Monday, July 31, 2006

you know blogher ROCKED when

you want to skip your massage at burke williams and head straight home so you can read everyone's posts and see everyone's pictures!! i really am a dork, but i'm totally okay with that- probably because it's fun to be me!

**warning- this might very well be the longest post ever in the history of jennsterland. but it will have pictures!!**

blogher was amazing! honestly! FUCKING.INCREDIBLE. my worry in the post about people not being fun- i couldn't have been more off base. i don't feel like an ass for thinking it, but i will freely admit that i was wrong. very, very wrong. when i expressed concern that i would be surrounded by people that i would never be friends with in real life? w.r.o.n.g. again. everyone was so fun. SO!FUN! and really, really nice. totally the type of women i would want to hang around with in real life. and now they're gone. someone (that sexy bitch- her bad mother said it) explained it best when she that "this is like being at the best summer camp ever and then having to go home." so true!

everyone that you blog with- all these women that you read.. they are simply amazing in real life. and how come no one tells you that they have gorgeous skin and even without a drop of makeup, they still look stunning? and that pictures do most of them absolutely no justice whatsoever when it comes to seeing in them in person? huh? girls with gorgeous skin- abound at blogher! consider yourself told! seriously, these women are truly beautiful inside and out. and did i mention, fun?!!!

on friday, i tortured myself by reading any and everything i could from the girls already at blogher while i was at work. it was painful. all i wanted to do was BE THERE already. when i finally arrived, everyone was good and drunk- just the way i like em! but it made my arrival that much more fun! i was super excited to see everyone, so it was really nice to have them be just as excited to see me!!!! at least they pretended to be excited. you know, with squeels and screams and hugs and air kisses and ass grabbing!! it might have been the alcohol talking, but i didn't care- i was taking advantages of these bitches! i don't think i've ever called so many people whores so quickly and often in my entire life. luckily, no one cried about it... at least not to my face.

izzy, kristin, elizabeth, liz, christina i adore these women!

her bad mother (please say this in a fake french- canadian accent for affect) i want to fly to canada and live on her front porch forever. and it's not just because she has great boobs. but really- i want this lady with me when i'm looking to have a good time cause she is blissfully funny, intelligent, and just so damn fun!!!!!!

firey poop lady- wendy (wendy boucher.. fire on the poop deck)!! hey firepoop- i was super sad to have missed you on sunday. i heart you. you are fabulous! and SO fun and i loved spending time with you!!!!! tell your daughter HI from ster!

liz, don't kill me for this picture- it cracks me up! wtf are you pointing at?!? doesn't matter, i adore you anyway! mom-101 is SO nice! so so very nice in like the politest way. and she is so cute and has the best smile!!! and fun, and smart, and pretty.. and such a nice person to be around!

cristina (mommy off the record). we'd been waiting for her to arrive all freaking weekend long! thank the goddess she finally got there or i never could have grabbed her boob like i did in this pic! she is awesome! super nice, super mellow and chill- and just a really nice chick! she let me fondle her and hump her leg. she totally loved it! or at least that's what i read on the bathroom wall later that night.

such a daring young mom and nello! both more beautiful and fun in person!

the super sweet elizabeth (party of five... no, i mean table for five). she made me a super cute bracelet! SMOOCHES! she is incredible nice and super friendly and like a social butterfly! one minute she's there, the next she's gone!!

now this bitch (lena of cheeky lotus) is one of those whores whose pictures do her NO justice at all. she is STUNNING in person- like, omg she is so beautiful.

i am in love with this pregnant whore. LOVE HER! mega mom is hilarious! and gorgeous and i think she is quite possibly the sexiest pregnant woman i've ever seen in my life!!! she is a little prankster and it's FUN!!! i consider her my partner in crime. when the shit is going down, i want her at my side!

amalah. i posted these pics because it makes it look like she loves me and wants to marry me, instead of me scaring her and her husband, which is what i really did. by the last day of blogher, the bitch was putting huge purses between us to ensure that there was ample space to stop any hugging i might try to lay on her. she is SO beautiful in person. she has like PERFECT skin. and she's just pretty. and skinny. and so cute. and very, very nice (even when she's telling me to SHUT UP because i was being a shithead).

