you know blogher ROCKED when

you want to skip your massage at burke williams and head straight home so you can read everyone's posts and see everyone's pictures!! i really am a dork, but i'm totally okay with that- probably because it's fun to be me!

**warning- this might very well be the longest post ever in the history of jennsterland. but it will have pictures!!**

blogher was amazing! honestly! FUCKING.INCREDIBLE. my worry in the post about people not being fun- i couldn't have been more off base. i don't feel like an ass for thinking it, but i will freely admit that i was wrong. very, very wrong. when i expressed concern that i would be surrounded by people that i would never be friends with in real life? w.r.o.n.g. again. everyone was so fun. SO!FUN! and really, really nice. totally the type of women i would want to hang around with in real life. and now they're gone. someone (that sexy bitch- her bad mother said it) explained it best when she that "this is like being at the best summer camp ever and then having to go home." so true!

everyone that you blog with- all these women that you read.. they are simply amazing in real life. and how come no one tells you that they have gorgeous skin and even without a drop of makeup, they still look stunning? and that pictures do most of them absolutely no justice whatsoever when it comes to seeing in them in person? huh? girls with gorgeous skin- abound at blogher! consider yourself told! seriously, these women are truly beautiful inside and out. and did i mention, fun?!!!

on friday, i tortured myself by reading any and everything i could from the girls already at blogher while i was at work. it was painful. all i wanted to do was BE THERE already. when i finally arrived, everyone was good and drunk- just the way i like em! but it made my arrival that much more fun! i was super excited to see everyone, so it was really nice to have them be just as excited to see me!!!! at least they pretended to be excited. you know, with squeels and screams and hugs and air kisses and ass grabbing!! it might have been the alcohol talking, but i didn't care- i was taking advantages of these bitches! i don't think i've ever called so many people whores so quickly and often in my entire life. luckily, no one cried about it... at least not to my face.

izzy, kristin, elizabeth, liz, christina i adore these women!


















her bad mother (please say this in a fake french- canadian accent for affect) i want to fly to canada and live on her front porch forever. and it's not just because she has great boobs. but really- i want this lady with me when i'm looking to have a good time cause she is blissfully funny, intelligent, and just so damn fun!!!!!!




























firey poop lady- wendy (wendy boucher.. fire on the poop deck)!! hey firepoop- i was super sad to have missed you on sunday. i heart you. you are fabulous! and SO fun and i loved spending time with you!!!!! tell your daughter HI from ster!


















liz, don't kill me for this picture- it cracks me up! wtf are you pointing at?!? doesn't matter, i adore you anyway! mom-101 is SO nice! so so very nice in like the politest way. and she is so cute and has the best smile!!! and fun, and smart, and pretty.. and such a nice person to be around!


















cristina (mommy off the record). we'd been waiting for her to arrive all freaking weekend long! thank the goddess she finally got there or i never could have grabbed her boob like i did in this pic! she is awesome! super nice, super mellow and chill- and just a really nice chick! she let me fondle her and hump her leg. she totally loved it! or at least that's what i read on the bathroom wall later that night.



























such a daring young mom and nello! both more beautiful and fun in person!



















the super sweet elizabeth (party of five... no, i mean table for five). she made me a super cute bracelet! SMOOCHES! she is incredible nice and super friendly and like a social butterfly! one minute she's there, the next she's gone!!


















now this bitch (lena of cheeky lotus) is one of those whores whose pictures do her NO justice at all. she is STUNNING in person- like, omg she is so beautiful. cant.stop.looking.at.her.



















i am in love with this pregnant whore. LOVE HER! mega mom is hilarious! and gorgeous and i think she is quite possibly the sexiest pregnant woman i've ever seen in my life!!! she is a little prankster and it's FUN!!! i consider her my partner in crime. when the shit is going down, i want her at my side!



















amalah. i posted these pics because it makes it look like she loves me and wants to marry me, instead of me scaring her and her husband, which is what i really did. by the last day of blogher, the bitch was putting huge purses between us to ensure that there was ample space to stop any hugging i might try to lay on her. she is SO beautiful in person. she has like PERFECT skin. and she's just pretty. and skinny. and so cute. and very, very nice (even when she's telling me to SHUT UP because i was being a shithead).

































izzymom - i love her. like so, so much. dropping her off at the airport was awful. don't you like how her hair covers one eye like aaliyah's hair always did (you know, before she died. aaliyah, not izzy). izzy is one of the women who i wished lived closer. i want to hang with her. party with her. talk shit with her. everything! woman, you rock- in a serious way! SMOOCH!



















crazy.drunk.whore. (joyunexpected) love her! she is so fun and funny and loves to party! just ask her about friday night and how she felt saturday morning. hey whore- did you even GO to the conference?! HAHHAHAA


















little miss motherhood uncensored. so nice and beautiful! she takes gorgeous pictures and she has the best smile and she always looks perfect! she made the cutest freaking candy bars with her blog's label on them and she let me eat them all!!! okay, not really. she was really sweet and she tolerated me. that's all i can ask for really. :)



















julie (from mothergoosemouse) is going to HATE me for this picture, but what.the.fuck. it cannot be possible that this is the ONLY picture i have with her?!?!?!! but it's all i can find! other people MUST have pics of her and i together?!??! she is my most favorite party toy. i want to bring her everywhere with me. she laughs at EVERYTHING i do. and i mean everything. i breath, she laughs. i make waitresses cry, she laughs. she makes me feel like I AM THE FUNNIEST GIRL IN THE WHOLE ENTIRE WORLD!!!!!!!! i heart her! she is great and wonderful!















awwww.. amy (piece of work). ask amy about friday night too- see if she even remembers it. ha! amy is great and i'm so happy i got to meet her! she smiles A LOT and i love that about her- among other things!!



























jess (from drowning in kids) was very, very nice.. and fun and i liked hanging out with her. woman- did i even talk to you, or just molest you? i swear i'll still respect you in the morning. it was great to meet you!!!




















mary tsao. *prrrs* so pretty! so fun! wish i would have talked to her more. or maybe actually said more than, "hi, you're leaving already? SUCKER!!" but she lives close, so i can stalk her whenever i want! HA!



















