999!

i have 999 views on my blogger profile! let's kick that baby up a notch. just waiting for it to go to 1000 is killing me. good thing i wasn't holding my breath! yeah, i'd be dead now. it's been at 999 since yesterday. it's fine that i'm not good enough to reach a thousand. yeah, totally fine.

tonight my work is screening ice age 2.. aka, ice world if you're jimmy. and i feel like i'm getting sick. i don't want to get sick. everyone in this freaking office has been hacking up lungs for months now and i've been hack free. but i feel it coming on. and i will fight it. *puts on boxing gloves*

last night boyfriend and i were in the bathroom and he was going to brush his teeth when i hear, "ah baby! COME ON!!" and i'm like, great, what did i do?? so i turn to check what his problem is and i see him pulling out a super long blonde hair (that would be mine) from out of his toothbrush. he then questions how the hell i could do that, or how it got there, or why in the world it has to be there of all places. and dammit, i don't know! i shed like a golden retriever and i don't really control where they land. it's not like i would ever intentionally wrap a hair around his toothbrush! so gross! apparently he finds strands of my hair everywhere... in his pants pocket.. in his truck.. on his hat, etc. the only solution is to shave my head bald and boyfriend would cry like a baby if i did that. plus, this pumpkin head is not meant to be hair free!

it's still raining

and yet another one of blake's baseball games has been cancelled. *sighs* this poor kid. he doesn't even realize that he's so excited about a league that just plain sucks. no, i'm not over the whole little league thing yet, at all. i got the pony baseball information kit in the mail. first thing it says on there- "we play competitive baseball." as opposed to little leagues "we are not a competitive league." okay really, i cannot even think about this topic without getting completely upset. i used to make fun of my sister for the decisions she would make in her life and how they revolved around achoo's baseball. now i am her. i have become my baseball pyscho sister. and i say that proudly. there has to be something i can do. cause the thought of blake playing this kind of "baseball" until he's 13 makes me want to throw up. and i totally hate puking! ew, gross!

i truly do adore the rain, but i miss the sun. i miss being warm. and tan. i think everyone looks better with some color. forget the pastly white crap, give me some brown- even if it's spray on. i totally want to mystic tan, but i don't want to do it on my face. is this possible? can i like run and duck when it's coming towards my head? does anyone here mystic tan, or spray tan, or color themselves with brown crayon?

what else? i don't think i've tortured boyfriend lately, so i'm sure i'm disappointing virgina belle. we are having dinner at jimmy's tonight and i'm sure i'll do something awful then! the best part is, i don't plan any of this.. it just comes naturally!

inner rebel & a husband on strike

i think i'm the only person in the world who isn't watching american idol. and i feel all fucking rebelious about it too. like, ooooh- i don't watch it.... fear me and my inner rebel.

speaking of inner rebel, has anyone else noticed that they get more rebelious the older they get? cause i sure do. all of a sudden it's like, "don't you even THINK about thinking about thinking about telling me what to do. you hear me?" seriously. and i don't like being expected to do things- so the moment someone expects (like assumes.. doesn't give me an option..puts requirements on me without asking) something of me, that's it. watch out. inner 30 something year old rebelious bitch is coming out to play! and let me tell you, she isn't pretty. well okay, she's kinda cute- but man is she fiesty! i don't think i ever liked being told what to do- but i think now i dispise it even more. what is it with getting older? you get more bad ass? eh, bad ass, pain in the ass- same difference. maybe it's just me. unless it's you too, and then i'll feel normal again. :)

speaking of rebelling, this husband is on strike because his wife lets the kids sleep in their bed at night. and he just wants some lovemaking time with her and she's not having it. how long did you let your kids sleep in bed with you?

