Wednesday, December 31, 2008

why i love my nephew

cause he reads my blog and he writes me comments that say this:

"aunt jenn!!!!!

you are are not fat at all. thats the stupidist thing i've ever heard. i have sat here the whole day (except while i was at work) and read all your blogs or whatever they are called and this one is RIDICULOUS. i know i am 16 and what do i know but i think you are being very dumb. haha

i know how girls think about their weight becuase i am 16 and yes all i hear from girls my age is how fat they are. but you are gorgeous and anyone will agree with that. you have fun being who you are ( a.k.a my crazy aunt) and YOU ARE NOT A FAT ASS.

p.s mom would be mad if she heard me say the "a" word. haha"

thank you achoo for making me cry. and thanks for writing this. i love you. and yeah, what do you know? you're 16, skinny, hot, and a MALE. hahhaa.. so kidding (kind of). not kidding about the thank you part. you are awesome. come visit!

and ps- sister of mine... don't get mad at him for saying "ass." he could be saying far worse.. you know, like fuck. just be thankful he isn't a foul mouthed hoodlum like his aunt. :)

achoo and ster

Monday, December 29, 2008

let's talk ipods!

i know that i'm still one of the last people on earth without a laptop.. we've already established that.

but did you know that i'm also probably one of the last people on earth who doesn't own an ipod? of any kind. no i-nothing (wait, does that mean i own an i-something?). you see, i never saw the need for one before. i didn't understand just when the hell i'd use the damn thing. i didn't get it.

sometimes my idiocy impresses me.

well after this weekend with my brother... i finally fucking get it. and now i want one. BAD. like yesterday! i want one for the car. i want to have a shitload of music on it, so that i don't have to pick and choose which cd's to bring with me. i want to have them ALL with me!!!!! and i guess i can stop buying cd's right? and i can just buy them online (which i will admit is a really weird concept to me cause i really like having the case and seeing the pictures and reading the thank you's and all that stuff)...

so know i want one. but i know nothing about them. okay, i know a little. should i just get the main one that has the most memory since my main usage for it will be to store TONS.OF. MUSIC? or what?

do help!

and thanks! :)

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

typical kid, or terrible kid raiser (that's me)

so last night we went to dinner at the in-laws place. we means myself, boyfriend and the spawn of satan- aka, blake. my mother in law always makes these super cute placecards for every holiday type meal we do at their house. she just writes our names on the cards, nothing fancy or anything, but still totally her.

well we're all sitting in our respective places when blake says out of nowhere (and i mean, we've already eaten half our dinner, the name card has been sitting there for him to see and acknowledge for at least half an hour..)

"who wrote my name on this?"

now i'm just assuming he wants to know who wrote his name, right? i have no idea where the kid is going with this.

boyfriend's mom tells him that she wrote it, to which spawn of satan (sos) responds with, "it looks just like my writing."

okkkkkk... whatever. but he doesn't stop. he then follows up with, "it's really sloppy."


of course we all started busting up laughing, but i was horrified and probably beat fucking red.

and blake was like "what? it is."

omg, someone make this kid STOP talking!!

i made blake apologize for being so rude and i tried to explain to him on the way home that there are things we think in our heads, but don't say out loud. i'm not sure he got the concept.

please please tell me that this is just normal 10 year old behavior and i'm raising a total heathen. cause i'm seriously questioning my parenting abilities here.

Monday, December 22, 2008

Friday, December 19, 2008

have kitchen, will bake.

so last night... good lord, last night- i was baking for HOURS. my back hurt. it's hard to stand for that long with the weight that is my ass on me. really! you try it!

so i baked. mostly because today is like the gift giving day in the office, so i wanted to bake for my peeps. and also because stupid skinny ali martell posted this unbelievable peanut butter ball recipe and when i saw them, i had to have them. and so i did. i will tell you that i left out the pecan and didn't use the wax and they came out unbelievable. oh yeah, i cut the recipe in half too and they still made a bazillion and a half. oh yeah, yeah... i also dipped them in white chocolate cause i'm awesome and creative like that.


they're delicious.
for shizzy.
way better than any buckeye recipe in the world.
make them.
send some to me.
don't really.
my ass is big enough.

okay, so i baked and we have a pot luck at work today and i really have so much work to do because a certain company that shall not be named apparently hates me and wants to make my life a living hell, so i have reports for an entire year to get done. said company that hates me waited until 2 days ago to inform me that the reports have been wrong the entire year i've been working on them. i think the company is a bunch of fucking pricks who could have told me this information i dunno.... 9 months ago?!?!?!?! but who am i to go an get all logical on said company?!?! ugh.

so yeah. i swear i had something else juicy to tell you, but i think my brain is full of peanut butter.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

not made for the cold

since everyone looks at me like i am a complete jackass everytime i tell them this story, i figured i'd share the story with all of you. i mean, why keep my utter jackassness all to myself?

listen up bitches, i am not made for the cold. i'm not made for ice. i'm not made for snow. i like to visit these things. briefly. i don't own a jacket. i barely own things with sleeves. i do not like being cold for long periods of time (unless i know i get to eventually leave). so imagine my surprise when i walked outside in the morning and my car was completely frozen over. like the fucking thing looked like an ice ball.

my windshield? iced.over. so what do i think to do? well i thought, i'll turn on the hose and spray water on it, and maybe that will loosen up the ice so i can turn on my windshield wipers and get the ice off. but when i went to turn on my hose... well.. it was frozen too. it even had an ice piece hanging out of it. weird.

now this is the part of the story where people tell me i'm an idiot. they all tell me that adding water to ice, just makes more ice. like dur jennster, how can you be so winter-tarded? but really, i thought it could make the other ice move so i could get it off. really, is this not at all logical? is this where my blondeness shows? or my non wintery ways are ever so apparent?

i don't care that i'm a fucking idiot when it comes to winter stuff. that just reaffirms the fact that i should always be somewhere warm. where ice never happens and things just melt all the time.


too much frozen ness

and yes, i consider this frozen on my car. stop laughing all you real winter people.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

remember when we bought a house?

can you believe it's almost been a freaking YEAR since we bought this house we live in?!?!?! a year!!! good lordy, time flies!

anyway, i know i never talk about the house cause well... it's just always unfinished, or in the midst of being redone, and there's never much to say. it seems like we have lots of projects ongoing, but nothing ever gets completed. you know?!

and i just got boyfriend all riled up about the kitchen! we talked about how we'd like to get some additional cabinets, and extend the countertop to create a bar seating area in the kitchen (as well as WAY more workable countertop space). next thing i know, he's online at home depot and lowes (attention home depot and/or lowes. send us money and we'll buy all our remodeling stuff from your store. hear me? do it. i dare you. hear that? it's a dare.) pricing out do it yourself cabinets and all sorts of stuff.

but listen, we still need new windows. i mean, every window in the damn place needs to be replaced. and that's kind of where my head is at in terms of priorities when it comes to the no money we have to do all of these things with. then the kitchen would be super fun to remodel and do ourself. i think. maybe not. eventually, flooring. and remodel the master bathroom. hopefully not ourselves.