izzymom - i love her. like so, so much. dropping her off at the airport was awful. don't you like how her hair covers one eye like aaliyah's hair always did (you know, before she died. aaliyah, not izzy). izzy is one of the women who i wished lived closer. i want to hang with her. party with her. talk shit with her. everything! woman, you rock- in a serious way! SMOOCH!

crazy.drunk.whore. (joyunexpected) love her! she is so fun and funny and loves to party! just ask her about friday night and how she felt saturday morning. hey whore- did you even GO to the conference?! HAHHAHAA

little miss motherhood uncensored. so nice and beautiful! she takes gorgeous pictures and she has the best smile and she always looks perfect! she made the cutest freaking candy bars with her blog's label on them and she let me eat them all!!! okay, not really. she was really sweet and she tolerated me. that's all i can ask for really. :)

julie (from mothergoosemouse) is going to HATE me for this picture, but what.the.fuck. it cannot be possible that this is the ONLY picture i have with her?!?!?!! but it's all i can find! other people MUST have pics of her and i together?!??! she is my most favorite party toy. i want to bring her everywhere with me. she laughs at EVERYTHING i do. and i mean everything. i breath, she laughs. i make waitresses cry, she laughs. she makes me feel like I AM THE FUNNIEST GIRL IN THE WHOLE ENTIRE WORLD!!!!!!!! i heart her! she is great and wonderful!

awwww.. amy (piece of work). ask amy about friday night too- see if she even remembers it. ha! amy is great and i'm so happy i got to meet her! she smiles A LOT and i love that about her- among other things!!

jess (from drowning in kids) was very, very nice.. and fun and i liked hanging out with her. woman- did i even talk to you, or just molest you? i swear i'll still respect you in the morning. it was great to meet you!!!

mary tsao. *prrrs* so pretty! so fun! wish i would have talked to her more. or maybe actually said more than, "hi, you're leaving already? SUCKER!!" but she lives close, so i can stalk her whenever i want! HA!

SO- GM brought cars for us to test drive. big mistake. well at least when you get 3 hot pieces of ass in a convertible together, it is. or maybe it's just when i'm driving? we squeeled out of the parking lot. i am not kidding. like burned rubber. like that "ERRRRRRR" sound. if that isn't totally high school, i don't know what is. miss cool girl squeeling her tires out of the hyatt parking lot. oh yeah, that's sexy! izzy thought i did it on purpose. i think my cool factor went down when i told her i didn't. this convertible saab kicked ass though! it wouldn't be right to not talk about it. that thing drives like it's on air. it glides. and holy shit- the turbo kicks in and you FLY! we were going way too fast, but it felt too good to stop. (stop reading into that perverts). honestly though- i looked down and we were going 65 and we were in second gear!! it drives SO SO SO nice!!! i really wanted to slow down, but it handled so well and flew so well and well.. this is us. with convertible hair. you can't tell, huh? I LOVE THESE GIRLS!!! more than i loved the car!! ps- the car's radio sucked ass. for a car that hot, you need a sound system that matches. it didn't. i did love that all the radio preset's were set to LA stations, to which izzy asked, "do they come in up here?"... ummmm, no.

izzy and myself at a stop light (mega mom is in the back.. way to go, we put the pregnant girl in the back seat). rocking out to tupac.. teasing the boys in the truck next to us. HAHAHAHAHA

hot girls with BIG meat! the burgers people..

it must be said, that i haven't gotten to put yesterday's pictures on flickr yet. i don't pay for an account so i'm at my limit! but tomorrow is august so you will be able to witness izzy's fanny pack on tour then! and i'll probably post about it too! don't forget to tag your photos with blogher 06 everyone! i want to see your pics!

blogher was an experience i won't soon forget. it was awesome. it was like seeing old friends you haven't seen since college. i am still affected. i'm sad it's over. but i'm so happy that i got to meet everyone i did get to meet. y'all are a kick ass group of diverse and amazing women! thank you, every single one of you, for making my weekend SO FUN and full of so much laughter and sweetness and food! I MISS YOU ALL ALREADY!!!!!! so incredibly much!!!


Her Bad Mother said...

YOU are the most bad-ass whore-licking tit-grabbing slut-monkey out there, little miss grab-me-now.

