more ass grabbing...boob loving.. and that damn cheese again!

omg! new blogher pics have surfaced! they've SURFACED and i'm doing bad things in them... per usual. witness the new "molesting by jennster's out of control hands", pictures here and now!!!!

poor mom101.. she's just holding her hands around my waist like a normal person.. and what do i do? i rest my hands firmly on her ass. apparently i really like it.. good lord, look at my face!! (so yes, izzy, i can and do look retarded in pics, thanks)


and what do i do to the pregnant whore? totally molest her boobage. not even thinking they might be sore. no, no concern for mega pregnant mom at all.. i just want some boob loving.


and then there's another one of these shots. but this one is the best because you can clearly see right up my nose and if you wanted too, i'm pretty sure you could have a good look all around the inside of my mouth and stuff. gawd, i'm sexay. who let's me out of the house?

hey you, you with the ugly kid

oh man.. i HAVE to post about this because tony is a brand new, first time daddy and this post here just made me laugh so hard and loud at work, i should probably get fired for it. not everyone has ugly kids. not everyone has ugly babies. but some people do. and no tony, i'm not talking about you.

weekend recap-

we got so much accomplished this weekend in tahoe for the wedding! we got a great deal on the few things i need from a real florist (you know, someone not in the grocery store floral aisle). we also found a baker who i think is going to make probably the ugliest cake in the history of wedding cakes- but it's going to taste so fucking good, no one will care. at least that's what i tell myself. i'm not exaggerating.. i don't think she can decorate for shit. and i think boyfriend's sister will cry when she sees it. hell, she'll probably be horrified. but i will tell everyone that it's hard to bitch with their mouths full (totally stolen from kristen and her kit kats at blogher). i also found a makeup artist and someone to do my hair (super yay!). here's to hoping everyone kicks ass and makes me look wicked hot on the big day! this whole thing is a little nervewracking and kind of stressful. i know i should be relieved, but now i find that i'm more worried everything will be ugly. lol

we got to meet our photographer for the first time ever and take "engagement" pics. who knew that having a fucking photo shoot would be so exhausting? i mean, i pretend photo shoot all the time. you know, whenever we do anything, or go anywhere. but this was really draining. she's making us wait until october to see all the pics, which makes me want to threaten to beat her, or something dramatic like that. but she's super cute, young, and really fun so we love her and forgive her for making us wait so long! not to mention the fact that her husband is a crazy talented graphic designer (think super fun and creative invitations). they make a good team! and boyfriend actually kissed me while i was wearing lipstick!!!! he never does that! i think she has magical powers this photographer! anyway- she sent us 1 "teaser" pic, because she's a teasing whore like that.


ps- jenny mccarthy and carmen electra. it happened. oh it happened, but you'll have to wait. now who's the teasing whore?

i think i just got hit on..... by a 3rd grader

no really. smooth talker, this kid is. yoda, i am.

kid: hi
me: hi
kid: i didn't know that they made rings for your eyebrow.
me: yep.. they do.
kid: you look really pretty with that in your eyebrow.
me: awwww.. thank you!
kid: real pretty.
me: okay, i have to go now.

this is where i ask for help

for my sister.

she is in the middle.. end.. who knows, it seems to NEVER end.. of such a nasty divorce. i have never been more surprised at someone's character than i have been since their split. my ex-brother in law has turned into a spiteful, nasty, mean, cold hearted, piece of shit. and i never knew he had it in him. i never knew he could be so downright fucking awful. what i don't understand is how he sees things. how he can be so fucking excited to screw my sister financially. how he thinks this is all about sticking it to her... when the reality is, he's really screwing his kids. that sentence was gross. ew. you know what i mean though. i have the impression that he could care less about the struggles they're going through. how the kids are totally screwed up emotionally and how all of this takes a serious toll on both the kids and my sister. he doesn't care about my sister's emotional state. fine, don't care about her. but do you even stop to think about the kids? do you even consider the fact that the state my sister is in AFFECTS the children who live with her? of course he doesn't think about that- because all he thinks about is himself.

