Thursday, January 07, 2010

things suck..

in all honesty, things kind of suck right now. i want to talk about it, but i can't. don't you love when people do that? i will tell you however so that none of you freak out (or get some sort of sick joy out of it. don't roll your eyes at me, you know that all you bitches get some sort of twisted happiness at reading other people's downfalls and pain- especially because it's happening to them and not to you...) that it has absolutely nothing to do with my marriage. or my boyfriend. ha.

i'm in a bad place. and not by choice. i mean, i don't WANT to be in a bad place. i don't want to feel like this. but thus is my life at this point and time. it's really difficult and everyday is a struggle. i wish i could put into words how absolutely beaten down i feel inside. how it is effecting every.single.other.thing in my life. how i can feel it in my chest with every breath i take. how it lingers inside me and doesn't go away. how much it's weighing me down- physically and emotionally.

and i'm just so tired of feeling this way.

i feel like i'm at a breaking point where there is only so much that one human being can take on a daily basis before they simply shut down. i feel like the giant and amazing spirit within me has been beaten into submission. like she has been clobbered into this tiny little speck and everytime she tries to stand up tall and proud, she gets smacked down again.

and i hate everything about that. even the fucking analogy. because it completely and utterly sucks. and it's 100% not me. so dealing with something like this, and feeling like this day after day is just not in my persona.

and it needs to change. because there is very little more of this i can mentally handle. you know?


Becky at lifeoutoffocus said...

nope. it's not you AT ALL. i'm sorry, woman. call me if you want to talk.

carrie said...

Oh believe me...I KNOW! Hope things look up soon! XOXOXO

Shelly said...

I am sorry things are rough for you right now. sucks...but there is hope...tomorrow is another day and a chance for things to improve.

CJ said...

Oh, I know all too well! I hope things fall back into place for you! And don't you love those morons who only read you to revel in your troubles? I kick mine in the eye on a daily basis!

Jill said...

take solace in the fact that karma has a way of leveling the field. It may not be today or tomorrow or even next year but someday when they least expect it............0.....right between the eyes and all of a sudden the path is clear and you can laugh. No matter what IT is things WILL even out. Easy to say, harder to live.

Unknown said...

Oooo i know...maybe all too well these days. It's ok to not share what you're going is the internet and all :)- Lol
I pray that whatever has got you down so passes quickly and brings you back your spunk!!! It's easier said than done right? day at a will get has to.


Jenna said...

I hope that things get better for you and that everything works out okay. Hugs over the internet to you...

Issa said...

Me too babe, me too.

Am no help, except to tell you that I adore you and I hope life stops sucking very fucking soon.

Alison said...

I agree with Jill. What comes around goes around and they'll get theirs. As for you, hang in there. I'm sending lots of positive vibes your way. And the good news is, Reese's Peanut Butter Hearts are now at Target. :)

Maggie, Dammit said...

I'm so sorry, J.

sam {temptingmama} said...

I know. I so know. Everything you described is how I've spent the better part of 2009.

I'm thinking about you. I love you and I hope you find your happy really soon, friend!


Grand Pooba said...

I don't see why you can't just spill all your problems on your blog, I mean it's only the internet right?

I'm sorry you are feeling sucky! Sucky sucks!

But just so you know, I still love you whether you're feeling sucky or not.

I hope things turn around for you soon!

Lara said...

I've been hanging in that place lately, too. I'm sorry. It's no fun, even if we are in there together. :(

NGS said...

I'm sorry life is sucky. Internet thoughts your way!!

Iva Messy said...

I am so sorry!! everything is going to be ok!!

ps thank you so much of your fabulous happy birthday wishes to me!! they mean so much! thank you, I really appreciate it!!

J from Ireland said...

Ah shit Jen, thats crap. I hope you feel better soon. I can totally relate to how you are feeling. Fucking life!

Gingers Mom said...

I like to find humor in all things. And I went through a whole bunch of crap that weighed me down. And it blows. I hope things look up! Love your blog.

A said...


I'm sorry you're feeling the way you feel....I hope things will happy up for you soon!! :)


P.S.: For some reason, I have the Partridge Family theme song in my head..."c'mon get happy." Hee! :)


Anonymous said...

I'm not really sure what to say, other than I hope things will get better. Here are some quotes I found...maybe they'll help? If not, at least they'll give you a good laugh. :)

"Always remember, you're unique. Just like everyone else." -- Anonymous

from Big Brother 7 TV show:
Ericka: "Sometimes life throws you a curve ball."
George: "Sometimes life throws you a cannon ball!!"

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind" ~Dr. Seuss

John Quincy Adams:
Patience and perseverance have a magical effect before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish.

Robert Frost:
The best way out is always through.

Elbert Hubbard:
Life is just one damned thing after another.

All God's angels come to us disguised. ~James Russell Lowell

I used to have a handle on life, then it broke.

In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.

In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on... -Robert Frost

And now, some random quotes to laugh at:

"Foosh. Aaughh!!"
"Foosh. Aauuggghh!!"
Cold spray deodorant....

Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?

When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why you're just sitting there, staring at carpeting?

I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once.

When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?

Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!

Twenty Four At Heart said...

Aww ... big hugs. I know it doesn't make you feel any better, but just about everybody I know is feeling the exact same way lately. I'm sorry! : (

Oh - and remember how you said you wanted to WIN a calendar from Twenty Four at Heart? I'll be have a few up for grabs on Tuesday. But shhhhh! Don't tell anyone until I announce it!