Monday, November 29, 2010

i never thought it would be this hard

for me to find a job. i know everyone who knows me, thought the same thing. oh no worries, you'll only be unemployed for a little bit.

i think part of me thought the same thing. most likely because i've NEVER been without a job before. and i've always been able to get one when i wanted/needed one.

this time is very, very different. now i'm "over-qualified"... or they're concerned that the job i'm applying for is so far out of the norm for me, that i'll "be extremely bored and unchallenged." but those things- they're if i get a call at all. from every job that has reached out to me in response to my resume, they've told me that they have been completely overwhelmed at the number of responses they are getting for their job ad. they tell me that people with all sorts of backgrounds and degrees are applying for positions they would never normally apply for.

the thing is, i feel like a fucking loser not working.

it doesn't matter how many things i do throughout the day... or what i accomplish... since i'm not out of the house, bringing home a paycheck, i feel like a complete waste of space. i could save every homeless puppy in my city, but if i didn't get paid for it, i'd still feel like i totally suck.

i probably wouldn't feel so damn terrible about it all, if money wasn't an issue. right? right. but since we need my paycheck... i feel fucking ridiculous not working. i feel guilty for everything i do. sleeping? why the hell should i be tired? i don't fucking work. get out of bed. but then, get out of bed and DO WHAT???? feel guilty for sitting around the house and NOT WORKING???!?

i think maybe i'm finally starting to crack. ha

i just hate the way not having a job makes me feel. because it wasn't my choice to leave (but i am so fucking thankful to be gone) and it's not my choice right now to not have a job. i keep trying.... and nothing is working out.

i know that there's a lesson, or a message in here somewhere. i know i should see it. it's just hard. i mean, i am thankful that we still have a home and i am so thankful that i get to spend time with blake and take him to/from school everyday. i love that. but it's hard to enjoy it when you're stressed about everything else. it's hard to really just be thankful, when nothing about the situation makes you feel that way.

i know i'm not the only one in this position. it's just all new to me. and it doesn't feel good.


Jax said...

I understand. When I got laid off from the firm o fun (or the firm of hell, but whatever), I thought I'd find something fast... but I didnt. It took me a few months and then I found the job that was right for me. But, luckily it was right for me b/c it was only the SECOND one that had even called me back. And with my law degree, etc, I was basically overeducated and underexperienced. And I didnt want to practice law...which made it worse. I was like "I dont want to practice law.. " and they'd said "Okay, let me put you through to our legal dept to see if they're hiring." Um... wtf.. haha! Long story short, I found a good job by going to a job fair... and it wasn't even anywhere I was interested in at the time. But the recruiter was interested in ME. I gave him my resume half heartedly and he called with the PERFECT job a few weeks later. Talk about a good recruiter.

Anyway, I'm rambling, but just saying that I understand. People thought I would be bored doing anything besides law. I wanted to say "Um.. you realize that I looked at dead people's medical records all day at the law firm.." haha.. They just dont understand.

Stay upbeat, don't let your confidence fail, girl... Have you tried temping anywhere? I tried that and hated it, but you never know. Headhunters? A lot of headhunters here specialize in accounting, but also hunt for other fields. They just dont advertise that. And you dont pay them; the companies that are hiring pay them. Never hurts.

Good luck and sorry for my ranting! XOXO!

Alison said...

Take the CBEST and get on the substitute lists. The kids would LOVE you and you never know, you might like it too! :)

Anonymous said...

omg your friend Allison has a great idea!!

Linlee said...

I'm right there with u. Got laid off in April and there is NOTHING out there right now!

Anonymous said...

Is there anywhere you are interested in volunteering? Maybe you can use this time to put your skills to use for a nonprofit. I know a lot of times you get to try out something you're passionate about, and it's a great way to network as well. It might not hurt to reach out to some causes you care about and see how you can help?

A said...

What about selling photos?
Of course, I have no idea how you go about doing so.....

Momma to LG said...

I just spent the last year looking for a job. A YEAR! It sucked big fat donkey balls and I know exactly how you feel.

Volunteering is a good idea. I didn't do it much "in case a job happened" but I realize now I could have done so much more.

Keep your head up!