Tuesday, November 24, 2009

jacob. you know the one.

don't sit here and be like "jacob who?" cause i'll call your bullshit. even if you don't read twilight or see the movies, you fucking know who jacob is.

we're on the same page now?


you all know that he had to gain 30 pounds of pure muscle to keep his role for the 2nd movie, right? of course you know this. every woman in existance knows this.
it's possible that when jacob ripped his shirt off in new moon, that i might have yelled "TAKE IT ALL OFF" in a theatre full of screaming girls, in between my laughter.

and well. that leads me the grocery store this past weekend.... when boyfriend came with me. and jacob was on the cover of some abs for gods magazine or something. and obviously i made some sort of comment. or some sort of face. or possible drooled.

to which boyfriend reminded me how fucking hypocritical it is of me to be all COUGARTOWN on this kid.. and talking about how he gained 30 pounds of muscle ALL RIGHT HERE *pointing to chest area* and how much i'd flip out if he liked some underaged whore with 30 pounds of fat ALL RIGHT HERE *pointing to chest area*

he's totally right.

but i think i spent the next hour trying to convince him that i am so not the only one who's talking like this! and i'm so not the only grown up who is talking like this. and it's not like i really want the kid. because really, he is a kid... but he's fun to look at. and still, he thinks i'm crazy. or a cougar. or a slut.

so i need your help dammit! TELL HIM! tell him now! tell him that jacob makes you want to do bad things to him. tell him that it's uncontrollable and you can't help yourself.. it's the wolf powers. jacob made you do it.

even if you're lying.. do it for me.


Anonymous said...


Alison said...

I don't lust after Jacob, but I do drool over the boys in Friday Night Lights. :) (Although, they play teenage boys but they're all in their 20s, I'm sure.)

I sent something to you and it should arrive on Friday or Saturday. :) I can't wait til you get it!

Grand Pooba said...

Dear Jennster's boyfriend,

I have put Jacob on the top of my "to do" list. I wish to God that I could be Bella just for a minute (or two) so I could rape him. Hey, I mean "kiss raping" because the other is a fellony. But please remember these are all FANTASYS which is totally okay and totally normal. It's not like I'd actually jump on the kid if I were to run into him at a Pawn shop or something. Hey, there are 50 year olds lusting after this boy, FIFTY! You have no idea of the real crazies out there.

I must go repent now.

Jason, as himself said...

Guess what Jennster----Jacob was in my daughter's English class last year and lives just down the street from me. Yep. Jealous? I know you are.

But maybe I'm pathetic because I left a similar comment on Pooba's blog and you maybe already saw it and so now you're saying to yourself, "Man, this guy doesn't have much going for him if he has to comment this to every single blog that he visits!"

Anyway, thanks for commenting on The Jason Show today!

Corinna Makris said...

Hey sistah! First of all, thanks for taking great pics of my boobs and pasting them all over your Flickr page. I told husband and he was all...you get crazy at those BlogHer things and I said - that's cause I'm awesome.

Yeah Jacob is hot but I can't be expected to be interested in vampires that go out in the daylight. Not when I have True Blood On Demand bee-otch.

So when are you going to add me to your Blogroll?

Sincerely, Jenni said...

I just *pretend* he's over 18. Then I can think all the dirty thoughts I want. He was the highlight of the movie, if you ask me.

Jill said...

OH PUHLEEZE I am 59 and drool over him and if that doesnot make me a COUGAR then nothing does!!!!

Just because I'm on a diet doesn't mean I can't look at the menu.....geeez!

Unknown said...

I totally understand girl! I have to keep chanting "he's only 17, he's only 17" over and over as I drool over him. I was all about TEAM EDWARD before but now, just because of his deliciousness, I'm all about TEAM JACOB. Yes, I switched. It was that easy. I want him to do nasty things to me, like lick my ear. LOL.

Kelly Miller said...

I see Taylor Lautner and all I can think is Sharkboy. But then he bulked up and took off that mothafuckin' shirt and I lost my damn mind. I mean, I'm Team Jacob -- just not usually *that* Jacob. Put the chest. And the shirt. DaYUM!

Heather@WHMB said...

Jacob is hot. Period. Men have man crushes too, maybe your hubs is just too embarassed to admit it. ! :)

AmazingGreis said...

LOL, you are definitely not the only one. Everytime a shirtless Jacob appeared on the screen during the movie my friends and I all had to keep reminding ourselves that he's ONLY 17!!! But all bets are off in February!!! LOL

Sonia (formerly ddm) said...

OMG you are SO not the only one!!! I do feel a *tiny* bit guilty for drooling over him because he's 17. But COME ON! I totally suppressed a squeal when he took his shirt off to mop Bella's bleeding head.

J from Ireland said...

Nope not alone there Jennster. I do feel rather pervy lusting after this young fella, though!!

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