Saturday, March 31, 2007

when the mailbox becomes exciting!!

seriously! i realize that i am a supreme dork. the thing is, i don't care. the other thing is, i think you do.

i have never been so excited to check the mail each and everyday as i am lately! know why? of course you do... THE WEDDING RESPONSES ARE IN THERE! everyday there's at least 1 new one! IT IS SO FUN! who is coming? who isn't? omg, WHOSE response could this be?!?!? yay, they're coming! ooh, they're coming too! COOOOOOL! today there were 8 responses! EIGHT! do you know how thick and high 8 responses stack on top of eachother?!?! it's enough to make me pee a little everytime i go to the mailbox!!!!

okay i'm done..... really! :)

Friday, March 30, 2007

boys & war movies

should young kids be watching war movies? do you restrict what your kids watch?

Thursday, March 29, 2007

getting lost in mini golf

sometimes i feel like i'm the only person who still watches lost. i am, huh? i just have one thing to say about last nights show. WHO THE HELL CARES ABOUT THOSE PEOPLE?? okay, maybe i have two things. you think that after 3 seasons of this show, you're going to introduce me to 2 new characters and think i give a rats ass about them? you think killing them on the same show you give me their backstory matters to me?!?!? i could give a shit if you bury them alive, burn them at the stake, or eat them for dinner.
i will admit it was super fun to see shannon and boone again. but that's about it.

from lost to mini golf. that makes perfect sense, right?

jeff is a super jumper after a hole in one!

super jumping jeff

that is my dancing face. see? mouth open like that? it means i'm dancing...

mouth open = dancing face

jeff and trish.... doesn't this pose look familiar?

lmfao- i love this pic

even with his eyes closed, he is SO FREAKING YUMMY!!!


he won't lightsaber fight with me. i am even making the sound effects... but he doesn't care!

he wouldn't lightsaber fight with me

trish and i high five (really, that is me behind the hair) after our hole in ones!

hairy jump

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

kids parties and rsvp'ing... or not

my friend is losing her mind. she's throwing a birthday party for her son and she hasn't heard back from almost everyone she's invited. the rsvp date has come and gone and still... not a word. of course she has to have a final headcount to the place, but not really knowing how many kids are going to show up, what should she tell them?

i tried to calm her down by letting her know she wasn't the only one who has experienced this problem. i remember almost every birthday party blake attended- the mother would tell me that no one rsvp'ed to her..... yet showed up anyway. (i was not one of them. i always rsvp because i rock like that. writing thank you cards is another story, but let's not go back there.) of course letting her know that people showed up without rsvp'ing didn't really calm her down.

so i ask you, my dearest blogland, what is your rsvp etiquette? do you call only if your kid can't make it? or do you ignore the invitation altogether if your kid can't make it? do you not call, yet still show up? what do you do?!?!

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

it's okay to be smart!

being part of the super cool group, parent bloggers network, means that you review products you think are relevant to your life. i signed up for this one because it seemed like a really fun thing that blake could do... and well, anything fun for blake is fun for me!

i received the brain quest package from brighter minds media in the mail and couldn't wait to have blake play it! the package comes with a dvd and some game cards. i was a little concerned since blake is 8 years old and already in 3rd grade, that i might have made a "mistake" signing up to review this product. only because it's 6-8 year olds, and 1-3 grade. they have older ones, but this particular review was for this age group.


the mini quiz cards that it comes with are a little young for blake, but are great for younger kids, although i'm not sure that it's something they would actually play with. blake wasn't interested in them at all. but really, i'm thinking if he had the next level of cards (4-6 grade) he might be more interested.

when we put the dvd in the player, it immediately started with some questions. i found that a little odd, because i like to have instructions, or a menu of some sort- and this didn't seem to have either. it just intro'ed their logo and who made the game, and then went right into questions.

i thought while some of the questions were rather simple, others were asked in creative and innovative ways that really made you think (for example, you had a word on the screen and you had to take away a letter in the word to spell something else you were given a clue about). i think it was very easy to play with your dvd remote and is a great alternative to just simply watching movies on the dvd player while traveling. i actually love the idea of being able to play a smart game while you're driving. there are so many great computer games out there, but you're limited to playing them on an actual computer. i think the dvd game idea is great!