she obviously hates me

or she wouldn't have tagged me. curse you martini mama! lol

Accent: is this a question? like do i for sure, like, totally, have one, or what?
Booze of Choice: HAHA! don't we know this by now. apparently any booze is too much booze for me. no booze of choice or else i end up saying things like "holla" and sitting on jimmy's lap!
Chores I Hate: i just hate doing anything so often that i feel like i'm the only person in the house who does them. because i hate feeling like the fucking maid.
Dog or Cat: cats suck. i want a puppy sooooo bad!
Essential Electronics: cell phone and a computer
Favorite Perfume: i'm one of those weird girls who thinks perfume stinks. and not in the good way.
Gold or Silver: silver. gold is dead to me.
Hometown: somewhere in southern cali. one of the safest cities in the nation and where they play real baseball (NOT little league).
Insomnia: no-mnia. i would die.
Job Title(s): executive assistant- mom- jennster- future wife- kick ass chick ruling the world
Kids: my son and the man i'm fixin' to marry
Living Arrangements: living in sin with boyfriend and living not in sin with blakey face
Most Admired Trait: you tell me?
Overnight Hospital Stays: 1
Phobia(s): being hacked into pieces by random strangers. being shot at while driving on the freeway
Quote: no. i love being rebelious
Religion: not religious. spiritual in ways that make sense and strike a chord with me. past lives, soulmates, reincarnation, etc.
Siblings: 2 older brothers and 1 older sister
Time(s) I Wake Up: 7:30 during the week
Unusual Talent/Skill: um, i can eat a ton of junk food and watch my ass get bigger?
Veggies I Refuse to Eat: hahaha. try all of them.
Worst Habit: um. like there is anything terrible about me.
Yummiest Food I Make: i realy do make some yummy stuffed shells.. when i make them.
Zodiac Sign: virgo- land of the pyschoticly organized
Now who to tag back? PICKLE! BECKY! RUSS!, EMILY! JENN!

where to start

holla? holla? did i really write holla in the post below? i don't think i've ever even said that word in real life.. i can't believe i wrote it! what a freaking dork! seriously. i so rarely type things in ways i don't speak them, so i must have been out of my freaking gord. no more wine for ster.

boyfriend claimed he wanted to go to the mall with me yesterday so we could spend time together. what he didn't tell me was that he'd rush me while i'm in the gap (the only store i went too by the way) looking at long & lean jeans and tell me to hurry up. note to boyfriend- this is why you are not allowed to come shopping with me ever again. how dare you rush a girl in her perusal for jeans that not only fit her ass, but flatter it as well. the gap gods are not smiling down upon you today buddy.

i keep dreaming about being pregnant and then stressing that i'll have enough time after birthing to fit into my wedding dress. i never really thought that i had one of those stupid clocks women bitch about ticking- but i'm starting to think i do. i mean, i did chase boyfriend around target yesterday with the cutest baby girl dress yelling "daddy yook at me!!! don't i yook pitty?" he didn't find that too amusing- which made me find it SUPER amusing. at least i wasn't chasing him around the store with tampons. lord knows what that would have done to him.

holla!

dinner & wine

jimmy just informed me why every piece of a leatherman thingy mabob can be equated to fishing.
*note- apparently, the screwdriver parts are used for screwing fish. who knew?*

jimmy keeps talking about the movie ice world and how badly he wants to see it. i keep begging for him to tell me what the hell ice world is and all he can do is say, "you don't know what ice world is??!???! COME ON!!!"
yeah, he was talking about ice AGE thank you very much.

we watched WAITING and it was so funny.. um, jimmy and boyfriend are ready to do the guy trick thing on camping trips (they are SO brokeback mountain waiting to happen).

this is the conversation that followed when we tried to drink bad wine.
me: why do we have wine that sucks?
boyfriend: because it was a gift from someone.
me: well who gave it to us- cause we hate them now.
boyfriend: some jerk, obviously.

nothing but informative love in this house.

um, i had like 3 glasses of wine and that's about 2.75 glasses more than it takes to make me completely hammered. there is some blog law about this i just know it. just look at how bad i've been. here is me on jimmys lap. oh yeah, good times on a friday night. holla!

so what if it's friday?