SO- GM brought cars for us to test drive. big mistake. well at least when you get 3 hot pieces of ass in a convertible together, it is. or maybe it's just when i'm driving? we squeeled out of the parking lot. i am not kidding. like burned rubber. like that "ERRRRRRR" sound. if that isn't totally high school, i don't know what is. miss cool girl squeeling her tires out of the hyatt parking lot. oh yeah, that's sexy! izzy thought i did it on purpose. i think my cool factor went down when i told her i didn't. this convertible saab kicked ass though! it wouldn't be right to not talk about it. that thing drives like it's on air. it glides. and holy shit- the turbo kicks in and you FLY! we were going way too fast, but it felt too good to stop. (stop reading into that perverts). honestly though- i looked down and we were going 65 and we were in second gear!! it drives SO SO SO nice!!! i really wanted to slow down, but it handled so well and flew so well and well.. this is us. with convertible hair. you can't tell, huh? I LOVE THESE GIRLS!!! more than i loved the car!! ps- the car's radio sucked ass. for a car that hot, you need a sound system that matches. it didn't. i did love that all the radio preset's were set to LA stations, to which izzy asked, "do they come in up here?"... ummmm, no.























izzy and myself at a stop light (mega mom is in the back.. way to go, we put the pregnant girl in the back seat). rocking out to tupac.. teasing the boys in the truck next to us. HAHAHAHAHA

















hot girls with BIG meat! the burgers people..



















it must be said, that i haven't gotten to put yesterday's pictures on flickr yet. i don't pay for an account so i'm at my limit! but tomorrow is august so you will be able to witness izzy's fanny pack on tour then! and i'll probably post about it too! don't forget to tag your photos with blogher 06 everyone! i want to see your pics!

blogher was an experience i won't soon forget. it was awesome. it was like seeing old friends you haven't seen since college. i am still affected. i'm sad it's over. but i'm so happy that i got to meet everyone i did get to meet. y'all are a kick ass group of diverse and amazing women! thank you, every single one of you, for making my weekend SO FUN and full of so much laughter and sweetness and food! I MISS YOU ALL ALREADY!!!!!! so incredibly much!!!

just a quickie

because i think i might fall asleep while typing this and i definitely need to be focused to write everything that i really want to write about this past weekend. in a word- unbelievable. in more words- amazing, so fucking fun, kick ass, loved it, everyone rocked, and apparently, whores ARE fun!!!!

honestly, it was far more than i ever could have hoped. and now i find myself sad because all my hot bitches are on planes back to their homes and well.. i should have kidnapped them and made them stay with me fo-eva!!!! at least this whore lives close to me so i can see her again. like tomorrow, when i show up at her house uninvited and sleep on her lawn. that's not weird right?

i'm fixin' to pass out. brace yourself for one hell of a long post tomorrow and some super fun pics!! yay!

oh.my.fucking.god

and i mean that in the least offensive way possible. i stole this from dawn who is chatting to me about some girl who kidnapped and killed her boyfriends dog because it took too much attention away from her. we've decided that had she known about true wife confessions, poor over loved dog might have been saved.

there is SO much to say. SO.FUCKING.MUCH. but i can't do it right now. because my mind is mush,. i'm sweaty.. i have convertible hair (my god, wait until you hear how i tried to kill both izzy mom and mega mom)... i molested amalah nonstop until she cried (not really).. and there is so much going on i can barely sit still without wanting to squeel ridiculously in excitement!! i feel like a 12 year old at a justin timberlake concert! OH.MY.GOD- it's YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!! *insert screams here*

everyone is absolutely BEAUTIFUL, AND SKINNY and FUN in real life. and i will fully report tomorrow with KICK ASS pictures!!!!!!! this has been an amazing weekend so far, and i hate thinking that everyone will go home tomorrow and leave me. fucking whores.

it's FRIDAY

and i leave for blogher as soon as i can get off of work! i am super excited! i won't have a laptop with me and i don't really see the reason for posting while i'm there (cause we are supposed to be partying people, NOT posting) ... so you'll have to wait until monday or so for a fun recap, with dirty pics.

my boys (boyfriend and blake) are having a total boys weekend. they're going camping and fishing and all sorts of boy goodness they won't tell me about. have fun crazy heads!!

i'll leave you with this- please go visit my renter. she just got a brand new template makeover and it's gorgeous! i love it! go check it out!

i hope y'all have a kick ass weekend.. i know i will. unless i don't. then i'll cry. and post about it here.

i'll leave with 2 videos for your viewing pleasure .. sorry guys, don't think these will float your boat. maybe next time! omg- i want so shake my ass to justin's new song.. it is a kick ass dance club song.. KICK ASS groove and beats.. *prrrrs*

ps- how many of you want to bet that HBM does a huge blogher love in post with everyone's write ups and links to their pictures in one ginormous thread?? (if she wasn't going to, i think she should. lol)


or click here for team lachey



or click here to get justified

something old.. something new..

you know the saying. but i need to know- what the hell did you have at your wedding that was old, borrowed and blue?! i figure half the shit you wear is new, so picking one thing can't be that difficult! but what about the rest?! TELL ME.

for all my SAHM's!