what i didn't like however, was the fact that there was no menu. there was no way to stop the game and it seemed to not really have a point. it just kept asking questions, with no real goal. i also didn't like how it doesn't tell the kid if you got the answer correct. well, it shows them that they picked the right answer, but it would be better if it was more interactive. for example, if they chose the correct answer, i think the voice should say "great job!" or "you're right!" or something encouraging. it doesn't do anything like that. i also think that the game could be improved if you could choose which level you wanted to play at (since it's grades 1-3... choose which grade level you want to play at). maybe if the questions were also in categories (math, reading, spelling, etc). i realize that if you broke them into categories, kids would never play the one subject they dislike, so you could also have a random category that just includes all of the subjects. the game just seemed to continue asking questions and i honestly don't know how long it continues in that fashion, because we turned it off. i think when you come from playing really structured and creative computer games, you expect the same type of thing in any game that you play. maybe the whole point of it was to be simple? i'm not entirely sure. all i know is that if i would have actually purchased this product, as a mother and a consumer, i would have been disappointed. it seems very unstructured and pointless.

now while i had all these opinions about the game, blake never complained. he said more than once while playing the game that he thought it was fun. but he also said he thought it was easy (but that is because he was at the top grade for the level). i had to make him stop playing, so i could see if there was a menu he missed and so i could futz around with it. he definitely would want to bring this in the car for trips and although he liked playing it, he hasn't asked to play it since. i think he likes games that are a little bit more challenging, or at least more interactive.

all in all, the game is a super idea in theory. i think brighter minds media has the foundation for a really fun and solid game, but they need to make some modifications. to read more reviews on this product and other products, please visit the parent bloggers website.

Sunday, March 25, 2007

pirates are coming!

and i can't wait!!!! remember me last year at this time?? good god, i get SO excited for this crap!!!!!! I LOVE PIRATES! i love disney! i love ilm! i cannot wait for this movie to come out!


Saturday, March 24, 2007


the wedding invitations are IN THE MAIL!!!! i couldn't wait any longer and i had to mail them today. there's no turning back now!


Friday, March 23, 2007

if you don't vote for russ, the terrorists win

russ is begging for votes. begging is something he does well. i promised i'd give him a shout, so here it is! you have to vote today though because the contest ends tonight!!!! he says THANKS!

If you haven't voted yet for "My Buttery Refund, please do! Just go to the YouTube contest page, watch the video and give it a thumbs up!!>/supersweetrefund?goto=94

You have until March 23rd to cast your vote (which is today, people)

Thursday, March 22, 2007

mourning the loss of something that isn't dead

i am so weird. just further confirming this for y'all.

last night when i logged onto the yahoo, there was a featured article on wedding planning. and i clicked it because, well, i'm a bride.... but the article was all about first starting to plan your wedding and money saving tips. and it made me so sad. because i'm not in the first planning stages anymore. and i don't need money saving tips. and i think i started mourning the loss of the wedding right then and there. you know, before it's even happened!

i think part of the reason every single hair pulling detail has been so fun for me, is because i've always realized that i won't be doing this ever again. this is a one time deal for me, and so i've taken extreme pleasure in everything. details that make some people cry, i've totally just taken a deep breath for, and then kind of revelled in it. you know? how can you not find joy in something as beautiful as your wedding and all that it represents, especially when you know you won't be doing things to this level or extreme, ever again? so it's been really fun. super fun. so fun that i'd freaking love to plan other people's weddings. .... i think. lol

anyway, i just wanted to share that while i still do have a few things left to do for the wedding, i have most of the things already done. and there is a bittersweet sadness that accompanies that. knowing that never again will i pick up a bridal magazine and actually search for an idea that represents me. i won't ever read an article on weddings and be able to relate to it the way i can now. while i've been waiting for this freaking day to come for the last 2 years, it's almost here now. and while i can't freaking wait for that party to start....... it's still sad to watch it go.

or i'm just a total nutcase.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

what do YOU do when you're sick?

boyfriend and i were talking about this because he thinks it's insane that i "hibernate" when i'm sick.

when i don't feel good, i sleep. and we're talking, that if no one was around to wake me up or need anything from me, i would sleep for DAYS on end. i can't get enough sleep when i'm sick. it's the one thing my body craves, needs, wants. it's funny too because i could be sleeping for like 10 hours, but i still get pissy when someone wakes me up for something. i get all, "why don't you let me sleeeeeeeeeeep.. i'm siiiiiiiiiick."

boyfriend said that when he's sick, he can only sleep for like 2 hours max, and then he lounges around, watches tv, etc....

so i'm wondering if i'm the only freaky sleep person? what the heck do you do when you're sick?

