Thursday, November 12, 2009

cryptic blog posts

sometimes i have to be cryptic here.

i wish i didn't have to be.

i wish i could say everything i wanted too without worrying about the consequences... but that's not realistic.

at least not for me.

sometimes i want to start a new blog that no one would know about where i could spew venom and all my frustrations without the worry of "what if the person i'm writing about reads this?". but really, nothing about what i just said is positive at all- so maybe it's a good thing i don't have a space to do nothing but spew anger. it's not that i'm nice all the time here, it's just that, like i've said before, i'd like to be able to not candy coat shit. and i'd like to be able to talk about the things that are TRULY upsetting me. or frustrating me. or things that simply ARE NOT RIGHT.

but i feel like i can't. because doing things like that- writing about what is really going on in my life... will have consequences i'm not yet prepared to deal with. and it's almost not fair, because isn't that the whole point of having a blog to begin with? to be able to vent and talk and get out what you need too?

here's the thing....

i want to write about how i deserve more. how i don't deserve to be treated so poorly on a continous basis. how the things that i've been asked to put up with and the things that have been said to me, are simply.. not okay. i love myself and care about my soul & spiritual well being far more than anyone else ever will.
it's not that i'm prideful to the point of seeing things blindly.
it's not that my ego is so self important that nothing else matters.
it's just that i firmly believe in standing up for myself. especially when no one else will.
i know what is and isn't right for me.
and right now.... things aren't right. and they're not okay. and it's not okay with me anymore.... not that it ever was. the time to stand up for myself is drawing near..

but i can't write about all of that.

oh wait.

i just did.



Audrey at Barking Mad! said...

Good for you for standing up for yourself!

I think you have just said what a lot of people would like to say, but don't because they are afraid to tell themselves they deserve better, or more, or that they are worthwhile enough to want those things.

Only you can do what you just did...and I am so glad you did. Maybe more people will give themselves permission to do the same!

agirlnamedmel said...

It's good you wrote it. You didn't say names or provide specifics so people can think they know, but really will they?

anyways. I always believe in standing up for yourself and it has nothing to do with ego or pride. it's just what needs to be done. so doooo it

carrie said...

You have to let it out - whatever it is. Even w/out giving the details it had to feel *a little bit* better just writing that...cryptic or not!


Kelly Miller said...

Maybe this post will start a conversation you need to have. Be brave!

Issa said...

I think you have to stand up for yourself. If you won't, who will?

But I'd bet there are a lot of us behind you, in case you need backup. Hugs my friend.

Heather@WHMB said...

I learned a hard lesson a few years ago and it involved finally putting myself first. Once I did that, things fell into place. This included standing up for myself and not excusing my needs for others, over extending myself, worry about what people thought, etc...

Take a stand girl, you deserve it.

Grand Pooba said...

Thank god for you jennster! I for one, have to "water down" my blog posts for sake of the people reading too. It totally sucks. I'm glad you are standing up for yourself. See? Us in bloggy land didn't know this was going on because, well you couldn't write about it. So thank you for sharing and I hope we get to be included through this transition!

TwoBusy said...

That must've been a tough post to write. I'd imagine it's an even tougher reality to be living in.

From my experience, that kind of unhappiness generally doesn't resolve on its own. You've got to find the courage to shine enough light on it that all parties are forced (for better or for worse) to confront the problem... and then be prepared to deal with the consequences. It's generally not an easy thing to do, but then again worthwhile things rarely are.

Good luck.

Unknown said...

girl you have to take care of you because no one else will. good for you for acknowledging it and changing it.

Unknown said...

I think it's ok to write about what you feel. After all, this is your blog. You're a brave girl!

Hope you're ok! :)

Sarah said...

Oh my gosh can I ever relate to this post. I wish I could spill it on my own blog and say the things I really want to say ... but wait, my family reads it and it has become so Luca (my daughter) centered that I hate to let the truth fully roll. Sometimes I want to open some random blog and tell it like it is.

Good for you for spilling it today. You should be able to do so at your own will! After all ... this is YOUR place.

Alison said...

What is wrong? Whatever it is, you do deserve better. You're the type of person who says it like it is so it worries me a little that you've held this in for so long. Whoever it's directed at, if they truly care about you, will be upset that this is affecting you so much. Good for you for letting it out.

Nuclear49 said...

Don't sweat it Jen, you have nothing more that a few anti-depressants will cure....J/K

Stay strong and have a GMA (good mental attitude).

Katie said...

PREACH IT SISTER! I feel the same way. In fact when i got in the shower today I was thinking about how I wanted to write a blog about things that annoy me but realized the people who annoy me read my blog! I just cant win!

Annie said...

great post lady, you should be able to say whatever you want on your blog ;) it is yours after all. hopefully posting that made ya feel better! have a great weekend!!

p.s. new follower! and have to say you are so pretty! i was looking at some older posts, love that fun pic of you in your car ;)

Surprised Suburban Wife said...

So with you. I often have so much more to say but because I was one of those IDIOTS who told her mom and family and friends about my blog? Now it's kind of milquetoast and not really expressing the intensity of my feelings or negative experiences.

Oh and you go girl - stand up for your own damn self! You know it's the right thing to do, and more importantly it really demonstrates to your son how to treat people and how to react when not treated respectfully/properly/whatever.

Anissa Mayhew said...

You, lady, deserve the deserve more than you probably think you, I want to hear that you're getting it. <---um cryptic comments count too, right?

I love you, sweets


Julia said...

It's healthy to rant every now and again, and again, and again. Oh, maybe not all the time, but I know how you feel.

Thanks for visiting at my blog!! :)

Julie said...

Somehow months ago I found your blog & I occasionally stop by to see what your up too...You are a kick in the pants and I love that you say it like it is..Love that convertible bad here in WA State is rains 90% of the time cause I so want tangled
Take care & don't change a bit cause I totally dig your writing.