A man came home from work and found his three children outside,still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty foodboxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard.
The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog. Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall.
In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.
In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.
He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened. He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door. Toys were strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in aheap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls.
As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went.
He looked at her bewildered and asked, "What happened here today?"
She again smiled and answered, "You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world I do all day?
"Yes," was his incredulous reply.
She answered,
"Well, today I didn't do it."

there IS hope for blogher after all

mega mom is being a phone whore! she's calling everyone and being downright, freaking, hysterical! i was SO surprised to get a call from her tonight as i was walking out to check the mail. she was SO fun, and chatty, and we kept interrupting eachother because neither one of us could keep our mouths shut for any length of time. boyfriend kept making fun of us, but i know the truth. he's just jealous that he can't come with us- because he's a boy and boys are icky at blogher! it.was.awesome!!!

i am now officially freaking excited! all because mega mom called and she didn't suck!!! she was SO fun! if she is a sign of things to come- this blogher thing is going to rock!

i tried to scare her husband. i tried really hard. i told him things like we'd be taking dirty pictures at blogher and that i was going to molest her and grind on her on the dancefloor. i don't think that scared him though, since he asked for picture proof of all this action. can you blame him?

b-b-b-b-blogher

i know, everyone not going to blogher is tired of reading posts about blogher. hell, i'm going and i'm tired of reading blogher posts (not really).
i am excited to go. no really, i am. i'm excited to sleep in a hotel for the weekend and have a pool to swim in and a hot tub to lounge in at night. oh yeah, and meet all you crazy bitches too. ha!

i am wearing jeans and tank tops. or jeans and cute tops. that's how i dress everyday and that's how i'm dressing for y'all (unless it's a billion degrees out like it has been lately, then i'm bringing a pair of shorts and a skirt). i'm sorry, but i'm not trying to sleep with any of you, so i'm not getting all dolled up! ha! i just like to be comfortable, so i'm wearing what i'm comfy in. and so should you. i can't believe how many "i don't know what to wear!!!!!!" posts i've seen. my advice- just.be.yourself.

like mom101 said in her post here, and i said previously in my post here- i am totally freaked that i won't know who anyone is without a screenshot of their blog attached to their forehead. honestly- i do not know you by your name. i don't. i know you by your blog name. and if i don't know you by that, i know you by your banner and what your blog looks like. that's the price you pay for having such kick ass designs on your blog people. but most likely, i know you by the name of your blog.
to avoid confusion such as this-
"hey ster, it's me, amy!"
(i sit there wracking my fucking brain at who the hell amy is.. or which amy she is.. )
"you know, POW" ..
"well hell, why didn't you just SAY that in the first place?!?!?"
just introduce yourself to me as your blog. it will be so much easier!!
ps- y'all have no excuse for not knowing me- jennster and jennster's blog can't be that hard. and yes, you can call me jennster (or ster) in person.. i'm used to it and i love it!

in all honesty, i'm worried that people won't be fun. i realize that sounds completely insane, but welcome to my brain. i am worried that while i read a lot of your blogs, we just won't really have anything in common. i don't feel like i fit in the typical mommy stereotype and i definitely don't act my age. what if you're nothing like your blog? what if you're exactly like it? i won't pretend that i like everyone's blog, because i don't. there are quite a few "popular" blogs that i don't read because they either don't interest me, i have nothing in common with them, can't relate, or any other number of reasons. (and i totally get that this applies to my blog as well). basically, i'm afraid that i'll be around a bunch of women i would never be friends with in real life. i realize that sounds terrible, but it's true. i just want people to be fun. so if you're not really fun, then stop pretending and lying to me on your blog! false advertiser face! lol (i do half realize that these "fears" will be completely unfounded and i'll feel like a total ass upon my return from blogher when i'm posting about how great and fun it was and how awesome and kick ass everyone was.... and how i was so stupid for even thinking these things in this here post.)

i'm also worried that people are going to be weird. like all up the popular bloggers' asses. and i can't stand stuff like that. so i hope everyone will be normal, and not all butt kissy and annoying. know what i mean though? maybe it's just me, but the thought of certain bloggers doling out autograph after autograph weirds me out. like what's the point of having a blogger's autograph? seriously? now pictures of y'all being drunk together and getting freaky on the dance floor, i totally get- but autographs? um, no. i'm not as excited as some of you are to see certain bloggers because i don't read their blogs, so i don't really "know" anything about them. but if they're cool and fun people in real life, and we bond- well that changes everything!! because then you're reading their blog because you like them already as a person.. and "knowing" them makes the reading that much more fun!

i'm straying. i'm rambling. i'll shaddup.
but please- 1. don't be weird 2. please be fun 3. and wear your blog on your shirt.

the end.

anyway (no s, for pickle)- if anyone is dying to see and meet me and wants my cell to ensure this will happen the very moment i arrive on friday night.. email me. :)

someone slap me

please. before i go completely batshit over here.

i'm looking at sandals resorts for our honeymoon. but i can't pick the resort i want to stay at. it's either too big, or too small. doesn't have the right honeymoon feel, or feels too secluded. it's too busy or not busy enough. the rooms are pretty, but too expensive. then the rooms are affordable, but ugly. i.can't.choose. and it's making me crazy. i feel myself slowing going insane here people! and i can't stop looking at the website. i am obsessed. and not in the good way.

so internet i ask you. help me. or hit me. but if you hit me, at least make sure it knocks me out- that way i can stop thinking about this for 2 seconds!!!

please tell me about your honeymoon. please tell me where you went and if you loved it, or hated it. and please, for the love of all that is holy, if someone has been to a sandals, please tell me what one you went to and if you liked it or not.

the end.