Monday, March 19, 2007

uuuuugh.. the guuuuuilt

of calling in sick to work. so.annoying.

i feel like crap. i've been fighting i think whatever it was that blake had, for about 2 weeks now. i start to think i'm getting better, and then i get knocked on my ass again. i have literally been in bed since 2:30pm yesterday. there was no way i could go to work today. well, i couldn't go and function that is.

so why is it that whenever i call in sick, i feel SO guilty?? even though i know that i shouldn't be there, part of me feels like i should. and i hate that. i just want to be sick and relax and not mentally feel like i should be at work. i don't want to feel bad, that i feel bad. know what i mean?! so why is it that i can never have a guilt free sick day?

do you feel guilty or bad when you call in sick.. or am i the only one? and if you don't feel guilty, please tell me your secret.

Saturday, March 17, 2007

the post where i get shit on... literally

listen to this. we're going to file this under the "things that only happen to jennster" category....

anyone who knows me, knows how i get around dogs.... puppies especially. i think chicks are either go ga'ga over babies, or dogs. i am definitely the dog one. so i see this black lab today and he's just as sweet as can be. i'm petting him and he's loving it. i'm scratching behind his ears... i'm scratching his butt.. this dog loves me. so much so that he puts his ass on my leg and literally wipes down. i laughed and said "did you just wipe your butt on me??" then i looked down and there was crap ALL over my pants. not only did he wipe his ass on me- he wiped his full of poop ass on me!!!!!!

yes. it's true. i was crapped on by a dog i've never met before, and will never see again. i feel somewhat violated.

Thursday, March 15, 2007

dear mommy to be

when i first heard that you were pregnant, my heart broke for you. broke because i wanted so much more for you and it made me so sad to think about how your life was going to change so completely from what it could have been. i was sad because your life was just beginning. you had just graduated high school. you didn't even have the chance to go to college and experience all the things that teach you so much about yourself, and other people. all of a sudden, you were thrust into this position of being a mom when you couldn't possibly be ready for it. of course i was projecting because i wasn't ready to be a mom at 24, so i just assumed the same for you at 18.

but it's funny because my feelings of sadness for you have totally changed. i'm not sad for you anymore. i don't wish different for your life. all the things you could have learned about yourself and others in college, you're still going to learn.... just differently. your life is just going to take a different path. and that's okay. the thing is- i KNOW you're going to be an amazing mom. and that's the bottom line. you're going to be great. and you're going to raise an amazing daughter. and i'm so proud of you. if anyone can be in this position and make the best out of it, it's you. now i'm just happy and excited for you.

you are going to have hard days. hell, you'll have hard weeks... months even. and it's all part of the process. i remember just wanting to get away. i longed for my freedom when i could do what i wanted, when i wanted and sometimes i resented being tied down and not being able to run to the store at midnight if i wanted too. it wasn't that i even wanted to go to the store at midnight really... it was the point that now i couldn't. nothing i wanted to do was easy anymore. everything had strings attached. everything had stipulations. it was a feeling of being controlled, and i loathe feeling controlled. it was an adjustment for sure. and somewhere along the line, my way of thinking changed. it became less and less about me, and more and more about blake. but the best part was, i was okay with that. and i wanted that. because it was more important to me. blake became my priority, but it took me a little bit of time to get to that point and be okay with it mentally. it sounds like i'm an awful mom, but i like to think i'm just honest. when you're not ready to give up so much of who you are for someone else, you fight it with all you have. personally, i think it's kind of logical, but that's just me.

