ugly. i mean, i'm registered as a specific party, but i don't necessarily agree with EVERY SINGLE THING that party agrees with. sometimes i consider myself more middle of the road with certain issues. sometimes i think that there's a balance to be found in combining each sides views of certain things. but it's the personal issues that i'm not middle of the road on. it's those issues that really have me leaning the way i do.
i think this post stems from the fact that my household is divided politically. and it's hard. because boyfriend is really into politics. and he wants to talk about it. and he wants to defend his views and he wants to hear reasons for why i think certain things. he questions me. and i immediately get defensive. i shut down. i don't want to talk about it. i don't need to give him reasons for why i want to vote for someone. see, this all goes deeper. it goes back to the last election. to when i broke down in the fucking voting booth because i was so rattled and so involved in heavy political discussions with him for months (every.single.night) that i just couldn't take it. i questioned myself. i questioned everything. and i got so angry. i felt like he made me feel like i couldn't vote for whoever i wanted too, because i didn't have a good enough reason. so i remember calling him and yelling at him when i walked out of the voting station. telling him through my hysterical tears that if he ever made me feel like that again i'd break up with him. and it wasn't his fault. i mean, he didn't even realize what he was doing to me. what our conversations were doing to me. he just thought we were having simple, rational discussions. apparently, i was losing my mind. i'm not built to have political discussions every single night. or probably ever. but did i ever tell him that? i don't think i did. i just continued to engage him in debate.. or discussion.. or whatever the hell we were talking about.. and that is so not me to go all political sally on someone. i must have been trying to get him into bed or something.
so yeah. here we are again. 4 years later. and i can't take having a repeat of 4 years ago so i totally shut down. i feel like i cannot talk to him about this stuff. or more accurately, i don't want to talk to him about this stuff. i don't want to debate. i don't want to defend. i don't want to come up with a litany of reasons for things. i just want to say i'm voting for so and so cause i like that he's this and that and have that be the end of it. but with boyfriend, he'll want to go into the "this" and the "that" reasons. and that's really not who i am. i never have been and i'm wondering if i totally false advertised to him when we were dating- and i wonder if that was part of the appeal. i wonder if he still loves me after this post. or respects me.
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
the whole miley cyrus picture thing
why is everyone's panties in a freaking wad over this picture? in my personal opinion, this picture is awful. i don't think it's sexy. i don't even think it's attractive. i think she looks like gollum from lord of the rings.
see? stop laughing and admit you see the similiarities (someone please photoshop miley's hair on gollum.. lol).
yes, she's 15. yes, she's a role model to very young girls. so, don't let your very young girls read vanity fair. don't let them see this picture. and if they do see this picture and freak out, TALK to them about it (i know, what a novel concept).
for some reason i'm just not offended. i don't think she should be apologizing. and maybe that's because in my opinion, the picture truly isn't sexy. now maybe if she was super vamped up and totally whored out, i'd be like.. "whoa, what the hell is this crazy bitch doing??" but personally, i think the picture of her laying in her dad's junk is more uncomfortable than the picture at the top.
see? *shudders*
all i'm saying is that we do NOT want another joe and jessica simpson on our hands folks. *vomits*
see? stop laughing and admit you see the similiarities (someone please photoshop miley's hair on gollum.. lol).
yes, she's 15. yes, she's a role model to very young girls. so, don't let your very young girls read vanity fair. don't let them see this picture. and if they do see this picture and freak out, TALK to them about it (i know, what a novel concept).
for some reason i'm just not offended. i don't think she should be apologizing. and maybe that's because in my opinion, the picture truly isn't sexy. now maybe if she was super vamped up and totally whored out, i'd be like.. "whoa, what the hell is this crazy bitch doing??" but personally, i think the picture of her laying in her dad's junk is more uncomfortable than the picture at the top.
see? *shudders*
all i'm saying is that we do NOT want another joe and jessica simpson on our hands folks. *vomits*
Friday, April 25, 2008
a constant reminder of the day.he.died
i was reading my hometown paper the other day (online) when i came across this article about this terrible car accident on PCH. this high school kid made a dumb decision (or two), and paid the ultimate price.
of course, me being the completely psychotic freak that i am, found his myspace online. and i found myself consumed in all the comments his friends were leaving him. total shock. disbelief. begging for it to not be true. the heartache. the heartbreak. the sadness. the cyber tears, hugs, hearts. it was overwhelming.