I AM THE SMARTEST WOMAN ALIVE!!!

while watching iron chef on food network last night-

boyfriend: that's the white house chef.
me: huh?
boyfriend: the challenger.. he's a chef at the white house.
*i perk up*
me: really? omg, i bet i know him!
*thinks for a minute*
me: no wait.. i know the guy who is the chef at the playboy mansion, not the white house. nevermind.

the cost of love?

one of my gf's has a lot of really nice things. diamond rings, diamond earrings, diamond bracelets, etc. all sorts of really, pretty, sparkley diamonds. she has a fairly new house in a super nice neighborhood. she has a brand new car. she doesn't have to "work." she has a housekeeper that comes twice a week and helps around the house. she has a lot of nice things. but that's about it. things.

it's heartbreaking because she is genuinely one of the kindest people i know. and while i have always known that she'd marry someone with lots of money, i never thought that she wouldn't be happy. and it's so sad when someone who just doesn't deserve to be unhappy, is. especially when it's the last thing you want for them. even moreso, when you feel it's the last thing they deserve.

i realized that i could have a lot of nice "things" too. i could be dating (or planning to marry) someone with lots of money... but at what cost? because all of the guys i had met in the past who were loaded, sucked in too many other ways. i wasn't happy then- i would have never been happy in the long run.

it's easy to look at someone who has a lot of nice things and a somewhat "easy" life and be envious. it's easy to look at things from the outside and wish that you had some of those things as well. but once you take a deeper look, you realize what is missing. and in my opinion, it's not worth the cost. i would never trade what i have, for what she has. i would never want all of those things, at the cost of losing what truly matters. because when i go to bed at night, i know that i have a man who could not possibly love me and my son any more than he does at that moment. he is always there for me emotionally. and the things that matter to me personally, are fulfilled. we might not have a ton of money and it would always be nice to have more- but in the grand scheme of things, that doesn't provide happiness. at least not by itself. and at least not for me.

now i'm not saying that you can't have it all. i believe some people do have both- money and happiness. and that's wonderful for them. i guess my whole point is that i'm marrying for love. and while i might be envious at times of the things some of my friends have, i wouldn't trade it for the world. because i have the kind of love that people spend a lifetime looking for. the kind of love that i would have hated living without, but would have always been searching for. and i wonder, what do you feel you have? or want?

random bits of bloggy goodness

like a brownie, but with less calories.

go visit my renter amy. she is awesome and i LOVE her blog design. plus, she thinks that it's funny that i called someone a whore and made them cry. speaking of crying- can you imagine what her mom is going to do to her when she sees the pictures she posted of her?!?!! death by mad mom anyone? click and see what i'm talking about! :)

in other blogly (like worldly, only different) news- blackbeltmama wants to start a new blog. about birthing stories. all kinds of gory, loving, goopy, birthy goodness. so if you'd like to participate, go visit and email her your story! then we can all read about it and cry, or laugh.. or make fun of you. fun for all!

and can someone please tell me WHY for the love of all that is holy am i getting so much spam on my freaking personal website?!?! i am SICK of monitoring my guestbook. losers. i get like 10 freaking spam messages a day on there- and it's like a big tease. someone signed your guestbook, jennster! i get all giddy. then i see that it's someone who wants me to buy stupid drugs to make my non existant penis larger.. argh.

did i tell y'all that boyfriend and i went cake tasting the other day? it wasn't quite as fun as i thought it was going to be. i mean, don't get me wrong- there's nothing like the pukey feeling you get after trying 8 different pieces of cake. the self inflicted gorging of various cake types and frosting like you're in an eating competition. boyfriend told me to leave some of the cake so i would know which one i liked best. i looked up at him with a mouth full of cake and a "too late" look in my eyes. who wouldn't want to marry me?

i think i made our waitress cry

no seriously. like now that we've left the restaurant, i think she's sitting back there- crying. like real tears. cause apparently, i.am.one.offensive.bitch.

a few of us went out to dinner the other evening. we got a somewhat sassy little waitress who was trying to be cute and cool. she failed however, because she was neither. when i asked her if i could get some more water, she replied with, "oh hell yeah!" so basically i figured that she was fun! i figured i could play with her and she wouldn't get offended or freak out. damn my spidey senses were SO off with this one.

i ordered a salad (i wasn't hungry people, don't get all dinner nazi on me) and she asked me if i was allergic to nuts because even though it doesn't list nuts in the ingredients, there are nuts in the salad. i let her know to pile em on, i'm a nut freak- she laughed and was like "right on" (okay she might not have actually said "right on," but that was her vibe).

we get our food and i notice there are no nuts on my salad. she built up the damn nuts and now there are none. so i was laughing and i said, "there are no nuts in this salad, you lyin' whore." right then her eyes got really big and she stepped back, stopped smiling and walked away. then she practically ran over to the bar where she started talking to every other person that worked there. jimmy and boyfriend both informed me that she was highly offended and that she wasn't laughing and that i should apologize. first of all, i got defensive because i was KIDDING AROUND and secondly, i felt like an asshole and jimmy and boyfriend were making me feel worse. the last thing i need when i've done something stupid is to have it pointed out. and continually pointed out. and then repeated again.