meeting guys will be more difficult. trust me, i know. i met all kinds. the guys who are totally into you until you reveal the fact that you're a mom. i think i even saw trails of dust follow some of them as they bolted. and that act alone had me sometimes feeling bad that i was a mom. FEELING BAD. so then i stopped telling people that i had a son. i tried to tell myself that "it wasn't anyone's business that i have a child" when the truth was that i didn't want to see their reaction to finding out that i had one. i didn't want to feel bad about having a kid and for some reason, i allowed these random guys judgement to affect me. i got over it pretty quickly though and figured out that i didn't want the type of guy who couldn't handle the simple facts anyway. so i told everyone. because the truth wasn't only that i had a son... it was that i had a kick-ass son! and any guy who couldn't be a man and handle that, wasn't man enough for me. there are other types of guys too. the ones who still try to date you but completely ignore the fact that you have a kid (even though they know). they call you and hear a baby crying in the background and literally ask, "so what are you up to?" WHAT AM I UP TO?!?!! i always wanted to strangle those fucktards through the phone lines. so many more crappy types of guys that i wish you wouldn't have to meet, but i know you will. but the bottom line is, it takes a very special type of guy to date a single mom. and he'll be worth it. just always remember that you're constantly teaching your daughter and you'll be her biggest influence. give her a relationship to admire, look up to, emulate. we teach strength through our actions, not our words. when the time is right, you and peyton will find that perfect man. it took me over 5 years, but it was worth it. it will be for you too.

i know this is long, but i still have more to say. i always wondered why no one told me about the guilt. the mommy guilt. that guilt of no matter what you do, it will never be enough. even though your sanity will require you to not read that book one more time, you'll feel guilty about it for days. i haven't figured out how to beat this feeling. all i know is that if i spent 10 hours with blake, i'd feel guilty that i didn't spend 11. it's just the way being a mom works. and trust me when i tell you that you will carry it all on your shoulders, and in your heart. even when you have someone to help lighten your load, the guilt part doesn't lessen. and dammit, it exists for EVERY decision, every question, every action. you will second guess yourself for everything. you will feel guilty for trying to maintain balance. a happy woman, is a happy mom. and having time for yourself is essential in maintaining balance and your freaking sanity. but don't worry, you'll feel guilty for that too. i wish i could give you advice to make it easier, but i just don't think there is any. even when you've made the best, most rational decision- you will still question yourself. you will still feel like you could have done more. you will still beat yourself up. i'll tell you not too, but you still will. i guess just know that it's normal. it means you're a mom.

one other thing i wish people would have told me, or hell, even admitted- was that there will be times when you will lose your cool. it simply isn't possible to maintain your patience and be calm & collected 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. and anyone who tells you it is, is a filthy lying whore. there will be times that harming that innocent angel will cross your mind. you'll want her to stop crying. or just sleep. or something. but the thing is, you won't hurt her. you wouldn't hit her, or throw her outside with the dogs- but you might want too. and the thought might cross your mind, but you'd never do it. and then the stupid guilt will come in, because "what kind of mother EVEN THINKS about hitting their kid to shut them up?!?!!" um, every one. it's just that most are afraid to admit it. they think it makes them a bad mom. i think it makes us all imperfect humans. there is a strong difference between thinking nasty thoughts, and actually following through on them. i just don't ever want you to feel like you're the only one. because you won't be.

after this last part, i'm shutting up. i want you to know that i'm here for you whenever you need me. i'll be able to relate to so much of what you will go through, that i'd love nothing more than to help you through it. i don't worry about you though. i really don't. i have total faith that you are going to be unbelievable and everyone will be so impressed by you. you make me proud and i can't wait to watch you grow into an even more amazing woman and mommy. i love you shells.

xoxoxo jennsterS

ps- i didn't mean for all of this to be so hard and so bummer out sounding. there will be SO many amazing days and moments that you'll want to bottle them up so that you never forget them. you will have so many incredible experiences with your daughter. things that will make every hard part, totally and completely worth it. it's going to be a hell of a ride- in every way possible and i can't wait to watch you enjoy it!