i still check his myspace daily. i'm curious. i'm curious what his friends are saying... if they're saying anything at all. i feel their sadness. i grieve with them for this boy. and everytime i visit his page, i seriously trip the fuck out. his page is like this moment frozen in time. his last login date (4/8/2008) will forever be memorialized. because he logged on that day, and died that night. the last picture of himself that he put up will forever be there. that small little snowboard on that big huge mountain with an even bigger sky. the song he put on his page that starts playing the moment you get there. his one blog post. his top 8 friends. the way he describes himself and his likes/dislikes. and his mood. it just all sits there. never to be updated again. never to see a change in the "last login date." forever 4/8/2008. his mood will forever be "jedi." whatever the hell that means... not that it matters. it just really trips me out everytime i go there and everything is exactly the same as it was. that date. that 4/8/2008 just stares at me. or maybe i'm staring at it.
the saddest part of it all? i don't know if these kids have even learned a thing. i know how horrified and saddened they are. i know how badly they wish it was all different and their friend was still here. but their myspace pictures are filled with them drinking and partying and all kinds of talk about smoking pot. even since after this accident. i always think, "do their parents know their myspace pages look like this? would this shock them if they saw these pics?" i don't know. maybe high school kids have always been drinking and smoking pot?? maybe it's just because there was no myspace or facebook back then. maybe if there was, the pictures would look the same. different clothes and hairstyles, but the same premise? i don't have the answer. but i do have an almost 10 year old son and i will tell you that the things i see on some of the teen myspace pages out there, scare the living shit out of me. truly.
of course, me being the completely psychotic freak that i am, found his myspace online. and i found myself consumed in all the comments his friends were leaving him. total shock. disbelief. begging for it to not be true. the heartache. the heartbreak. the sadness. the cyber tears, hugs, hearts. it was overwhelming.
i still check his myspace daily. i'm curious. i'm curious what his friends are saying... if they're saying anything at all. i feel their sadness. i grieve with them for this boy. and everytime i visit his page, i seriously trip the fuck out. his page is like this moment frozen in time. his last login date (4/8/2008) will forever be memorialized. because he logged on that day, and died that night. the last picture of himself that he put up will forever be there. that small little snowboard on that big huge mountain with an even bigger sky. the song he put on his page that starts playing the moment you get there. his one blog post. his top 8 friends. the way he describes himself and his likes/dislikes. and his mood. it just all sits there. never to be updated again. never to see a change in the "last login date." forever 4/8/2008. his mood will forever be "jedi." whatever the hell that means... not that it matters. it just really trips me out everytime i go there and everything is exactly the same as it was. that date. that 4/8/2008 just stares at me. or maybe i'm staring at it.
the saddest part of it all? i don't know if these kids have even learned a thing. i know how horrified and saddened they are. i know how badly they wish it was all different and their friend was still here. but their myspace pictures are filled with them drinking and partying and all kinds of talk about smoking pot. even since after this accident. i always think, "do their parents know their myspace pages look like this? would this shock them if they saw these pics?" i don't know. maybe high school kids have always been drinking and smoking pot?? maybe it's just because there was no myspace or facebook back then. maybe if there was, the pictures would look the same. different clothes and hairstyles, but the same premise? i don't have the answer. but i do have an almost 10 year old son and i will tell you that the things i see on some of the teen myspace pages out there, scare the living shit out of me. truly.
Tuesday, January 08, 2008
grab your kleenex
cause this is probably the best and saddest thing i've read in a long time. thank you andrew olmsted for serving our country. he wrote this before he died (obviously)....
"What I don't want this to be is a chance for me, or anyone else, to be maudlin. I'm dead. That sucks, at least for me and my family and friends. But all the tears in the world aren't going to bring me back, so I would prefer that people remember the good things about me rather than mourning my loss. (If it turns out a specific number of tears will, in fact, bring me back to life, then by all means, break out the onions.) I had a pretty good life, as I noted above. Sure, all things being equal I would have preferred to have more time, but I have no business complaining with all the good fortune I've enjoyed in my life. So if you're up for that, put on a little 80s music (preferably vintage 1980-1984), grab a Coke and have a drink with me. If you have it, throw 'Freedom Isn't Free' from the Team America soundtrack in; if you can't laugh at that song, I think you need to lighten up a little. I'm dead, but if you're reading this, you're not, so take a moment to enjoy that happy fact."
