Thursday, January 31, 2008

updates that are fun. and updates that suck.

the carpet is in. the carpet looks beautiful. i could not be happier with the color of it and the way it matches every bedroom. it literally is the color of sand. like sand at the beach. *swoon*

pictures soon, i promise.

no, i haven't picked a kitchen color yet. although i think i really have. it's a deep, dark blue called northern star and i do love it- but i'm not sure how it will look on all the walls. we want to have dark countertops... and i think if we have dark countertops and dark walls, then the flooring needs to be light- and the cupboards need to be light. i think we can make it work. i guess we'll see. i'm still going to mess around with the kitchen once i paint the room with the fireplace in it. that's the only big room i have left to paint! YAY! things are slowly coming together in the ster house... although husband tried to break my ankle last night when i stood between his 200 pound desk and a stair in the house- he tried to push the desk up the stair, but my ankle was there instead. he pushed harder, until i screamed. lol it hurt all night, but by this morning- i could walk totally fine. it only hurts now because my shoe is hitting it. fear me, for i am made of steel. *pounds chest*

things are still as crappy as ever in my sister's house. between my ex brother in law, and my nephew- it's no wonder my sister feels constantly disappointed and let down by men. there is so much i want to say to my nephew, but knowing how vindictive the ex bro in law is, he'd probably try to take that to court too. i sincerely think he gets joy out of hurting my sister. i would bet money that it makes him happy to fuck her over. when will he get over it? or get past it? or get beyond it? or SEE past himself? my guess is never. because he doesn't even see far enough beyond himself to remember that he has a daughter in all of this. and that everything he does, or doesn't do, affects her too. he just doesn't care. because if he did, he would stop being such a selfish bastard and act like a fucking MAN. but that's too much to ask i suppose. i hope he reads this blog. i hope it was him that read the one i wrote before. and for once, i wish something i said would SINK IN to his head.

if you are reading this- please see past yourself. please see past your own pain and bitterness. please realize that the things you do are affecting your daughter... affecting your children's mother. i realize you don't care about her, but you should care about whether or not your kids have a house to live in with their mother (or at least somewhere to live with her). you should care if your kids have their mother in their life. you should give a shit that she is struggling so hard financially (because that affects YOUR children) to simply get by everyday. you should care that SHE has to figure out a way to pay for your daughter's college, because you aren't helping. yet you just want more from her. constantly, you want more. and you want to take money away from her. and for some reason, you think she has plenty of it stashed away somewhere. what reality do you live in? i honestly ask because you are the one who makes over 100 grand a year and she makes nowhere near that. and now that she is trying to "better herself" like you and your lawyer have insisted she do, you're using that against her. claiming she isn't home when the kids are. what do you want from her? i seriously ask you because do you have an answer???? if so, PLEASE tell me what it is. what the hell do you want from her? and if the answer that comes to you is something like "i want her to suffer. i want her to pay. i want her to miserable..." i hope you stop and look at what kind of person you've become. because who wishes that on thier kids mother for years on end? someone like you, i suppose. please prove me wrong. i freaking beg you.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008


i have never in my life been so excited over something so simple as carpet. but TODAY.IS.THE.DAY.

carpet goes in our bedrooms today. i will not even begin to discuss what the last couple of weeks have been like, or how we've been living because really- i'm just going to pretend it never happened and simply forget all about it.

when i get home from work tonight- THERE WILL BE CARPET!

*the carpet gods sing*

ps- i am slightly embarrassed that this is what my life has come down to. blogging about fucking carpet. good lord.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

don't lie, you know you loved NKOTB

so with all the freaking new kids on the block mania yesterday- i stumbled across this. i couldn't get through the whole thing, but i was cracking up so hard watching parts of it. (and ali, how adorable is jordan in his backwards baseball hat??).. i remember that my best friend and i would watch these videos, freaking tape them on the vcr, and then dissect them frame by frame.
*insert maniacal girlish screams here*

we were (and i still am) total fucking nerds. watching it now is freaking hilarious.. i cracked up at their dance moves, even if i still think they're cute... and joe singing "i can feel ittttt.." made me laugh. the pelvic thrusting made me laugh SO LOUD at work... i can't stop laughing- but it brought back memories, so i figured i would share. cause i know a bunch of you were (and probably still are) closet new kids fans. see, i just have no shame in admitting my lameness. i am proud. lol click it and watch it. you know you wanna. and it's okay to laugh.. or cry, or whatever. you're welcome.