my sister couldn't afford a lawyer during their numerous court appearances. in the end, she got completely screwed. because ex bro in law had the lawyer from hell, and my sister had no one. well she got paperwork in the mail that is all wrong. numbers are wrong. dates are wrong. it's all fucked up. she HAS to go back to court. and this time, i really don't think she should go without counsel. i know that there has to be some sort of help for her out there in situations like this, but i don't know where to find them. so does anyone know? someone has to know SOMETHING in regards to this. help, please? she's in the southern california area, ventura county. and thank you SO much in advance.

the greek system can bite my ass

good lord. i just got a call from my BFF (i SO know she's reading this) who goes to a kick ass school in southern california. our conversation quickly turned from business, to life.. which it often does whenever we talk to eachother. life is way more fun than business anyway- and plus she's super fun to talk too. she probably hates reading that because i think she wants to be bitchy and hardcore.. and definitely not fun! too bad woman- you're fun, so deal!! :)

so we were talking about sororities and frats (they hate being called frats, so i'm going to call them that) and how it's rush week on campus. i almost choked when i asked her if she was rushing. she almost choked trying to spit out a reply of not only no, but "hell no." i really did know better, but i had to be sure. maybe the summer changed her? maybe she suddenly felt the need to be accepted by a group of girls who are nice to your face, but talk shit behind your back? i think it's difficult enough for girls to constantly get along and genuinely like one another, that putting them all in a house together to live is just a recipe for disaster. i think sororities promote all these things, that sometimes, people just can't be. and they pick and choose who they want in their "club." and then they make you pay money to be a part of it. make excuses all you want for what a sorority did for you, but i didn't need to pay for friends. it wasn't something i wanted to be a part of. i never felt the need to be in a club... or be included. i never felt the need to female bond, or be around a group of girls in that manner. and i never wanted to do any of the shit they "required" you to do. i hate being told what to do- i certainly wasn't going to let some girl my age tell me what to do with my life and my time. don't get me wrong- i don't hate all sorority girls or anything like that (although about 90% of them were total bitches who needed to get over themselves and their self imposed importance). there were some very cool chicks who were in sororities when i was in college. and i was friends with them. and i loved going to frat parties. they always had the best ones. so i guess the greek system was good for something.

i am totally straying from my point. yes, i have one. so my BFF informed me that the girls in the sorority sit outside on their porch and sing while the guys in frats sit on lawn chairs drinking beers. and when the rushees (the girls trying to join the sorority) walk by, the guys in the lawn chairs rate them. THEY RATE THEM. i almost blew animal cookies out of my nose when she told me this. are you fucking kidding me?!?!! as if girls don't have enough insecurities or enough to deal with, now the guys sit on their fat asses, drinking beer, and RATE THEM on a scale from 1-10 as they walk by????? how fucking archaic is that shit?! i mean, honestly. who the hell are these guys to sit there and rate girls who are trying to join something, for whatever reason? what a bunch of assholes. the guys and the girls both. i'm sure everyone on campus thinks it's funny, but i think it's fucking rude. and it pisses me off. why isn't anyone offended by that behavior? why doesn't anyone look at that and see how ridiculous it is? guys rating girls. as if we're objects to be rated. as if we don't deal with that enough on a daily basis just existing.. it has to be reinforced now at school? and it's OKAY. hell, it's encouraged. this just adds to the many reasons why i think the greek system is a total joke. and why certain types of guys are total assholes. and why girls in sororities are freaking rude as hell to other girls. encouraging people to judge and rate others solely based on how they look. how inspiring. how uplifting. who wouldn't want to be a part of that?

when kids rule the office

i have a female boss. now in the business world, that can go either 1 of 2 ways. she could either be really, really cool... or she could really, really suck. there's rarely middle ground when it comes to having a girly boss.

my boss is awesome (no, she doesn't read this blog). honestly- she is really an awe inspiring woman. i don't know how she does it all. i really don't. and everyday i ask myself just how she manages to balance being a mom to 2 kids who are very demanding upon her time, and running this show- which is a nightmare all in itself. i've come to the conclusion that she doesn't sleep. ever. the proof is in the numerous 2, 3 and 4 am emails i regularly get from her.