read the whole post here
http://andrewolmsted.com/archives/2008/01/final_post.html
"What I don't want this to be is a chance for me, or anyone else, to be maudlin. I'm dead. That sucks, at least for me and my family and friends. But all the tears in the world aren't going to bring me back, so I would prefer that people remember the good things about me rather than mourning my loss. (If it turns out a specific number of tears will, in fact, bring me back to life, then by all means, break out the onions.) I had a pretty good life, as I noted above. Sure, all things being equal I would have preferred to have more time, but I have no business complaining with all the good fortune I've enjoyed in my life. So if you're up for that, put on a little 80s music (preferably vintage 1980-1984), grab a Coke and have a drink with me. If you have it, throw 'Freedom Isn't Free' from the Team America soundtrack in; if you can't laugh at that song, I think you need to lighten up a little. I'm dead, but if you're reading this, you're not, so take a moment to enjoy that happy fact."
read the whole post here
http://andrewolmsted.com/archives/2008/01/final_post.html
Monday, December 10, 2007
i have a serious question
... or two... in regards to all the media attention that is given to people who go on killing spree's.. you know, like the recent mall shooting in nebraska.
why is it that the killer is the one who gets the most national attention? don't you think the attention should go to the victims? don't you think that any and all news stories should be related to the victims, so that other potential shooters see that they get no "glory" when they do something similar?
i have often wondered that if we stopped reporting on these incidents altogether, do you think that they would stop happening? or would we just stop hearing about them?
why is it that the killer is the one who gets the most national attention? don't you think the attention should go to the victims? don't you think that any and all news stories should be related to the victims, so that other potential shooters see that they get no "glory" when they do something similar?
i have often wondered that if we stopped reporting on these incidents altogether, do you think that they would stop happening? or would we just stop hearing about them?
Sunday, November 04, 2007
loving natalee
i just finished reading the book "loving natalee" by natalee holloway's mom, beth.
you'd have to be living under a rock the past couple of years to not have heard the story of natalee holloway, the high school senior who went missing the last night of her senior trip in aruba. the story itself, had always saddened me. i mean, i get totally caught up and involved in SOME missing person cases (i say some, because not all affect me.. only certain ones do.. just add that to my list of weirdness). they break me. i don't know why, but they do. natalee's story just sucked from the moment it happened. even before reading the book, i had thought the 3 boys who were with her the night she disappeared, knew exactly what happened to her. and with the news stories that followed, i sat there scratching my head at how the boys had basically admitted to something bad happening to her, and then they retracted it.. and their stories changed two or three times.. and how the main suspects (joran van der sloot) dad was friends with the cops, and how the whole case just seemed super fucked up and botched and just not right. i don't know anyone who thinks those 3 boys are innocent. they know exactly what happened to her, and after reading this book, i believe that even more.
this book didn't give me a ton of information that i didn't already know (although there were definite jaw droppers, head scratchers, and heartbreakers), but what it did tell me, was just further proof of how messed up this case was from day one. i felt and still do feel bad for beth holloway. i guess you never truly realize just how differently cases are handled in another country, until you have to personally deal with one. beth's account of the days leading up to natalee's trip in aruba is just heartbreaking, because you know what's coming. her stories about the police and how she was treated and handled, is frustrating as a reader. you feel her pain. you put yourself in her position and you never wish that type of shit on anyone. she talks in her book about how you expect certain things just from growing up in the united states. and you expect these procedures to carry over no matter what country you're in, but that is just simply unrealistic. it just doesn't work that way. other countries are not the united states. and when it comes to something like this, it's truly a shame. these 3 boys got away with murder. whether it was accidental or not- they got away with it. and everyone knows it. and they have to live with it. i hope someday one of them breaks. you can't hold truth like that in forever. you can't. one day, one of them will slip up. and i hope someone strong enough to tell, will be around to hear it. natalee and her family deserve that much.
for me, i can simply pledge that i will never visit aruba. i won't give them my tourism dollars, and i will talk anyone out of visiting there that asks my opinion about it. i won't recommend it to honeymooners, vacationers, families, or anyone. i had already had this opinion before reading the book, but now i just stand by it even more. i don't blame the entire island for the action of 4 (joran's dad is so fucking guilty as well) individuals, but after hearing how scary matters are handled there, i simply wouldn't feel safe. if something happened to me there, the island would just write me off and say i'm in some drug house and i'll turn up sooner or later. and anyone who knows me knows that's a bunch of crap. i hope that aruba has felt a financial pinch since the natalee holloway "thing" happened. i hope they put pressure on the 3 boys who live there. i hope the locals are sick to their stomach's with how the police handled the case. everything about how this case was handled, was beyond wrong. how do people sleep at night?
