Tuesday, August 31, 2010

too much time on my hands

i am knee deep in the book i'm writing. i am loving almost everything about the story. i do get bored with parts that aren't overly exciting... and i wonder if i'm the only one who gets like that? are other writer's completely enthralled with their every word throughout the entire process?? if they are getting bored with something, do they stop writing? i just think that the book can't be EDGE OF THE SEAT WITH ROMANCE AND EXCITEMENT the whole time. you know? i'm sort of in love with my characters and i think that's a good thing. like, IN LOVE. ha

i have too much time on my hands. this whole not working thing has my brain in overdrive. or my mind. or my emotions. whatever, they just don't stop. they think constantly about the things i want, where i want to go, what i want to do, how i'm living my life, how i'm not living my life, the things that need to change. it's not pretty in here people. so then i question- am i feeling this way because my mind isn't engaged in work. or would work only be a distraction for how i'm truly feeling? are these feelings and thoughts and emotions genuine to me..... or are they born out of boredom? i guess that's my job to figure it all out.

in the meantime, i'll be outside.. getting a mother f'n tan on these sweet ass legs.. and writing until my heart explodes.

and loving every minute of it.

Sunday, August 29, 2010

i know someone with a disease

last summer, after her trip to italy, my good friend (and bomber babe) susan started not feeling well. her arm felt like it was on fire and she had no clue what was going on. she was constantly in pain.

A LOT of pain.

and it wasn't getting better.

she was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis (MS). they think she's had it for years, but that the flare ups would happen so mildly, that she wouldn't even realize they were flare ups. this time, it was unbearable.

our sons are on the same travel ball team. i talk about susan on here all the time. she's one of the reasons i love playing travel baseball so much. she is literally, one of the best people i know. after her diagnosis, let me tell you, the fun began. an umbrella is her constant staple at all tournaments now. she can't stay out in the heat for too long, because it will cause her pain.
we mist her.
we fan her.
we shade her.
whatever we can do to keep her comfortable, we're willing to do it because not having her in the stands with us is completely not acceptable. we love her too much.

one of the best things about her is by far, her attitude. from the moment she was diagnosed, she knew she wanted to fight it. she was willing to try anything. she never wanted this disease to beat her, she has always wanted to beat this disease. she wanted to get her pain down to as bearable of a level as possible. so she has shots once a week that literally knock her on her ass for the entire next day. i know. i've visited during one of those days. she has no energy and it's literally a struggle for her to do anything . it's weird seeing her like that in all honesty. you see, normally she glows. she is a big ball of light with a gorgeous smile. she lights up a room when she walks in it. she commands it. she is vivacious, courageous, strong, independent, beautiful, kind, generous, giving, thoughtful, smart, determined, successful and fun!!!!

i could not love this person anymore than i already do and i cannot imagine my life without her in it. i am reminded how much i love everything about her, everytime i see her.

the whole point is that we're doing a bike ride for MS. and i just joined the team. listen, i know i'm late in joining (the ride is in like 3 weeks or some shit)... it's just that i kind of hate committing to stuff... especially if it's too far in advance. i have no idea what life will throw at me. HA

but i finally did it!!!! okay? i'm on the team!!! cruisin' for susan!! :)

and now of course, i have to raise money. so i'm posting a link to my page and if you'd like to donate (i don't care if you donate one dollar), that would be super rad. and if you don't want too, that's okay too.

listen, you don't have to buy my friendship or love, but i'd like to at least give you the option. :)


mom and son 2
susan and her son

Friday, August 27, 2010

want free mcdonald's angus snack wraps?

i know i just talked about my awesome fitness in the post below... but why not follow up working out, with working out your mouth?

i have some mcdonald's new angus snack wraps to give away. well i don't have them just sitting at my house or anything.. but i have COUPONS for you to go get some!

this is exciting right? of course it is!!!!
just enter to win in the comments section and i'll draw at random on monday, august 31st. tell your friends. tell your mom.

Monday, August 23, 2010

i'll be up at the gym..

i have to share this with all of you because it's exciting. or i'm excited! or something!

i've been posting on and off for years now about all my fitness adventures. doing p90x... the shred.. cleansing.. body wraps.. having both the shred & p90x give me massive(r) thighs. (shaddup kristen).

i'm sure in all my posts about working out, i may have mentioned once or twice (or 50 times) how much i loathe running. how it hurt my knee. or how i literally could not run for an entire minute without feeling like i wanted to die. yet my happy ass could be on the elliptical for an hour and be perfectly fine. it never made any sense to me, but i just chalked it up to the fact that i simply wasn't made to run.