Wednesday, March 14, 2007


it's still an adjustment, getting used to little league as opposed to pony ball. i know y'all are tired of hearing me bitch about it, but dammit- it's the ONE thing that blake plays and the one thing he absolutely LOVES to do. and i want to give him the very best environment, competition, and chance for growth that i can. bottom line is, if blake never played pony ball, i wouldn't know what he was missing. but he did.. and i do... and i have to deal with that everyday.

it's weird because yes, this years league is better than last years.... but it's still about the level of ball he played when he was 6. that's 2 years ago. i heard a coach mention that a player should be in the majors (the highest division in little league) and in all honesty, i don't think the kid is that good. so i wonder if that kid should be in majors.. WHY? because he can actually pitch and pitch well? if you keep taking all the kids who can play baseball decently and put them in the league above- then you give the kids in minors (what blake is in now) the same shit they had in rookies.... no one good to play against. if you take all the pitchers who can pitch and move them up, you give the kids no good pitchers to hit off of. i mean, WHY take away the competition? why take away the good players? i just don't understand this league's frame of mind at all. i miss the kids being pushed to be better players. i miss the level of competition blake had in pony ball. it would blow your mind. at least he's excited! :)

woohoo!  in catchers gear!

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

hectic, hectic, HECTIC!!

seems to be the theme of my life right now. since moving to our new offices and location- things are HECTIC! i lost a ton of space in this move, so i'm feeling cramped and not comfortable. i feel like things don't fit the way they're supposed too, and i keep having issues with my fucking mouse. do you know how annoying it is to have a mouse that doesn't have enough space to move around!?!?! it's official............. i've moved into a CUBE. and it feels like it.

the wedding keeps getting closer and i've realized that i still have shit to do. since boyfriend's dad is marrying us, i think we need to actually organize and plan out our whole entire ceremony. you know what i mean?! it's not like he's ever married anyone before. so that is potentially a fair amount of work. and if boyfriend and i are still planning on writing our own vows- well, i think i'd better get started on those. and planning on incorporating blake- there are things i need to buy for that part. there are things to do, and no time to do it. i need some serious pampering and i need a fucking vacation. in a serious way.

thank the goddess it's been hot outside!!! at least that makes me happy!!! :)

Friday, March 09, 2007

last day at the ranch

thursday was our last physical day here at the ranch (my work). we move into a new building and a whole new location on monday. so in honor of our last day- we have pictures:

we did a pretend pyramid... we didn't have enough people for a real one, but don't tell sean that- he thought we did..
my hair is covering my cleavage

apparently i totally rock at jumping air guitar!
air guitar

but i suck at actually jumping WITH everyone else...
my feet are planted firmly on the ground

this is how jumping is supposed to be done!
cutest picture ever

jennster says "bye ranch!"
scary jenn

Thursday, March 08, 2007

when a marriage is bad

i have a good friend who is in a bad marriage. and i'm not looking for advice, really.. i think i'm just wondering out loud, literally- what it will take to make her leave? what is rock bottom, and god, does she have to hit it?

i think for the most part, everyone has been in a bad relationship at one point or another. and you usually know you're in it. i knew when i was in a bad one- but i also knew i didn't have the strength to leave... and stay gone. i hate who i was then and i look back at that period of time with disgust. i also vowed to never be that weak again. so i know what it's like to be in something you know isn't good, but you still don't leave it. what i don't know is what it's like to have that relationship be a marriage.

it just makes me sad. i don't want this for my friend. i want better for her. i assume she wants better for herself, but how do you leave? how do you pack up the kids and walk away? and what does it take to get you to that point? it's a vicious cycle that her and her husband are in. and it never changes. it doesn't get better for any length of time, and from the outside looking in, i don't think it ever will. literally, her husband would have to completely change who he is as a person. and how do you ask someone to do that?

i support her in whatever decisions she makes, but i also remind her that it doesn't have to be this way. that no, it's not normal to cry every single day. i try to let her know that she has options. and i also want her to look ahead 40 years..... and then look back- is this the life she wants to have lived? and also, what is she teaching her children? how do you teach your kids to do as mommy says, but definitely not as mommy does? how do you teach your kids that the relationship they live with everyday, is not the type they should choose for themselves? how do you teach them to not put up with certain behaviors that you put up with daily? HOW??

i know i can't save her. i know i can't do anything but be there for her. i know all of this. and i'm not trying to change her mind. i'm not trying to convince her to leave. i just want her to realize that life doesn't have to be this way. that a marriage does not mean the things her marriage has become. i'm just sad for her. and i feel like the light that used to shine in her, is gone. i feel like she's fading away. and that's the last thing i would ever want.

