Tuesday, March 21, 2006

boys are like dogs. really.messy.dogs.

really.bad.dogs. dogs who should be beaten and starved. (aww, poor doggies)
what is it with guys and their inability to clean up after themselves?! i don't think i'll ever understand what is so fucking difficult about this concept. someone tell me please. i'm convinced boyfriend is slowly trying to drive me to the break of insanity because he wants my son (who is far cleaner than he is) all to himself! it's all part of an evil plan. an evil, i will break her spirit by leaving bread crumbs on the counter each morning and still not cleaning them up by the time she gets home at night, plan! *insert evil laugh here*

i realize i'm not the first to bitch about this, and most definitely won't be the last. you cook dinner and splatter hot sauce all over the stovetop; wipe it off. don't leave it until it's so fucking caked and hardened on the top of the stove that it is now a completely different color then it ever was and will take a freaking crowbar to remove. can't you just picture me in the kitchen with a crowbar, chipping away at the hot sauce? good lord.

part of the problem, however, is that i'm completely pyschotic. mess and clutter doesn't bother boyfriend- so he doesn't even notice things like that. he mopped the floor the other day (and the mop and glo is still sitting on the counter top to prove it) and it's already filthy. but it doesn't bother him. at all. he could care less. why doesn't he care?! WHYYYYY? i mean, i care and i didn't even mop the fucking thing!! i get the concept that if something doesn't bother you, then it doesn't draw your attention and it's a lot easier to ignore. but when something does bother you- you notice every freaking minute detail about it. see, i am crazy. i walk in the door at night and my eyes dart around and find all the crap that is "wrong" in the house. sweatshirts on the living room floor that have been there for 3 days. empty beer bottles strategically placed throughout the living room. food wrappers crumpled on the table, the desk, the bar (anywhere but the trashcan). crumbs on the counter that have been there since the morning, only because i refused to clean them up. i think it's because i walk in the house and see these things, and immediately assume that i'm supposed to "fix" them. or immediately jump to the conclusion that i'm "expected" to fix them. and all of a sudden i feel overwhelmed after working all day, that now i have more work to do at home. i just want to relax, but i can't because oh.my.god. there is a crumb on the counter. and seriously, i will notice 1 crumb. i'm starting to think i'm difficult to live with.

funny thing is- i don't mind the crap he leaves on his side of the bedroom. i really don't. probably because i just avoid his side of the bedroom. i don't even look over there anymore. i just walk over to my perfectly organized, pretty side. and his evil, cluttered, messy, dark side of the room doesn't exist to me. the bathroom is a whole other story, but let's not even go there. at least not today.

bottom line is- if you make a fucking mess, clean it up. i mean, that's what i do. i realize this is a novel concept and i should be rewarded (again) for being so brilliant. maybe if we treated guys like dogs, they'd do things better? you know, gave them a scooby snack after every good deed. oooh, you picked up your stinky socks off the floor? good boy! here's a treat! *pats head*


Undercover Angel said...

Oh, I know exactly what you mean. My spouse leaves messes everywhere he goes. It's like a perfect trail. One day I asked him to put the seat down when he was done in the bathroom, and he replied that I should be leaving the seat up for him.

I was sick on the weekend with the stomach flu. When I felt better I had a disastrous living room, disgusting bathroom, a sink and counter fully of dirty dishes, and sticky floors to deal with. Would it have killed him to have done something while I was ill????

Beth said...

Well said! I am a total neat freak, so I can't even let it go. I wish I could. In fact, before Dh and I moved in together, he was clean. Then i started to do it all. And now he wont clean. Vicious cycle I guess...

j.sterling said...

ladies- i just don't want to feel like a maid. i don't make anyone feel like a maid for me, so i don't want it in return. i wish i could not be irritated by it, but it's fucking irritating. and i don't know WHY crumbs on the kitchen counter annoy me so fucking much, but they do. so how hard is that to keep in mind and just wipe the damn thing down when you're done? or at least before i get home from work?