we were talking yesterday about our kids. and we were discussing how they "need" us and it struck me that it won't always be this way. they won't always need us there. hell, they won't always want us there. and i expressed to her that being there for our kids, and giving them that security should be our highest priority. and she agreed. we talked about how in the grand scheme of things, our jobs aren't what truly matters. our kids are. and this time goes by so fast- before we know it, it will be gone. it made us both sad to think that so much of their lives will be spent without us. there was that moment when nothing was said between us, but i think we were both thinking the same thing.... when does working this hard just become not worth it? like, when does working so hard that you're taking away from your kids (instead of giving to them) become something that you just don't want to do anymore? because your kids and their well being, and being there with them, and for them, just means more than bringing home that extra money. i say all of this as if i have a choice in the matter. as if i even have the option to not work. i don't, but that's not the point.

i like that my boss thinks this way. she is an extremely hard worker, but when it comes to prioritizing- her kids are on top. and they should be. but in this day and age, i feel like they rarely are. like her way of thinking is totally out of the ordinary. and that's just sad. when i worked for disney, there was this 1 female boss who was a freaking psycho. she would have her kids and then be reachable by email and phone the next day. seriously. who wants to live like that? and why?!?! TAKE A FREAKING BREAK! i felt that she was the type of boss who would never understand wanting to put your family first, because she never did it. and if she wasn't going to do it, you sure as shit weren't. you know? i guess it's just refreshing to have a boss that loves her work, but loves her family more. a boss who works extremely hard on this show that we're creating, yet works really hard on her family too. a boss who when it comes down to the choice of being at the office, or spending time with her kids, will choose her kids 99% of the time. and there shouldn't be a backlash against that. wanting to spend time with your kids while they're still kids, shouldn't have a negative impact on your career. especially if you're getting all your work done, and still creating a top notch show. i wish the balance was easier. or had clearer lines. or something. it's a neverending battle this whole working and being a mom thing, huh?

i'm struggling

apparently blog block doesn't avoid me. apparently it hits me. i can't think of anything worth writing about, to write. even boyfriend noticed it, which means it is BLATANTLY obvious to those of you who luff me. and for that i apologize.

normally, i'm rarely at a loss for words. and it's not that i have absolutly nothing to say... it's just that i have nothing of merit to say. and when that happens, i tend to babble. just like i speak. babble talk. but in this case, it's babble read.

i guess i could tell y'all that we're going out of town this weekend to take our "engagement" pictures. even though we've been engaged for over a year already. but i'd be lying if i wasn't at least a little excited to have professional pictures taken of the 3 of us. we have no good pictures of all of us together. and i mean, none. so this should be super fun! well, at least for me, because i like having my picture taken. probably not so much fun for boyfriend, who gets that retarded "i can't fake it" smile when he's forced to smile.. and blake who just turns into a total cheeseball whenever a camera is around. wish me luck with those 2. thanks.

i could also tell you that we might be heading to a fun party with jenny mccarthy and carmen electra. i want to tell you, but things like that tend to not work out last minute so i don't even want to bring it up. so just forget that i told you that, k? and don't ask questions cause you might jinx it! and then i'll blame you for jenny mc not being my very best friend forever (cause you know she totally wants to be).

anyways. until i have something worth reading, i'll shaddup. :)

am i getting too old for mtv?

you know, i've never really had an issue with mtv before. i think it's because i've always been a few (hundred) years older than the people on their shows, so i've never stopped to think about how if i was younger, these shows would affect or influence me. it was actually boyfriend who said something to me that got me thinking about exactly what message it is that mtv sends to its viewers.. young girls in particular.

