Thursday, February 23, 2012

talked to the bank yesterday

I'm not sure if i ever told you guys that we finally got a notice of default. i guess it was about a month ago. so we're officially in the foreclosure process and there will be an auction date set on our house within the next few months.

at least that's what they say.

yesterday i finally was able to contact someone at the actual bank! during this time, it's always been someone NOT with the bank, but some sort of collector just seeing if you're going to pay-

the lady at bank of america was a first class bitch. shocking, i know. she was so fucking condesending that i wanted to reach through the phone and kick her in the neck!!! she's so lucky we don't have the ability to do that sort of thing....yet.

"well when will you be on your feet enough to start paying your mortgage?"
me- "well i can't really answer that since i've been unemployed the last 2 years. i've tried to get a job this whole time..."

"oh, you haven't had a job for 2 years? WOW... well are you doing ANYTHING to bring in income to your family?"
me- "what do you mean? in what regard?"

"well are you willing to do anything to bring in money? maybe you should rent out a room?"
me- "i have a child in the house and i'd really rather not rent out a room to a stranger, but thanks."

"okay, so you really don't have anything you're willing to do. and you can't afford your property anymore. my advice to you, and i'll be noting this in your file, is that i'm recommending you take any money you've saved and go find a place that you and your family can afford to live in."

wow, thanks for that brilliant gem.

this was all after she said there was nothing they could do for us. we don't qualify for any kind of modification- not in house, out of house, govt, etc.

so after getting that final answer yesterday- it sort of all hit me. and i got a little sad. it sucks to know that we're losing this stupid ugly house... if only for all the time, effort and money we've put into it. money, that realistically, we didn't have. but we wanted to make our house nicer- prettier- feel like home- and it sucks that i kind of look at all of that as a complete fucking waste of my precious time, money and effort.

it's all been for what?

i was also sad because i think that i carry the stress of this whole house situation on my shoulders. or it lives in my head daily. i cringe everytime the mailman comes near the house. i'm petrified that he's going to ask me to sign for something that says we have 30 days to vacate the property. i feel like i just sit here waiting for it all to drop around me.

and i know i could end all of that by just packing up and leaving first- before any of that happens- but the flip side is- WE'RE SAVING MONEY! and the allure of trying to save as much as we can, outweighs everything else right now. i'm obsessed with trying to just build as much of a nest egg as i can while we're in this situation. i'm terrified that we'll need all the money once we leave this place. and i want to have it.

so do we sit here and wait until we're told to leave, or do we start packing and leave on our own accord- and put this part of our lives to rest and start the next part? i will admit that living this way feels stagnant- like i'm not moving forward- like i'm on pause- stuck-

anyway, that's where we're currently at. i imagine it's only a matter of time before we're packing up and trying to find a place to live with out 2 big dogs. *crosses fingers*
until then, the psycho in me wants to get boxes and start packing up everything we don't use, need, etc. i want to make this as painless as possible for when we do have to go- i want everything except our clothes and kitchen shit to be packed and ready. you know?

i know i'll thank myself later for it.

Wednesday, February 15, 2012


i went to san diego last week. that's why i've been MORE mia than usual. crappiest part? i took like ZERO photos.

we were so busy running around and doing things, that we really didn't take any pics together. i took plenty of pics of the property- which was stupid amazing by the way. but there are like NO pics of us girls together.

suck major.

the only ones i did take of all of us together were with my phone. double major suck.

opposite of amazeballs. argh.

oh well, here are some pretty pics.

this is the view from the balcony outside of my bedroom. it overlooks the main pool- but you can't really see it

and this is a pic of our villa. i swear it's not "pink"... the smaller garage door is for our golf cart!

another shot of the pool area FROM the pool area! :)

oh yeah, i updated my book cover too for the kindle! it's way more fun now! :)

NEW! Cover for Kindle!

Friday, February 03, 2012

For the love

I'm sort of sick of talking about my book. LOL Is that weird? Probably. I'm usually pretty weird.