And I love you for it.

You can totally come live me. I can't promise that my boobies will always be this grab-worthy (engorged, dude), but I'm guessing you won't care.

Big. Wet. Kiss.

(Oh, and I was the source of the summer camp quote. Am insulted.)

(Not really. You were too busy crying into my chest to have heard me clearly.)

cmhl said...

that looks like it was SO fun!!!

Meg said...

Agh! I missed getting groped by you! You don't know how much I wished that I was there. All weekend while I was changing shitty diapers, I was imagining the free wine and ass-grabbing! That's ok, though. You are the only person who has a legit excuse to not go next year, so I will be representing the boob-grabbing, leg-humping crew in Chicago!

Becky at lifeoutoffocus said...

awesome post. awesome awesome awesome. it was awesome when you called and i could hear how much fun you were having. but to SEE these pictures. all the more awesome. i knew everyone would love ya andi'm so glad everyone was awesome too! i'm glad you had a great great time! yay for y'all!

i am freakin out even more now about getting there. seeing all these fun pictures of you and everyone!!!! how could i not be!?!?!? YAY FOR BLOGHER! all you ladies in jenns pics...ALL of you are gorgeous.

Anonymous said...

In case I didn't make it perfectly clear six thousand other times this weekend...YOU SO ROCK and I ADORE YOU!

You'll get your ego humped & stroked some more when I write my Blogher post this evening. Must go cry now.....

Wahhhhhhhhhhh! Camp is over. Wahhhhhhhh! I miss Jennster and my otha soul sistas. Wahhhhhhhhhhh!

Kelly Wolfe said...

It was so cool to put faces with the blogstresses I love. Looks like y'all had an awesome time. I look forward to going next year.


Kelly Wolfe said...

Forgot to mention that now that I know what you look like, you all are damn hot!


Anonymous said...

Jennster, I was serious last night when I said I loved you. I still do. I respect you even more in the morning.

People - if Jennster's posts don't make you laugh your ass off, then you will most certainly laugh your ass off at her antics in person. This whore seriously cracks my shit up. So much so that I forgive her for posting a picture of me in which I am so wasted that you could blindfold me with dental floss.

Anonymous said...

Fun! Maybe I need my own blog so I can get in on some of this ass-grabbing and leg-humping!

Lisa said...

Thanks for posting pics. Looks like a blast. Please come to Chicago next year!!!!

I'll let you hump me? I promise! heeheee.

Cristina said...

Reading this post made me feel like I was reliving it all again! GREAT pictures. YOU are GREAT. I'm so glad we live in the same time zone!

xxoo infinity

Self-Proclaimed Supermom said...

I CANNOT wait until next year :)

Mom101 said...

You put it on with all the "bitch" and "whore" and all that, but deep down you are NICE and this just proves it. Except for the picture of me. I'm sure I was pointing at my drink saying to the busboy, I'M NOT DONE WITH THAT! DON'T TOUCH IT!

Seriously, so many kisses back atcha. Or, if you prefer, a big ass slap.

Anonymous said...



Who do you think you are? SHAKIRA SHAKIRA?

Anonymous said...

OMFG!! You hyave to take that picture of me off the internet! I am NOT that fucking ugly, Am I????

Everyone else is all beautiful and look at me! I have to take some lessons from you on how to look good in a photo.

point45 said...

to bad you never admit when your wrong at home......

Anonymous said...

OK Beyatch. Everyone is kissing your ass so I'm just going to say that Putty and I miss you so and:

You did credit hai bat mutha with the quote

I agree with Mom-101 that you "put it on" and that you are such a kind soul

I look WAY worse than Jess (couldn't you have used one of my hot pictures?)

Mom O Matic said...

Uh, so jealous and so going to the next BlogHer. Thank you so much for the pics, it's so fun to see what everyone looks like!

Piece of Work said...

Yay Jennster! It was so awesome to meet you!!

Kristin said...

I have nothing to say. I am too busy feeling sorry for myself.

Glad it was so fun and I love all the photos!

Chicky Chicky Baby said...

Thank you for those pictures! It's like almost being there... Okay, that's exaggerating a bit but you all look so happy that I have to be happy for you! See you next year?

carrie said...