so i'm in shock thinking she can't really be upset. can she? i was totally kidding. so i called her a whore. i call everyone whores. and i figure that she must be this upset because she actually IS a whore. and then i think she should consider herself lucky because she isn't that cute, so if she really is a whore- then good for her. whores have more fun, eh? apparently not this one.

so now she won't come near our table. she walks the long way around- all the way around the restaurant to get to the table next to us and walks the long way back just so that she doesn't have to pass us. so i'm realizing that she really is offended. so i tell everyone i'll fix it, because that's what i do. i'll apologize and all will be well. she can't be mad if she knows i was kidding, right? right? wrong.

i walked to the back of the restaurant where she was talking to the cooks and her eyes almost bulged out of her head when she saw me coming towards her. i asked her if she was seriously upset about this and she looked at me dumbfounded. i informed her that i was completely and 100% joking around.. and how she can talk to me all "hells yeah" when i ask for water, but i can't joke around with her? and then a conversation somewhat like this happened:

whore: "you called me a whore!!!!!!"
ster: "i was totally kidding! i call all my friends whores! i call everyone whores! like, what's going on whore?! like that!"
whore: "but you said i was a whore! i don't think that's funny."
ster: "um, i don't even know you, so you realize this wasn't personal right? like i wasn't REALLY calling you a whore?!! i was just fucking around."
whore: "whatever."

so basically, she was an unreceptive bitch to my apology. now i was pissed off and feeling bad. she didn't wait on us anymore. she made someone take over our table because she was that upset and refused to face me. i can't make this shit up.

so everyone- let this be a warning to you.. i make people cry. random people. strangers.

everyone going to blogher- if i call you a whore, take it as a compliment- it means i think you're actually fun enough to handle it. but the new inside joke in sterland is- if you call me a whore, i'm going to cry. because apparently being a whore is not funny! or fun!

*runs off crying non-whorish tears*

who reads your blog?

i've been reading a few posts lately where bloggers are talking about their husbands, or their significant others, and how they don't read their blogs. and for some reason, that completely fucking blows my mind. your husband knows you blog, but doesn't read it?? WHY THE HELL NOT? if you knew that your signifcant other blogged, wouldn't you want to read it? wouldn't you be curious as to what they were writing and saying? i sure as hell would.

boyfriend and i have a great relationship with amazing communication, but still- there is something very cathartic about writing. and the way things are written can sometimes come across better (or worse) than actually trying to say them out loud. i think that i write about things that i don't necessarily talk about. or things that are in my mind, but don't always find a way out. for me, blogging is an extension of who i am, what i'm thinking, what i'm feeling, or where my crazy brain is at the moment. i think i would be hurt if boyfriend didn't want to read it. these posts are very personal and 100% me. so why wouldn't he want to read all that jennster goodness?

my entire family and almost all of my friends know that i have a blog. my grandpa reads it daily, and the rest of my family reads it when they're bored and have nothing better to do. this isn't anything new to them. it's just another outlet for me to blab all my personal shit online for perfect strangers and not so perfect strangers to read. i honestly don't think that much of what i do, or say, surprises them anymore. i'm pretty much the same way online as i am offline. this is me. take it or leave it. (you know you wanna take it- rahr)

so back to my somewhat straying point- how do you feel when your s.o. doesn't read your blog? what are their reasons for not reading your blog? does your family read your blog? do you feel inhibited knowing who reads your blog, versus knowing who doesn't? am i asking too many questions? i think so. lol

to breed, or not to breed

that is obviously the question that i never even realized was a question until the other night.

boyfriend and i had a really, really, nice talk about whether or not we'd like to have kids together once we get married. i had just assumed that he wanted a baby. like i didn't even think that maybe he wouldn't want one. we always talk about our unborn kid and he jokes about how it had better be a boy and i torment him with the fact that it will be a girl (and then i chase him around target with girly dresses yelling, "daddy.. yook at me- don't i yook pitty?") but he isn't sold 100% on the idea. and i was surprised. not upset at all- just surprised. so we talked about the why's and why not's and we both are thinking the same types of things. who knew? communication.. it's such a brilliant concept. everyone should do it.

we talked about how comfortable our lives are now. how we aren't struggling financially and how having a baby would completely change that. how we'd go from being comfortable, to most likely, struggling. how possibly having a child means never owning anything in this god forsaken state. we discussed the fact that it is nice to not have blake every other weekend and have a life. go away for the weekend, go out, or just mentally be more free than normal. it doesn't sound like much and you might think i'm an awful mom, but i enjoy my blake-free time. (not at the moment because he's been gone for over a week and i miss him like crazy). also, how having a baby, means having a kid full time- you know, like most people do. but that alone would be an adjustment for us. i'm sure it wouldn't be a difficult transition at all, but who knows?

i brought up the fact that sometimes, just thinking about being pregnant again makes me want to throw up. losing control of your body like that, and having to struggle to lose all the weight again, and how much of a mental battle it is- just doesn't sound like fun. hell, i still haven't lost all the baby weight 8 years later. ha! but the thought of starting over and having a little baby with diapers and formula and doctor's appointments up the ass.. it has been SO long since i've had to do any of that kind of stuff that sometimes, it's honestly, not appealing in the slightest.

