i heart PUPPIES!

i have a kind of embarrassing love for puppies. well, cute ones anyways. i mean, i will walk up to perfect strangers.. tell them that i want to puppynap their puppy and then in the same breath ask if i can play with it and walk it.

who in their right mind does that?

and who in their right mind lets me take their puppy after i just told them i want to steal it?!?!

trusting souls, that's who.

also, apparently i make these kinds of faces when i'm excited to be around the cutest puppy in the whole.entire.world. obviously, i have no shame... cause do you see my face?!?! good lord people. *shakes head*


also? i try and take self portraits with the puppy. like this one... but sometimes the puppy doesn't cooperate, but i don't really care cause look.. PUPPY!!!!


and yeah, well.. that's all. I LOVE PUPPIES AND I WANT ONE!!!!!! but i currently reside with an evil dog who would probably try and eat said puppy. which doesn't make me NOT want one though.. you know?! cause a girl who wants a puppy wants a puppy dammit. no matter what.
WHO DOESN'T WANT THIS?!?!?


PUPPY!

hey koool-aid

2 things.

#1...
did you know they made kool aid shoes? i mean, KOOL AID SHOES. for grown ups. with the smiley and everything!!!! how fucking sweet is that???
can you see the kool aid smile on the side of the shoe?!?!?! KOOL AID BITCHES!


and then the bottom of the shoes. ah man! this is me... pretending to drink outta the shoes. yeah, i'm a freak, so what!


#2..
i was so tired driving home last night that i couldn't even miss a dead skunk in the road. bump, bump was what i felt and then i proceeded to talk to myself and say things like "seriously self... you can't even miss an ALREADY DEAD animal in the road?!?!" who can't avoid an animal that is NOT MOVING in the road?!?! apparently me.

but who cares, cause i have friends with kool aid shoes! HA!

when is it wrong..

to stand up for yourself?

is it ever wrong to defend yourself? does our pride and do our ego's cross the line sometimes? do they get in the way and cloud our judgement as to what is or is not acceptable behavior? are there times we should sit there, keep our mouths shut, and just take it?

talk to me people. i really need to hear it.

i'd like to post

about the fact that we left the house at 6am on saturday and got home around 8pm last night.

i'd like to tell you all about the baseball tournament we were at and the babes i hung out with, and the boobs i saw. i'd like to tell you all about the one guy who tried to be super sly and check out the booty when i passed him, but instead, i just stopped walking and struck a pose and then called him out on it.

i'd like to tell you that my car tried to break down on our drive home, but we didn't let it. instead, we made him nap. and then we made someone carry him home.

i'd like to tell you all about it, but i'm busy! so i can't.

say you die tomorrow...

i know it's a morbid thought, but really.... say you died tomorrow. would you be happy with how you were living your life up to that point? or are there things you would have changed? wished you did differently?

look, nickelback is lame, i know. but their latest song "if today was your last day" always makes me think. not about how awful his voice is and how he could almost ruin a song just by singing it, but about the words... the lyrics.. what he's singing about. okay i'll admit it, i don't loathe nickelback- but .. ugh, they are not the point of this post! the song.. the song about living your life the way you want too. doing the things you want to be doing. ARE YOU DOING THEM?

everytime the song comes on the radio, i sit in my car thinking about if i died tomorrow, would i be happy with how my life was? would i be satisfied and feel like i was doing everything my true self wanted to be doing? and i think no, i wouldn't... because i'm not.

look, i think for the most part, a lot of us aren't doing the things we would like to be doing. i think we often play it safe. and for good reason. we're scared to make changes. we're scared to take risks. we're scared we might fail. we're scared it might be too hard. we're afraid that it's not the right time to take certain chances.... but really, when is it ever the right time? we can always convince ourselves that too many things are in the way. it's easier to talk ourselves out of taking risks. that there are too many what if's. it's easier to do what's comfortable. even when you know deep down that you want more... or different.. or something else. you convince yourself that your reasons for staying put are good ones. and i'm not saying they aren't, BUT... what reason is possibly good enough to give up on your dreams and your wants? is it your kids? your family? your sick mom?

what would they want? would they want you to give up on who you are, or would they want you to go for it and at least try? change is scary. trying to make your dreams a reality is even scarier. there are times when something has been a dream for so long that the thought of it actually coming true is the most terrifying part. it's almost like you don't know how to feel. you're so used to feeling the want of the dream, that you don't know how to contemplate the having it.

anyway, life is short. you aren't guaranteed a tomorrow. so stop putting off the scary things you want for the day that may not get here. i have goals. i have dreams. i have big things i want to do. and i'm going to start doing them. and i'm scared to death.

what am i raising? no seriously

i'm asking here because um...