I went to shopping today and bought a new pair of jeans. I swear the only jeans that work on my body are the Long & Lean's from GAP. And while I love them... I always end up ripping them. You know, right when they're at that perfect point of worn-in-ness and you're totally in love with them everytime you put them on. Yeah. That's when they rip. Huge, gaping rips. So I had to get some new ones. And I'm sitting here in my living room, trying to do like yoga stretches and bends so that these freaking things will stop suffocating me and S-T-R-E-T-C-H out. Don't laugh- new jeans are super tight at first! Then they stretch all willy nilly and fit perf. :)

I look forward to stupid things. Like tonight, I know we're going out to dinner at a Mexican place and all I can think about is the fact that I get to eat salty chips & salsa later.

Seriously. I'm drooling right now just thinking about it.

Clearly, I have issues. This shouldn't be news. lol

My head hurts. Sometimes I wonder what's going on inside my head- like, do little people live in there with hammers and stuff and they just chip away at things? I think they must. Cause that's what it feels like sometimes.

Speaking of my head- I read a book the other day called The Mind Readers by Lori Brighton. Holy crap, it was FANTASTIC!!! I totally loved this book so much. The concept was awesome- about a girl who can read minds, but was raised not to ever tell anyone because "people" are out to get her, and those like her. So she's always kept it to herself... until this guy comes to school who can do the same thing. There's WAY more to the story than just that, but anyway. It was awesome. I can't wait for the second book to come out. If you haven't read it, I highly recommend it. :)

Alright. i'm off to play with my doggies. And kiss my puppy (not a puppy) on his smooshy, fat, face. I can't get enough of that face. I mean really, could you? i <3 him!!!!


Have a great weekend everyone! I'll think of you while i'm stuffing my face with chips & salsa later! lol

Thursday, February 02, 2012

You love FREE stuff, right?

Yep! My debut young adult novel is FREE once again! In honor of the NEWLY! (RE)EDITED! UPDATE!... i'm giving it away!

ps- the story is still the same and I haven't updated the dialogue or the writing, but the grammar and certain sequences have been reformatted so that they're easier to read. There comes a point when you have to stop rewriting your first book and walk away from it. Of course it's not perfect and there will always be things you'll want to change (cause you grow, your writing grows, etc) but if you spend all your time rewriting that first book, you'll never finish any of your other ones. It's hard to do this, but it has to be done.

So if you downloaded the old version...or have an older version... go get the newer version right now for nothing! :)

Spread the word to your friends, your enemies, and people all over. Thanks everyone-

US Amazon:

UK Amazon:


SPAIN Amazon:

FRANCE Amazon:">

Wednesday, February 01, 2012

it's so weird!

it's just weird the things people will accept without question, versus the things they won't. i guess it has to do with personal experience- what they think they "know" to be true, as opposed to what "can't possibly" be.

does this make any sense?

okay- i read a book the other day (it was The Deepest Cut by J.A. Templeton) and some of the reviews were complaining about how the love story happened way too quickly. and why did all of YA books have this aspect of falling in love lickity split? but what made me laugh was that the love story was between a girl and a ghost. so i loved how it was perfectly acceptable for her to love a ghost, but it wasn't acceptable for her to love him so fast.



people are funny.

and picky.

the other thing- so many women in their late 20's and early 30's are reading young adult books. which is awesome, cause personally, i prefer to read them too, so i totally get it. but then, those women are the ones who write and complain about how things are "cliche" or how they hate the "dialogue", or why was everything "SOOOOO intense right off the bat" or how "annoying" it is that all the characters are "gorgeous".... etc etc etc..

and it takes everything in me to NOT remind those people that they are CHOOSING to read books that aren't written for them. and instead of making broad generalizations about how all the YA authors are the same, maybe they should stop reading YA books and start reading Adult ones? It's just funny how easy it is for people to blame every writer, instead of possibly looking within and realizing that maybe they've outgrown some YA literature. all the stuff they bitch and complain about, the teenagers love and enjoy. the teenagers can relate to that stuff. and hello, when you're a teenage girl- things happen fast! you fall in love FAST! you fall in love HARD! you think about the consequences later!

anyway. lol

it's funny the things people argue about in regards to my book. the things people try to CONVINCE others can't possibly be true- the things they question- the behaviors they call "unrealistic"... oh, if they only knew how much of that book was based on true events. most of the things people complain about and would probably bet their life couldn't be true- actually happened. so to me, it's all so ironic. it's weird what people refuse to believe in. i guess we're all shaped by our experiences.

things that have never happened to us before, or to anyone we know, might seem far fetched and unbelievable. but that doesn't mean they are.