Friday, December 30, 2011

my wish for YOUR 2012

i love new years eve!! it is one of my most favorite days of the year! i associate it with new beginnings, the pursuit of dreams and realizations and goals fulfilled... and of course, my most favorite... MAGIC!

new years eve to me is magical. it's an evening filled with wonder. and hope. when our eyes and hearts seem more open than usual to the possibilities of what's to come... what will the upcoming year hold for us?

my wish for everyone in this 2-0-1-2 is...

that we are all blessed enough to follow our hearts. to feel as though we are doing what we are meant to.

that when we hear our soul's call, urging us to do that certain something that seems impossible, THAT WE AT LEAST TRY TO DO IT!

i hope that we all have the doors to our hearts open wide. and when those doors open, we feel things in ways we've never felt before. we see things through clearer eyes. we feel things through a fuller heart.

i hope that 2012 shifts our perspective. i hope we all start seeing our world differently. through heart shaped glasses instead of dollar signs. i hope we see riches defined less with the amount of money in our pockets, and more with the amount of love we are giving and receiving. sure, love doesn't pay the bills at night- but money doesn't warm your soul.

i hope that we are all blessed enough to realize what it was that we were put on this earth, in this lifetime, to do- and that just the realization alone brings us more internal peace than we've ever known before.

i'm really not sure that i can say it better than Oprah did on her finale. it held as much meaning for me then, as it does now. i hope when you read this, you find yourself shaking your head YES in agreement. i hope it speaks to you, the way it spoke to me.

"What I knew for sure from this experience with you is that we are all called.

Everybody has a calling, and your real job in life is to figure out what that is and get about the business of doing it.

Every time we have seen a person on this stage who is a success in their life, they spoke of the job, and they spoke of the juice that they receive from doing what they knew they were meant to be doing. We saw it in the volunteers who rocked abandoned babies in Atlanta. We saw it with those lovely pie ladies from Cape Cod making those delicious potpies. ... We saw it every time Tina Turner, Celine, Bocelli or Lady Gaga lit up the stage with their passion.

Because that is what a calling is.

It lights you up and it lets you know that you are exactly where you're supposed to be, doing exactly what you're supposed to be doing.

And that is what I want for all of you and hope that you will take from this show.

To live from the heart of yourself.

You have to make a living; I understand that.

But you also have to know what sparks the light in you so that you, in your own way, can illuminate the world."

Happy 2012 everyone! let this be the year that we each go out and find what illuminates us, and light up the world with our inner glow!

Friday, December 23, 2011

if you see me in the grocery store, you should probably run the other direction



if you know me, know me.... (you know, like in real life and stuff) then you know that i'm not really a klutz. i do however do lots of stupid and silly things like, put gravy on my salad as the dressing... or fall completely sober on the dancefloor while having a pretend makeout session with my girlfriend during the song, "i kissed a girl"...

but otherwise... i don't think people think of me as a "klutz."

at least not to my face. haha :)

so, these last 2 trips of mine to the grocery store have been completely out of character. not to mention, dangerous! oooh, i've become dangerous. how sexy.

no no, this is not that kind of dangerous! it's the bad kind. the dangery kind. for reals. so if you see me- i am not kidding when i tell you... RUN THE OTHER WAY! get as far away from me as possible!

because two times ago i was in the pasta aisle and i turned a jar of sauce to read the label on the back, it fell off the shelf. i tried to do the whole juggle thing with my hands, while one arm was holding a carry on cart thing, and then my hair fell in front of my eyes and i had no idea where the jar was anymore. so i just threw my foot up in the air in the hopes that my leg would have eyes and be magical or something and i'd actually catch the freaking jar of sauce on my foot. or at least break its fall.

but no.

i don't think my magical foot was anywhere near the jar of sauce as it plummeted to the ground. do you know that my brain actually thought, "oh, it's not going to break. it's going to hit the ground and be totally fine. i broke its fall enough with my mad juggling skills that maybe it will BOUNCE when it lands."



i think my brain bounced.

that bitch SHATTERED to the floor below and broke into a billion pieces. did i mention that this aisle is right by the door? so everyone walking in was muttering things like, "awwwwww" and "oh no!!!" and there were gasps of horror. because this was clearly a tragic moment in grocery store history.

and i realize that people probably break things all the time in stores, but i never have before. and it looked like a freaking crime scene. it would have been awesome if someone had busted out some tape and outlined the blob on the ground. lol

okay... moving on to TODAY!