the thing about this house... the thing that all you people (and every person in the free world) has said to us over and over again? everyone says it takes time. you take one step at a time, on project at a time... and slowly, but surely, everything gets done. blah blah NO! i'm sick of how long it's taking. it's annoying that it's almost been a year and we still have SO much to do. it sucks not having any money to do things with. it sucks more that you buy a fixer upper because that's truly all you can afford, but then you don't have the money to fix up the fixer upper, so it just sits there.... all unfixed and shit.

it's frustrating to spend your money on a mortgage and not have extra money to do stuff with because all the do it yourself stuff? still super expensive. all the materials add up quick and before you know it, you're spending a lot of money trying to save money. not to mention the amount of time it takes to actually do these things yourself. that's my biggest gripe. i feel like we haven't relaxed since we bought this house. like every single weekend is either baseball for blake and we're out of town, or we're doing something on the house. the amount of time we spend working on the house just isn't worth it to me. cause it seriously gets to the point where it's not fun anymore. it's a chore. and not a chore you enjoy. know what i mean?

so i made boyfriend make a pact with me. our next house. NOT a fixer upper. that shit will be fixed. and i will have a master bathroom that makes grown ups weep with joy. and a backyard that no one will want to leave because it's so.damn.awesome.

and it will be somewhere warm. and i will be happy.

Monday, December 15, 2008

xmas party pics!

the theme this year was winter carnival and it was super fun and cute! there were carnival games! and snow!! and SNOW CONES! and COTTON CANDY!!! and caricature drawings! and ice stuff- like an ice bar with shots in ICE shot glasses! that was super cool (drink the blue shot, not the red shot). and a chair made out of ice that you could sit on and get wet and freeze your arm off if you accidentally leaned on it while you took your picture. and a ride!!! a ride that you would totally puke on if you were drunk enough (i wasn't). this is the one party a year that i really look forward to and love from work. so yeah....

ster eoin

ice shot in an ice shot glass

gregg and jenn

girls bw

ej bw

boyfriend ster

snowy eoin bw

Thursday, December 11, 2008

i'm tired of being a fat ass

i really am. and nothing is more depressing than trying to find new clothes that fit over my fat ass.

look, getting older sucks. being a WOMAN and getting older is even more suckier. it's true that once you hit 30 everything changes. whatever worked to lose weight before, does not work anymore. whatever took 1 week to work, now takes at least 4 times as long to get the same results. it's frustrating. it's hard. and it sucks. and it keeps getting harder with each year you add to that 30 mark.

i'm tired of working out and getting no results. it's very unmotivating to work out and work out hard and feel good about the work out, but not see anything from it. I HAVE TO SEE RESULTS TO KEEP WANTING TO BUST MY ASS THIS WAY. not that difficult of a concept.

the other thing? i don't want to have to fucking starve myself to lose weight. and seriously, that's what i feel like i have to do. i feel like i have to be hungry for most of the day. i definitely have to go to bed hungry. otherwise, it just doesn't work. i can't eat kinda healthy and kinda crappy and work out and be happy with my body. you might be able too, but i can't. like it doesn't work for me. and i want it too. i want to eat some junk food. i want to eat good food too, but i also want to eat junk. and i want that to be okay. i want to be able to work it off and still feel like how i look is awesome. but i don't feel that way. and i feel like i just keep getting chunkier. and i totally hear this guy in my head who said to someone about me 6 months after i'd had blake, "she looks like she's eaten one too many cheeseburgers."

i'm not normally the girl they say that shit about.
or maybe i am.
maybe i'm just not normally the girl who gives a fuck.

but lately, i can't get that cheeseburger comment out of my head. if i had one too many cheeseburgers 10 years ago, just imagine how many more it looks like i've eaten now.

i'm just tired of being so unhappy with how i look. if it's this difficult now, and if it's only going to keep getting more and more difficult with age- am i seriously going to be dealing with this shit forever?! like until i die?! cause i don't want to live like that. i don't want to have my whole adult life marred by the constant struggle to feel good about how i look. because it's not fun. and i'm sick of it. and i hate it. and i just want what i do at the gym to work. i want to see results when i work out. i don't want it to be THIS hard to lose weight. and it is for me. and i just don't understand why it has to be this way?! and why can't it be easier? and why do i have to fucking starve myself to lose 20 pounds? and will i have to do that shit forever? because if i do starve myself to lose the 20 pounds (and by starving i do not literally mean starve.. i mean, just barely consume any fucking calories) i can't live like that forever. i mean, eventually.. I'M GOING TO HAVE TO EAT REAL FOOD. right?! and then what? the weight comes back?! a

just tell me what works. give me advice. if you struggle, and i mean really struggle with your weight, just talk to me here. if it's 1o pounds, 20.. or 100 you need to lose. how do we lose it and keep it lost?!?

ps- all this talk about being fat, and feeling fat, and just loathing myself.. know what it makes me want to do? eat.chocolate. yeah. how fucked up is that?

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

holy sick

yesterday i was so sick i thought i was dying. there is one nasty pukey flu bug going around and it attacked my house with a vengence. me and blake were puking all night and day. i could barely move. it hurt to get out of bed. to uncurl my body from the fetal position i was holding it in. it was awful.

i wish it on no one.

and although i'm a 100 times better today, i'm still kinda woozey from the whole non eating, dehydration thing.

so i'll be back!

Monday, December 08, 2008

blogland giveaway round up!

hi everyone! it's definitely holiday time in blogland! there are so many giveaways currently going on out there, that i thought it would be kinda cool to have them all in one place! so i'm going to list all the ones that i know about, and if you know of any others, please post them in the comments section and i'll add them here! sound good? i thought so!

so off to contest-land! and good luck everyone!!!

there is a HUGE HP giveaway currently going on on 50 different blogs, during various timeframes.. the lovely MOOSH currently has her contest running now! i think it ends tomorrow, so hurry up! she also has a link to all the other blogs participating in the contest. you'll have to visit them to see if they have their contest up yet, or when it starts!

the amazing suebob (aka red stapler) has the best contest ever going on! it's the ugly sweater contest! post a picture of your ugliest sweater and win a $50 dollar gift card!!

sweatpantsmom is having a video game giveaway over at her blog! who doesn't want more reasons to keep your kid out of your hair?!?!!

mom-e-centric is having a 12 days of christmas giveaway each day, for 12 days! head on over today to see what's on the list!

did you know that we have some hot bloggers in blogland? well we do. and apparently they're on a calendar (i'm tempted to make the hot blogger reject calendar). dawniemom is giving one away at her blog! go now!

mothergoosemouse is giving away a WII and WII fit!!!!!!!! awesome right?!?!! go get you some fitness!

mommypie is giving away a pair of crocs! like those shoes? then go win em!

dirt & noise has a couple free giveaways currently running! one is a build-a-bear! awww..

lori at a cowboys wife is ALWAYS giving stuff away! she is currently giving away a $500 suckmart gift card. i'd enter, but i hate fartmart so much, i wouldn't spend free money there. lol. but i understand if you would. i'm just a bitch like that.

oooh, a $50 dollar gift card! I WANT THAT, so don't enter. or i guess you can. sheri is giving one away here!

mom central is having a bunch of giveaways too! all sorts of fun stuff!