Monday, January 28, 2008

what has happened to the good old fashioned garage sale?

we had a garage sale yesterday. the weather was AWFUL, so the turnout was blah. we only made a little bit of cash, but at this point- a little bit of cash is better than no cash, so it's all good. right? right.

but dude. when did garage sales turn into these total freak show parades? i mean, i had people FIGHTING in my garage over some fucking toys. i think i even heard the woman snarl at the guy and hiss and maybe bite him. who knows. but it's crazy.

and these people came to buy things so they could resell them. i swear it. and i don't like that. because i want to sell things to people who genuinely want them. or need them. and i think in all of the people who came by, there were only 2 people that i really thought were coming to get things they truly "needed." you know, like perfectly good kids clothes. and brand new shoes. i'm not going to find those on ebay today.

but the others? i felt a little used and a little dirty at the way they pawed the stuff with dollar signs in their eyes. it made me not want to have one ever again if you ask me. i'd rather just donate it all. i don't know. it was just... odd. and kinda violating.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

and while we're on the subject

of heath ledger and michelle williams (or at least i still apparently am)......
all of this reminds me of and is part of probably what makes me feel so deeply for michelle-

have you ever lost anyone tragically, or suddenly- or hell, just ever lost anyone at all? doesn't even have to be in death. just experiencing a loss that hurts you so badly you think you'll never be able to breath the same way again?

i've lost friends suddenly. i've lost them tragically. i've lost them all in "accidents." and all of this hurting and grieving just reminds me of what it's like to feel this way. and how, when you wake up in the morning, there is that ever so split second (if that) where you think everything is okay. where your brain hasn't quite remembered yet that you've just lost someone. for that all too brief moment, your world is normal again. and your heart is whole.

but then your world comes crashing down all around you as your mind, your heart, and your body react all over again to the shock and the pain of your new reality. the loss floods every pore of your being. it consumes you. and you have to relive the heartbreaking pain as if it was brand new. you feel the shock almost as strongly as you did when you first found out. and there are days of this cycle. hell, months of it. just repeating itself every morning. each time you wake hoping it was all a bad dream. and each time, your mind reminds you how it wasn't. and your heart breaks one more time. and so you close your eyes, hoping that if you close them tight enough, or hold them shut long enough, you can make it all a dream... so when you open your eyes again, everything will be as it was.

but it never is again.

and neither are you.

the good thing about this? it fades with time. the mornings stop becoming so shocking. you wake up with your new reality already in place. your heart is different, but it no longer breaks with each wake up call. you've accepted the loss. you've grown accustomed to the fact that they are no longer around.

and that in itself can be heartbreaking.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

my heart hurts for michelle williams

all i keep thinking about in this whole heath ledger situation (which is SO extremely sad, tragic and just unnecessary by the way) is how michelle williams must have just had the longest plane ride of her life. can you imagine getting the news that your recent ex and father of your only child was found dead in new york while you're in freaking sweden filming a movie?? can you imagine how shocked and horrified she must have been, and how helpless she must have felt to be so far away? and then to sit on that damn plane for all those hours. i am truly feeling for her. the kid too, don't get me wrong- but the kid is SO young and won't know what's going on.... and for michelle.. even though i always thought they were a weird mismatched couple, i am just feeling for her. empathic to the 10000th degree here folks. it also really freaked me out that literally after the news had been out for less than a minute, wikipedia had already updated their site on heath calling his entry "about a person who has recently died" including an entire entry on his death and his filmography included his current film listing as "died during filming." (looks like they changed the wording now, but that's what it said yesterday).. i guess we just waste no time in updating information in this day and age.

ps- i wonder if something like this is even more sad just because of his age? like if he was 80, would it be as sad? not at all right....

poor baby is just the spitting image of her father. i've never seen a kid look so much like one parent before.

splitting image of her dad

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

when do you stop caring about your parents?

when i saw my dad in tahoe before my wedding, he made several references to me being an "adult" now. or me being a "grown up." it was as if to say that since i was an "adult" i shouldn't be bothered by what he has done. that his actions shouldn't affect me at all.

realistically, should i be unaffected that he's a cheating bastard with no moral compass and a complete and total coward because i'm an adult? oh, now that i'm a grown up with a family of my own, i shouldn't care that he left my mom for another woman? who thinks like this? who realistically thinks that their child won't be affected by their actions? my father i suppose. someone who makes excuses for his behavior to be okay. someone who twists everything around so he is never at fault. someone who manipulates the truth so he doesn't have to live with any guilt.