i watch laguna beach. i'll admit it. i love it. but it also pisses me off. to watch someone get "famous" for being in high school is a true testament to how fucked up our society is. or at least how bored. honestly, what are we lacking that needs to be filled by a freaking 17 year old idiot with bleached teeth whiter than paper, and a tan so fake it's almost painful to look at? and then there's the fake nails and the $100 a pop highlights. and the fancy cars. i realize times have changed and we're also talking about one of the wealthiest communities in the state, but that wasn't my reality when i was in high school. and it most likely be my daughters reality when she's in high school (you know, if i have a daughter). now everyone around the country who watches this show, thinks that is how high school is in california. or that is how high school should be. that's how you should look. how you should act. what you should drive. laguna beach never shows the kids doing homework. it never shows them struggling with anything in regards to school. it NEVER even shows their parents. why aren't their parents more involved? why aren't the parents around when they're throwing parties and drinking in their backyards like they own the place? where are their parents when they're having dates in their houses, and dressing like whores for halloween? at least just show the mom nodding her head in approval or something so i know these kids aren't raising themselves. the only time i've seen any parents is when they're presenting their golden child with yet another expensive gift (surprise, surprise). do viewers not want to see parents? but aren't parents a reality? i mean, good god.. aren't they??? i often find myself asking just where the hell the parents are when i watch that show. they're probably too busy get their own highlights and nails done to be bothered by what their kids are doing.

it's frustrating. it's frustrating that these kids, who are still so young and immature and have tons to learn from life, are being thrust into a spotlight we create for them for NO reason. for doing nothing worth noting. because they're hot? because they cheat on eachother? because they lie? because all of that bullshit is entertaining? i mean, what the hell are we showing here? like i said before, i'm too old to be influenced or changed by what i see these idiots do- but what about the younger viewers.. or the ones their age? what are we teaching them? i understand that all these things would go on in high school with or without it being shown on tv- but aren't we in a way, perpetuating it? by showing girls talking trash about other girls.. and competing with eachother for the same guy.. and being downright harsh and cruel to one another.. aren't we just enflaming a war we should be trying to put out? as if there isn't enough pressure on females in society. now it's totally cool to be a super bitch to someone you don't like because her hair extensions are "too" long? i just don't get it. i mean, i guess part of me does because i watch the damn thing. but the difference is that i realize when they are completely insane and over the top and out of line and just plain have no clue what it's like in the real world. i often want to take the chunky heel of my shoe and beat them upside the head with it. but i refrain because i like my tv too much. :)

i think that mtv has the power to do many good things.. like bring awareness to issues that wouldn't normally reach the youth. but i feel that the majority of their programming is basically the same shit, presented in a different way. to think that my 16 year old neice is watching this and might think some of it is "cool" makes me want to vomit. because it's not cool when you're 16. hell, it's not even okay when you're 16. you know? and while i think that my neice is way too strong minded to be influenced by idiots, there are lots of people who aren't. and it's them i worry for. and i wonder why we keep showing things like this? and then i wonder if it will ever change? and then i get sad when i realize that it probably won't.

on our way to the most romantic wedding day ever...

actual conversation that happened just moments ago... you know, before i ran downstairs to blog about it...

boyfriend to me: "i hate your smile."
me: laughing hysterically.. "really? cause i smile a lot!"
boyfriend: "will you wear a paper bag on our wedding day?"

i'm just a girl, in love with a machine that sucks

i.am.obsessed.

with dyson's. the vacuum's. you know what they are, don't you? DON'T YOU?!! they are only THE greatest vacuum's in the world!!! they are funky looking, and weird.. and goofy- but i want one! like real bad!!!!! they're also the most expensive vac i've ever come across in my waking life, but still. honestly, why does it cost so much? will i get breakfast every morning from my dyson? will it raise blake? will it walk the puppy i don't have, when i have one? i don't care. i still want one!!!

i can't even begin to tell you the bad things i'd do for a dyson. cause there's a list. oh yes, there's a list of things i'd do for one. and suddenly, i feel like an old woman. i mean, who the hell gets excited for a fucking vacuum? that's like getting excited for a new ironing board. that's it. i've officially lost it...... again. and yet, i look at the pic below and i want to cry! i stare at them longingly in target. 2 of my favorite things... together... in one place. target and dyson. *swoon* i mean, look how cute the new silver one is! isn't it pretty? don't you want to take it home and pet it and love it and have 10 thousand little dyson babies with it?! so maybe that's just me. but come on... haven't you wanted an appliance real badly before? please tell me i'm not alone in this!!!!