Friday, December 05, 2008

another update from the road

i am in la now and to say that the weather is amazing is an understatement. i have the ac on in my rental. . . which by the way drives so damn nice and is so sensitive to every touch it is making me look like a 16 year old just learning how to drive. makes me realize how old sam (my jeep) is.

anyway, it's not just the weather that makes it so awesome down here..... it's everything. i LOVE being surrounded by my industry. it is everywhere here and i love and miss that so much.

anyway, off to work.

xoxo & warm breezes

why people in the airport suck

there is a guy sitting directly behind me right now. he is on the phone. he is talking about how sick he is and how sick he has been. "it started with a fever and a sore throat and went from there...." his son has it now too. his son is also behnd me. he is turned around so that he is facing my direction. don't ask me y. he probably wants to breath all over me and give me his gross sckness. listen up assholes, if you are sick in the fucking airport there is no need to announce it okay? keep that shit to yourself. cause i wouldn't care so much that u insist on breathing all over and around me if i didn't know you were dying with some disease. ugh.

carry on.

Wednesday, December 03, 2008

what one place do you want to visit?

is there one place in the world that you're drawn too, and you're not sure why? or maybe you're drawn there and you do know why... i'm curious where is the one place you'd like to visit before you die? do you have that feeling, or am i the only freak? nah, there are way more freaky people out there. i'm sure you're drawn to a place you've never been too, right?

for me, i've always been inexplicably drawn to the south. i have my beliefs as to why i think that is, and for now i'll be selfish and keep them to myself. besides, they involve things like past lives, and the civil war, etc. things you don't want to hear me babble on about- but really, the south isn't the reason for this post. cause the south is easy to visit and get too.

the reason for this post... the one place in the world that i must go to before i die... have to see because i have art depicting it all over my house... is italy. i'm dying to go to italy. dying to take it all in. i guess mostly northern italy (although i'm sure southern italy is just as spectacular). i must see venice before it freaking sinks. and lake como. i am just so drawn to italy and everything about it, that even if i never realize the reason for it, i still have to go there. i want to get lost there (not literally). i can't explain why. i have no reason why. i'm not italian, don't have family there, no rational exlanation as to why i'm drawn there. yet still. it's the one place i have to go to.

what about you? what's your italy?

Tuesday, December 02, 2008

britney's circus

i bought brit's new cd this morning.... yes, i love britney. you can suck it cause i think she rocks. the only time i refused to buy one of her cd's was the last one. she was way too fucking crazy and totally off her rocker. i couldn't support her. i couldn't give her money when she was that out of control. seriously. i'm super moral like that. ha

but now- NOW!!!! her new cd is super fun and kinda dancey, but.... there are some songs on there where her voice is really different and the tone doesn't sound like her normal voice. and they sound awesome, but i was driving thinking to myself "omg, how is she going to sing like this in concert?! i mean, she probably can't make her voice do this naturally and it's probably all studio adjusted, so is she just going to sing in her natural pitch... " and then it hit me. DUMBASS. she doesn't sing live in her concerts! god, i'm so stupid sometimes. she'll just lip sync, dur.

speaking of lip syncing... if she's going to continue doing this because she can't sing and dance at the same time (or really sing)... she's going to need to step up her dance performance. what is with her lately?! she barely dances in womanizer, or circus. it's weird. she does a lot of walking and some very simple dance moves, but it's almost like she lacks all confidence. she doesn't have the fierceness i've grown to love when watching britney dance. she moves without her normal ownage of the stage. i want the old confident britney back. watching her dance was like watching a dog eat peanut butter. fun. and entertaining. so i hope she gets whatever is missing back. i feel like her rehearsals are more fierce and hot than her live performances..... which is just wrong all over.

come on britney. get fierce. dance your ass off! bring it!

Monday, December 01, 2008

did i tell you what i did on black friday?

when i heard that the outlets were opening at midnight, i got all excited! see, i've never done the crazy black friday shopping thing before. ever. and i thought that midnight was easy enough, cause i just wouldn't go to sleep and i could just pretend i was out dancing at a club and staying up til midnight to GO SHOPPING would be super easy! right? right.

so i'm doing everything i can to entertain myself before midnight rolls around. cause i'm obvioulsy not out at a club dancing where i never know what time it is until the stupid lights come on and they tell you that you and all your drunk companions have to leave the club and get on the road and attempt to drive home without killing someone (don't drink and drive. this message brought to you by jennster cause i care and some drunk asshole killed my friend, so yeah. don't be a drunk asshole. unless you're taking public transportation, than asshole away.) someone should have a coffee stand outside of clubs you know? and pretzels too. with cheese. yum. now i'm hungry.

okay.. so i drove the outlet and holy shit, it was like a parade. cars at the stoplight backed up as far as i could see. the parking lot was FULL. the outlet mall was PACKED. and when i rounded the corner to the fabulous and amazing coach store, i found myself staring at a line of about 150 people. was there a ride i was missing out on? was i at disneyland? was someone giving away free wii's? no. it was just to go into the coach store. that was the only store with a line. the rest of the mall was barely crowded. but the coach store. holy shit. i thought about standing in line. i think i actually might have. for about 5 minutes until i realized that my life was better spent sleeping, or dreaming, or reading twilight.

so i left. and i laughed cause i thought it was still kind of fun that i went to go do that. i wasn't done yet either. i was going home to sleep until target opened at 6. hell i don't even know what i wanted at target either- i think i just wanted to take part in the whole black friday thing. it was stupid. i mean, there were a ton of people at the target too. all dumb and standing outside in the freezing cold. i stared at them from the warmth of my car. i also thought that i was going to be really pissed off if i woke up a few hours later cause i fell asleep still in my dang car. i didn't fall asleep. i managed to get inside target and i think i sleepwalked around the store. i barely remember being there. and the whole time i was thinking to myself "why am i here again??"

so yeah. i did the whole black friday thing. and i never have to do it again. but i'm happy i did it and experienced it and realized that people are really crazy and totally get into the whole shopping thing and stuff.... which is kinda fun. maybe it would have been more fun if i wasn't alone? i think probably shopping with a friend would have made a difference you know? someone to laugh at people with. someone to make sure i didn't fall asleep in my car with. someone to tell me to just shut off my alarm and go back to sleep cause the store will not have anything that day you won't be able to get the next. and plus, online shopping is way easier- as long as you don't have to pay for shipping that is.

so what was i saying again?!

