one year ago

i got my life back.

one year ago, i started to put back together the broken pieces within me that had been so shattered, so beaten, so abused.

one year ago, my life began again.

no more would i find myself battling headaches so severe & spontaneous that no amount of excedrin would take the pain away. no more would i find myself hysterically crying at the dinner table wondering how much more i could take before i would literally break and fall apart. and what would that breaking from the inside out really feel like? would i be fine one day, and then literally unable to move the next? no more would i have to wonder if what people were saying was the truth. questioning the intentions of those around me. wondering who was a person of their word and who wasn't. surrounded by those filled with less integrity than i care to measure. would i have a complete and total meltdown that led people to sincerely question my sanity? because i was coming unraveled. and i knew it. i just felt powerless to stop it.

so one year ago, i got it all back.

my sanity. my perspective. the remembrance that no amount of money is worth losing your happiness over (and i carry this information with me as subtlety as a tattoo on my face) the chance to find myself again. to be truly happy. to love myself and everything that i am again. to believe in me. to remember that i have value, am a good person, and am a fucking great employee. to do things i'd never had the time to do before (write! real! books!). to spend more time with my son than i ever had in his entire life thus far. sure, we had far less money. but you know what? we survived. we had fun. and i had the best tan i'd had in years.

one year ago, i got fired.

and i couldn't be more thankful for that blessing.