i went to colorado...

And all i got was...


altitude sickness.


HA! 

Seriously though- why didn't any of  y'all warn me that ALTITUDE SICKNESS could happen!??!  So weird.  It sucked. I felt "off" for like 4 freaking days. FOUR DAYS! blah.

BUT, let me tell you- Steamboat Springs is where the crazy Olympic ski people practice their jumps. It was IN-FLIPPING-SANE watching them do this!!!! 

So this is the jump thing. I wish you could tell how TALL and HIGH on the mountainside it was. But you can't. Anyway... not only did the guys have to try to kill themselves on this insane jump thing- once they were at the bottom they had to CLIMB A MILLION STAIRS WITH THEIR SKIES IN THEIR ARMS to do it all over again!!!!!!

Really people, can't you install a escalator to the top or something?!?!!?  Good lord. All I kept thinking when they walked up the stairs was how I would flipping DIE if I had to do that. 

See?!?!? Stairs of death. Plus, they were so hot walking up the stairs of death, they had to fold down their weird unitard thingies. So basically, a bunch of guys walked up a billions stairs topless and I took their pics. Yep. Not creepy. At all.  lol

So once the crazy boys are at the top, they have to put their clothes back on and attach their skis!

Holy shit, now that they are FINALLY up there and all reclothed, they can do what they came to do! FLY DOWN THAT CRAZY THING!!!!!

Crazy right?
Right.

I don't think i'll ever get over the stairs.  THE STAIRS!

dedication. That's the one word that comes to mind. or INSANE. 

:)

the scandal at cooperstown!

first of all, cooperstown (aside from being the home to the baseball hall of fame) is also the home of the cooperstown dreams park. some lucky kids get the opportunity to play baseball there during 13 weeks of tournaments. if you don't play when you're 12, you won't ever get the chance again. the concept is super cool.

SO, if you keep up with my facebook posts then you know that out of 104 teams, we made it to the championship game during the week we were there!

pretty awesome, right?

we definitely thought so.

now here's where things get dicey. and i must mention that the rumor mill runs rampant at that park. i can't even tell you the amount of crazy things i heard that week.

the other "team" that made it into the championship game wasn't even a team before the tournament. they were put together by the man who OWNS cooperstown dreams field. this team had kids from 5 different states on it. our boys were like, "they didn't even know each other's names." apparently, the team was put together so that the owner's grandson could play on a winning team. another thing i heard was that they flew the pitcher in that day to pitch in the championship game. i don't know if that's true or not, but it honestly wouldn't surprise me.

let me side note really quickly with a, ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?!! your grandson HAS to win, or what? he feels just like the other 103 teams that played there and didn't win?!? what the hell are you teaching that kid? you have a sucky team that won't go very far.. don't worry kid, i'll BUILD one for you, and pay for the team to come there. i mean, what a freaking joke. it's one thing to care about your family, but it's another thing to seriously go overboard with the whole "winning" and "losing" concept. personally, i think that guy is sort of an asshole who needs to learn how to lose. not to mention the fact that he's probably not helping his grandson with any real character building experiences.... aside from having to deal with other kids hating him for being so spoiled. i suppose that builds character somewhere down the line.

now let me just say that teams being built like that- is not this totally crazy, far out concept. teams do it all the time. and if someone called me up and said, "hey jenn, we want to fly blake out to play on this team in florida- and all expenses are paid for." you'd find me hard pressed to say NO. so i get the concept. i understand the idea. and i'm not opposed to it, necessarily.....

but what i do think is...

there is a TIME and a PLACE for teams like that to be playing against one another. but that's the key- multiple teams like that- all sorts of built and put together teams to be playing against each other.

cooperstown dreams park tournament is NOT the time, NOR the place for something like that to happen.

you have to understand that the teams that go to those tournaments, are local little league times... or teams who play travel baseball together all the time. some of the teams are really great. and some aren't so great. but they're all there for the same reason- to play baseball in a really cool environment. to do the thing they enjoy doing. to play with heart. it isn't all about winning. it's about the experience.


so to have the freaking owner build a team to basically CRUSH all the other competetion, was just pathetic. no team that played that team stood a chance. we knew going into the game that there was no way in hell we were going to win. i don't care about that part- what i mean is, we didn't have to win the game, but it sure as hell would have been nice to at least have a GOOD game. there was no hope for a good game against this team of 6 foot 12 year olds, with a pitcher who threw 80 miles an hour.


yes people, 80 miles an hour for a 12 year old is NOT normal. that is crazy fast. the kid was ridiculously talented.


but how was that game fun for anyone? it wasn't fun to watch. it couldn't have been fun to play. not even for the team who crushed everyone. and really, didn't they do exactly what they were put together to do? oooooh, you guys got to the championship game? how shocking. you won the game? ooh, even bigger shocker.