Saturday, November 29, 2008

time to eat some of my words

remember how i posted that i was seeing twilight again?

for some reason this time, it actually wasn't half bad. it was better than "half bad." it was actually quite good (okay, quite good might be pushing things). i went into yesterday's viewing trying to pretend like i hadn't read the book before. i wanted to let go of all my preconceived notions of what and how i felt the story should go. the two girls who sat next to me helped me with this because neither one of them had read the book yet. they said they wanted to see the movie first before they read the book.

so while i watched it this time, certain things didn't bother me. jasper didn't stand out to me as super uber-weird anymore. the high school kids didn't seem like their screen time was lacking this time around. the character development seemed a little more... developed. i don't know. but this is a good thing people. i really enjoyed watching it. i definitely got more lost in the movie this time around than i did the first time. don't get me wrong, the circle cam and ridiculous pretty shots instead of getting shit done still got kinda old. and bella's voice when she is narrating the movie is still super annoying. i don't know what it is about the way she talks, but the reading / narration is painful to listen too. maybe it's because it reads with very little emotion. maybe that's the point? maybe i'm just an idiot? there are still things in the movie that suck.. things that could have been better, should have been different, but it's not as painfully bad as i made it out to be the first time around.

but really... this time- way more fun. far less irritating. even the casting that had me coming out of my skin the first time, didn't bug me as much. maybe i'm just complacent. maybe i'm less critical today. maybe i'm really just a 13 year old trapped in this enormous body (poor 13 year old).

i remember the first time i watched the movie i was convinced that someone who had not read the book would not even understand what was going on, or what looks meant, etc. i was wrong. of course, if you've read the book, you'll get more out of the movie. you'll know things that those who didn't read the book won't even know they're missing. i also really questioned the way melissa rosenberg wrote the screenplay. i was wrong again. i re-read twilight last night and this morning (mostly skimmed actually) and was suprised at how much of the dialogue in the movie is straight out of the book. i have to apologize for publicly bashing the shit out of her (we have at least one mutual friend that i know of) because i wasn't entirely fair last time. or i don't know, maybe i was just too wound up from being excited and then feeling SO let down. but after reading/skimming the book again and seeing the movie for a second time, i have to say that i'm totally excited for the next movie (even though new moon was my least favorite of the 4 books)! and it's not just for the vampire either- :)

Friday, November 28, 2008

so now that turkey day is OVER!

it's time for christmas!!!!!

come look at the blog all dolled up for the holidays (you know, that means if you're viewing this in a feed reader, click through to see it in all its tree glory)! :)

ps- thank you EVERYONE for your jean suggestions.. they were brilliant! well, i'm assuming they are brilliant. have to actually shop and try things on to be certain.

hope you had a great turkey day... i'm still full. and being the glutton of punishment that i am- i think i'm going to see twilight again today. i know i know- i just ranted and raved about how fucking disappointed i was and how much it sucked, but part of me is wondering if i maybe spent the entire first time watching it, critiquing the hell out of it. you know, pissed off that they didn't do this part from the book, or that part.. or wondering why it was a certain way instead of better. i'm hoping that maybe by seeing it a second time, i either A- will enjoy more for what it is instead of hating it for what it isn't... or B- it will still.totally.suck.

wish me luck! :)

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

can we talk about jeans?

we can? great.

listen. i have a fat ass. not phat (although it does rock). it's enormous. to say i'm shaped like a pear is an understatement. so when it comes to jeans, i can't just wear anything.

so i need to know. NEED TO KNOW people. what kind of jeans you wear? and if you're super skinny and have no shape, i don't give a fuck what kind of jeans your ass wears. you probably wear kids sizes. and so you can screw off. cause i secretly hate you (not really). but the jeans that will fit you, will not fit me.

if you're shapely. actually have hips. have a bootie. then talk to me! and thanks!!!!!

Sunday, November 23, 2008

even though twilight the movie

sucked so badly it hurt me inside (i'm still reeling from the disappointment of it all)...

this right here (reasons why you shouldn't let your girlfriend read twilight) made me laugh and attempted to heal the hurt within my heart. with things like:

"He's not a vague wuss"

She will fall hopelessly in love with him. Call it what you want, but girls everywhere are getting tangled up in Edward’s perfect web. With lines like “You are my life now” and “And so the lion fell in love with the lamb,” Edward is stealing your girlfriend’s heart. He is charming, mysterious, devoted and sexy. What more could a girl want in a vampire? More importantly, what more will she want from YOU?

i still am a fan of the terribly cheesy books. i just wish the movie didn't almost ruin it all.

*le sigh*

off to the grosh and to attempt to find jeans that fit the largeness that is my ass.

Friday, November 21, 2008

my twilight review

i'm sorry folks, but you knew this would happen. well maybe it wouldn't have happened, and i wouldn't be writing this review at all if the movie was half way decent.

you might want to stop reading here if that last sentence hurt you.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! stephanie meyer and catherine hardwicke, are you freaking idiots or what?!?! melissa rosenberg, did you really adapt the book this fucked up in your screenplay, or did catherine completely fuck you in the directing and editing process?!?!? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

okay, just had to get that out first.


i wanted this movie to be good. i knew there was a distinct possibility that the movie would be terrible, but i was hoping for the best. plus i'd read the book- how bad could the movie be right? right?!?!? *cries*

we're all in agreement that the books are not written by an amazing novelist, correct (kind of like this blog)? and even though they aren't written all that well, there is still something about them that is super enjoyable and fun, right? so i was kind of thinking along the same lines in regards to the movie... it might not be done really well, but it would still be super enjoyable. i.was.wrong.

first of all, i don't know how ANYONE who has not read this book could sit through this movie. i don't think they would understand what the hell was going on half the time. this movie was developed so freaking poorly, only those of us who read the book understood what a certain look, gesture, "i'm going to vomit if you sit next to me" actually meant. there were parts in the movie that were laughable. like embarassingly so.

i am really at a loss for the casting process on this movie (although i lean towards blaming the director entirely.. i mean, did that bitch even read the book?!?!?). i almost feel like i am owed a fucking explanation as to WHY IN THE LIVING HELL they chose the person they chose to play rosalie?!?! worst.casting.decision.ever. at least not if you're trying to adapt the novel in any way shape or form. also alice? while she looked exactly the way i pictured her to look, her acting was terrible (which is also probably the director's fault- i am beginning to think she can't direct at all). and jasper?! i don't know about you, but when i read the books i never pictured him as this totally weird, offbase, almost mute type non-person. did you? cause in the movie, he's just so weird. and he says literally 5 words in the whole movie. um, who else sucked? oh yeah esme! i would never in a million years cast her to play this part. i just don't get it. like i want catherine hardwicke to get her pathetic directing ass onto this blog and tell me why she chose these people. i want an explanation people. i demand an answer!!!!! oh, who did i like in the movie, you're asking? i like the chick who played bella (although her voice was really annoying and if they aren't careful, she's going to come off like a super whiney, i'm never happy, just kill me, type of character- you know, kind of like meredith grey on grey's anatomy. omg, please kill her already).. and i'm partially now in love with the guy who played edward (bite me. no seriously. do it.).. and i think the casting for all the high school characters (eric, angela, jessica and mike) were awesome! mike was hilarious and jessica cracked me up. they were perfect. good job there! thanks for barely putting them in the damn movie.


okay- do you see how long this freaking post is already!??!! damn twilight for sucking! i wouldn't have to write something this long that people stopped reading 10 minutes ago IF YOU JUST WOULD HAVE BEEN GOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

moving on. the direction (yes, i am now hating seriously on the director of this film) was beyond shiteous. it kind of reminded me of pearl harbor. very little substance, but lots of pretty light and oooh, isn't edward pretty? let's just circle the camera around him 500 times so we can see his prettiness from every angle possible! and then let's pan up, but still circle cause he's prettier from above, don't you agree?!?! the circle cams were ridiculous and never ending through the whole movie. they were totally unnecessary and just made the movie more silly. especially with the number of times she did it. lame. you hear me hardwicke? LAME!

