Friday, October 30, 2009

the post where i realize wearing nothing but panties and a bra will totally get me free drinks. right?

i fucking love halloween!!! i am so excited that it's tomorrow! i just wish i felt better. yeah, i am feeling kinda sickly. all the signs of a fever, minus the fever. weird right? my body is super achy and i don't have a lot of energy. i feel run down. and old. just kidding. i never feel old. anyway, who wants to come be my nursemaid? you have to dress up.

speaking of dressing up. you know the costumes that they sell for us chicks? the ones that everyone likes to call "slutty." (in all honesty, i've probably called them slutty before)

the thing is, i remember trying one on either last year or the year before. and pretty much other than going bathing suit shopping, nothing has made me feel so bad about myself. that's right. IT MADE ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MYSELF! i didn't choose to feel bad, the costume made me do it!!! suck it. but to tell you the truth, if my ass and thighs were not the size of china at the moment (or if the costume actually was long enough to cover my entire ass), i would totally rock one of these slutty ass costumes. and i wouldn't feel bad about it. i'd feel hot. so i think everyone who hates them, is just mad they can't wear them. ha.

maybe i'll just walk around the neighborhood in my new sexy bra and panties and just tell people i'm a victoria secret plus size model. that's totally normal and wouldn't embarrass blake at all.

the neighborhood we live in is super cute though. it seems like every house is out mingling and the parents pull wagons full of things to make drinks, like hot toddy's and whatever else will keep you warm. how fun is that? i bet if i wear underwear and a bra i'll totally get all the drinks i want for free. and i bet the mom's will hate me. whatever. it's not like they don't have their own underwear they could have worn out in public. they're just mad they didn't think of it first. it's like i'm the only creative person around or something. jeez. i bet i totally start a trend and next year all the moms are traipsing around in their vickie's secret gear and we become like the most popular place in all of the town to trick or treat at. and then i bet some other mom will try to take credit for the idea and say that she started it and i'll be like "say what bitch? you started what?" and she'll try to say she did it first, but years ago before i even lived here and i'll be like "oh no you did'nnnnt" and then i'll bitch slap her and it will be on. and of course i'll win cause i am an ass kicker.

oh yeah.

i am such a fucking trend setter.


agirlnamedmel said...

so fucking true. if i could rock that outfit, i'd be the biggest halloween slut of the city.....well maybe not, cuz I got kids to take around with me and all but if i was single, it would be on!

Andie said...

I only rocked out the sexy halloween costumes a couple of times- I've never been so super thin to pull the ones off that you can get at costume shops.

But I always rock out a fun costume!

last year was Marge Simpson! This year- wednesday addams!

Grand Pooba said...

I am so jealous, people actually mingle in your neighborhood? I think I've forgotten how.

I would totally wear my VS get up with you. No, no I wouldn't, too much cottage cheese there, wouldn't want to scare the kiddos!

norcalgirl28 said...

There are days when I truly wonder about the tangets you get on. You are too funny!!

J from Ireland said...

Your hilarious. Happy Halloween.

Alison said...

The only women those costumes fit are built like supermodels. How many of us fit into that category??

I hope you feel better for Halloween tomorrow. Are you going to any parties? What is Blake going as? I have a police officer and a USC cheerleader. :) One of my carved pumpkins kicks ass and the other one? Chris is trying to salvage it as I type. Hopefully he can make something decent out of my mess before the littlest one wakes up in the morning.