Monday, April 03, 2006

bachelor parties

oh yes, i'm going here. and i'm going here now because tray has me and becky all riled up from her post on the message board. i try to put boyfriend's pending bachelor party out of my head (pending = it's happening at some point before we get hitched). i hate talking about it. i hate thinking about it. i hate the whole stupid concept of it. can someone please tell me why all bachelor parties have to include strippers? i mean, seriously? aren't we old enough that we don't need to do this? why can't guys just do something normal, like hang out? go fishing. go offroading. go camping and drink beer all weekend. why do they have to do stripper things? you know why? because the OTHER guys want to do the stripper things. all the single & unhappy guys think the fucking bachelor party is for them. it's a time where they can do rank things to a girl they don't know and never have to see again.. and it's all "okay." but who do they take down that rank ass road with them? the groom to be. and they all think it's funny.

well i don't. it makes me sick to my stomach. boyfriend's brother wants to have a whole fucking bachelor party weekend. where, you ask? in vegas of course. how lovely. how respectful towards me. how kind. and what will i be doing all weekend while he's pissing me off? feeling nauseous i'm sure.

i just don't get it. i mean, most girls i know (especially at this age. yeah, i'm old) have no desire to do that kind of crap. hell, i feel like my whole life until i met boyfriend has been a bachelorette party. i wouldn't feel like i missed out if i didn't have one. but if i do, i know it would be something that didn't include male strippers. it would be more girly. i might be tipping someone, but it would be because they painted my toes pretty, not because they shoved their tits in my face.

i just don't understand why bachelor parties seem to give guys a reason to do things they would never, ever do on any other normal day. why does the fact that it's a bachelor party, all of sudden make things that aren't normally okay, okay?

how do you feel about bachelor parties? did your husband have one? is your fiance going to have one? should i just tie boyfriend up in the basement and lock him there until our wedding day?


Becky at lifeoutoffocus said...

my thoughts and more about this are in the forum and in my blog.

but for the sake of this comment, i will say that its NOT ok...whether guys think it is or not. and now i proceed with my puking that i've been doing for months now thinking about the party that might/might not happen for matts friend.

j.sterling said...

that's the thing. why is it okay? why is a bach party a free pass (that no one gave you)?!?! i just don't get the mentality and maybe that is it exactly. UGH.

Anonymous said...

I would just give him the most mind blowing sex EVER before he leaves...that way...he won't be able to even focus on what's going on around him. :)
My hubby had a bachelor party..they went to a strip joint and got drunk..the whole stupid bachelor party thing.
But ya know...strippers don't put any fear in's the regular gal at the store who does!
I mean...not to sound like a cynic...but marriage is no guarantee of ANYTHING on either side. And bachelor parties...or bachelorette parties (which trust me...I have been to a few where the men would have walked out in shame) are just...well...silly.
I don't know...I am rambling. I just want you to not worry and to breathe and not be sick to your stomach over it.
BUT...if it is bothering you that much...I would talk to him and really let him know how you feel and make him realize it's making you sick...literally. I mean...he can say NO and not go!

Anonymous said...

Yes, tying him up might be the way to go. I too, hate the whole idea of it. Not just the strippers, which I think is gross, but the idea of, this will be your last night of freedom. Can't stand the entire thing. Luckily neither could Hubby, so neither of us had one. Instead we had a big party the night before the party with all our friends.

j.sterling said...

jen- i totally agree.. i don't think marriage is a guarantee of anything. and i think that anything can happen throughout the course of your life. i just don't see the point in putting yourself in that situation. now i trust boyfriend. i truly do. and i know how he feels about strippers and all of it- and it is so not his thing. but then if it's not his thing, but it's HIS bach party, then WHY DO IT??!?! that would be like my girls taking me to do something totally not me at all. why would i enjoy it, or want to do it? wtf?

melissa- last night of freedom is such an immature, fucked up, train of thought. i would hope that bf wouldn't think of it that way. cause he's already on lockdown. lol

Perstephone said...

I mentioned this on Becky's blog, but, yeah, they suck the big one.