i have to tell you that i've been on the treadmill for probably two months now. wait, i'm not writing this from the treadmill... like, i'm not on there right now and i've never left and i'm living on it or anything. i mean, i've been working out on the treadmill for 2 months now. now that i've cleared that up.. ha!
i've never felt better. i feel like i've never looked better. my legs have changed shape and i see pictures of myself and i don't want to throw up. i think i look freaking hot. i feel like i look hot. and i swear it's all because i've been jogging/walking. i can now jog consistantly for almost 40 minutes without stopping. this is something that you have to understand i thought i would NEVER be able to do. i'm not saying that my legs are suddenly amazing and i should be a model or anything, i'm just saying how jogging has made ME feel about myself. i like the way i look. i want to continue to look better. i feel like jogging is the reason for this change. and yes, my legs are still thick.. my ass is still huge.. and my hips are still wide. DON'T.CARE.

it has taken me this long to get to this point, but i love everything about it. my legs are firming up. they are toning up. they are getting smaller. nothing has given me results the way jogging / walking has. so i'm here to tell you that if you're someone who thinks jogging isn't for you... give it another shot.

i started with walking mostly and doing intervals of jogging for as long as i could take it. which was literally probably 1 minute at a time. i would go at a pace of 4.0 and i would go for an entire hour, so i would do 4 miles. anyway.. i kept pushing myself to jog more and more and well now.. almost 40 minutes straight suckers!!!!! i love it! i think i'm inspired by my new fantastical legs. lol or the fact that i just feel like they are fantastical.

so yeah. jogging. the miracle workout. who knew?

Friday, August 20, 2010

i can't write here right now because

i can't stop writing my book!!!

i know, i know.. i said i'd never write a book. i was never one of those bloggers whose sole purpose was to get published. it was never my intention or my reason for blogging.

but this book... this fictional story that i've wanted to tell.. it's been in my mind for YEARS. and it's simply never left. so i decided it was finally time to bring it to life.

and bring it to life i have. i can't freaking stop. it's consumed me. i think about the characters and the story constantly and only wish i could write the story as quickly as my mind thinks it up. but i can't. because writing.. well it's hard.

and time consuming.

and way slower than you want it to be.

why didn't y'all tell me?


thank you to everyone who has inspired my characters.. inspired my writing.. and encouraged me to continue. i could not bring this to life without you. i hope it rocks as much as i want it too when this is all said and done.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

i know how much we like to talk about mascara!

so i have to tell you about my NEW! MASCARA!! that i'm using!!!! i know, i know.. i just got y'all to buy the other awesome mascara i was wearing. don't worry, collosal volume masacara is still amazing....

but this one is better!!!! it's still by maybelline, so we're still in the same brand family!! it's their new one, called FALSIES

i actually love this mascara MORE than the colossal volume one and here's why.
falsies is softer. i mean, i thought colossol was soft-but this mascara (i always wear waterproof so having non crunchy lashes is normally a difficult request) is WAY softer. this does result in me having to put on at least two (and i seriously mean at least) coats AND i have to curl my eyelashes more than one time, which is weird, but i'm used to it now.

the falsies mascara has a totally different wand than the collosal mascara. see?
mascara brushes

and the falsies really does seperate ALL of my lashes. it makes my lashes just as long and tall as the other one does, BUT it shows WAY MORE of my lashes. all of them come out to play when i wear the falsies mascara!

i know how much y'all love seeing pictures of my eyelashes so here you go. this was taken the very first time i wore the falsies mascara.

so in all the recent pics from new york and becky & cat's visit i've been wearing the falsies. ah shit, you probably can't even see my eyes cause i'm wearing sunglasses in almost every picture. even indoors! whatever.

so at one point i tried to go back to the collosal so i could do a real comparison, but i kind of hated it. the falsies has won me over- for the length and the seperation. so go try it! tell me if you like it... and remember that it is SUPER soft, so think lots of coats!!!

i love our mascara discussions. lol

Saturday, August 14, 2010

there's a definite theme to my life right now

if i had to give my life and the way i feel one word.. it would be this:

or inspired.
or inspiration.
or probably any variation of that word.

i feel like this whole year for me has been about finding what truly inspires me. and that was definitely amplified once i was let go from my job. i didn't have anything dragging me down anymore, so i was free to focus a lot on what exactly it was i wanted from my life and in what ways. i keep coming back to the same word. i keep feeling like i'm looking for inspiration in everything i do... in the places i go.. the people i meet.. the movies i watch.. the songs i hear.. the books i read.. the things i see.. the things i dream. i'm not sure why entirely. maybe i am searching for something (obviously)? maybe i'm just bored? maybe i'm looking for something that makes me FEEL. i'm sure not working has something to do with this, but in all honesty, i think that working would just mask these feelings. they'd still exist inside me, but i'd bury them under my responsibilities. probably until they exploded to the surface and made some huge ridiculous mess. gross.