i just want to say that if my parents had split up when i was younger... if my dad had cheated on my mom and left her when i was a teenager, i would have been devastated then as well. and i'm sure it would have shaped me and i'd be a slightly different person who was most likely less trusting of men and probably more jaded and bitter. i can only imagine what it would have been like to have to deal with that at that age.

but the flip side is that i grew up for most of my life thinking my parents had a certain kind of relationship. thinking my father was a certain type of person. assuming he was a certain type of man. so finding out as an adult that he is none of things you thought he was, is possibly even more devastating. learning certain things that makes you think you never even knew the man at all.... he was never what he seemed to be. how can he tell me that i shouldn't be affected? because i'm not a kid anymore? well i'm still HIS kid. he is still my father. the only father i have ever known and had in my life.

why am i making excuses or trying to justify why i feel bad? i have the fucking right to feel bad. i have every right to feel bad. every right to think he sucks and this sucks- it's just that him acting and telling me that it shouldn't bother me... is well.. BOTHERING ME. and that alone bothers me. i pretty much think that if i was 50 and he had done this, i would still be affected. i can't stop caring about what my parents do to eachother just because i don't live in their house with them anymore. just because their decisions don't affect where i'm going to school, or where i'm going to live, etc... as a basic human being and their child- what they do will always affect me. especially if it's mean. especially if it's hurtful. especially if it sucks. how could anyone ever think otherwise?

Sunday, January 20, 2008

*taps* hello, is this thing on?

i am NOT winning the contest i'm in people. did i mention that 1 lucky voter ALSO wins a trip? get to voting people! tell your friends! i'm not above whoring myself out- don't be above whoring me out as well. :)

vote once. vote often.

upstairs bath during

Friday, January 18, 2008

internet, i need you to vote for me. please?

can you go there please? can you? and vote for my story (you might have to scroll down a bit to find it, or even click on page 2.. or 3.. OR, if people are voting like they should be, it should show on the right hand side of your screen with a pretty picture from our trip to st lucia in the corner)-
Who Needs Romance When You Have Fun???

because i'd really like to win the trip. because it would be a cool anniversary present. and because since all of our money is going into this dang house, who knows when a "real" vacation will happen again. and because... WELL I JUST WANNA WIN, OK? but you have to help. please? i love you. thank you.

my house for the after party.

did i mention that YOU can win a trip too? one lucky voter gets chosen to win a trip there as well!!! what are you waiting for?


Thursday, January 17, 2008

things i just don't understand. well, at least 1 thing.

please keep in mind that when boyfriend talks to me in the morning before he's leaving for work, i am in a dead sleep. i don't normally even remember having conversations with him, or speaking actual words, but apparently i sometimes do (even if they are lame and make no sense). like this morning:

boyfriend- it's cooooold outside.
me- what do you mean?

boyfriend- i couldn't get the door open.
me- what? on your truck?
boyfriend- yeah.
me- why? was it frozen shut??
boyfriend- yes *laughs*.. and then hugs me
me- WHY IS IT SO COLD HERE? i just don't understand. i mean, it's not like we live in the mountains or something. we're not in tahoe. i just don't get it. i mean really. WHYYYYYY? what is with the cold???
boyfriend- *continues laughing* and then leaves the room while saying "it's global warming..."


but really. i don't get it. i don't fucking understand WHY THE HELL it is so freaking cold up here. is it truly that hard to have southern california weather in this part of the state? i mean, seriously. everytime i hear a commercial on the radio that talks about california being so warm and having great weather i totally think "what a fucking lie. only half of california is warm and has great weather. the other half shouldn't even call themselves california." they should name this something else. maybe the state should be cut in half. and as much as i miss my sister and wish she lived up here with me, i know she'd hate the weather just as much as i do. i just hate being cold (unless i'm visiting and i know i get to leave at some point- then i love it! you know, like the snow.. fun to visit, but not forever). i know i bitch about the cold all the time, it is just that dammit... i don't like being cold (and i fully acknoweldge the fact that so cal DOES get chilly and cold as well- it's just not the same)... the fact that i live where DOORS FREEZE SHUT and ICE IS ON MY WINDSHIELD SO THICK I CAN'T GET IT OFF CAUSE SO HELP ME GOD I DO NOT OWN AN ICE SCRAPER AND I NEVER WILL just surprises me all the time. i'm sure it should stop surprising me at some point, but i'm also sure it never will.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

bedroom colors!

okay, these pictures suck.
first of all, because my brilliantly amazing camera (that i want to make babies with) currently wears a fixed 50mm lens. that means that i cannot get far enough away from the bedroom to take a freaking normal picture of it. hence, you get a view of like a piece of a wall.. or a corner.. or a door frame.