and i really don't know what happened with the screenplay. i don't know if melissa actually wrote a halfway decent script and the director changed it, or what. but i truly don't understand why they didn't adapt the screenplay more closely with the novel. there was no reason to not almost film the novel word for word. it couldn't have been that hard. i mean, the first time bella sees the cullen's in the book is the best. looking across the room in the cafeteria- seeing their gorgeousness (oooh, circle cam!!!) and then asking jessica who they are. even the jessica/bella convo in the book is totally natural. well the movie is just lame. bella sees the cullens walking oustide the window towards the caf and is all "who are theyyyyyyy"... i don't understand why she couldn't have seen them in the caf the way it was in the book?! WHYYYYYYYYY?!?!? they took absolutely no time at all developing the story between bella and edward before completely jumping into the whole "i can't live without you. me either." parts. the book is unbelievable enough, but i buy into it far more than i ever could with the movie. the movie just really blew it on the whole character development part from any and every angle. they cut things from the book that i felt didn't need to be cut. they took away conversations that i felt really should have been had. they changed little things that they didn't need to change and it affected the movie in a negative way. they are missing so much of the character interaction. and they needed it. whenever mike and jessica came into the picture- they added humor and fun to the movie. but they were out of the scene as quickly as they came in, and then it was all circle cam on the pretty vampire and pale girl.

look, i realize that no movie is ever half as good as the book it's trying to be (except the notebook), but i just think that there was no reason for this movie to be this craptastic. i could have written a better screenplay. i would have adapted it far closer to the novel, and it would have been better. i definitely could have cast it better. i just don't understand why they ruined it this way? and the makeup?! omg, did they just have people run through a huge spray of powder and then put them on set?!?! the makeup was the worst. i mean, come on people- were we making powder here? memoirs of a geisha? oh, we're not?!?! THEN ENOUGH WITH THE RIDICULOUS ATTEMPT AT PASTY WHITENESS. it was distracting.

okay, i have to stop myself before i have a stinking aneurysm (if i do though, please blame the director). i'll just apologize to all of you who are going to see this movie. because it's beyond disappointing. i want to take it back. i want them to go back into production and recast, rewrite and refilm. i want a do over! PLEASE DO A DO OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!

at least edward was hot. *sighs*

ps- towards the end of the movie, edward starting doing the mouthy pout thing that shane west does all the freaking time (see- a walk to remember) and that gets annoying. leave your lips alone and stop trying to contort them into stupid positions.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

mentally i'm about what... 15?

i went from not knowing what twilight was (or knowing, but it not sounding interesting enough to really care) to GOING TO SEE THE FREAKING MOVIE TOMORROW NIGHT AT MIDNIGHT! yeah. you heard me. i'm going to a midnight showing of twilight with some girlies from work.

i'm ridiculously excited. probably the same way some 13 year old somewhere is excited for the same thing. my maturity astounds me daily. really. my son (not to mention my husband) must be so proud. it will be awesome when blake and i are the same age together. that should be fun.

also, the blackberry storm comes out on friday. i'm stupidly excited for this phone too. i don't know why. i mean, i do know why- but really, it's so dumb. who cares. it's just a phone. and i might not even like it. or want it. but still, i am sitting here counting down the days for the phone and the movie. thank the goddess they happen on the same day. THE BEST DAY EVER.

omg, i really am a 12 year old, aren't i???

text me.

Monday, November 17, 2008

how do you get your alone time?

this past weekend boyfriend and i briefly stopped by a friends get together. a conversation (okay, more like 5 sentences) sprung up about working outside of the home and staying at home. one of the men stays at home with his kids while his wife works her ass off. and one of the guys works while his wife stays home.

it was interesting because everyone feels that what they do is more exhausting. or more work. or more something (or maybe the word "more" here is totally not the right word at all). and i can see both sides.

i think staying at home with the kids is absolutely a ton of work. it's emotionally and physically draining. i'm sure that by the time your significant other walks through the door, all you want to do is ditch the kids and relax. but i also know that working all day long is exhausting in its own right. and sometimes when you walk through the door, all you want to do is relax too and not have to suddenly take on all the kids in the house.

and so i wonder how people do it? how they balance? how does it work in your house if one of you works and one of you stays home. do you get any alone time, or do you not?

ps- congrats to kristabella for winning her very own entertainment coupon book! yay!

Friday, November 14, 2008


so you know those entertainment books that are local to your area? the ones FULL of coupons for everything from taco bell to bowling alleys? well i got my local one and it's awesome! it has online coupons, and coupons for clothes, and coupons for EVERY PLACE THAT EXISTS it seems!

so you want one for your area? do ya? of course you do! who doesn't want a book full of so many coupons you couldn't possibly use them all before they expire?? just comment in the comments that you WANT TO WIN and i'll draw a person at random someday soon. ha!

speaking of winning and stuff. last night when i took blake to sevie (7-11 for those who don't speak ster) to get a slurpee after baseball practice, i saw a lottery ticket... the scratcher kind. i thought it was SO pretty so i bought it. i won $100 bucks! AWESOME!!!! right? right!!!


Wednesday, November 12, 2008

nopobloyourmom- not a fan.

i hate the whole post everyday for the month of november crap. i hated it when it started, and here.. however many years later, i still fucking hate it.

look people. what is the point? why are you posting every single day if you normally would not post every single day?!? just to say something that is utterly pointless, for the SAKE OF SAYING SOMETHING THAT IS UTTERLY POINTLESS?!?! it's annoying. truly.

i wish you all would stop. :)

and while you're at it, please for the love of my sanity make your reads full in your feed reader. i like to be able to read your whole post in bloglines- otherwise i don't have the time to click into each blog individually.

help me out here, eh?

yeah, i'm done bitching for today.

Monday, November 10, 2008

a love story.. in pictures

this past weekend blakey face and i went to LA!

it was warm there. i was happy. (but not happy that i didn't plan to stay for this long, so i didn't bring clothes for warm weather for blake or myself. so i had to go shopping to get blake some shorts and try to find a tank top for me because i realize that i really hate having sleeves on my arms.)

we visited with our family (my nephew, my brother, my niece, my sis)

and then we went to disneyland!!!!

where we walked into the filming for disney's christmas special. corbin blue was there. so was ryan suckcrest.

but i think it was their presence that made the castle already decorated for christmas! so i couldn't complain...... too much.
disneyland castle for christmas

the haunted mansion was decorated for halloween and xmas- which is my favorite. i think i like the nightmare before xmas theme better than the original haunted mansion.
haunted mansion

then some potato character harassed blake. it was fun.
potato head

we ate a lot.
we laughed even more.
and we were total dorks with no shame. i love it.