i kind of find myself interesting. and extremely frustrating. i wonder if i make things more difficult than they need to be. or if i'm so focused on trying to figure it all out, i make the obvious answers unclear. i feel like the older i get, the less i want to be tied down to anything that makes me feel stuck. maybe that's a lot of it? maybe i feel like there is so little movement for me right now, that i'm coming apart at the seams. i honestly don't know. i'm trying to figure it all out, but it's hard. because it requires searching into those deep parts of your soul where things get uncomfortable... and where nothing is absolutely clear. the answers are never easy, but i'm trying to find them. and i think that's where inspiration comes into play. because if something inspires me.. then i feel like it's telling me something.. speaking to me in a way. that there is a reason this certain thing has made me FEEL a certain way. and it's up to me to figure out why and how and put it all together.

this is the journey i'm on right now. i'm trying to learn more about myself. i'm trying to figure out what i need to be sincerely happy each and every day. what job can i do (if heaven forbid i'm not in the entertainment industry anymore) that would make me feel inspired. what can i do that would make me happy to be doing it everyday? i don't really know who i am workwise if you take me out of the entertainment industry. i've pretty much been involved in it since high school. so i guess trying to find me outside of that wouldn't necessarily be an easy task. so i understand why it's a difficult search for me. but that doesn't stop me from wishing it was easier.

maybe i'm just slowly going crazy?
or maybe i really need a job. any job.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

still soul searching.. with pictures!

it has been such a fantastic past couple of weeks for me. we already talked about how much i loved my trip to the east coast to see my girls.. and how life changing.. or eye opening.. or whatever it was for me. i love when the simplest things can affect me in ways that make me stop and reevaluate what i'm doing in my life. i find myself in a place right now where i just want to really experience and live all that life has to offer. and when i talk about it to people, i know they can't relate to what i'm saying. i know i'm just in a different place then they are. i'm wanting different things and they probably think i'm crazy. who knows, i probably am. but i don't care. there's this part of me that just wants to see things, and do things, experience things and meet people and have it all matter so incredibly much. like i posted about months ago... i'm still looking to be inspired. i want to look back on my life and feel like i really lived it. not the way society tells us too, but the way my soul craves me too. with purpose and meaning.

i was talking to becky and matt when they were here about how freeing it is to get fired from a job in the sense that you suddenly feel like the whole world is open to you again. not that the world was ever closed, but you get so caught up in the rut of working sometimes, that you feel like have no options. you feel stuck. you feel like you can't go do what you want, when you want.. because the money is too important. because if you lose your job, there is this huge list of responsibilities that come crashing down on you all directly correlated to losing your income. it's easy to stop living because you're too busy paying to live. there has to be some balance in there somewhere.

here's to hoping i find it.

but in the meantime... here are some amazing pictures we took from becks & catjacks visit to the ster casa! they're all gone now and my house is so sad. it's quiet and lonely and empty. and i'm sick and feel like shit. we went out dancing and we went to san fran and i took the girls to the coach outlets and they each got a new purse!!!

and we had a photo shoot.
on a boat.
in the street.

i am thankful for my incredible friends. i wish we all lived closer so that these visits were far less rare and so that these photo shoots were far more often. ha





jennster posin'

Friday, August 06, 2010

sometimes a quick getaway is much, much more

i am running the gauntlet of emotions here kids. this quick trip of mine to new york and new jersey somehow feels more life changing than anything else. y'all know how freaking sensitive i am. how deeply i feel things. and how aware i am of my feelings, my emotions, my desires, and wants, etc.

this trip was incredible. i don't know if it's because i haven't traveled anywhere in almost 2 years. i don't know if it's because i don't have a fucking job right now and being unemployed is the weirdest thing to me ever. i don't know if it's any number of things. but what i do know is that right at this moment, my heart hurts. and i constantly want to burst into tears. i'm a tired, emotional wreck.

i love new york. i love where i stay in jersey. i love the people i meet when i'm there. i love how straight forward and non bullshit everyone is. that is so my style of person. no beating around the bush. no coy games. just straight to the point. it makes me laugh and there is something refreshing about the honesty of it all. when you're used to people who are so concerned with what they say and how they say it.. and want to make sure they're leaving the best impression of themselves with you at all times (no matter how dishonest it may be) there is something to be said about people who don't act that way. i appreciate it. maybe it's because it's how i am. no bullshit. honest and straightforward. and i've always scared the crap out of people in la. it's funny to me when i don't.