second- it's really hard to photograph the true color of the wall with the lighting in each room. so.... you kind of get the point. basically, i'm trying to tell you that each of these room is beyond pretty in my mind. i adore the color in all of them and can't get over it everytime i walk into the room. I LOVES ME SOME COLOR!

blake's bedroom and the master bathroom is this color:
blake's bedroom

pretty much the worst picture of the guestroom ever. the green in here is so super pretty, it makes me sing "under the sea... " everytime i walk in it.
the guest room

this is our bedroom. well, part of it. i love this blue. it's called lakeside.. or lakeview, or some shit with lake in the name. i love it to bits and pieces.
our bedroom

note the pretty window seat? i just painted it a super bright white today! it looks even prettier!
master, window seat

this is the computer room. i had to include the ceiling so you could see that we did 2 different shades of green in there. i love it. it rocks. although the darker green is my favorite and so help me paint gods, i might go batshit and paint the whole thing that dark. the upstairs bathroom is that dark green color as well.
the office

that's all for now. i did paint the accent wall in the dining room and a wall in the living room. the accent wall is a dark brown and as i left the house today, i was loving how pretty it is. i think i really prefer the darker colors because everytime i paint something light- i hate it and i think "i'd like this better if it was DARKER! MORE DARK!" which is weird right? cause i'm like a totally bright and bubbly and amazing wonderful goddess of a chick. who doesn't love dark. but apparently i do. oooooooh, scary. :)

ps- thank you to EVERYONE for all your help, suggestions, pictures, emails, etc. you are the freaking bomb and i love ya!

Sunday, January 13, 2008

talk to me about....

your kitchen.
no really. this isn't a joke. i'm stuck. STUCK I TELL YOU! i don't know what the fuck to paint the kitchen. the rest of the downstairs is going to be the typical tones of neutrals and browns.. boring if you ask me, but hopefully they'll look devine. the kitchen- well i wanted some color, but obviously it can't be too crazy cause it won't match at all. i keep coming into a form of yellow, although i'm trying to avoid it with all that i am- but i fear it might be the only way.

the only way.

and only you can save me.

talk to me about your kitchen... what color is it? describe.. pics.. something.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

8 reasons why i love gossip girl

  1. it's not the oc, laguna beach, or anything so cal related
  2. it is so deliciously scandelous that i can barely contain myself
  3. chuck is such a perfect asshole, i can't imagine anyone else in the world playing that part better than he does
  4. and even though blair is a complete bitch to people, you end up feeling bad for her when someone does her wrong (even if the bad feeling only lasts a couple seconds)
  5. dan & sareana's relationship is far more mature than most couples i know (aka, great writing!!!!!)
  6. i don't even care who gossip girl "really" is, i just like her devious scoop
  7. the writing. i mean, come on- no high school guy would ever come up with the line "you're like one of my dad's arabians.. riden hard and then put away all wet." or at least they'd never have the balls to say it. out loud. to the person's face. have i mentioned how i love this show?!?!
  8. because they actually let the couple you wanted to get together, get together. and stay together. happily. at least for now. i will be so pissed when they start fucking with the D & S storyline in a bad way. you hear me josh schwartz?

xoxo.. jennster

(ps, i have always written xoxo when i sign my name. ask anyone. gg should copyright me everytime they say it)

this is gossip girl

chuck.. aka #3 and #7

blair.. aka #4

dan & sareana #5, #8

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

grab your kleenex

cause this is probably the best and saddest thing i've read in a long time. thank you andrew olmsted for serving our country. he wrote this before he died (obviously)....

"What I don't want this to be is a chance for me, or anyone else, to be maudlin. I'm dead. That sucks, at least for me and my family and friends. But all the tears in the world aren't going to bring me back, so I would prefer that people remember the good things about me rather than mourning my loss. (If it turns out a specific number of tears will, in fact, bring me back to life, then by all means, break out the onions.) I had a pretty good life, as I noted above. Sure, all things being equal I would have preferred to have more time, but I have no business complaining with all the good fortune I've enjoyed in my life. So if you're up for that, put on a little 80s music (preferably vintage 1980-1984), grab a Coke and have a drink with me. If you have it, throw 'Freedom Isn't Free' from the Team America soundtrack in; if you can't laugh at that song, I think you need to lighten up a little. I'm dead, but if you're reading this, you're not, so take a moment to enjoy that happy fact."

read the whole post here

Monday, January 07, 2008

okay, okay.. pictures!

alright... the pics are not great- i can only fit so much in with my wonderful new camera with its fixed lens. but here goes...

