blake played with a knife today.
and i only know this because he called me freaking out because he couldn't put the blade back in. and then he started stuttering and getting his story all fucked up, so then i had to ask him exactly what happened.
but you guys... my instant thought when he first called me to tell me about the opened knife? i figured the stupid dog knocked it off the table and blake found it on the floor.
did you read that?
MY FIRST REACTION WAS THAT MY PRECIOUS ANGEL PERFECT CHILD WOULD NEVER DO SOMETHING SO STUPID AS TO PICK UP A CLOSED KNIFE AND OPEN IT. i assumed the fucking dog knocked it off a table.... and it FELL open.. and blake just found it that way.
i feel like an asshole.
like one of those idiotic parents who doesn't think that their kid does stupid things. the person who first gives her son the benefit of the doubt, until she catches him lying and finds out the truth.
and that's what i'm most mad at. not that he was curious and wanted to see the knife (although i'm fucking mad at that, do not get me wrong). not even that he lied (although i'm really fucking mad at that one too)... but that i'm a flipping idiot. that i just assumed he did no wrong and the knife was just lying open and blake was perfectly innocent.
right now i feel like one of the parents of the columbine kids.
"oh dad, i'm just doing a science project in the garage... don't pay attention to all the bomb like things i'm making- it's for school."
"okay son, cool."
i do not want to be one of those parents. blake isn't a bad kid, but he isn't perfect and he doesn't make the best decisions all the time, and i don't want to pretend like he does, or he always will.
sometimes this parenting stuff is really hard. and do not get me started on the mom guilt associated with this one, folks.