i just think it was a really shitty move. not to mention pathetic.


what happened at that tournament should go against everything that park should be about. and the fact that it was the owner who did it, makes it even more jaw dropping. actually, that's the part that makes me ANGRY. that he knew what he was doing. what he was doing TO 103 other teams. he needs to see that he wasn't doing something great and nice for his grandson, but he was doing something selfish and mean to about 1200 other kids. his "gesture" was at the expense of everyone else there. and it wasn't fair. it wasn't a fair fight. and i just think it's wrong on every level, regardless of us being in the championship or not.

i know i wasn't the only one to feel that way because the ENTIRE stadium that night was rooting against that prebuilt team, and for us. they would have rooted against that team no matter what- everyone was so pissed off about the whole thing.

anyway, the true champions that night were this group of kids. at least in my eyes.

and he starts losing faith

in baseball. with the announcement of manny ramirez doing steroids, blake went on a diatribe that consisted of the following:


"he's a cheater. everyone in baseball cheats. it shouldn't even be a sport anymore. they don't care, they just do drugs and cheat. all they care about is money. no one plays it because they love it anymore."


then he added, "except david eckstein."


oh, if they could all be like david.


know what i think? i think that at this point, if you get caught doing roids, you should be suspended for the REST OF THE SEASON. and then if you get caught again, you should get kicked out of baseball... FOREVER. you shouldn't have to roid up to play ball. and if you do, there should be real consequences for it. consequences that make you STOP doing it.


play baseball because you love it. realize that you get paid MILLIONS of freaking dollars to PLAY A SPORT for pete's sake. think back at when all you wanted to do was play baseball. how it was your dream to get paid to play ball. you have that. you achieved it. you're one lucky sob.

remember that. i'm sure it's easy to forget, but try. because you're messing with my kid here.

my future... giant? ick

blake and i often discuss his future as a major league baseball player (what 10 year old boy doesn't have this discussion? probably ones that hate baseball.. moving on).


blake: so what happens if i get drafted by the giants? do i tell them, i really want to play baseball, just not with your team?


me: i don't think so blake. i mean, if you are lucky enough to get drafted, even if it's by the stupid giants, you'll say yes. you'll be so excited to play ball, you won't care who it's for.

blake: will you come watch me play?

me: probably not.

i believe in the church of baseball

i was raised on baseball. dodger baseball. looking back at when i was kid, i feel like i spent a good majority of my time at dodger stadium. my dad pretty much raised me to bleed dodger blue... and eat dodger dogs. (dodger dogs hang off the bun cause they are so long and as a kid my dad used to bite the dog on each end for me cause i wouldn't eat the non bun parts.) it felt like dodger baseball was ingrained into my dna the same way that my green eyes were. i used to sing "forever dodger blue" loud and proud at every game i went too. i remember having a huge crush on steve garvey. my mom had a crush on him too, but since i liked him, i told her that she could have dusty baker instead. see how nice i was, even as a small ster?

i can't remember a time in my life when baseball wasn't a part of it. i understand it better than any other sport (playing softball for 12 years didn't hurt that part i'm sure)... and to me, it's the only sport that matters. don't get me wrong, i'm a total tomboy, so i love sports in general and will watch pretty much any of them. but baseball? that's where my heart is. i respect the sport. the passion that comes with loving it. the want to just play ball. the loathing of the politics involved with it, because it is a business. but still, i appreciate it. i understand the mentality of it. the superstitions. the way the game is played. the CRACK of the bat hitting the ball. and i'm not joking when i tell you that i could sit there and smell a baseball all day long. i'm that sick. :)

for me, baseball is a way of life. it always has been. i can't imagine giving up on something i have always loved so much. even during the times where your heart breaks and aches because you feel like we have strayed so far from what the game is really about. and you just want to scream "LET THEM PLAY BALL" because you know that's all the real lovers of baseball want to do.

is it wrong to love a sport so much?

learning lessons

even as adults, we still have lessons to learn. this past weekend was a great example of that for me, and a lot of my friends.

we were at a baseball tournament and there was this kid on the opposing team who looked like freaking a rod. he was super tall, totally muscular, and moved the way at least a high schooler would move. he was supposed to be 10. of course we laughed and i joked about asking him out on a date later. we made comments about how he probably drove the team here and how we'd see him up at the bar. we were never trying to hurt his feelings or make him feel bad, but we were just joking amongst ourselves at the craziness of this kid even possibly being 10. that even if he was that tall, what 10 year old is that coordinated with that kind of body?

then i talked to one of the moms on that team. and she told me how everywhere they go it's like a freak show. and people make comments and say things like "he can't be 10, he has FACIAL HAIR!!" and they never stop to think that he can hear them. and that he's 10. and how is a 10 year old supposed to feel about himself when he hears these things about him? she told me how nervous he gets going out on the field. how when he pitched in the last game, he was shaking he was so scared. how he was totally 10 years old, go talk to him for 2 seconds.