this is where i tell you to go somewhere else

not because i don't love you and want you here, but because i was so fucking retarded the last time i "rented" space to cristina- that i never even mentioned she was here!!! and well, she got like no clicks. and so i rented to her again for practically nothing so that i could PIMP HER OUT TO Y'ALL!!! so there. it's cristina from mommy off the record and she is fabulous!!! i met her at blogher and she is SO great! and i feel so lucky that she doesn't live too far from me and i could see her again if i wanted....
*waves hi to cristina and tells her that she like the shirts she's wearing today*
but now that i'm sending y'all to visit her... it looks as though she's needing a blog break. there is definitely something going around in blogland. why do things happen in waves? i don't think it's a coincidence, i really don't. i think when more than a few people are feeling the exact same feelings, that it's something more than just having a bad day. maybe the planets are to blame? i'd be the first to blame mercury retrograde if it was in retrograde... but it's not, so i won't. but really. don't you think it's interesting that multiple "strangers" are going through the same emotions at the same time?

when did i turn into such a girl?

boyfriend, blake and myself went camping this past weekend. but when i say "camping" i don't mean we went to like a fun campground with all sorts of activities and people to play with, etc. i mean, we went C A M P I N G. like it took hours to get there off any road that mankind even knows exists. in the truck, not by walking (just to be clear). which is totally fine.... but apparently it's only fine sometimes.

i don't know, i just don't know. i'm wracking my brain trying to figure out what my problem is. we go offroading and we camp in random, non campsitey places. but i like when we do that. maybe it's because we're with lots of people when we do that stuff? maybe it's because blake isn't always there with us? i don't know, but i'm going crazy trying to figure it all out!! i mean, i grew up going camping. but when i think about it- my family's version of camping was tahoe in the winter and yosemite in the summer. and if you've ever been to either, you know that they're not in the middle of nowhere, with nothing really to do. camping for me as a kid meant i would go on a 6 hour horseback ride one day.. play in the river everyday.. meet tons of friends.. take the shuttle bus all over yosemite.. get ice cream at camp currey.. hang out in the local store and get shredded beef jerky (i loved that shit).. go swimming in the pool.. hike to waterfalls.. ride my bike all over.. and all of these were done with tons of other people. there were real bathrooms with toilets and showers... sure they were full of bugs and spiders, but still.

the only reason i'm even talking about this is because i am feeling so damn guilty. i didn't love where we went camping this weekend. it was a very remote area and the only things to do were either play in the river or go on the quads. and while that sounds plenty fun, it's only fun for so long. maybe i was supposed to just enjoy nature and relax? but i can't relax when i have a kid who needs to be constantly entertained and has way too much energy to just "chill" and do nothing. i feel guilty because boyfriend LOVES this kind of shit. he lives for it. he probably could have stayed in that remote piece of dirt for weeks. and i was totally ready to go home after the first night. and that sucks. i mean, not for me- but for him. it sucks that something he loves so much, i'm not that into. i guess maybe i don't like remote camping? maybe i like camping in campgrounds with lots of other people and kids for blake to play with and lots of activities? maybe i enjoy camping when it's not really "camping?"

i just want boyfriend to still love me, even if i don't love to do everything he does. i want it to be okay if i don't want to go camping sometimes. i want him to still want to go for himself since he loves it so much. i realize that he wants to share it with me, but if i'm going to be annoyed that i'm getting a ridiculous amount of bug bites and irritated because i'm tired and the altitude is making me naseous- i would rather stay home. because i don't want to be that girl. that girl who acts like a girl. that girl who even annoys me. it's times like those, that i think he'd have more fun if i wasn't there.

so tell me- what do you and your significant other do without eachother? or do you love all the same things and share everything together? *pukes*

when home can't be fun anymore

i found a note from my landlord taped to my (and everyone else's) front door this morning. in the past few months, quite a few kids have moved into our complex. this was great news, because when we first moved in, blake was the only kid and never had anyone to play with. well apparently now he can't play at all.