Adam and I used to fight about it because all 10 of his friends got married within a year or two and, hey, guess what, that was 10 trips to the freaking strip clubs- with OUR money. Adam even thought it was ridiculous, but what could he do? Well, he started sitting outside, that's what. EVEN AT HIS OWN BACHELOR PARTY. How f-ing lame are his friends that HE SAT OUTSIDE AT HIS OWN BACH. PARTY and they all still had to go in and look at the boobies.

Personally, if you are in a room with another naked person of the opposite sex who is not related to you- uh, it is cheating. When was the last time I was in the room with another naked man? Before we were together.

One final thing- I'm even more freaked about it all now because I really know what happens there. A couple of years ago a girlfriend of mine talked me into going w/ our men to a strip club. I HAD NO IDEA WHAT REALLY GOES ON THERE. The saddest part for me is that a woman is getting only $1 to have her parts touched and rubbed in men's faces. There's actually touching. I seriously thought that it was all visual. Oh, no. Sorry, I have more self-esteem than that. A dollar?!?!?!

Perstephone said...

Oh, and about the last night of freedom line. Well, he should have had the "last night" the night before he proposed. Once there's a ring and a promise I cannot buy into the whole freedom crap.

Can you tell I have major issues about this one?

j.sterling said...

steph- i would at least charge 20 bucks. sheesh. the thing is, how pathetic are these males, that they willingly give up their money for random tits and ass? PATHETIC. boyfriend isn't the typical male. he's really not and that is part of the reason why i love him so very much. but i hate this shit. and the fact that they want to make a whole WEEKEND out of it, makes me ill. like you can't even just give me 1 night to be sick- you need to stretch it out into 3 days?!?!?!??!

i would love it if bf sat outside. lol

Anonymous said...

My humor got in the way to try and add some levity to the's a fault of mine.

I do understand being upset about this. When Ken goes away on his "boys weekends"...I get a bit antsy...but I also have learned I cannot control him and what he does. I just have to that nothing will happen, ya know? I go on "ladies" weekends (and nights) and he has to have the same "faith" as well...ya know?

That said...bachelor parties do suck...and the last night of freedom thing was originally meant for like the 1700's when "men" were like 14 and getting married and died at 30. So there is no rationalization for it at all!

Back to telling him how you genuinely feel about it...I mean...he can tell his friends that it's not something he wants to do and it is his WTF? I think it ends up being more for the single men...then for the bachelor who is in love, ya know?

That said...if he still wants to go...tie him up until the wedding day! ;)

Anonymous said...

Hey Jenn.....tell me how you really feel!

Mom (and Grandpa, too)

Anonymous said...

Tell him you're not okay with the whole idea of a weekend in Vegas, but you MIGHT be able to stomach one night out with the boys. Chris did it and it made me sick and I got all pissed off---you remember the drama. But I trusted him and I know you trust boyfriend, so no worries. It is a lame tradition and you are right---it's for the single pathetic guys who have nothing better to do! An excuse!! Also, send your brother along so he can tattle if anything goes on. :)

j.sterling said...

ali- as if brother would tattle.. HE WOULD ENCOURAGE THE MADNESS! he would encourage bad things!!!!
boys are stupid. not all, but some. lol

j.sterling said...


Anonymous said...

Hello! Thank you for stopping by my site. I appreciated the comment. :o)

I'm not sure how I feel about the whole bachelor party thing since at this point I really don't need to worry about it. That said I love a chance to give my two cents and I am sort of married so...

I suppose it would depend on my relationship with the person I would be marrying. I don't understand the whole custom and I don't like the asumption that it is the end of their freedom. That is rediculous. If someone thinks of marriage as some sort of jail sentance in my opinion they are not ready for marriage. I hope things go well with this.

I think the bottom line would be to talk openly with him. Tell him how you feel and ask him how he would feel if you were doing something similar. You should be able to come to some sort of agreement. If his friends want to go out to strip clubs then fine, but perhaps they can leave him out of the focus. :)

Lisa said...

I so agree with you. My hubby married at 32 so he'd had more than enough time to sow his wild oats. And his boss of all people apparently was the reason they all went to a stripclub.

I told him if he went the wedding was off. He got so drunk, he threw up on his shoes by 9p.m. that night. He doesn't remember going. But he lied to me about going, I found out later. THen months after the wedding someone said something strange that tipped me off. And I asked and he finally confessed. I was PISSED.