boyfriend talked about feeling timing pressure. like if we had a baby, it would have to be soon after the wedding. and even though i'm 6 years older than boyfriend, the pressure really isn't from me and my body. for some reason, it's not about that. it's more about blake and how he's 8 years old already. and that we'd like to give him a sibling when he could actually enjoy it. that sounds funny, but you know what i mean! boyfriend and i both have brothers and sisters who are 8 and 10 years older than we are. we're super close with them now- but growing up, there are just too many years inbetween. and it makes me sad for blake. i know he'd be an amazing older brother. and lord knows he needs someone to be his biggest fan constantly (which really means he needs someone to watch him do things, like build a puzzle or play a video game. note that i didn't say play with him, but watch him). and i understand that timing pressure, because it's not like i want blake to be 15 by the time we have a kid. it seems so pointless to have them each grow up practically without eachother. plus, if we wait that long to start having kids, they won't be out of the house before i'm practically 70! who wants that? i want a life with my husband and no kids in the house when we can actually enjoy it!! although i'm sure by then that 70 will be the new 50. but seriously, it is appealing to think that the kids would be gone and out of the house (in theory) while we're still "young" enough to totally enjoy it.

a lot of the discussion was based around money. it's not that we can't afford to have a baby, it's more that maybe we don't want to give up our comfort level for it? maybe we'd like to be able to do more fun things and travel with blake and just have a more comfortable life without all the sacrifices and restrictions. having a baby changes a lot of things. and we just aren't sure we want to change what we have and are working towards. it seems like a lot of what we'd want would be put on the back burner, or eventually never reached if we have kids.

i think boyfriend brought up a very important point during our talk- he said he wouldn't feel like he was missing out on something if we didn't have a child together.... because we have blake. i think that's key. but in all honesty, can he really be certain?

we also both agreed that wanting to have a baby with one another, isn't even a question- the want is there.. based on love, emotions and all of that good stuff. and we pointed out that the wanting for a baby together is purely emotionally based. and that's reason enough. because it's really all the reason you need. want and love. and that was pretty much the end of the why we should list. lol

we didn't find any answers that night. i'm not sure we were really searching for any. it was an interesting evening and a conversation that neither of us feel bad about having. and now i'm sharing it with you...

best girlfriends!

the past couple of days have been amazing! 2 of my very best girlfriends have been in town! they both live in different parts of san diego, so even when i was in LA, i wouldn't see them very often. having both of them up here in northern california literally a day apart from eachother, made me so giddy i could just piddle!!! it's hard being away from them and i guess you don't realize it so much until you physically see them.

boyfriend and i had dinner with ali and her husband on thursday night (alison posts in my comments often, so some of you might "know" who she is. ps- sleepymommy/meg- she reads and posts in your blog almost daily). it was funny, and even though ali and i talk to eachother pretty regularly, it was nothing compared to actually being together. i felt like i was on a rapid fire question show on cnn or something! she would ask one question and before i could even start answering it, she had 7 more questions she'd already spit out! i had to tell the bitch to SLOW HER ROLL like 50 times! it was amazing though. things like that... times like that.. they're precious. they truly are. and among the 10 thousand questions were a lot of laughs and a lot of memories and just plain niceness. i miss her. i've known ali since high school. i knew the first time i saw her that i would be her friend. not only did she like the new kids on the block, but she had the balls to wear one of their t-shirts to school. it was love at first sight in math class. ha! as you can see- she's grown out of the new kids shirt. for now.































and then i had a sleepover with melissa on friday night in napa! i've never been to napa, so that alone was super fun (not that i could see a damn thing driving out there in the dark)! i can't even put into words how amazing and wonderful it was to see her. i love her so incredibly much. she is like the little sister i never had. ever since melissa and i met in college, we've just had this bond. so much so, that i moved out of my dorm room without anyone's permission and into hers. we're just regular rulebreakers! our lives have always kind of paralleled eachothers. we got knocked up 6 months apart and then entered single motherhood together. and everything that went along with finding a good man, and dating them, and introducing them to our child... all the emotions and feelings and bullshit that can go along with that. the kind of stuff that no one else would truly understand because they didn't have to live that life. we always had eachother to relate too. and even though our lives have taken very different turns in the types of men we are married too (or in my case, am going to marry).. being there for one another is something that hasn't changed. our bond has never waivered. this friendship is more than that. and i love and appreciate it so much. my little soul sister.


i have amazing friends. i really do. my core group of girlfriends are just downright good people. the worst part is i rarely get to see any of them. we're talking once a year at most here folks. is that so odd though? when you have kids and you live far apart from eachother- isn't that kind of how life goes? how often do you see your best friends?

trying to blog

no really. i am. i have a new one sitting here and everything.. BUT I CAN'T GET THE F'N PICTURES TO LOAD! blogger hates me. and i refuse to post the post without pics. hmph! so you'll have to wait! :)

i saw pirates, but i don't want to talk about it for those who haven't seen it yet! but i really really wanna talk about it!
we also saw click in the theater... why didn't anyone tell me that the movie is a tearjeaker??? there is NO reason i should be bawling my eyes out in an adam sandler movie, dammit!!!!!!

i went shopping this weekend. i was bad. 2 coach outlet stores in 2 days = 2 coach purses (even though i bought them both yesterday at 1 store). omg, they are SO freaking cute! i want to show you pics of them.. BUT I CAN'T POST PICTURES!!!!!! coach is the only expensive purse brand i like. i think the others aren't fun at all. i swear i only want a brown one and then i don't want anymore coach bags. wait, i might want a bigger black purse. shit. this isn't good. i do not want to turn into a coach purse whore. fight the urge ster.. fight.the.urge.

visit my new blog renter face! HA! down on the left.. you know the drill. and thanks! the plumbutt chronicles. i would visit based on the name alone!!! and the gossip! ooh, the gossip!