Thursday, November 06, 2008


i realize that i'm the last person on earth to catch a ride on the "twilight" train, but it's better late than never, right?

everyone and their mom has told me to read the twilight books. and out of nowhere the other day, i figured i'd better start! well, i knew the movie was coming out soon and i wanted to read the book first. so 2 days ago, i bought twilight. and um, i finished it yesterday. have i mentioned that i'm already over half way done with the second book? speaking of the second book **spoiler alert- must highlight to read**
OMFG- the second book is killing me. i HATE HATE HATE that edward is gone. it hurts me physically to read this book. like i am in pain for this stupid girl having to go on without him there. and you know damn well he loves her and only left to protect her, BUT I DON'T CARE! i find myself flipping the pages like mad until i can finally get to the part where he is back in her life. cause dammit, that part HAS to be coming!!!!! but this book is hurting me. physically. i have a problem. lol
**end spoiler**

i have a problem when it comes to books. i get so fucking involved in them, i literally can.not.put.them.down. this book is definitely not written for mature adults *ahem* so naturally, i love it. it's so buffy and angel that i can't help but love it. well, minus the whole she's a vampire slayer part. i think there is something about a forbidden love- or a love that isn't supposed to happen, but you can't deny it, fight it, or run from it, that just gets me. i guess i just love a good love story. or a defiant love story. or a story that hints at past lives and people who are "supposed" to be together no matter what. you know? so yeah, i'm on the second book and then i have 2 more to go!

anyway, now i'm psyched for the movie!!! i'm so happy i started reading these books right before the movie is coming out cause i'm all about instant gratification. i don't have to wait long and all you other bitches who read these books years ago have probably been dying waiting. ha!

to everyone who tried to get me to read these books in the past, and i didn't listen because - i dunno, i'm stubborn like that- you were right. they're awesome. i love them!

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

i am SO proud!

so freaking proud to be an american today!

i am SO excited and it seriously makes my heart smile that i live in a nation that would elect a black man to lead and run our country. not only did we elect this man- we OVERWHELMINGLY elected this man! that is exciting! and SO amazing! and so heartwarming!!! and it seriously makes me proud. proud of what this nation has become. proud that we can accept someone and believe in them to be our leader, regardless of their color.

we've come a long way america. a long way. we still have far to go, but this is a beautiful step. a beautiful, amazing, wonderful step.

eye voted

Monday, November 03, 2008

answering those hard hitting questions

ha! you've waited... and been so patient.. the time has finally arrived.. MY ANSWERS!!! :) first, thank you guys for pretending like you actually had things you wanted to know about me. and thanks again for being pains in the asses and never asking just one question, but many. you're the best. fuckers.

issa asked the following:
Are you going to BlogHer next year?
i dunno. cause where is it going to be? and i'm honestly not sure i care enough to go, depending on how far away it is from casa de la ster. i don't mean that to sound rude at all, it's just that if it's super far away and would cost a shitload of money, there are other "vacations" i'd like to take instead. especially if i can only take 1. know what i mean?

Do you know where it's going to be? Cause if I'm really going to go, I have to start planning this shit now.
didn't you read the answer above?! i don't know where it's going to be dammit! LOL

When are you and boyfriend going to start procreating? Inquiring minds want to know.
as soon as random people start sending me thousands of dollars a month just for fun. that's about the only way we could afford another kid. ouch.

heinous asked:
Are you doing the 'sexy I've-got-my-mouth-partially-open look' in that pic?
anything sexy in regards to something that has to do with me is completely accidental and unintentional.

texas math wonders:
Now that I've started to read your blog on a more consistent basis again, can you talk more about the following subjects: sports, beer?
probably not. especially now that baseball is over. and i don't really talk beer, i just drink it.

If you could go back to one point in time, which would that be and why?
i'd go back into a past life of mine. oh yeah, you read that right. a past life. i'd want to see who was around me and verify a few things. lol

Do you have coworkers that never remember meeting times, so that you show up on time,and they are at least 30 minutes late, if they show up at all? (Or subsequently, are you that person?
ha! i'm not that person, nor do i have co-workers like that anymore. when i worked at disney, i did!!! but he was big wig, so it was ok for him to be late. or not show up.

(I've asked this of Becky but I'll ask you too, great timing.) What kind of f'n camera should I get Allie?
a canon, dur. and do you want to get her a point and shoot, or a dslr? i have the canon rebel xti and i LOVE and HIGHLY recommend it. cause it's awesome- like me.

Can you describe your all time funniest moment in a movie (not to be confused with funniest movie...but a single moment in a movie)?

Do you think you'll ever live in Southern Calif. again?
yes!!!!! absolutley!!!! without a doubt!! i MUST live in southern california again, or my soul will perish. i know that sounds extreme, but let me just put it out there- if 10 years from now i am still living in northern california (and have never moved back to so cal), just know that i am dying on the inside... that i am probably so sad at the very core of my being that you may not even recognize me anymore. i have to move back there. i have to live there again. it's a must.

Do you realize how ridiculous some travel baseball parents can get?
i think i am that parent. HA! kidding. we've been fortunate to have pretty amazing parents on our team with us. i love them. they're awesome.

What's your favorite new blog you've just recently discovered? (Yeah, you're supposed to answer that it's mine and if not, then just don't answer this one, K??) :)
oh yeah, yours of course! i love your blog! i also have to give daddy dan some props, because he did a feature where he interviewed bloggers and 95% of them, i had never heard of before. he has some GREAT bloggers out there that he reads, so i loved that he did that! it was awesome! but don't worry, you're still the best. (don't tell black hockey jesus, he's so sensitive)

the stiletto mom wants to know:
What is your pet peeve and why? And who does it the most to you/around you?
fuck, i don't know. things gross me out more than being pet peevy i think. like i hate hate hate when people put their gross disgusting bare fucking feet on the dashboard of cars. omg, HATE it. it grosses me the hell out. the people who do it the most? random strangers i don't know but are forced to see on the freeway. EWWWWWW

cole is inquiring:
Everybody's got a hidden talent. What's yours?
really? everyone has a hidden talent?!?!! how come no one ever tells me anything?! and even more horrifying, how come no one gave me one?!?!?!? i don't think i have a hidden talent. for reals. all my talents are too awesome to hide.

chris o has got to know:
Why does sour cream have an expiration date? Isn't it already expired, hence the name? Do you ever think about cheese?
cause sour cream can get even MORE expired. and then you'll get sick. and puke. and possibly die. see, i just saved your life. always heed the expiration date on already expired products.
i think about cheese a lot. i love cheese. i want it on everything (except my ass).

anissa mayhew asked:
How do you feel about mimes? Legitimate artists or freaks just begging for a beating?
i've never thought about mimes before. but now that you're asking, i think they are just begging to get the shit beat out of them. multiple times. i mean, really.

JILL (who is awesome and sends me amazing emails) posted:
Are you ever going back to blog talk radio. this would be a great topic on their (Ask Jennster)
i don't think that i'll be going back anytime soon, if ever. it's too time consuming and i don't have enough time as it is. i mean, if i could have my show during work hours, that would be one thing- but since i have to try to fit it in when i get home at night, i just can't do it. i like my kid more than i like BTR, so he wins.

How are the projects going on the house and when is the first party? This includes the yards since we have NO PICTURES!!
omg, the house is never-fucking-ending. i haven't posted pics in forever because i haven't taken pics in forever. i forget that people care. or pretend to care. shit. i'll take pics of the backyard cause that is the current project. everything is OUT- boyfriend tore shit up- and now it's muddy and trying to grow grass. but it's mostly just muddy. first party? man. the rate we're going, boyfriends birthday will be our first party. we suck.