But I think if the bride doesn't care, that's one thing. But I do think it is disrespectful for the guys planning the party of go if they know the bride is against it.

j.sterling said...

lisa- that is very true. why does it suddenly not matter what and how the bride feels? it matters in every other aspect of their lives TOGETHER- why not this?

Anonymous said...

Bach parties are no big deal to me. Jason's was at a strip club and it didn't bother me at all. Apparently I am in the minority, though...

Anonymous said...

hmmmmmmmmmm Chris going to a Bach party has honeslty never come up for us. I wonder how I'd react. He didnt have one and neither did I. He also isn't the stripper type though. I tell him ALL the time if he wants to go to one in Reno, shit I'd go with him, but he never has interest. So who knows. I do think some get out of hand though and I am not all for that shit. A friend of mine called and wanted me to go to a strip club in reno (with male strippers) and Chris told me to go, but I'm just not into that shit.

Anonymous said...

The idea of the typical bachelor party grosses me out as well. Fortunately for me my husband felt the same way, as did his friends. They planned a weekend trip to Mexico where I know they did LOTS of drinking, but had no shoving of tits in face. (Of course, my husband may read this and go, "Ha! She fell for it!!")

penguininthesun said...

Guys are just dogs... they're all the same... ok, maybe not ALL...but you knoww...

*sigh* :/

Anonymous said...

My boy? Not having a bachelor party. He says he doesn't even want one, that he partied enough in high school and college and that he doesn't feel like there's anything he needs to get out of his system, nevermind the fact that he's just not really into barbaric traditions.

His cousin's fiance? Just had a bachelor weekend. They spent the whole time hunting, fishing and one night in a bar. No strippers.

If I were a guy? That's what I'd want. A time of super guy things - not a time of strippers.

Anonymous said...

I've never been married, but I don't think my current man would even have a bachelor party.

i'd have to agree with what "jen" (halfpint.typepad) said.... it's the regular girl at the store that I fear, not the strippers.

Jenn said...

Spidey, I'm kinda on your side fact, I prolly shouldn't even comment on this cause My husband went out to a Yankee game and then out to dinner for his bach party, and I had a stripper at my moms house with all the girls. *cringe*

*shrug* BUT having a male stripper with all the girls is NOT the same thing as the guys doing it. Cause it's all fun when the girls do it, and when the guys get one that come to the house, it can get a little nasty!

I kept saying to my husband, so your NOT going to the strip club?? Are you sure?? Why not?!?!

It all depends of the guy and the guys friends I think. I trusted him completely, AND I know that he's not into that stuff, and neither are his friends really.

HOWEVER I was engaged before, and I would have been PETRIFIED for him to have a batch party, cause his friends would have gotten him laid by a nasty stripper whore, no doubt in my mind.....but yea.....that's why I didn't marry him!

Mike said...

I've been to some NASTY bachelor parties and others that were very tame. I feel like strippers are a waste of money. All you do is get all worked up and get nothing in return. I'd rather just go hang with my friends at a bar, or go camping and build a big bonfire and just get all drunk and rowdy!

Anonymous said...

My husband had a party, but they went white water rafting and camped all weekend. He isn't really the Stripper type (oh, how many women before me have uttered those ill fated words)--no, really, he isn't! I swear! And as one attendee said, "It really made little sense to yell, 'Show us your t*ts!' to a bunch of Girl Scouts." They had a great time but it was the kind of thing my husband likes to do. There was lots of drinking and throwing up and good fun of that sort but few ladies around. At least that is what they told me...

ginger said...

The husband had a rather sedate bachelor party. He invited a few friends (half of whom were married or in relationships), and they drank and played poker. He had so little interest in going to a strip club because he thinks they're seedy. (At least, that's what he told me, and I'm totally fine with believing it, thank you.)

He's going to be the best man at his friend's wedding later this year, and they're already planning what to do, most likely a Vegas trip. Why? Because the Groom loves Vegas. When he talks about it, the husband has so little interest it's funny. Besides, we all know the Bride will kill them all.

Piece of Work said...

My husband went away for the weekend with a bunch of guys (houseboating, on Lake Shasta) They had an awesome time, and no strippers.
Personally I think strippers and strip clubs are really disgusting, but fortunately so does my husband. He does get invited to other parties in Vegas that he usually tries to get out of.