Thirteen Things about whatever 1. the weight debate is not fun, nor is it funny- so i'm done talking about it. as of now. 2. i look super hot today! know how i know? lala (yes that is her real name) told me! 3. my eyes are all puffy from crying last night (johnny & katie are moving tomorrow). 4. i still look super hot- puffy eyes and all! rahr! 5. i get to meet danno from my message board tomorrow night! SO FUN and i am SO fucking excited! (please pray he doesn't chop me up into a million little pieces and toss me into the sf bay, thanks!) 6. i think i'm on crack, because i've requested information about how to start a pony baseball league where we live. 7. i forget what the sun feels like, and what the moon looks like. and what it's like when the sun actually emits warmth onto earth. (onto earth? on earth? onto THE earth? whatever, you get the point). ooh, and what my feet feel like in sandals. and what it's like to wear a tank top and not be cold- at all- like even in the slightest. and driving with the top down! you know, if i had a car that did that. 8. i really miss the beach. 9. i am so fucking happy it's friday i could just spit something pretty! can you spit something pretty? i mean, really. is this possible? 10. i sit on a really big green ball at work. HA! i said ball. 11. my personal website just got a whole new redesign and i'm so freaking in love with it, i would marry it if i wasn't already engaged! thank you emily for the kick ass design! you SO rock! (she made the banner for this blog too!) 12. the orange i ate this morning splattered all over my pants. i'm having issues with drippage/spillage this week (see this post). 13. i think there's a new breed of bloggers- and i'm fixin to start the revolution! stay tuned! (i have no clue what that means, but it sounds really bad ass)

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spiling over into message board land

i posted this weight debate question on my message board- so click here to read the responses.. it's interesting. for the time being, i opened my message board up to GUESTS, so you don't have to create a log in to read- just click guest.
http://forums.delphiforums.com/Jennnnnnb/messages?msg=35260.1

the weight debate

some of you might not know that there is a huge (harhar) weight debate going on in blogland right now. i read my first post in regards to the whole thing here in which suburban bliss talked about her own struggles with weight and how it's affected her marriage and her mindset, etc. her post stemmed from something she read here where mim was basically talking about how if a man marries his wife when she weighs 120 pounds, he has a right to be naturally upset if she weighs 160 pounds over time. apparently, all of this has gotten out of hand and blogland is in an uproar! okay not really, but making it sound uber dramatic gives it an edge, eh? i'm following suburban bliss' lead and linking to a blogger who has a nice and pretty organized list of people discussing the topic. so while we're on this topic, because who doesn't this hit home with.. let's discuss, shall we?

i've never been overweight. wait, scratch that cause that's not entirely true. i've never been extremely overweight.. just like i've never been extremely thin. my body is not built that way, and i don't care. i have no desire to be stick thin or super skinny or any of it. i've always been pretty normal, with an extra dab of thickness in my thighs and ass. sometimes i feel like someone played a cruel joke before i was born and put me together like a bunch of random mr. potato head parts (we'll give her a super thin waist.. a huge ghetto booty, and small boobs- voila!). the real battle with my weight only began once i had blake (ooh, big surprise). i suddenly found myself about 40 pounds heavier than normal and not liking it one bit. over time most of it has gradually come off. and lord knows it wasn't from excercise or breastfeeding (i stopped bf'ing once i went back to work- about 7 weeks after blake was born). currently, i'm not even 10 pounds heavier than normal, but still- those 10 pounds piss me off. i mean, i hate even complaining about 10 pounds when i know so many other people out there have far more to lose, but those 10 pounds make a difference on me, and in me. you might think, oh wow, 10 pounds- big deal. but those are my unwanted 10 pounds. not to mention the fact that they are dispersed in completely different places than they ever were before i had a kid. but those 10 pounds are like this HUGE war of the worlds battle to make go away. i feel like i have to literally starve myself to make a bit of difference. and i don't want to do that. i don't want to live like that. i want to eat the things i want to eat. i want to not workout if i don't want to workout dammit. i just want to live my life not worrying about how many carbs i ate that day, or if i had one to many mini twix's (ooh, mini twix). i realize that i either have to just mentally accept that this is what my body looks like now, or shut the fuck up about it and do something. but sometimes i think i'd just rather complain and still change nothing about how i eat, or what i do. i feel like i'll never accept that for some reason my ass wants to qualify to have its own zip code. but i also don't want to starve myself to make it smaller. i.like.eating. i like eating carbs. i like eating junk food. and that's the way it is. and i guess if that's how i want to live, then this is how i'll look. why can't i just accept that and just like what i see in the mirror and be fine with it??

why is weight such a fucking woman issue? you don't see guys bitching and whining about this stuff.

give blood = no love

after giving blood today, i was told that i can't do any strenuous activity.