SMOOCHES! until i can post something with substance.. and pictures!!!

thank you

to everyone who read the post below. thank you so incredibly much for all of your comments. the way in which you could relate, or couldn't (but still completely understood), opened up about your own experiences, or just offered hugs- truly meant a lot to me. you are an inspiration. every single one of you. i think you are amazing! sincerely. thank you again.

as i said before, i am in a different place now. a place that isn't so angry. a place that isn't so hate filled. all of those emotions seem to have subsided (thank the goddess). other emotions are still very present and there are certain things i think won't ever change entirely. but i suppose that's to be expected when something like this happens for the reasons it happened for. i know i will have more to talk about in regards to this in the near future because my mind and heart continue to hurt when i think about our upcoming wedding. so i guess, thank you in advance.

mothergoosemouse- you asked about the boyfriend i mentioned in the post.. yes, that is boyfriend.. the same guy i'm with now and am going to marry. he was amazing through all of this. hell, he continues to be amazing. so fucking understanding and i could not ask for a man who has the ability to be more emotionally there for me than my future husband. he truly is incredible when it comes to dealing with me and just intuitively knowing me. with that said however, i like to think i'm pretty aware when i'm being unreasonable or a bitch for reasons that don't truly stem from him or his behavior. i like to figure out why i'm feeling a certain way and what the root issue is, etc. but that doesn't mean i stop acting crazy. i usually recognize all of these things, but still act like a spazz- whatever, he puts up with me. ha!

and anonymous- thank you. thank you for letting me know that the previous comment you had made about the ass and cleavage was completely rhetorical and not personal at all towards me. you didn't have to do that, but you did. and i appreciate it.

now.. GO SEE PIRATES!! WOO HOO!

the things that shape us

a little over 2 years ago, my dad cheated on my mom. it has been one of the worst things i've had to deal with since the day i found out. not only did it almost kill my mom, but it brought about feelings in me that i didn't realize i could have for someone whom i had loved so much. my dad and i were ridiculously close. the typical father/daughter relationship. the best kind there was. and all of this has been so god dammed heartbreaking. in so many ways and on so many levels.

i started keeping a journal to my dad online. i was just feeling too much and going through so much, i needed an outlet. i had to get these feelings and emotions and thoughts out of my head. so i wrote (privately). but i never read them. the one time i tried to go back to read something i had written, i couldn't get through it. it just hurt too much. so i have never, until today, read what i've written. i'm in a different place now, of course- and i can actually read this without crying. and i can read it and totally respect and see what part of me it came from. and i remember feeling that way. and being so angry. and there's a part of me that is happy i'm not that angry anymore.

i've wanted to talk about this. i've wanted to touch on this subject because it haunts me daily. especially with the wedding coming up, and how certain things won't be happening that typically happen in weddings, because of my dad's actions. and i've never known where to start. or how. so i figured that i would share with you, something i've only shared with boyfriend up until now..... my first entry in the journal to my dad. and let me preface this by thanking you. for taking the time to read this.

5/24/2004

dear dad,
god, i don't even want to call you that. i'm so disgusted by your actions, that i feel like you don't deserve the title. i'd call you something else, but i don't know what to address you by. i guess for now i'll continue calling you that name- just recognize that it holds no meaning to me. speaking of names, let's talk about the one you gave me- my last name. i've always been more than proud to be jenn .. i fucking adore my name.. it is me... i am it. you've ruined that. for some reason, your actions have made me not want to keep my last name. i'd change it, but what the fuck am i going to change it too? and i'd do it just to hurt you. blake's too. it used to make me proud that blake had MY last name, and i knew you loved it too. now i want to take it away from both of us- because you don't deserve the recognition. you don't deserve the claim. you don't get to point at us with pride and say we're your family. cause you left us. cause you can't leave her. what the fuck is that?! YOU CAN'T LEAVE HER?!?!?!? pathetic. fucking pathetic.

seriously, what the hell are you doing? could you be more selfish? could you be possibly more hurtful towards the people who have done nothing but love and stand by you all these years? i can't stand you for what you've done to mom. the way you have and continue to hurt her. it's horrible. to hear her bawling her eyes out day after day because of the choice you made- to hear the sound of her heart literally breaking... the pain you've caused. the pain you continue to cause her. it's heartbreaking to me to know how much 1 person's choices can completely alter someone's life. but she'll be fine without you. don't worry about that. she'll get to the point where she doesn't need or miss you anymore. probably right about the time you realize what a huge, fucking, idiotic, stupid ass mistake you've made. but you'll never come back. that would mean that you would have to admit you made a mistake, and you don't believe you've done that. it's one thing to feel as if this was something you "had" to do- whatever- but you can also admit that you were wrong. yes, you can admit that. or maybe you can't. maybe you've never been able to admit that you were wrong. i really wouldn't know- i wasn't the one married to you. as a child, you realize that you don't really "know" your parents... you only know what is presented to you in the way it's presented. it's no one's fault really- it's just the roles that each plays in life.

i have so much to say. i have so much stirring inside me. i feel like your actions have completely fucked with my head in ways that i won't even realize until i'm forced too. i'm sure i'll take this out on my boyfriend in some way. someone who doesn't deserve whatever potential shit i might throw at him because of YOU. not his actions, but yours. i only hope that he'll be strong enough and wise enough to see through it- to know where it comes from, even if i don't. but i'd be stupid to think that the 1 relationship that was closest to me for my whole entire life, wouldn't affect me in some way when it fell apart. especially based on the reasons. thank you dad, for whatever trust issues i will now have because of this.