Virginia Belle said...

1. you need to tell him this idea is making you unhappy. if he doesn't care about your happiness, that is not good. (pessimistic view)

2. like they said, worry about other girls. strippers are fantasies, not potential replacements. (optimistic view)--It's like this: Honey, if you can take my man, you can have him!

3. i agree w/what Mike said. makes sense to me.

4. Repo likes looking at naked ladies. although he knows i don't like it, i don't discourage him from going to see strippers or watching porn. once you tell a man you don't want him doing something, you are only encouraging him to lie to you. that makes it worse. if it's really a big deal, i say, don't date men who are into something that bothers you so much.

5. Jenn, you know he loves you. it will all be ok. i do think it sux that your ideas and his ideas seem to be taking a backseat to the groomsmens ideas. it's his party. if he wants to do something tame, he should be allowed!

6. this is a respect issue, for sure. you might be right in standing up for yourself on this.

i know i have mixed feelings about this. i haven't put a lot of thought into bachelor parties since i'm about 2.3 million years away from ever getting a man to propose to me! but good luck. i hope you come to an agreement that you can live with. and i think you will because you said he is awesome. and i know you are awesome, so it will be all good. :)

j.sterling said...

virgina belle- you crack me up. he's not the strip bar, random titty type of guy. at all. which is why i don't see the need for his bro to push the strip bar, random tits thing. you know? i've decided to stress about this when it's closer and i can really be pissed off about it. until then, i'll be pissed off about other things. LOL

kittenpie said...

really, I think this stresses most women, and I think also in most cases it's not as bad as we imagine, especially if our guys are a little older and are ready to be settled down. My husband had a few work buddies take him out for a couple of drinks, but it was all quite half-hearted. My friend's husband went out to a pool hall with some guys to hang out. Another friend did a day of golf and did go to a strip club in the evening, but it was allpretty mild and half-hearted too. So really, whic I totally understadn you being uncomfy, I would also say that if you know him as someone who's not really into this stuff and is worthy of your trust, then you don't really have to worry that he'll go too far.

kittenpie said...

OMG, could I have had more typos? Cold medication's going to my head... Sorry, ladies.

Random Musings said...

Hey thanks for stopping by.
I have finally had time to catch up and check out your blog.
This one warrents a comment.

UM well maybe I am a freak. No actually I know I am but as women we tend to get so worked up about nothing really.
Have you ever been to a strip club? And I am not asking that to be a smart ass but if you really feel that sick about it take a girl friend and go (one with naked women not men). You will be surprised!!
I think the sickness comes from the not knowing, myself I could care less either way if he went to a strip club or not. (he did with my brothers and MY DAD of all people before we got married) but because I have been to one (actually a few) there is really nothing to be worried about.
We all have insecurities about "OUR men seeing other women naked and rubbing there tits in thier faces but really if you have ever seen it, it would make you think a lot different. It would actually make you pity the girls that work there. And don't get me wrong they certainly chose to be there but the way I look at it is, Whatever floats your boat.
I have actually been out with the husband and his friends one night (6 of them and only one other girl) we all ended up in a strip club together, theres so much talk about "What really goes on" but serious
NOTHING GOES ON, and ask any guy and he will say "You've seen one girl naked you've seen them all" and most of them find these women so DIRTY anyways.
I just look at it is he comes home to me.
But I agree if it bugs you talk to him. But don't read into it too much boys will be boys, no matter how disgusting they are!
Sorry about the rant

simzgirl said...

My husband DIDN'T want a bachelor party. They went golfing, or go-cart racing or some other manly thing. But us girls went out. Hell yeah. We watched drag queens sing and dance. Oh and there were some male strippers at the end. Who knew? ;)

Anonymous said...

My husband went to one of his friends bachelor parties and went to a stripclub and lied to me that he ever went! i am still furious. The thing that really bothers me is that he knew and we both agreed how we felt about it and he went anyway and then LIED about it. Also, I really dont know what really went on in there you know? that scares me too. I dont know if they touched or got lap dances and how intense it got etc.. it sickens me really. :( I've lost trust in him and this wasnt the first time hes done it so i duno..