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

your first house...

don't get too excited, it's not like we are even anywhere close to purchasing, or looking into purchasing, our first home... BUT- in the playing around that i do online, i have realized something- boyfriend and i have very different perspectives on what our first home should be like.

out here in cali, the housing market is out of control. even though it is a "buyer's market" right now, housing costs are still extremely expensive. a run down, looks like shit house, is still over $500,000. so when i look at houses online, i'm looking at ones that don't look like crap. and boyfriend insists on looking at the ones that look scary. he says that our first house should be a fixer upper. i totally agree with this, but i don't think that it should cost a ton of money to fix it up. and if it does, then we should just buy the nicer house that needs less fixing up.

am i wrong in wanting a house that actually looks decent? i don't think we need a brand new house at all, but if the price difference between a nicer house and a piece of crap house is under $100,000- i would rather spend more to get the nicer house that will require less money and time to fix.

boyfriend makes me feel like i shouldn't want something nice. he tells me that i am not thinking in reality. but my reality does not include moving into a dump for my first home. i will not move blake into some house that looks terrifying and gross. like i said before, i'm not insisting on a brand new, top of the line house- but what is wrong with wanting something decent??? am i totally not thinking realistically? what was your first house like?

Monday, March 05, 2007

how to tell you have a sick kid

and other random things...

  1. he won't stop hanging on you when you walk any and everywhere.
  2. he wants hugs all the time
  3. he isn't running around like a spaz
  4. no handstands or gymnastics in the living room
  5. he has "sick" eyes and cheeks
  6. he does whatever you ask without arguing
  7. he actually SLEEPS

blake is sick. his voice is raspier than a girl from new jersey. right now he's lying in bed, watching tv. poor kid.

boyfriend just called demanding cookies. i'm a good wife in training, so i'll make em. plus, i love them. chocolate cookies with reese's peanut butter chips. they are the best.cookies.ever!!!!! the best part is, boyfriend doesn't even want the cookies- he just wants the dough. so i have to make some of the cookies, and leave the rest of the dough in the fridge.

i enjoy being at home during the day way too much. this is a bad sign. lol

Friday, March 02, 2007

hello, bridal shower???

did i even TALK about this?!?!! i don't think i did. and what the hell is the matter with you people? why didn't you ask me?! i should probably take a hint (you know, the one telling me that you're tired of hearing things about the wedding, the bridal shower, the honeymoon, etc).. but i won't.

my southern california bridal shower was awesome!!! my sister is so freaking cool, creative, thoughtful and amazing. she did a total beach theme for me, which i loved and could not have been MORE me! it was perfect! she had beach towels on the floor and beach chairs everywhere- flip flop candles for people in their gift bags, and the coolest stinking cake ever! i'm tempted to tell you that the cake was a lilo & stitch cake- minus lilo & stitch, but i won't. wait, i just did. oh well. it so doesn't take away from the coolness of it at all! she even moved all of the furniture out of her living room to make the beach. talk about dedication. let's take a look:

the beach towels, chairs, and people!
lounging at the beach!

cute beachy accessories!
more beachy cuteness

flip flop candle gifts!
cute candles!

even bright & fun, beachy cocktail mixers!!!
super fun drinks

the coolest cake ever!
the cake

my mom made gift bags for everyone. these cute little beachy totes with different beach themed designs.. see:
beach themed shower!

everything was so cute, fun and awesome! not to mention seeing my friends and family friends i've practically known forever. it was a great weekend! the perfect shower and i have to tell my sister THANK YOU for all she did! and to my best friend ali too- who totally helped plan and plot, but got sick and couldn't make it. (you all know her in my comments.. and probably yours too)

so that's the so cal shower recap folks! thanks for coming. take a strawberry on your way out, k?
chocolate covered strawberries!

Thursday, March 01, 2007

why my future sis in law

is the bomb diggity and a bag of chips. *snaps*

Dear Jennster,
You are a beautiful, funny, smart, amazing women. Your wedding dress fits. You'll look radiant on that day. A spray on tan will eliminate at least 10 pounds. A sarong works wonders in combination with a bikini. I have several you can borrow. After a few cocktails, or one in your case, nothing will matter except the fact that you are in a beautiful place with the man you love.
PLEASE STOP TORTURING YOURSELF... stay off that f'n scale.

your future sister in law, and blake's new aunt.

ps- we're SO doing this at the wedding (please watch the groom all the way to the end.. it's so cute how he pretends to like women.. you know, by marrying one and all)