Sunday, October 30, 2011

the beach!!!!

those of you who aren't familiar with northern california.... well.... let's just say that the beaches are often, F-R-E-E-Z-I-N-G!

they are usually windy.
and cold.

but i spent the day at the beach yesterday and it was GORGEOUS!!!!! not a cloud in sight! and no wind!

i miss the beaches of southern california SO much, that i was over-freaking-joyed when i got the beach and it didn't suck! :)

i took pics (of course)!

the rocky weirdness that is nor cal beaches

dillon beach in the day


dillon beach sunset

dillon beach

wasn't it perfect?!?! :)

and this is my favorite pic i took all weekend. it makes me smile.
jumping girls

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

remember our house situation?

you guys, i'm so sorry that i haven't talked about our house, or the situation at all lately. i seriously forgot that a lot of people have been finding my blog when they search about losing their home, short sale, foreclosing, how bank of america sucks hairy balls, etc. and i forget that y'all want to know just WHAT THE HELL is going on.

we DID stop paying, like i mentioned in this post here. (all the posts about our house, and deciding what to do, etc are here)

so we stopped paying. it's been, what, 5 months i think? yeah, i think that's right. we are still paying our home owners insurance (someone asked about that), but property taxes are another story.

ideally, we'd still like to work with the bank. we don't have a lot of faith that that will happen, but we don't really know for sure.

we have looked into a short sale. we will definitely pursue that option if we have to, but right now, we're waiting. there are a lot of things to think about- if you sell your house for less money than you owe, can the banks come after you for the difference? or are you liable for the difference on your taxes (filing the difference as income). there are all scary questions that you have to find out. each state is different.

and really, i don't know how all you people who have put your homes on the market do it! it freaks me out to think about strangers traipsing around in here when we aren't home. what do you do with your things? it just feels so violating. eeeek.

anyway, it's still stressful. i wait everyday for that letter to come giving us a time limit to get the hell out of the house. when it comes, i'll make sure to post about it.

right now- we're just waiting. unsure of what is coming, or when exactly. i wish i had more to tell you. i mean other than the almost daily phone calls (that AREN'T even from the bank mind you, but a collection agency who has no power to make any deals because they AREN'T the bank), there isn't much going on. which is both a blessing and a curse. i try not to think about it.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

the Fear

you know what's funny? ever since i've written and published my book, SO MANY PEOPLE have come out of the woodwork to tell me that they've always wanted to write a book. they have a story to tell. whether it's non-fiction based, or fiction- they can't let the story go.

so then i ask every one of them the same question... "well why haven't you?"

and you know what's the most interesting part? of them has the same type of response, "i'm afraid of rejection." "what if people hate it?" "i'm terrified to put my thoughts out there." "it's scary to be judged."

and they are totally right.

i mean, it IS terrifying.

but the best part for me (or maybe worst part depending on how you look at it), was that those thoughts never even crossed my happy little mind until AFTER i'd already released the book and put it into the universe.

only once i realized that other people were actually reading it, did i want to throw up constantly. that fear of rejection crept in and with each rating, email, text message, review i got- i was terrified that people were going to hate the story i created.

i guess i never realized how truly personal writing a story can be. even when it's completely fictional. it still comes from somewhere inside of you. and this story came from somewhere deeply buried within my subconscience. not to mention my heart and soul.

so i'll be honest- when people don't like it, it fucking hurts. and while my mind constantly reminds me that i can't please everyone and that of course people are going to hate it and think it sucks- my emotions go through the ringer each time it happens. i'm sure i'll get better at letting that type of criticism go- but it's still hard. and it makes me question what the hell i'm doing sometimes. like what i'm thinking.... writing books- you're an idiot jenn, look, these people hate what you wrote, why would you keep writing?

so i get why people who want to write books are scared to. i understand where the fear comes from. but you have to think- who are you writing for? i mean, i didn't honestly write this book pandering towards one group of readers or another. i didn't really write this book FOR other people. i wrote it for myself. because i wanted to write it. i had a story i had always wanted to tell and i finally had the time to tell it. so if you have a book that has been inside of you for years (like this book has been for me) and it hasn't gone away, you should give it life. even if it's just for you. write it, put it out there, and you never know what might happen. other people might actually L O V E it. and how fantastic would that be? :)

listen, i know i haven't written some amazingly beautiful piece of prose. i've never taken a writing class, i don't know shit about how to realistically write a book the way a professional writer would tell you how. i probably break all the "rules" when it comes to book writing. but if you want to know the truth- i don't want to write exactly like everyone else. i don't want to follow some formula.

all i know is that i write with my heart. i try to tell stories that make people feel something. i write the way i talk. i write stories i'd want to read. i try to create main characters that i'd fall in love with, want to be friends with, or at least not want to throw off a cliff.

i'm over the freaking moon when people enjoy the story i've written. that fills my heart with happiness. sincerely. the same way that my heart breaks a little when people don't like it, or think it's complete crap.

but i'm happy that i didn't really think about those parts before i published the book- because i might not have.

the same way some of you aren't writing or putting your book out there.

but we all have to remember, that no one else can love what we've written if we don't share it with them. no one else can learn from our lessons, meet our characters, or fall in love with the perfect guys we create, if we don't put our books out there. what if every musician, singer, movie maker, writer, tv producer... what if they were all too scared to put their final product out there because of their fear of rejection?

we'd have nothing to watch or listen too.

bottom line of this post- YES, it hurts when people don't like your book. but i can't even tell you what it feels like when people DO like it.

so write. it's worth it.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

win a signed copy of my book!

enter to win a signed copy of my book on goodreads! :)

Goodreads Book Giveaway

In Dreams by J. Sterling

In Dreams

by J. Sterling

Giveaway ends November 14, 2011.

See the giveaway details
at Goodreads.

Enter to win

Friday, October 07, 2011


hi y'all! i know it's been forever. this whole "unemployed" thing really just means that i'm not working for someone else. i don't think i have "not" worked a single day since i got fired.

i work my ass off.

or my eyeballs.



my eyes are killing me cause i just redesigned my ENTIRE freaking author website. do me a favor and check it out! tell me how pretty it is... or what you don't like, what i should tweak. i might listen, or i might pull all my hair out and curl in a ball and cry. most likely i'll listen. unless i think your opinion sucks, then i'll politely just ignore you. hahah anyway, go HERE and look!

speaking of my book and self publishing and everything else- i need YOUR help.

your opinion.

your advice.

because you see my internet friends... y'all are smart! creative! resourceful!!

i am wondering.. if you put out a book that you published- where would you try and put it at for sales? i have sent copies to bloggers (let me know if you want one for review), sent copies to facebook page people, have hard copies in the local bookstore, and whatnot.

but the word of mouth.

it's TOUGH! so i'd like to physically put my book in some more places locally. i was thinking about asking a local frozen yogurt shop. i know that sounds weird, but teenagers hang out in there- all the time. so do their parents. and well, my book is for teens! :)

do you have any ideas on how i can promote my book more to get it out there and talked about?! i am open to all ideas.