the note said that the kids must stop riding their bikes, playing ball, playing catch, riding skateboards, or playing AT ALL in the front driveway area. i saw my landlord and i ran to talk to him about this. i mean, this is our home, and you're telling me that my kid can't play outside?!!!! so i asked him if this meant he can't ride his bike at all, or we can't play catch with the football, or what exactly it meant. another mom saw me talking to the landlord and she hustled over to voice her complaints as well. you know what our landlord did? he talked down to her. he told her he wasn't going to listen to this. he told her if she didn't like it, to start packing and get out. he was a complete and total dick to her. if i hadn't witnessed it, i probably wouldn't have believed her if she had told me herself (she's a little wacky). but he walked away from her. he wouldn't even have a conversation with her. OR ME. he refused to talk about it. he told us to "play in the backyard" to which i replied, "I DON'T HAVE A BACKYARD!!!!!" he tried to tell me that having our kids play in the driveway area was like having them play in the middle of a busy street. i countered that bullshit with, "no it's not. it's like having them play in a cul-de-sac." because that's exactly what it's like. watching out for cars and getting out of the way when one drives in. he said we can't allow the kids to do anything. allow it AND GET EVICTED! EVICTED BECAUSE I WANT MY KID TO PLAY??? evicted because my kid is playing with other kids?!?! and apparently, people have complained. who complains because kids are playing? isn't that one of the best parts of summer... hearing kids laughing and playing together?

it just breaks my heart because it kills me daily that i don't have a house for blake to live in. or a neighborhood for him to play in. or a backyard for him to run around with a dog in. you know? and when all these other kids started moving into our complex, it took some of that guilt away. he may not have a "neighborhood" but this was almost as good! kids to play with out front. and they all play together. just like i did as a kid. and now they can't. or we'll get kicked out. and i just don't understand who does that? fine, the devil's advocate in me understands that as a landlord he has a responsibility to all the tenants. and he's responsible for what happens on his property. but there has to be some middle ground here. why do the kids automatically lose all of their rights? why do they get everything taken away from them? i mean, to tell them that they can't even ride their bikes around? i just don't understand how someone can be such an unbelievable dickhead that he refuses to even converse with me about it. how do i explain to blake that he can't play outside anymore? how do i tell him that? *cries*

a reminder???

did anyone really need a "reminder" that we're a nation people want to attack and harm? i mean, honestly. have you forgotten? cause i sure as shit haven't and i definitely don't need a reminder.

i'd rather be a circle

at football practice the other day i asked the coach if blake could wear his game day pants, instead of practice pants. i hadn't bought the practice pants yet (to which one of the mom's looked at me with horror and acted like a total bitch). he said i could, but only if i wanted him to get teased and be nicknamed "goldie" all season.

see what i'm talking about? in the post i wrote earlier. do you think kids would even care that blake's pants were a different color than their own if we didn't encourage them to notice the difference? would his teammates really start calling him "goldie" if the parents/coaches didn't think it was okay? i bet the coaches would be the ones who start the nickname. and then the kids would follow. why is that okay? why is teasing a teammate an alright thing to do? how does that encourage togetherness and teamwork? the power of your words. ALL of your words. why don't people think?

baseball isn't like this. the mentality between baseball and football are completely different. blake is a really sweet and sensitive kid. i'd find it hard to believe that he'd be calling one of his teammates a name just because something about them was different. and you know what? if i saw or heard him doing it, he'd get in trouble at home. because i'm trying to teach him to be aware of how his words and actions affect people. i'm not teaching him to be a pussy and let kids walk all over him. i fully believe in being a jerk to someone when it's warranted. and to defend yourself. but for no reason? or because everyone else is doing it? no. not okay. think for yourself. i encourage him to BE DIFFERENT, not make fun of those who are. i encourage him to stick up for the little guy, because if that little guy was you, wouldn't you want someone to stick up for you?

words are powerful. especially when you're saying them to a bunch of kids who look up to you, or actually listen to what you say. you are influencing them and helping shape them. and i'm not sure i want blake shaped that way.

not bitter

why do i feel like i'm the only person in the wake of blogher '06 who doesn't really have anything to bitch about? it seems like everyone on blogland is complaining about this, hating on that, and just lacing their posts with negativity. and it makes me really sad, because i had a GREAT time. not an okay time. not a decent time. not a "i would rather get a bikini wax with scalding wax" time. a great time.