you know, it's not like i ever worshipped the relationship that you and mom had. i never idolized the 2 of you and wanted to be like you guys or anything. i don't have anyone that i look up to in that way. there is no relationship that i long to mimick. yet still- at 30 years old- to have you do something like this.... is still traumatic. you, the one person who was supposed to be different, isn't. you've proved to me that men, no matter how old they are, are still typical. the one thing i hate more than anything... the one thing i can't stand.. TYPICAL guys.. the cheating, the oggling, the asshole behavior, the bullshit. and you're it. you're TYPICAL. and it's such a fucking waste. you disgust me. you disappoint me. you're supposed to be better than that!! you're supposed to be SMARTER than that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you're supposed to be DIFFERENT!!!!!!!!!!!!! but you're fucking not! you suck- just like most men do. and i hate you for it. i hate you for being like everyone else. i hate you for not being able to keep your fucking dick in your pants. i hate you for turning your back on the ENTIRE fucking family and walking away. and i hate you for however this is going to fuck me up because you couldn't stay faithful. i hate how i see you now. how i think of you with nothing but disgust and horrible thoughts. talk about being disappointed. being let down constantly by the men in my life. how wonderful that the main character now equals you.

lighting bugs? fireflies? fairies?!?!

in california, we don't have fireflies. we don't have lightning bugs. we don't have anything fun that lights up when it flies on a regular basis... except for airplanes. i've always heard about lightning bugs in country songs, and i'd seen them in movies before, but i'd never seen one in real life.

so picture this.. i'm in new jersey at my girlfriend tray's friends house (sister's cousin's dog's aunt's uncle's brother- just kidding). we've been bbq'ing and drinking all afternoon. it's starting to get dark and a group of us are outside sitting around, chatting, bullshitting, whatever. all of a sudden out of the corner of my eye, i see this little light. i turn my head to look and it goes out! so i'm staring at the air.. i just KNOW i saw something. then there it is again! A LIGHT! and then it goes out! by this time i'm looking around at all of tray's friends and no one is even paying attention. no one notices, no one cares. so this is the time my brain goes into dork jenn mode and starts thinking that only I can see the light. i'm so fucking special that this little light can only be seen by me!! and i think this because absolutely no one else is even noticing or moving or doing anything that even remotely shows they can see the light too. and so i am freaking.out. and then i think- omg, what if it's a fairy?!?! what if it's a little fairy flying around and only i can see it?!?! seriously, what is wrong with my brain?! so i'm sitting in this lawn chair, staring at my new found fairy best friend and my insides are all giddy and i'm laughing and i am thinking it's so fucking cool and i want to show someone, but everytime i go to point it out to someone, or say something out loud, the light would go away!!! and that would make me laugh harder. and i was seriously freaking out! and so finally, i grabbed someone and made them stare at the air while i muttered something to the effect of, "something keeps lighting up and then the light goes away.. and then it comes back.. and goes away and i swear i'm not crazy! i'm not seeing things, it's real!!" and the guy looks at me like i am seriously the dumbest california blonde he has ever encountered in his life and says something like, "yeah, it's a lightning bug." and i was like.. SHUTUP? REALLY?!? OMG, HOW COOL! i'm sure he thought i was some sort of mental. but i was just excited!

i'm pretty sure i spent the rest of the night staring the at trees just waiting and wanting those damn bugs to light up. they seriously were the coolest things ever and i've never seen one since!

HELP ME! The flying fairies are back!

They are fireflies DUR!

Oh.

*funniness, courtesy of russ- who reminded me about this story in the first place*

overheard conversations

while lounging at the pool today, i couldn't help but hear this loudmouthed lady talking to her so called friends about what latest diet trends they were doing...

"the cabbage diet? i did NOT tell you to do that and i never said i would do that! like, the cabbage diet is something those people in like third world countries eat because they don't have anything else to eat!! why would i do that?"


then while in the hot tub, this older woman starts talking about goddess knows what, and al gore's latest movie, and how a whopping 18 scientists say his movie is pure genuis (18? at least say 18 thousand or something).. and then she says this gem:

"well she donated for that anti- abortion group and then she donated to a women's rights group."

um, is it just me- or is that completely counter productive?!?!?!

i've been bad

i haven't mentioned my new renter even ONE time since they started renting from me. spank me someone. and then after you beat me, go visit them. i chose someone completely different this time. they aren't a mom blog! *gasp* they are an ebay site, and i thought it was pretty cool and well, there was something really cute on the blog page when i first visited, so that was it! cute ebay shit! go visit! and thank you!

i also haven't mentioned the new ad that is floating around on my site for "wedding" jewelry. but in all honesty, i think it's kind of everyday, handmade, super cute jewelry. so check them out too- because you might find something you totally like! :)

i'm in the midst of surfing a ridiculous amount of wedding websites. this alone gives me a headache the size of mt. rushmore. trying to find a hair person. a makeup person. who the hell is going to do the small amount of flowers i'm going to get.. and the cake.. and and and.. all of this is seriously ridiculous. how did ANY of you plan a freaking wedding?! i swear, it's no wonder we women go completely insane and then get a bad rap. do you realize the amount of shit we do and plan and put together on a daily basis?!?!?!! good god, we should get medals for breathing! please don't get me started on the crazy ass wedding dreams i've been having lately. let's just say it's obvious my greatest wedding fear is that the wedding will be no.fun.at.all. as in, people actually leave in the middle of it because it sucks so badly. good god, could you imagine? this had better not happen because we plan on partying it up all night- even after the reception is over.. hanging with our friends till the break of dawn baby! oh yeah!

speaking of partying until the break of dawn, i'd like to let all my fellow blog her attendee's know that i just called the hyatt and will be arriving on friday night now instead of saturday. who's ready for some jennster?! y'all better wait for my ass to arrive before you do anything crazy! WOO HOO! can't wait!