You chicks are sooooo lucky!!! I am loving your account of everyone and all the shennanigans you had, truly an experience you won't soon forget! :)Makes me miss my girlfriends from college in a BIG way!


Anonymous said...

Just you wait until next year when I have lost 40 pounds and am the hottest 40 year old at Blogher '07. Maybe then I'll get in on some of the boob-grabbing, leg-humping action.

For all your wild craziness, people need to know that you are kind, and generous, and smart. And I know you don't think so, but you are BEE-yoo-tee-full, inside and out. It's only through the miracle of the Blogosphere that I can know someone as fabulous as you.

Thanks for being my friend.

Random Musings said...

OK now I kick myself in the ass for not going.
It looks like SOOOO much fun!

Creative-Type Dad said...

You are too funny!

One day us guys will have one...and it probably won't be nearly as fun

Lena said...

Jennster - you fine piece of ass! In Chicago I want my leg humped too. Enough with the coy shit.

Also? I fucking looked at the picture of me spanking you about 20 times on the Internet before I finally went "Holy shit. That's ME spanking Jenn."


Sarah said...

My. Dear. God. I need to fucking blog more and come next year! I am so behind the game!

Kelly Wolfe said...

Damn you bloggin babes are totally hot in person. Sorry to have missed out such hotness, and bonding and sisterhood and fun. Hope to go next year.


Wes said...

Was there anyone you DIDN'T hug there!?!?! Sure looks and sounds like you had a great time!

Anonymous said...

there is a superman emblem on that soder can!

spidey said...

Girl, I am so glad you had a blast at Blogher! Your post was great and those pics are so fun!!! :)

Christina_the_wench said...

Your only saving grace is that you brought back pictures. Bitch.

Mary Tsao said...

Next time use your photoshopping skillz on a couple of my chins, whore!

I love how you describe everybody and only you could call Mega Mom a pregnant whore and get away with it! ha! love it.

You are so funny and fun to be with and I can't wait until we meet again. See you on your lawn tonight, bitch!

P.S. You are the one who made me talk this way. I can tell already that my mom would not care for you and your foul mouth and your bad influence on me.

Which is why I love you.

Suzanne said...

Christ, did you meet every single person there? Most impressive!!! Glad I squeaked in at the last minute, even if I don't have a picture to prove it.

Virginia Belle said...

dude, i am so jealous. you guys had an awesome time. and i was stuck here. but i'm glad you had fun, and now i REALLY REALLY wish i could meet cha. you are the coolest, ster. you guys are all a bunch of hot mamas, so it's no wonder you've all been knocked up! (ster, you are rubbing off on me. stop it. no, wait, i like it. yeah, faster...)


now i will have to check out all of these other cool moms' blogs.

i hope i'm a cool mom one day.

any room for a single non-mother girl like myself @ next year's Blogher?? do they let people bring their dogs?

now that you have showed us pics, tell us what the conference was like!! did you learn any cool stuff, or was it all wine and convertibles? share more share more!!!!

Erin said...

When the heck is the next one?? I want in on all that fun... you all looked super hot, and cute, and you all looked like you were having WAY too much fun..... Hey I want in! :)

Silicon Valley Moms Group said...

You are so fucking hilarious. I am crying inside that I didn't have the balls to sit my ass down at your table and hang!!!!

tracey clark said...

Jjjjjjjenster, super-fun to meet you you sassy thang. Had a blast!!

And yes everyone, the 'ster is as hot in person as she looks...only HOTTER! Sizzzzzzle....

Anonymous said...

This is the greatest recap ever. And seriously. You are hilarious. Really. I couldn't wait to meet you just because I knew you'd make me LMFAO. HEH.

And very multifaceted. I think people see and hear the "crazy LMFAO" jennster online - but we saw many sides - all of which you can't help but love.

However, you are a dirty crack whore and I love you for it.

And now for the methadone bitch.

GraceD said...

If I can turn back time I would do the following:

1. Take back that ugly moment during the closing keynote when I was talking about being among life long Democrats only to turn around and see Arianna Huffington's nose twitch.

2. Sign up to be one of your bitches. I'm an old bitch, but a good bitch. Perhaps, next year in Chicago? I certainly hope so.

Leesa said...

wow, looks like all had a wonderful time.