can i please tell you what else my kid does with his cell phone?! he will take pictures of things around the house that he wants to eat and send them to me. and if i take to long to write him back, he will text me with "yes or no?" so i'll be working, and then i'll get a freaking picture with a girl in pigtails smiling and laughing... and i'll have to decipher just what the hell that picture is even of! (have i mentioned that the camera on that cell is broken so all the pictures are blurry and blobby? well they are.) back to the girl in pigtails.... is that his new girlfriend? some girl in a magazine? what the hell is that? oh, it's the chick on the thin mint box!!! of course. how stupid of me.


the latest? calling his cousin... my 19 year old niece... and telling her that our 10 year old neighbor likes her and wants to meet her. you heard me. LIKES HER AND WANTS TO MEET HER!!! to which my niece is like "blake, that's weird." and blake tells her "do you want to see a picture of him???" which of course he is going to take with his blurry, broken cell phone camera. and she tells him no, she doesn't... but he does it anyway. and she forwards it to me.. and omg, i'm dying laughing because not only does the 10 year old pose for the picture, but he makes like a stupid face where he's rolling his blurry eyes and his mouth is all jacked up. and i don't know how he thinks he's impressing the ladies by making that face, but anyway..


what the hell is wrong with my kid?!?!?!

prank call FAIL!

blake tried to prank call me yesterday. his first mistake? calling my cell phone from his. you know, so it says "blake" is calling me on my phone.

his second mistake? his voice. it was totally blake, just deeper sounding (if that's possible at this age really). which just made me laugh.

his last mistake? not preparing enough for said prank call. he didn't think this through at all! he just dialed and tried to roll with it. i've obviously taught him nothing when it comes to thinking on your feet.

"this is the police."
"the police, eh?"
"yes, you are in trouble."
"really? for what?"
"um.. for being a girl." *giggle*
"blake, what's up?"
"you know it's me? i'm trying to prank call you."

i feel like i've failed as a parent.

anyone still shredding?

i haven't talked (or bitched) about the 30 day shred lately. wanna know why? cause i haven't been doing it.

I HAVEN'T BEEN DOING ANYTHING!!!

i feel gross. i feel disgusting. i think that working out has become such an integral part of my daily routine that i definitely notice a difference in how i feel subconsciously about my body if i haven't done it. great, now i have to be all accountable and shit to my body. i did not want this.... something else to feel guilty about.

anyway, i hate the 30 day shred. in a good way. i think it works. i think it's challenging and i love that it's 20 minutes. my ideal goal is to play volleyball about 2 times a week, and then do the shred the other 3 days. at whatever level i feel like doing that day. which means i'll probably never feel like doing level 2. level 2 can suck it. ha

i'm writing this post because i have to get back on the wagon. i have to hold myself accountable for doing this. 20 minutes is not that long. it's not too much time to carve out of your day. so there are no excuses. it's not even about looking hot. it's about feeling hot. apparently this whole working out thing makes me feel good about myself. CURSE YOU 30 DAY SHRED!

be jealous ladies

because i get to spend the majority of my day with him:

and he starts losing faith

in baseball. with the announcement of manny ramirez doing steroids, blake went on a diatribe that consisted of the following:


"he's a cheater. everyone in baseball cheats. it shouldn't even be a sport anymore. they don't care, they just do drugs and cheat. all they care about is money. no one plays it because they love it anymore."


then he added, "except david eckstein."


oh, if they could all be like david.


know what i think? i think that at this point, if you get caught doing roids, you should be suspended for the REST OF THE SEASON. and then if you get caught again, you should get kicked out of baseball... FOREVER. you shouldn't have to roid up to play ball. and if you do, there should be real consequences for it. consequences that make you STOP doing it.


play baseball because you love it. realize that you get paid MILLIONS of freaking dollars to PLAY A SPORT for pete's sake. think back at when all you wanted to do was play baseball. how it was your dream to get paid to play ball. you have that. you achieved it. you're one lucky sob.

remember that. i'm sure it's easy to forget, but try. because you're messing with my kid here.

my future... giant? ick

blake and i often discuss his future as a major league baseball player (what 10 year old boy doesn't have this discussion? probably ones that hate baseball.. moving on).


blake: so what happens if i get drafted by the giants? do i tell them, i really want to play baseball, just not with your team?


me: i don't think so blake. i mean, if you are lucky enough to get drafted, even if it's by the stupid giants, you'll say yes. you'll be so excited to play ball, you won't care who it's for.

blake: will you come watch me play?

me: probably not.

how was your mother's day?

was it spent arguing with your 10 year old who argues about EVERYTHING? no? then you obviously aren't me.

someone please tell me the arguing for the sake of arguing will go away. soon. cause i'm exhausted. it takes a lot of energy to fight with your kids dammit. especially when they won't ever be right. how do they not know this?

