i 've said many times over the years of this blog that i'm not an author. it seemed like every blogger out there considered themselves a writer and they all had the same goal.... to get published.
that was never my intention.
don't get me wrong... i did have one idea in my head for writing a book, but i don't think i honestly thought i'd ever really write it.. or get past the first chapter.
so since i've been writing my book... it's been interesting living in my head. it's like suddenly, all these doors have opened. when i first started writing, i told myself that this was the only idea i had. that there were no more ideas in my head for other books. but then other ideas sprang to life. and not only does this book have another story to go with it..... but i have other stories in my head as well. it's been amazing how opening up my mind to writing has inspired other writing. (clearly not here at this blog though lately)
since i've never written a book before, everything about this process is new to me. the feelings i get when i write. how there is never enough hours in the day when you're really in a groove. how there are "boring" parts in your story that aren't necessarily exciting to write, but you know they have to be written. how hard it is to balance the needs of your family, with the needs of the ideas in your head constantly begging to get out and onto paper. the thoughts are relentless. they don't go away because you're tired.. or busy.. or have things to do. they will spring to life in the most inconvenient of places (the treadmill, the grocery store, in the car)- it's been fun though. because since finishing my first book, it's been BORING around here. it's weird.. it's like i didn't mind not working so much because i was constantly writing. since i've stopped writing my story, i miss it. i'm beyond bored without it. it's like my characters are all just sitting there patiently in my mind twiddling their thumbs, waiting to be put to good use again. and i've had to stop myself from writing their next adventure until i really try to edit and clean up their first one.
but oh, how i love them. the characters from my story. they have captured my heart and my mind. i think about them constantly. i want to share them with you because i feel like you will love them as much as i do. if i didn't like them so much, i would probably give up on getting published. but it's because i believe in them and their story... that i can't quit on them. (or me)
just to be clear, i don't think my book is 100% brilliantly written or incredibly amazing or anything like that. what i do think however, is that it's a really GOOD story. i think i need some editing help to make it GREAT. but i know it has the potential to get there.
and i want it to get there. so i submit to literary agents and get rejected left and right. and i'm sure i should be more affected than i am, but i honestly try my best not to take it personally. hell, i've been in the casting business for entertainment with voice over talent, and on camera talent. i know that if we don't choose someone, it isn't because they aren't talented or a good actor. it's usually more because they just aren't quite what we're looking for. maybe their hair is the wrong color. maybe the sound of their voice isn't quite right. so i think of it the same way when i get rejected. agents are looking for very specific things and i just didn't have it... for THAT agent. doesn't mean i won't have it for another, you know?
all i need is that one person to take a chance on me!!! to request the whole book, instead of just 1 or 2 chapters. (we all know the ending of the book has the most action and is the best!) and then i need that chance taker to believe in me. the same way that i believed in so many of the people i've worked with over the years.
i am so ready for this!!!!!