that wall color? wallpaper.
see.  wallpaper.

more wallpaper.
wallpaper is EVERYWHERE

and yet again. wallpaper. in the downstairs bathroom.
downstairs wallpaper.

i bet you thought it was done huh? nope. wallpaper in the kitchen. and the beautiful plantation shutter you see part of? the asshole did them all wrong, so they can't stay.
fucking wallpaper.

upstairs bathroom.. PAINTING is underway!!!! the green is too dark for the small room, so i already know what i'm going to do to fix it because i love the color. wainscoting (beadboard) will go on the bottom half. i think it will be perfect.
new green paint in the bathroom

that blue? it's in our bedroom and i couldn't love it more. or at least, it will be in our bedroom.
the blue i am in love with in our bedroom

we bought ceiling fans for each room. i didn't want white, but boyfriend was right and they are totally perfect.
new ceiling fan install for blake!

the green for one of the bedrooms..
not so subliminal message from teerish!

Saturday, January 05, 2008

my feet hurt

um, yeah.

my feet are killing me. maybe it's from being on my tippy toes all day trying to reach the wallpaper at the very top of the ceiling? maybe. that's what my sister says anyway. and she's super smart (except for that one time she told me that luke skywalker died in empire strikes back.. then she was just mean).

wallpaper is down. about 93428904 bajillion walls of wallpaper, OFF. thank the goddess.

the popcorn, you ask? well, it's all gone from the upstairs. the downstairs still has it. and it's a lot.

paint colors- i am super excited to paint, but A- i'm worried the kitchen paint is way too dark. and i'm totally not sure how it will look. so let me just put that out there now, so you can all remind me when i tell you how terrible it is, that i already knew this. our bedroom is GORGEOUS. i am in love with the color. the master bath- another beyond beautiful color. oh how i love me some blues. blake's bedroom is the same color as our bathroom. the pretend nursery is a really mellow pretty greenish color. all of this means nothing without pictures huh? okay.. soon. the main bathroom- it's a really dark green. too dark i think. it scares me a little. help?

Thursday, January 03, 2008

snowy is buried in our backyard

when boyfriend and i did an outdoor check on the house that is now ours, we ran across a stone that said "snowy" on it. well, boyfriend found it- read it outloud- and then i shit my pants. freaking pet cemetary is in my future backyard. how wonderful for us.

in all honesty though, i totally wrote it off to being a cat.. or a bunny. but mostly i assumed it was a cat. i guess because snowy sounds like a dumb cat name. boy were we wrong.

last night we were at the house for our very first night of ripping things off the walls and taking off the popcorn when one of our new neighbors stopped by. she talked to us about the old owner and then she mentioned the fact that an animal was buried in the backyard, just so we would know. we told her that we knew snowy was buried and i made the mistake of asking what snowy was.

her response?

"a dog. a really wonderful, big dog."

to which i promptly freaked out with "a DOG??? a BIG dog?? like how big? like golden retriever big????"

she said yes. like a large sized dog. A LARGE SIZED DOG. and then she said, "well i would hope it's all decomposed by now..." to which i immediately breathed a sigh of relief at the thought that snowy, the monstrous dog, has been buried for at least 5 years.

BZZZZZZZZ- wrong again. when i stupidly asked how long the dog has been dead, she said since right when the owner was moving. so july. THIS PAST JULY. the fucking dog has only been dead for 5 months!!!!! IN MY BACKYARD!

first of all, who the fuck buries a large dog in their backyard? that's just gross. i mean, cremate the dog and put the ashes somewhere, but don't bury the damn thing in your yard. especially if you're LEAVING THE HOUSE THE NEXT DAY TO NEVER COME BACK!!! what a fucking asshole. who does that shit?!?!?! oh yeah, the same fucker who put wallpaper all over every stupid wall downstairs. i think he freaking killed the dog and then buried it. so now i'm going to have a dog spirit that's mad roaming our backyard for all enternity.

honey, we're calling in the pet whisperer.

Tuesday, January 01, 2008

we have a house!

it's true! and official! as of tomorrow morning, we have keys and the house is ours!!!!

now the labor intensive projects begin. first step? remove popcorn, cottage cheese, ceiling from hell, from ceiling. and paint. everything. that is, after i remove the god forsaken wallpaper from every inch of wall. why people? why would you do that to yourself or anyone else? if you have wallpaper, get rid of it. now. future owners of your home thank you. the future president of the united states thanks you. see how big of a deal wallpaper is???

before and after pictures to come in the hopefully not so distant future.