and it all rang in my head after i walked away. imagining a 10 year old boy hearing people say things about his facial hair. and people questioning his age, and the way his body looks. and he has no control over any of that stuff. he's just a child. he may not look it, but he is. i ended up feeling so fucking bad. i wanted to go hug the kid and tell him that it might be hard for him right now, but it won't always be this way. he will be a superstar in no time.

you know, i often say things that i think are funny... totally joking around without thinking about it. it's never with will intention, or to make someone feel bad, but i know the shit i say can definitely hurt someone's feelings. i need to be more aware of what i'm saying. even though i meant nothing with all my jokes about this kid- i still made a ton of jokes about a child. a freaking 10 year old. who does that?

wanted to include this because it's somewhat along the same lines- judging someone.. laughing at them.. and here's to having them shut you the hell up.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lp0IWv8QZY

since i've offended every little league parent out there

let me continue with my rant from yesterday to CLARIFY, hopefully more eloquently, than my prior emotional and riled up state.

i want to make it very clear that i feel like little league serves a purpose. i do. there is a true need for baseball in the form of little league. every child should have the right to play baseball if they want too. and they shouldn't have to be amazing players to play it either. if a kid wants to play baseball for the first time in his life at age 11, he should be able too. there should be a place for that. i don't think little league should be abolished, or shut down, or any over the top crap like that. every child should have the right to play baseball in a fun atmostphere if they so choose.

but on that same token, the same children should have the right to play baseball in a competitive, more serious environment, if they so choose. where i believe that little league serves a purpose, i also believe that leagues like pony ball do as well. my frustration stems mostly from the fact that we don't have that option where we currently live. it's little league or no baseball. i know for a fact that many of the little league coaches are frustrated as well, but it's beyond their control. it's no one's fault, it's just the way it is.

and with that, i'm done.

i will say that i am super pysched for the traveling ball club. i love that the coaches are hard, they yell, and they coach tough. they are my saving grace. as long as blake gets to stay on the team that is. *crosses fingers*

he looks good in dark blue, no? :)

i am so angry

so, so angry. i am also emotionally exhausted. (please bear in mind that this post is going to be pretty harsh because i am really upset, mad, sad, frustrated, heartbroken, DISAPPOINTED, etc)

i have been saying since we moved up here how crappy the baseball is. how little league is totally pathetic. how it's a complete joke and it's not teaching the boys how to play real baseball. everyone just writes me off like i'm some crazy pyscho baseball mom. they.don't.get.it. they just don't fucking get it.

when blake and i moved up here i was horrified when we attended our first little league meeting. horrified because i had no idea that little league was so vastly different than what blake had been playing in southern cali (pony ball). when we went to the first game, i almost died. i couldn't believe that this is what i moved my kid too. i couldn't believe that at 7 years old, he was playing the exact same baseball that he was playing when he was 5. i was TAKING HIM BACKWARDS! instead of putting him where things were competitive, blake was in a holding pattern. not learning a damn thing. and it's this type of experience that has continued the entire time we've been in little league.

i have often expressed how unfair i think it is for the kids who are like blake, to have to play in this type of atmosphere. because the rest of the team isn't as good as they are. half the kids still can't catch the damn ball. at 9 years old, you should be able to catch. you should be able to throw from shortstop to first base. but some still can't. and how is that fair to kids like blake, and those better than him? it's not. they don't learn anything. and they most certainly don't get better. and that is where my biggest problem lies. my kid is in atmosphere where he is NOT becoming a better baseball player.

this past weekend, we played against pony ball teams, and traveling teams, who are made up of all good players. it's the type of baseball i have been longing for since we moved up here. but holy fuck, was it ever a wake up call. and now i'm more mad than ever. fuming. i am mad at little league. i'm mad that there is no other baseball up here to choose from. i'm mad that if you're ONLY going to have little league to play, it should be better. it should be different. it needs to be fixed. it needs SOMETHING. because it's wrong. it isn't baseball. it just isn't.

you see, blake is a good player. and that's the bottom line. he's good, but he's not great. but in little league, he's amazing. and it's created this total false sense of awesome-ness for him, and the other players like him. they look like they are incredible ball players because they are surrounded by mediocrity. but the truth is, THEY ARE NOT INCREDIBLE BALL PLAYERS. they aren't. none of them. and they have no fucking idea. and i'm so mad about that. i'm just so mad about all of it. how dare you give my kid the impression that he is some amazing exception to all ballplayers out there, when the truth is that he's not. and then how do you change that? how do you tell your kid he is nowhere near as awesome as he thinks he is? how do you make him get it? how do you unteach what has been implied for as long as he can remember?