i grabbed a cart that had a weird front wheel. but me, being the non-discriminatory cart person that i am, stuck with the disabled shopping cart.

so once i was done shopping and the cart was filled with all my stupid shit... the front wheel STOPPED moving.

it just stopped.

have you ever had a cart stop moving on you before? well if you haven't, let me tell you what happens. you turn into a complete non functioning person. because your body doesn't stop trying to push the damn thing. but it's done moving. and then, everything happens really quickly.

so the wheel stopped.

but i didn't.

and the fucking thing TIPPED OVER ON ITS SIDE!

holy shit, i can't stop laughing right now. lol

it was so loud as it crashed to the freaking ground. and everyone waiting to check out was like, "OH MY GOD!" and "OH NO!" "WHAT HAPPENED?" "ARE YOU OKAY?"

what the hell? who has a shopping cart just tip all the way over? and do you know how ackward it is trying to put it back upright is? it doesn't want to go!!! good lord. lol

did i mention the eggs? oh yeah, they died.

another tragedy in the grocery store. thanks to yours truly.

clearly the lesson here is that i should no longer be allowed to grocery shop unsupervised.

or supervised.

i should probably be banned altogether.

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

dear facebook - aka the place that can't leave well enough alone

please dear god, for the love of all that is holy and right with this world,


i sincerely do not understand why that concept is so fucking difficult for you to grasp? why do you INSIST on changing our pages every 6 months? i freaking LOATHE it, every.single.time.

but this time? it's the worst. the banner and what-not is sort of cute- totally liveable, but the rest of it? confusing as all hell. makes no sense. why is everything all over the place in little myspace boxes? but it's not even different information. it's just status updates everywhere. it's freaking stupid, mark fuckerface.

if i could close my account and still be able to maintain my "fan" pages, i would. because you make me HATE facebook. you make it suck. and i don't understand why you can't just leave well enough alone?

also, since you clearly have a problem sitting still... or you constantly have a "let's redesign everyone's profile pages.. again! and then let's do it again tomorrow! oh, this is so much fun!" hair up your ass.... can you at least make the update OPTIONAL?

so if people love the new pages layout and look- they can choose to display their page that way? and for those of us (the smarter bunch) who know how messy and stupid it looks, can keep our pages the way we like?

i hate you.

you're like some sort of lunatic who gives people no choice. you probably get off on the control.

well knock it off, fuckerbitch. you're pissing me off.

but i'm sure you'll do it again in 6 months.

Friday, December 16, 2011

why does everyone always want everything for FREE?

i have found that trying to start your own business(es) means:

that people will constantly surprise and amaze you.

in both good and bad ways.

the people you know will want your services for nothing. or at least at an extremely discounted rate. and while i understand that to a degree on one hand- the other hand, (you know, the one that's empty and has no money in it because i don't have a job and i'm trying to create ONE by starting a business) is like.. WHAT THE FUCK? if i give everyone i know all my services and products for FREE, then how am i ever supposed to make any money? i can't create or be successful in any business i try to launch, if i don't charge my friends at least something.

and that's the other thing- i cannot for the life of me, imagine asking one of my friends who is trying to start a business, to do some of the things i'm asked to do...

it's one thing if it's offered.
it's another thing if it's not.

part of me thinks that people just don't get it. what goes into everything i do. i mean, how can they?

if you aren't a photographer then you don't you don't know what it's like to shoot hundreds of photos during one session, and then spend over/up to 2 hours just narrowing down the best shots. and then i typically spend anywhere from six to ten hours processing the photos. it may not sound like much, but it is a lot of detail work. a lot of staring at the computer, making a beautiful shot, even more beautiful. i love the results i get, but it IS work for me to get them that way. and it's time consuming.

if you're not a baker then you don't know that i worked my ass off for over 16 months on my cupcake recipes and frostings. you don't know that i didn't have a chocolate frosting for almost 2 years because i couldn't make one that didn't taste like shit on my cupcakes. you don't understand how much time, care, and perfection goes into baking up the yummiest cupcakes in the world (ahem, those would be mine by the way... in case you were wondering-lol). but i guess the thing that tends to shock me the most when it comes to my cupcake business... is the sheer number of people who ask me for my recipes.


why the hell would i give you my recipes to my cupcakes? then you would never order them from me again because you could just make them yourself. and really, WHO asks that of someone?

