the topic of the household once again is revolving around this stupid, fucking bachelor party. as you can tell, boyfriend's brother was in town this past weekend. he's obsessed with the bachelor party he wants to throw for boyfriend. he talks about it everytime i see him. EVERY SINGLE TIME.
i hate the bachelor party. i hate the whole idea of it. i think it's archaic and i think it's pathetic. and i solely base these feelings and opinions on the fact that the whole idea of bachelor parties normally revolves around strippers and strip clubs (not to mention the mentality that "this is your last night of freedom duuuuude"). if the bachelor party was something more simple, and less about random naked chicks, i wouldn't care as much. boyfriend's bachelor party will be no exception to the naked chicks rule, and i'd be an idiot to think otherwise. they are planning to go to vegas for an entire weekend. so i don't even get the courtesy of boyfriend being out for one hellish night and then coming home to me.. i get the courtesy of being put through an entire weekend of suck. just writing about this pisses me off. let's figure out why, k?
do i trust boyfriend? yes. i couldn't have dated him long distance if i didn't. however, do i think that anything could happen? yes. but whatever could happen in vegas during his bachelor party, could happen anytime. you know? but i do feel like the situation of a bachelor party is kind of just asking for potential trouble. putting yourself into situations you wouldn't normally put yourself into. if it's not okay on any normal day, why is it okay on that one? and realistically, how much control does boyfriend over what is going on that weekend?
i wish i didn't care. i wish it wasn't a big deal to me. but it is. and maybe it's become a big deal since i've become a mom? because lord knows so many other things have become big deals to me since birthing that child. maybe this is one of them. maybe it's because i can't really relate. like i have no desire or need for a bachelorette party (and i fucking hate male strippers.. touch me, lose your hand). but you better bet your ass that if he's going away for a whole fucking weekend of this crap, that i'll be doing the same. and that's when it becomes a game. because i'll be doing it out of spite... to be "even." and that's so stupid. but i'll still do it, because if he's going away for a party weekend, then so am i. i know that if i don't do anything and he does, i'll be bitter about it later on. i hate how immature i am sometimes.
what is the point of the bachelor party nowadays? what was the point of them ever? it's not about the couple. it's not about the upcoming wedding. there couldn't be a single event that is LESS about the coming together of a couple in marriage, than a bachelor party. it's something a male created, implemented, and now all things with penises must comply to.
here's another catch 22 with this whole scenario. on one hand, i feel like my feelings about this event don't matter. the fact that it has me upset.. that i hate the whole idea of it... that i think it's disrespectful.. that i'll be physically ill the whole weekend.. doesn't matter. none of how i feel matters. because it's still going to happen. no details are going to change based on how i feel about any of it. and i think that's so rude. i honestly think it's so fucking disrespectful. but the flip side of that is not having the party because it upsets me. and that sucks even more. because it's not what i want. i do not want to be that fucking controlling. please don't think that i don't want him to have a bachelor party at all. it's not that. i could care less about him actually doing something, going out and celebrating with his buddies for a night or a weekend even. especially if it was something that truly suited his character. i can imagine him going hunting, fishing, camping, offroading, etc for a whole weekend (hell, a week even). that would make sense to me. i guess i just don't understand why it has to be vegas. why it has to include strip clubs and strippers. why it has to be the most stereotypical bachelor party location on earth. WHY does it have to be all of these things? that's the part i just genuinely don't understand and don't get. and i find myself struggling to figure out which part of gambling, strip clubs, strippers, dancing, bars, etc is a part of my boyfriends character. it just seems lame that he'll be having his party at a place that couldn't be more UNhim. but maybe that's the whole point?
if plans were to change now because i'm upset, i'd feel like shit about it. feel like crap because you're going to vegas for a weekend... feel like crap because you changed from vegas to somewhere else. how do you win? i guess the answer to that one is that maybe vegas should have never been an option to begin with. boyfriend knew far in advance how i felt about bachelor parties, strippers and stuff like that. so in essence, he's put me in this position by allowing vegas to be okay'ed for the location. maybe he should have talked to me about it first? maybe there's a reason he didn't.
i hate this. i'm tired of writing about it and not feeling better. i'm tired of finding more questions instead of all the answers. i'm just tired.