this is what happens

when you're driving and you want to pour some liquid out of your car.... and you just want said liquid to spill onto the ground, but you're obviously driving way too fast for that. cause what happened when you poured? oh, it blew in the air and landed ALL OVER the side of your car. you know, instead of on the ground like you had intended. but really, it's your own fault cause you should have known better. i mean, who throws liquid out of the car when they're driving fast?!??! an idiot, that's who.

know what i'm sick of?

i'm really sick of other bloggers telling us it's okay to feel a certain way about something. or it's NOT okay to feel a certain way about something. or yes, this is allowed to upset you, but THIS however, is not. don't fucking tell me how to feel, or what to feel. i get that it's how you feel, but i do NOT have to agree with you.

it seems like when certain bloggers post their opinions on their blogs, they do so with such disdain for the other side, that you'd be a fucking asshole to disagree with them.... or heaven forbid, think differently.

note to world:
opinions are just that.
YOUR OWN THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS ON A SUBJECT.

people do not have to agree with you. people are not idiots, or uneducated, or assholes because they don't see things the same way you do. people are not losers when they don't find the same things funny as you. people are not any less credible if something doesn't offend them, but it offended you. women are still GOOD women even if they don't see everything in the same way as other women. holy fuck did that make sense?

like that whole stupid motrin fucking commercial hoo hub. what if it didn't offend you? what if it didn't piss you off? what if you saw that commercial and simply, did.not.care? does that make you any less of a woman? who gives a fuck.


we are all different.


we are all opinionated and our opinions are extremely personal.

i know that this blog post right here could be construed as the same exact thing i'm posting about... my point is that there are bloggers out there who post in a manner that is so extreme, it's sometimes hard to read. even when i agree with their point of view, the way they write about it sometimes makes me cringe- i can only imagine how the people who disagree with what is being written must feel. we all post our opinions and our thoughts. i mean, that's what our blogs are for. i'd like to think that when i post things, i'm open to hearing people disagree with me in the comments section. i don't post things assuming that everyone will be on board the ster train of thought. you know?

i guess i just got offended reading some posts lately and feeling like those people were telling me how to feel. and telling me i was wrong if i didn't agree with how they were telling me to feel. i'm not a 12 year old kid who needs to have her mind and thoughts shaped and persuaded. i get that you feel a certain way and you're most certainly entitled to that. but i do not have to agree. and it does not make me any less of a kick ass, wonderful chick to think differently than you do.

parenting doesn't get easier

you know, when i first had blake i couldn't wait for him to get older. i kept thinking how much easier it would be when he wasn't a baby, or a toddler anymore. how when he could do more for himself, and be less "needy" this whole parenting thing would get less demanding.

i was an idiot.

it doesn't get easier as they get older. it gets different. it gets tougher. sure, feeding them might be easier and you don't have to help them go to the bathroom anymore. but you know what gets harder? everything else. because they start being put into positions where they have to make tough decisions. they have to start thinking for themselves. they start having consequences for their actions. the peer pressure begins. they start growing up. and the minute they start doing that, your job as a parent gets more intense. this is when the answers you start giving to the questions truly start to matter. because they not only listen to what you say, but they actually do (or don't do) what you tell them.

it's so funny how much pressure we put on ourselves as parents to be there for our kids when they are babies. when the truth is that our babies could probably spend the day with their aunt from kansas twice removed, and be perfectly fine. babies don't need much. don't spaz out, you know what i mean. they need fed and changed and napped.. and of course it's wonderful to spend time with them. they're so defenseless and tiny and everything is a new experience for them that it's amazing to watch. i get it. i've been there. but i think that our kids really need us as they're getting older. when life around them starts to get challenging. and scary. (and please don't make me talk about the homework) we take all this time off of work when our kids are first born, as if that's the only time it matters that we're around. as if they really need us then. but in all honesty, i think it's US who needs them. because we feel guilty if we're not there. and we don't want to miss out on anything. not the other way around.

i look back at blake being a baby and truly think that wasn't the time he needed me to be there for him. i see him now and it kills me to not be there. you know? and this is just the beginning. i know that with jr high and high school i'm just going to feel this more. those are all critical years. i realize you can't stop your kid from making mistakes and learning and growing. i just think it's so interesting the pressure and demands we put on ourselves to be there for our children when they are non decision making infants. and how when it's probably better for us to be there for our kids, we're not. all i know is that i take full advantage of those mornings blake hops into bed with me and talks my ear off. and those nights where he starts to really talk about the things on his mind. i don't care that he's completely avoiding going to bed- when i get him to talk, i take it. cause i know that possibly someday (sooner than i would ever like) that may stop.

aww.. true friendship