i guess the same kind of people who ask me for my books for free. i wrote that book. it took me almost a year from start to finish to have that book ready to print. it came from my guts. why wouldn't you want to support it? i have to buy my books in advance. they cost money. and then i have to pay for shipping. that costs money too. i don't make that much profit on my paperback books. but some of my friends want them for free. for every person who i gave a free paperback copy too- i PAID you. not only did i give you the book, but i gave you the money it cost to make it, write it, ship it, etc.

you're welcome.

and i don't mean to sound like a bitch or anything, but it's just that i'm shocked i guess at how many people want something for nothing. especially when they know i'm currently unemployed. i don't have a job. i don't have an income. why the fuck would you want my stuff for free?

it surprises me everyday the people who choose to support me (in all honesty, it surprises me everyday as well, the people who choose NOT too). i never expected that so many people that i went to HIGH SCHOOL with would buy my book. i know that might sound weird, but high school was a long ass time ago. so many of my hs friends have jumped on the book train, simply to support what i'm trying to do. and that, is really what true friends are made of.

i could not appreciate their support any more than i already do. they all blew my mind. in the best way possible. so i thank them for that.

it's been amazing seeing who has supported and bought my book. it's also been a little sad at seeing certain groups of people not support, not help, not offer something to spread the word (when they have a lot they could do with their reach, influence, followers, fans), but i guess that's life.

i'm definitely learning who i can count on to be there for me ... as well as who won't. it's just funny, the people i expected hands down to really do something- haven't at all. a group of people who claim to be so focused on community, support and building each other up- they all just want THEMSELVES built up.

but then again, maybe i haven't done enough for them in the past?

who knows?

all i do know is- if you have a friend who is trying to start a business- be considerate, and offer to pay for their services. they'll thank you for it down the road.


Sunday, December 11, 2011

being an indepenent author ...

means i call myself things like an "indie" author... or that i "self pubbed" ... basically, without asking for it, i'm now part of a club. a group. because i self published, i'm a part of indie authors who also did the same thing.

the thing is- the shift is happening. no longer does self publishing = shitty books. there are some damn good self published books out there. some really great writers who couldn't, or didn't, get representation from an agency, or a publishing house.

it's cool though- because most of the indie authors i've come across? are truly nice people. they are helpful. and inspiring. and encouraging.

we ALL want one another to succeed. because the more indie authors who break the "norm" and succeed, the more regular readers stop to take notice of what's out there.

because honestly, that's the hardest part for me about self publishing.

no one helps you market your books. no one gets a million people to hear about your book and then insists that they buy it. i spend days upon days online doing social marketing for myself and my book(s). i mean that i have to set aside full and complete days when i will do NOTHING else (no writing, no designing, no notes) except comment on blogs, ask people to read and review my book, post on goodreads, facebook, twitter.

it's a lot of work. and i know it may not sound like it to you, but i guess it's just time consuming. and it sucks when you don't seem to get ANYTHING out of it. it sucks when you spend a shitload of time marketing your book, but you get zero book sales out of it.

anyway... the new elite group that i'm a part of (indie authors, remember)... we're having an INDIE AUTHOR BLOWOUT!


hundreds of e-books, all genres, all for only .99 cents!!!!!

i don't even have a freaking e-reader, but i'm going to download some of the books because there are some fantastic sounding books on this list! (i think i can read them on my phone, or computer, maybe??)

my book, IN DREAMS, will be featured on DAY SIX of the blowout!

anyway, it's a great way to discover new independent authors and maybe find some great stories! you can also enter to win a kindle! pretty cool eh?

help spread the word... or shout it out on twitter?

you guys are the only help we have. so THANK YOU.

if you buy from indie authors... thank you for the support.


Saturday, December 03, 2011

new doggy!

a friend of boyfriend's inherited a doggy.
well, it was his mom's dog...but his mommy passed away.
so then it was his dad's dog...but his dad is sick.
and well, he can't keep the dog.

so boyfriend said we would take him and if our other psychotic/crazy dog could be normal and not be affected by the new addition....

THEN WE COULD KEEP HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i'm already in love!!!!

so, meet PETE! :)

who i affectionately call things like "pegged leg pete the pirate of the pacific" ... "peter mcpeterson" ... and... "fat head."

but i realized today that i really want to call him BEAR! cause pete... well it doesn't flow. and it doesn't fit him, really.

so i'll start him off slow... tomorrow i'm gonna start calling him "petey bear"... and eventually i'll drop the petey altogether and he'll just be bear!

poor thing won't know what hit him. ha! :)

but really, isn't he just the cutest thing you've ever seen?!?!?!