Becky at lifeoutoffocus said...

well i have to say that since i got on matt about the living room thats totally spotless when i get home. HOWEVER i can always tell when he makes toast cuz there's ALWAYS crumbs on the counter and he never cleans that up. never picks up his socks, never cleans the lint of the dryer, never cleans his crusted hair gel off the sink. but i do this all for him cuz i'm a freak about it all too! so he of course doesn't notice it since i do it for him. vicious cycle as beth said.

Anonymous said...

This is greenamp...

The thing with guys is that we can typically only focus on one thing at a time, whereas women can easily multitask their focus on several things at once.
It's not that we expect you to clean up the crumbs after we make toast, it's that we typically have a harder time worrying about anything but the end-means, so bread crumbs to us is no big deal.

The thing to do is just tell him that it bothers you without coming off as blaming him, insulting him, or insinuating things.

See, he would leave the bread crumbs even if he were living by himself. Of course that's a good thing, but the thing is that he doesn't do it because he expects you to clean it.

Another good trick is to treat guys like you would a dog. Every little thing they do around the house make a big deal out of it. Guys love it when their girls make a fuss over them, so if you kiss him and say "thanks for taking out the garbage!," he'll do it every time. LOL
Of course we don;t deserve to be made a fuss over about the things we should do anyway, it's just a little trick to get us to do what you want us to ;)

Anonymous said...

Good Lord..sounds just like Tim and me!! Clutter makes me feel like I'm gonna lose it...and he won't even notice it!! I'll say the house is a mess..and he'll look at me like I'm on crack..well, I am..but anyway..He's gotten a lot better over the years..but he needs to be reminded..so it's not *horrible*
ps..I LOVE that you used that quote!! (safe place in an unsafe world) LOL!!

point45 said...

does scooby snack mean a bj?

point45 said...

richard just pointed out that in the time it took to write that diatribe, the house could have been cleaned.

Lisa said...

Wow. You would so kill my husband! He's a total pig. In fact in almost 10 years of togetherness, he has only cleaned the toilet once. I took pictures because at this point, we'd been married awhile and I knew it was a big deal. (And yes, his house before I lived with him was a pit!)

yorksdevil said...

Yet more proof if it were needed that men's and women's brains are just wired differently. In our house we've had a hammer under the edge of the sofa for 2 weeks because no-one can be bothered to put it back under the kitchen sink.

Virginia Belle said...

oh, join the club, jennster! i told you i won't even go to Repo's house because it is so disgusting. he and his roommates will tell me that they cleaned, and you can't even tell the difference. it's revoltingly messy and dirty. that is what makes it smell like a dumpster to boot.

now, i am not naturally the cleanest person ever. i have messy tendencies. but there is something about dirty kitchens and bathrooms that really really bother me, so i always keep those super clean. and i have my breaking point when it comes to tidying up, dusting and vacuuming. but after dating Repo and seeing his house, i am now super mega clean at my house. it's my way of balancing out his house. like i'm the clean ying to his messy yang. it makes no sense, really. all i know is, when i come home after being over there, i just want to clean everything!

i agree--men's brains are wired differently. when they make toast, they are thinking "mmmm! time to eat toast!" not "oops, i made a mess. i should clean it up." men are too self-centered for cleaning to even cross their minds. that's why the praising works--it is all about them. and i wish i could find it now, but i SWEAR i read somewhere that men's eyeballs literally do not see details (ie, crumbs and dirt) as well as women's eyeballs do. like it's a physical difference between the genders. how friggin convenient.

my mom always says that women were put on Earth to make sure men don't live like animals, and the older i get the more i believe it. we are the ones who clean, organize and follow etiquette. men would still be living in caves if it weren't for us. (well, caves with big screen TVs.)

ShellyS said...


After 20 years of marriage and in knowing the hubbies of my friends, I've come to the conclusion that the average human male (and there are plenty of exceptions of course) is physically incapable of seeing dirt or messes. It might be genetic. ;)

Thanks for visiting Cyber Chocolate. I love your template.

j.sterling said...

shelly. boys suck.
the end.

Anonymous said...

Hey, thanks for the info.

I'm ready to get my house in order and found a good start here.

great dog food recipes