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
so cal is on fire
as it so often seems to be around this time of year. but this is bad, people. real bad. if you're so inclined:
http://networkforgood.blogspot.com/2007/10/southern-california-fires.html
http://networkforgood.blogspot.com/2007/10/southern-california-fires.html
Friday, September 21, 2007
not another damn shooting
2 students shot at Delaware State Univ
i am so sick of waking up to shit like this. so tired of people killing people. kids killing other kids (or at least trying too). when does it stop? when does it end? or good freaking gravy, WHY does it keep continuing?
i hate guns, i truly do. but i don't think that the gun is to blame. i definitely think the person who pulls the trigger, is where the blame lies (with all sorts of other things factoring into it, yet still). BUT, i do think that having a gun makes it a hell of a lot easier to kill someone. there's nothing personal about aiming a gun and pulling its trigger. hell, you don't even have to be in close proximity to someone to kill them with a gun.
i'm just tired of all the madness. i'm tired of people not being safe in places where they should be perfectly safe. or where they shouldn't have to worry about freaking getting shot at. and i know, most of you will comment and say that nowhere is safe anymore and it's silly to think that it is... but just how wrong is that?!?! and why do we accept that? why is that okay?
i am so sick of waking up to shit like this. so tired of people killing people. kids killing other kids (or at least trying too). when does it stop? when does it end? or good freaking gravy, WHY does it keep continuing?
i hate guns, i truly do. but i don't think that the gun is to blame. i definitely think the person who pulls the trigger, is where the blame lies (with all sorts of other things factoring into it, yet still). BUT, i do think that having a gun makes it a hell of a lot easier to kill someone. there's nothing personal about aiming a gun and pulling its trigger. hell, you don't even have to be in close proximity to someone to kill them with a gun.
i'm just tired of all the madness. i'm tired of people not being safe in places where they should be perfectly safe. or where they shouldn't have to worry about freaking getting shot at. and i know, most of you will comment and say that nowhere is safe anymore and it's silly to think that it is... but just how wrong is that?!?! and why do we accept that? why is that okay?
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
on this day of 9.11
i still haven't forgotten. and i find it almost impossible for me to live through this day without talking about it... writing about it... remembering it.
and sometimes i feel like i'm the only one. like i'm the only person who can't "get past it." like everyone else carries on with this day as if it's just like any other. and i want to scream how NOTHING ABOUT TODAY IS LIKE ANY OTHER! DON'T YOU REMEMBER?!?! HOW COULD YOU FORGET? HOW CAN YOU NOT CARE?? HOW CAN IT NOT AFFECT YOU ANYMORE?! it seems like so many people have truly forgotton what today is until they are reminded of it. and even then, they can shrug their shoulders as if it's nothing and carry on. i can't do that. i can't shrug my shoulders as if it meant nothing and carry on. and i hope i'm never able to. i hope i'm never that unaffected.
so today, six years later... i haven't forgotten. the pain is still real. my heart still aches. i still can't watch a single fucking thing about 9/11 without my eyes welling up with tears. i still find myself gasping for air when certain images are shown. i am still very aware of how my chest hurts to breathe, or how i'm simply not breathing at all. i feel it all. so much. and it still hurts. and i don't understand how it doesn't hurt for everyone.... if even for just one day.
last year i remembered sal calabro. this year, we can remember him again.
and sometimes i feel like i'm the only one. like i'm the only person who can't "get past it." like everyone else carries on with this day as if it's just like any other. and i want to scream how NOTHING ABOUT TODAY IS LIKE ANY OTHER! DON'T YOU REMEMBER?!?! HOW COULD YOU FORGET? HOW CAN YOU NOT CARE?? HOW CAN IT NOT AFFECT YOU ANYMORE?! it seems like so many people have truly forgotton what today is until they are reminded of it. and even then, they can shrug their shoulders as if it's nothing and carry on. i can't do that. i can't shrug my shoulders as if it meant nothing and carry on. and i hope i'm never able to. i hope i'm never that unaffected.
so today, six years later... i haven't forgotten. the pain is still real. my heart still aches. i still can't watch a single fucking thing about 9/11 without my eyes welling up with tears. i still find myself gasping for air when certain images are shown. i am still very aware of how my chest hurts to breathe, or how i'm simply not breathing at all. i feel it all. so much. and it still hurts. and i don't understand how it doesn't hurt for everyone.... if even for just one day.
last year i remembered sal calabro. this year, we can remember him again.
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