blake hasn't been coached properly in three years. and it has never been more apparent than this past weekend.... when he was playing certain positions and he was unsure of where to go and what to do. he knows where to throw the ball, but i mean some of the basics of where and when exactly to back up, what base to cover for a bunt, etc. he doesn't know these things because he has NEVER BEEN TAUGHT THEM. no one has coached him. and it's true. i'm not being crazy. i'm not exaggerating. the coaches don't coach. they coddle. they pat the kids who suck on the ass and tell them everything will be okay, while leaving the kids who seem "great" alone. they already know how to field ground balls, and hit, so they don't need the help. but the thing is- they do. they always do. they can always be better. and blake isn't getting that up here.

and it is killing me.

those of you who don't have kids won't really understand this. and those of you who don't have kids who really love a sport might not get this either. you might think i'm kinda nutso. and i totally understand that. cause when i was younger and i would hear my sister talk about my nephew and baseball, i thought she was crazy. but once blake started playing, i totally got it. it all made sense. she wasn't crazy at all. she wasn't obsessed. she just wanted the best for him. because he loved the sport so much. and he was naturally talented at it. and that's where i am. blake has the natural talent, but that talent only takes you so far. you have to be taught. you have to work hard. you can't be told you're the best for years when you're really nowhere close. you have to be challenged. you can't get better or grow as a player if you aren't challenged. and i falsely bought into some of it as well. i always realized that some of the kids blake played with weren't as good as he was. i always knew that he was one of the "best" by default. but there was still a part of me that thought differently. and i should have known better. he was never the best in pony ball. he was good. one of the better players on the team, but never the best. but he was always challenged. and always pushed to be better. and taught. he learned baseball in pony ball. and he's not learning it here.

i want what is best for my child. i want the best baseball for him. and he's not getting it. and it's not in little league. and my heart is breaking. because i feel like i am just totally fucking him up. and i am not giving him what he needs to be a great baseball player. and it's not fair. it's not fair to him at all. he deserves better. he deserves more. it's the one thing he loves. it's the one thing that's his. he tells me, "baseball is my thing, mom." and it is. but for how long at this rate? seriously? how long can baseball continue to be his thing when he doesn't get any better, yet is constantly told how great he is? reality is a rude wakeup call.

thank the goddess for this traveling team. if they played all the time, year round, i'd quit little league in a heartbeat. and i wouldn't think twice about it. i don't feel like i owe little league a thing (not talking about the people we've met in little league cause i love the hell out of some of those parents and kids). but i don't feel like little league has done anything to help blake grow as a ballplayer. and i don't understand how the parents can stand it. but i guess it's because they don't know any different. my sister told me that no one would understand my feelings on this. no one would truly get it because they didn't live it. it's because i know how much better there is out there that this just isn't okay. it's because blake has played better ball. it's because i know what he's supposed to be playing. and it's true. i'm sure that if i hadn't lived better, i'd probably be somewhat content with little league. but i have lived better. so i'm not. i'm not content at all. i'm fucking mad as hell. and i've got to change something. because i will never forgive myself if i take the one thing blake is good at, and make him mediocre. it's just not okay. none of it. the ones who lose in this are our kids. and how can any parent be okay with that?

edited to add that the root of the problem in my mind are not the coaches, but the way little league is run. i mean the organization as a whole (lord knows i love and adore our little league president and his family). i get what they are about and i feel that there is a place for little league in the world, but i also feel like our kids should have options. they should have the option to play for something better if they want too. and when little league is the only option, the way it is restricting to the kids and the coaches alike, that's when i have a problem with it. i have a problem that our coaches are forced to babysit kids, instead of truly coach and teach the players. i have a problem that the coaches aren't allowed to teach them certain things because it goes against the rules of the little league organization. so please, this is not a personal attack by any means. i'm not pointing fingers at blake's old coaches saying they're the problem here. the problem lies deeper than that. and if i'm the only one who sees it, then consider yourself lucky. cause this is the type of shit that keeps me up at night crying.

foot, meet mouth

we just got back from the tournament. i learned a few things this past weekend:

• blake is nowhere as good as he thinks he is
  
• blake is nowhere as good as I think he is
  
• blake is a standout in little league
  - little league is a JOKE.
  
• i miss so cal more than ever

i have lots more to say, but i can't write it at this point without crying. more to come..

what a game!!!!

i don't even care about either of those teams, but i really wanted the giants to win. don't ask why, because i'm not entirely sure. maybe i didn't want the team who got caught "cheating" at the beginning of the season to go undefeated. maybe i wanted the underdog to win. maybe i have no reason or excuse at all, but that game rocked and i'm happy the pats lost. sorry pat fans.

and on that note- pictures of the carpet!!!

blake's room


the computer room


our room