How many things do you think about on the way to work, like how subjects does your mind touch on (someone asked me that this week and it fucked up my whole morning trying to think and write it down)
i think that my commutes to and from work are the 2 times during the day when i have the most thoughts.... so many things run through my mind in a really calm and cohesive manner. but then i get to work, or i get home- and all those thoughts scatter and are gone!

neurotic grad student asked:
If someone gave you $25,000 and you had to donate it to a charity (or combination of charities) where would the money go and why?
i really like this question- i think mostly because i can talk about an organization that NO ONE seems to talk about ever. i would donate $20,000 of it to the texas equusearch. they are the organization that comes together and looks for lost and missing people. when natalee holloway went missing, they went into aruba to try to find her. so many people go missing, and they do nothing but help. i love this organization and wish they got more recognition for the good that they do.
i would take the last $5000 and donate it to the surfrider foundation. it started in malibu and i remember when it was nowhere else but there. it's dedicated to the protection and enjoyment of our world’s oceans, waves and beaches. :)

point45 (aka boyfriend) asks a life or death question:
if your husband got a disease where he would die if he did not receive oral services until completion every day for the rest of his life...........

how long until he would be dead?
listen, i'll make sure to dress you hot for your funeral. at least we'll be able to have an open casket, right? and what a bitch that eulogy is going to be. i mean, really? how can i sit up there and talk about how much i liked you and stuff, when i'm the one responsible for your croakage? this is going to be a sticky one...... or not. har

kristabella (who was one of the most awesome chicks of b'her 08) asks:
Why does your blog address have 3 N's in Jennster?
cause some stupid bitch had jennster with 2 n's- in a blog she doesn't update. and i tried to contact her to get her to dump it so i could have it, but there was no email address and no way to contact her and so I HAVE TO HAVE 3 N'S, when everyone in the free world knows that i am JENNSTER WITH 2 N's!!!! *ahem*

What is your favorite kind of cheese?

What is your favorite outfit from 8th grade?
i think i still dress the way i dressed in 8th grade. so um, jeans and tank tops. thanks for reminding me just how uncool i truly am.

joe wants to know:
How do we know that the top of your head didn't explode?!?
this is one of those times when i'm going to ask you to just trust me. k? k.

a cowboy's wife (another awesome b'her 08'er) ghetto fabulously asks:
I'd like to know where you get that booty from and how you can hook me up with some booty of my own?
this booty is yet to be sold in retail stores, or online anywhere! i'm hoping to one day be able to market said fabulous ass, but as of yet, you'll just have to dream and put it on your christmas list! (or eat lots of junk food)

the wind in your vagina (best blog name ever) keeps it real by asking:
If you could share 30 beers with any blogger, who would it be?
is this a trick question? i mean, is it 30 beers in one night? cause if it is, i wouldn't remember ANYTHING, so i wouldn't care who i drank them with- you know, being passed out and practically dead on the street can be done with any random blogger. but what if it was a beer a night, for 30 nights? then i'd have to actually like the person and want to spend that kind of time with them. you're a tricky one, bhj.

andie keeps it southern by asking:
what's your favorite thing about New Orleans?
i love love love the history of the place! new orleans was one of the neatest cities i've ever been too- and i ended up being there on my trip alone!! i loved the history walks i took, the cemetary tours, the garden district tour... the houses there are amazing- the history of the homes, and how they got the iron for their gates shipped to them from overseas. i just love the feel of new orleans... the witchcraft, the voodoo, the FOOD!!! hands down the best food i've ever had was in nawlins. :)

Are you planning on coming back?
i would totally come back. i'd actually like to come back, but it's not on an upcoming trip list.

What would be your last meal?
like if i was in jail and getting sent to the chair?! that kinda last meal? lol.. something fatty and italian most likely. super cheesy with something super chocolately to die from.

and finally, my good friend (in real life) megaland wants to know:
ummm...are you answering these privately? and if so...why??!
no bitch, i'm not. so suck it.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

listen, i have a blog....

blake still does not know what he wants to be for halloween.
okay, he kind of wants to be a zombie. the day before halloween and i'm scrambling to find stupid ass makeup and gross things so he can look dead. just what i want to picture. my only child dressed up as a dead person.

moving on. keep those questions coming! i'll answer them soon! they are awesome and funny and you guys rock.

want to hear the random dream that i had last night? lindsay lohan was performing on a cruise that boyfriend and i were on. she was horrible and she was lip synching and even that was bad. so i walked out of her "performance" and she chased me and was like "my mom is my manager and she MADE me do this! they gave me $1 million dollars to perform and she signed me up, and then i can't say no. i have to do whatever deals she agrees too."

to which i responded with, "your mom is awful. wow, truly horrific and selfish and mean. listen, i know this is going to sound stupid and weird, but i have a blog. and i'll write about it on there. i know that sounds dumb, but i have thousands of readers so this will get the word out."

HA! THOUSANDS of readers my ass.
witch face bokeh

RIP sign

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

it's time for ask jennster!

okay you guys.. i love this. i don't know if you love it as much as i do (maybe i just really like talking about myself), but we're doing this thing!!!!!

i'm ready to answer your questions! you have questions, i have answers! i am fairly confident in saying that i'll answer anything you ask. i think. i may regret that at some point, but i'll make sure to tell you. ha! you can post a question for me in comments, or if you want to keep your question more private, you can email it to me here.

ready?! GO!!!!!!!

(yes, this is really an easy way to get out of a post that requires actual thought and intelligence and creativity. this way i put all of that on you. see, it's like being a manager. i'm delegating.)

ps- no, my head didn't explode. although this picture is not the best proof of that fact. taken yesterday. in la. in a mustang.
half a ster

Monday, October 27, 2008

the worst part about being sick

when it's like 80 degrees out on the weekend?


i hate being sick. it sucks. i feel awful. and i have to go to la for work tomorrow. on a plane. where my head probably will explode. but i bet i won't have to clean that one up.

ps- happy birthday to my sister. who is not sick, mind you.

Thursday, October 23, 2008


holy fucking shit.

sorry, but OH MY GOD.

blake had a project due and he wanted to make a video. in order for the class to see the video, we had to put it on a flash drive.

so of course i dig through my blogher 2008 goody bag to find one of the flash drives i was given. i gave one to boyfriend to put blake's project on.

okay. do you know what was on there!??? KY INTRIGUE PROMO AND PICTURES! like these!!!!!!!!!!!! thank the freaking goddess that boyfriend checked what was on the damn thing before loading it up! cause knowing me, i wouldnt' have even thought about it and i would have just added blake's video to it! all done! here you go blake.... off to school with you little boy.

could you imagine the teacher putting that in his computer to show the class and then the KY freaking intrigue would have shown up??! omg. LOL.. do you think i would have gotten a call from the school?! could you imagine the teacher's face?!?! holy crap! i can't stop laughing. lol

best mom ever, right here folks!