that isn't to say that the weekend was perfect from every angle. it wasn't and there are things i would have done differently. but, those aren't the things that i choose to focus on. i walked away from that weekend feeling very happy. really excited!! i might not have learned everything i wanted to learn conference wise, but that didn't taint anything for me. i could honestly give a shit that the hotel wasn't 5 stars. it had a bed that was comfortable, a shower that worked, and i was never in the damn thing anyway. i understand why people were disappointed by the hotel, but i'm a pretty simple girl when it comes to things like that. like i said, from a business/travel perspective i would have done things differently, but i'm sure they'll work on that for next year.

i guess i'm writing this because i feel like everything i've read is an expression of how disappointed people were. or how upset they are with certain aspects of the weekend. and then there's the politics, the division and the hating on one another... and well- that takes all the fun out of everything. don't get me wrong. i completely get and understand their point of view and their right to express it. i even nod my head in agreement to some of the posts, but to most.. i kind of just stare in amazement. was i even at the same conference? why didn't i see things that way? is my brain broken? i guess it just makes me sad. because i walked away from that weekend with far more positive vibes than negative ones.

for me, it wasn't really about the conference. it wasn't about the sucky free water. it wasn't about the hotel, the food, the free stuff, the lack of this, the shittiness of that... it was about the people. the company. the many women i chose to spend my time with. THEY made the conference what it was for me. nothing else. i think i have tons of positive things to say about it, because they were so positive. because they were so much fun and such a blast to be around. and so that's how i choose to see and remember blogher. like the fucking kick ass time that it was!

and i will be crying next year if i can't make it. it's not wrong to spend any wedding money we get on a solo trip for me, is it??

they're gone now

becky and matt have left the building. the jennster building that is. what a great weekend. i've "known" becks from my message board for over a year now. i knew i'd like her and matt just fine.. but i don't think i realized just how much i'd like them both.

this whole weekend was filled with so much laughter and fun, it's hard to put into words. becky and matt are the type of couple that you want to be around. they're nice to eachother, funny and fun. they're affectionate and they are gorgeous!! sometimes you just like one half of a couple... but that wasn't the case here. matt and boyfriend are so freaking similar that becks and i decided they were seperated at birth.

i am struggling here. i guess it's so refreshingly nice to have a couple you just enjoy being around. whether you're dancing your ass off in a club in the city, or lounging around the living room watching movies. sometimes you find those people that you're just that comfortable with. and that's what we've found in them. and now..... boyfriend and i both miss them. they were sincerely a joy to spend time with.

so we think they should move. like now. everyone knows cali is way better than texas anyway! (if that doesn't get them to move, it might at least get them back out here to kick my ass or something)

becky is here!!!!

i.heart.her.
the end.
*edited to add.. becky put some new pics up on her blog, so go check em out. you.will.love.them. i am giving a bottle a blow job. wish y'all were here!!!!*

more reasons to love him

the boys went camping the weekend i went to blogher. and on that friday, boyfriend called me to ask if blake was allergic to bee stings or not. i told him that i didn't know. he was asking because i am allergic to them. then he asked if blake was allergic to benedryl and if i'd ever given it to him before. i told him i had and he was not allergic to it. so he said he was going to pick some up just in case he gets stung while they're camping.

i know this sounds simple and silly, but to me- it was another thing to add to the list of why i fucking love him so much. the fact that he is smart enough and prepared enough to think about these things. the fact that he thinks about blake's safety. he thinks like.... a dad. and it couldn't be more wonderful. and it constantly blows me away. i know to some people reading, it might sound retarded. but when you're a single mom and you're dating guys who don't want to date you anymore the moment they find out you have a kid, you learn to appreciate the men who have it in them to take all of this on. before boyfriend i'd met plenty of guys who were out the door when they found out about blake. and then there were the other guys who still wanted to date me, but wanted to pretend that blake didn't exist. none of those options worked for me. not to mention, the guys who were nothing but metrosexual, rich, party boys. and i've learned that THAT doesn't really work for me either. so they got added to my list of guys not to date: no musicians, actors, professional athletes, and guys with too much money who grew up in beverly hills.