i realized during this trip that i really, really, really enjoy meeting new people. i realized that i really can make friends with anyone, anywhere i go. when i first got there, i went with j-fo to her junior high school reunion. and i met and loved everyone there. i got into a really deep and honest conversation with one of her old classmates. we ended up exchanging a few emails during the course of my trip and i don't know that i've ever been so flattered before, as to hearing this stranger tell me that meeting me made him believe in love again. that he knew the right girl was out there somewhere for him... and that meeting me made him realize that the old him (the one he loved and thought was gone forever) was still there inside- all he has to do is find the right girl to bring it out. and he thanked me for helping him see and realize this about himself. he said he hadn't felt that good about who he was in years.

how can someone telling you something like that not completely change you? i feel changed. i feel like maybe he opened my eyes a little bit to the effect i can have on people? i don't know, that sounds really weird and cocky and kind of asshole-ish. it's not how i mean it though. i guess after hearing that from him- i just felt really good about the person i am. and i realized how much i enjoyed helping him realize that about himself. and how happy it made me to hear him say he believed in love again... and that he was open to it.. and that he knew he could be happy again. because all i want is for people to be happy in their lives. life is too short to be unhappy, or bitter, or mad. i love the affect that strangers can have on one another. i changed this guy, and in return he changed me. no matter how small the change... i appreciate what he's made me realize (even if i can't put it into words well).

i met some guys in the airport bar. (shoutout to matt, jon, sean and gary!!!) we all had these ridiculous layovers and so we just hung out and chatted. sean the bartender was so freaking funny and happy and told me how much he loved his job. he honestly made me think that i might make a really kick ass airport bartender. LOL i love people.. i love chatting.. i'm a fucking smart ass who can dish it out with the best of em.. and these people can't stay around me forever because they eventually have to get on a plane (which is perfect in my opinion). i think i might have found my new career path. :) jennster, the airport bartender!!!!! i love it. and now we're all friends on facebook. i love that technology has advanced us all to the point that we can keep in touch with people we meet anywhere from 5 minutes, to 5 hours. you know? it's like that shit was made for sensitive people like me who want to keep in touch with people they've just met, because i'd never forget about them anyway.
how funny is he?

i met this amazing guy on my flight from maryland to denver. we sat next to a boy scout who made me laugh and made me want to cry the whole flight. i told that 16 year old boy the importance of knowing how to kiss well. and that a bad kiss can ruin everything. that boy didn't want to believe anything i told him on that flight, so he would ask the guy sitting next to me. and the guy would constantly remind him that i knew more about girls than either one of them did. i think the boy scout hated me cause i was blonde, but i guarantee you he'll never forget what i told him about kissing and that too much saliva is a bad thing and that no girl wants to be assaulted by your tongue. ha ha ha that flight was the best flight ever. the conversations were incredible. and we laughed so much. you can learn A LOT about a person when you sit with them for 4 and a half hours and make the effort. we all made the effort. see? i appreciate things like that so much.

the boyscout on our flight


i had so many great experiences on this trip. it's hard to be back here in a place i don't love being. it's made me realize that i really enjoy traveling. i enjoy meeting new people and having conversations that matter. i love making new friends. i love being social. so now i'm wondering, how can i find a job that let's me travel and make new friends? what can i do that would let me really be me? how can i combine everything that i love into something that makes me money?
why can't i get paid to make friends and change lives? lol. any ideas???? i feel like there has to be something that is soulfully fulfilling and fills my heart with goodness and gladness... have to figure out what that is.


Monday, August 02, 2010

having a blast

don't know what to say other than i.love.being.here.



kind of don't want to ever go back.

kind of.

i have amazing friends i don't get to see often enough and i more than love being surrounded by their life and family and friends.

i've gotten some great shots so far... i crashed fo's jr high school reunion where i met some seriously fantastic people and had way more fun than i ever thought i'd have.
at fo's jr high reunion


then i crashed her old co-workers birthday bash

me and the tray fam went to the lake today and had lunch. i want a new jersey lake house! but only in the summer.


look at this face. he is a total faker, but i am totally in love with this child.

how cute is this pic between daughter and daddy?

hoping and praying his eyes stay that blue!

i was told to "PUT ON THE BUNNY EARS!" and to "WEAR YOUR GLASSES!!" so i complied cause i'm a giver like that.
cammy and ster in bunny ears

tray & jennster at lunch on the lake

then tray and i went for some drinks and the bartender's were crazy and i had 1 drink with cotton candy in it and another drink with a GUMMY SHARK in it for shark week. HA! i felt like i was at the fair.. or the carnival.. you know, if those places asked you to jump on top of the bar and introduce yourself to everyone there.


that's all for now bitches!
me w/the guys