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

i love cemeteries

i know that sounds freaking weird, but it's true. what other place is filled with so much love and constant care? anytime i drive by a cemetery or go visit a friend i've lost, i'm always awe-struck by the beauty of my surroundings. how many colorful flowers and unbelievable plants are all around me. it truly is a beautiful thing. (random side note- bonaventure cemetery in savannah georgia has got to be one of the most stunning cemeteries i've ever seen in my life)

ever seen a cemetery at christmas time? oh my gosh- talk about unbelievable! people line the plots with candy canes and tinsel. mini decorated christmas trees sit next to headstones. so much time and love was put into decorating their loved ones place of rest, it's truly heartwarming. and so pretty. and you can't help but feel good when you look around and see all of that. and that's just it... each person buried there has someone who loves and cares about them. and it shows. all around you.

yesterday i went to visit a dear, dear friend of mine who was killed by a somewhat drunk driver almost 11 years ago (my god, has it really almost been 11 years? i can't believe it). there was an older man not too far away from where she was buried. he was sitting in a lawn chair. and he sat and talked to the ground. there was something on his lap, but i'm not quite sure what it was- although i swear it was a bag of peanuts and he was just chilling and eating his nuts. he watched me talk to michelle. he watched me lay the flowers i brought on the top of her gravestone. he watched me arrange them. and then arrange them again. and then do it one more time so it looked nicer. he watched me lie on the grass next to her and stare at the sky. and i watched him too.

i wanted so badly to go talk to him. i assumed he was spending time with his late wife. i couldn't help but wonder how often he came there? and then i wondered how long he would typically stay? i mean, he brought his own chair with him (which i thought was awesome and of course, it made me cry). i wanted to talk to him. i wanted to hear his story. i wanted to hear all of it. but i didn't. because it is a cemetery after all. and people are grieving. and how do you respectfully walk up to a stranger and hug him and then tell him to tell you everything? i wimped out and i KNEW as i was leaving that i would regret not talking to him. and i totally do. all i can do now is hope that the next time i go there, i'll get a second chance to have that conversation.

(i did sneak a picture of him- which is so not respectful of me, i know, but i couldn't resist. he was too awesome. i wonder if he knows whoever he was talking to was definitely listening. do you see that big glow in the picture?!?!?)

man at cemetery

michelle grave

Monday, October 20, 2008

welcome to the big leagues!

we played a tournament this past weekend at one of the big league dreams locations. the idea behind it is that each baseball field is a replica of a major league ball park. so there's fenway, and wrigley and yankee stadium. it's a super cute idea and cool for the kids.

of course the first thing i fucking do when i'm there is look around and think "how can i get one of these built closer to where we live?" and then i usually start thinking in my head (or i say it out loud to anyone who will listen) ways that i could improve on the idea. i kind of feel like if you're going to spend the money to make replica ballparks, go a little more out of the way. instead of a painted brick wall with painted ivy- why not build a brick wall with real ivy? i know that sounds lame, but come on! bring it! make it even MORE awesome!!! and instead of having the entire outfield where all the detail of the replica ballpark lives, being a painted piece of wood.. i totally want rows of bleachers out there! i think that would be fun! but what the hell do i know? ha.. also, have i mentioned the shade issue? how there is virtually none? shade people. and misters. like the misters that spray water when you're in certain lines for rides at amusement parks. right. those.

angel stadium was the coolest though! it had a replica rock formation in the back and i thought that was awesome and totally added character to the field, which is probably why i wanted more actual real detail in the rest of the fields! anyway, i love the idea. i think it's neat. the kids think it's cool. and now i want one in my backyard.

polo grounds

wrigley field of dreams

angel stadium

yankee stadium

Friday, October 17, 2008

when you have to leave the place you love

a friend of mine called me last night and when i picked up the phone, she yelled into my ear something like, "were you angry when you packed to move from so cal to nor cal?" and i was like, "wha? was i what? ANGRY?" and then she continued with, "yeah. ANGRY! were you angry? cause i'm fucking pissed right now!!"

i got off the phone with her because i couldn't have a conversation about how it felt to leave LA with blake sitting right there. and also, i didn't want boyfriend to walk in while i was talking about it, cause really- it's hard enough. but i thought about it all night. literally. from the moment i hung up the phone with her, until i finally fell asleep (and dreamt about sharks biting off parts of my arm and boyfriend not caring and running away while i got chomped. fucker.).

the initial plan after being proposed too was that blake and i would move up north in a year. i had it all planned out because i wanted to experience everything "a last time" and i wanted to spend my time really just doing all things LA and getting the most out of it knowing i would be leaving. i think mentally, i needed the prep time. i needed to enjoy, see and experience everything in a way that only knowing you won't be seeing them everyday for awhile can afford you. but quickly after miss sparkles was on my finger, there were department changes at work, the condo i was renting got sold, and what was supposed to be a little over a year, turned into a little under 2 months. there were so many other things to look into like- what city would we live in, and then finding a place to live in that city, a new school for blake, a new daycare for blake, baseball for blake, football for blake, and a job for me... that i didn't really have the time to get angry. i felt like i barely had time to pack, let alone sit there and process any emotions i was supposed to be going through.

the one feeling i did have however, was sadness. i was so fucking sad to be leaving. i didn't want to leave my sister, and my niece and nephew. i didn't want to leave malibu and the beaches, dodger stadium and disneyland. i know that probably sounds so stupid to you, but when those places are a regular part of your life- it's really hard to imagine having to live without them. and i do have to live without them- all of those things. the beaches up here suck. and there are giants fans everywhere. it's really quite disturbing and goes against everything i believe in, you know. anytime i wear a dodgers hat, i get hassled. i get tired of saying "i'm from la, so fuck off."

but really- i was sad. and three years later, i still am. so i don't know why my girlfriend wants to talk to me about this stuff, cause in all honesty, i don't think i'm the right person to talk to about it. at least not if you want to feel better.. haha. but really, my emotions on the subject haven't faded with time. i miss my family. i miss my hometown. i miss la. i miss malibu. i fucking miss dodger stadium and i miss disneyland in a ridiculous way (it would be all done up for halloween now and it's so cool!!). i miss pony ball (yes, little league can suck it, but truly, thank the goddess for our travel ball team). i miss the entertainment industry and hollywood. i miss going out in hollywood. being in the entertainment industry in northern california just isn't the same. i just miss things. and places. and the weather. and the atmosphere. and everything that all you southern california haters, HATE- i love. and i miss. everyday.

it's hard. and i don't know what to tell my girlfriend, really. i can tell her however, that i don't think i was ever truly angry. frustrated at times? definitely. but not angry. so i'm hoping that her anger will fade and she won't always feel that way. i think anger isn't an emotion that stays around forever. at least i hope not. i would never wish that for her, or anyone. maybe it's just her initial reaction to actually packing up for the move? the reality of it all is starting to hit and maybe for her, it's coming out as anger first. for me though, it was more of an intense sadness. the kind that was very aware of what exactly would be missed and just how deeply. the kind that recognized that this was going to be something i would never be able to just "get over." the kind that has found a place inside me to live. it's that deep. it's truly that painful. and all i can say is that i hope it's not how she feels. cause i would never wish this feeling on anyone (not even my husband if we move back to la - i would never want him to feel this way- it would break my heart.).

the worst part? you can't make the feeling go away. you have to live with it being a part of you. and you're extremely aware that it's there. because it hurts. like physically causes you pain if you let it. sometimes i wonder if i would have moved someplace that i really loved and enjoyed, then maybe i wouldn't feel this way? i mean, i think i would be sad and miss things about so cal, but maybe it wouldn't be this intense? cause i find it hard to believe that the only place i'll ever truly be happy is in LA... but maybe that is the truth of it? i don't know... i really don't know..