boyfriend is a rare breed. he simply is. even when compared to his friends, whom i love dearly. i don't think any of them could have taken me on and been the type of father figure that he is to blake. whoever he was before he met me, it couldn't have been as fabulous as he is now. because he never had to be a dad before. and now he does. and everyday, when i realize how we both stop ourselves from swearing when blake is around (but watch out when he's gone! trucker mouths come out).. and how he explains things to blake so he can understand, and how he teaches him ways to be a man...I think of how lucky blake and i both are.

blogher video?

oh yes. there is video. you have to listen to mega mom say "her bad mother" and then realize that that is the how we all said her name all weekend. by "all" i mean me. ha! i don't even think the girls know i have this. double HA! (people in the video are her bad motha.. mom-101.. mothergoosemouse.. wendy boucher.. izzy.. table for five.. jennster.. and mega mom)



another thing. i made an entire section on my personal website for blogher. awwwww
do me a favor, eh- go to the website and scroll to the bottom. put your email address in the "Subscribe to Jennster" part. that way you'll know when i update my website and who knows- you might see yourself on it! woohoo!

football has started

blake started football yesterday. it's his first time playing and i am so excited i could just pee! i don't know why honestly. i could give a rats ass about football, but i'm just excited for blake to be playing another sport aside from baseball. plus, he's been wanting to play it for years now, so i think i'm just happy that he is finally getting the chance.

the coaches were telling us parents at the team meeting all sorts of things like, "your son is going to want to quit. don't let him. it's going to be hard. he's going to cry. he might puke. he's going to hate it. he's going to be sore. he's going to whine." and tons of other things. all things that are more than likely, very realistic. but then i had a thought.... if you don't tell the kids these types of things, they might not even think them.

example- i asked blake last night after his almost 3 hour practice if he was sore or if his legs hurt. he said, "no- i feel awesome." so i just figured he would be sore this morning. he wasn't. (i think i've birthed a superhero)

the point i'm trying to make in a very non well written or thought out way is this- i could say things to blake about something hurting (because it should), or something making him throw up (because it might), or things of that nature- but then i feel like i'm putting "negative" thoughts into his head that otherwise wouldn't be there.

right now, blake thinks he can do anything. and why shouldn't he? there's no reason for him to think that he "can't" run for 3 hours at practice and still feel fine. there's no reason for him to not believe in himself. kids are awesome that way. they never think there is something they can't do, until someone puts it in their head that they can't. or gives them the idea that they "shouldn't" be able to do it. so i'm going to be very aware of how i ask him things. instead of asking if he's sore, i'm just going to ask how he's feeling. instead of asking if practice was hard, i'm just going to ask how it was.

we grow up thinking we can't do so many things because we shouldn't be able to- without even trying. and i don't want blake to think that way. i want him to learn for himself through trying. i don't want him to limit himself because of the fears of the adults around him. because of the words people say without thinking of the impact it has. blake believes in himself and i believe in him.

blogher detox

i feel like i should check myself into a recovery center in malibu or something. i wasn't prepared for this part of blogher. the end part. the "it's all over and everyone is gone" part. i definitely couldn't have predicted feeling this way.

it's a total emotional letdown. like coming off a high that's lasted 3 days. you surround yourself with hundreds of amazing women- and you spend tons of time with them.. day in, and day out for an entire weekend. it might not sound like much, but it is. it is overwhelming. it is emotionally exhausting- but you don't want it to end. you want to spend more time with certain people. talk more. drink more. just hang out together more. because everything that you do, is just so damn enjoyable.

but now it's over. and everyone is gone. and i'm sitting here feeling something i can't quite explain. something i never expected i would feel. and i wonder if this is what it feels like when you're coming off a coke high, or something. this overwhelming feel good time that lasts 3 whole days and then all at once.. it's gone. it's like going from 100 to 0 in no time flat.

boyfriend doesn't understand it (which surprises me in itself). he wants my attention, but he can tell that i'm not quite all there yet mentally. and he's right. i'm not. my mind races with conversations and pictures and everything that happened. i can't get enough of other people's flickr pics. i can't stop reading people's blogs that i met there to hear their feelings on the weekend. it's like i'm consumed by it all. i want to drown myself in everyone's experiences and just share the good times over and over again. i feel like a crackwhore. and i'm wondering if i'm the only one?