me: does this mean i can't do it with boyfriend tonight? sorry honey, they said NO strenuous activity!!

blood snatcher: no, it just means he has to do all the work.

picture this with me, will you

i'm in the kitchen here at work trying to put a new water in the water cooler. you know, the large, heavy ones? normally, i have no problem with this, but today apparently, i can't do anything right (i spilled tea all over my shirt on the drive in. i mean, ALL OVER. *laughs*).
so i picked up the 5000 pound jug of water.. turned it over and it splipped out of my hands! it landed on the trash can (kind of) with a super loud crashing sound and then water came bursting out of the top of it. (think soda can you just shook up and then opened for fun) it sprayed a ton of water all over the windows and the floor. and i can't stop fucking laughing! i'm sitting in there, on the floor, cracking up. what else can you do when that happens but laugh at yourself. i revel in my dorkiness!

boys are like dogs. really.messy.dogs.

really.bad.dogs. dogs who should be beaten and starved. (aww, poor doggies)
what is it with guys and their inability to clean up after themselves?! i don't think i'll ever understand what is so fucking difficult about this concept. someone tell me please. i'm convinced boyfriend is slowly trying to drive me to the break of insanity because he wants my son (who is far cleaner than he is) all to himself! it's all part of an evil plan. an evil, i will break her spirit by leaving bread crumbs on the counter each morning and still not cleaning them up by the time she gets home at night, plan! *insert evil laugh here*

i realize i'm not the first to bitch about this, and most definitely won't be the last. you cook dinner and splatter hot sauce all over the stovetop; wipe it off. don't leave it until it's so fucking caked and hardened on the top of the stove that it is now a completely different color then it ever was and will take a freaking crowbar to remove. can't you just picture me in the kitchen with a crowbar, chipping away at the hot sauce? good lord.

part of the problem, however, is that i'm completely pyschotic. mess and clutter doesn't bother boyfriend- so he doesn't even notice things like that. he mopped the floor the other day (and the mop and glo is still sitting on the counter top to prove it) and it's already filthy. but it doesn't bother him. at all. he could care less. why doesn't he care?! WHYYYYY? i mean, i care and i didn't even mop the fucking thing!! i get the concept that if something doesn't bother you, then it doesn't draw your attention and it's a lot easier to ignore. but when something does bother you- you notice every freaking minute detail about it. see, i am crazy. i walk in the door at night and my eyes dart around and find all the crap that is "wrong" in the house. sweatshirts on the living room floor that have been there for 3 days. empty beer bottles strategically placed throughout the living room. food wrappers crumpled on the table, the desk, the bar (anywhere but the trashcan). crumbs on the counter that have been there since the morning, only because i refused to clean them up. i think it's because i walk in the house and see these things, and immediately assume that i'm supposed to "fix" them. or immediately jump to the conclusion that i'm "expected" to fix them. and all of a sudden i feel overwhelmed after working all day, that now i have more work to do at home. i just want to relax, but i can't because oh.my.god. there is a crumb on the counter. and seriously, i will notice 1 crumb. i'm starting to think i'm difficult to live with.

funny thing is- i don't mind the crap he leaves on his side of the bedroom. i really don't. probably because i just avoid his side of the bedroom. i don't even look over there anymore. i just walk over to my perfectly organized, pretty side. and his evil, cluttered, messy, dark side of the room doesn't exist to me. the bathroom is a whole other story, but let's not even go there. at least not today.

bottom line is- if you make a fucking mess, clean it up. i mean, that's what i do. i realize this is a novel concept and i should be rewarded (again) for being so brilliant. maybe if we treated guys like dogs, they'd do things better? you know, gave them a scooby snack after every good deed. oooh, you picked up your stinky socks off the floor? good boy! here's a treat! *pats head*

opening day

i refuse to be a cliche

grandpa, don't read this post.



if i'm still gonna give him some when i have a painful, pounding headache- the least he can do is pound it out of me, no? where's the give and take here people?!


grandpa, if you read this... don't say i didn't warn you.

i need a time out!

for the first time ever in his whole existance (all 7 years)- i actually get to drive blake to school each morning! apparently i'm not so good at this part. he got his report card today.... someone has 11 tardies in one semester! i swear it's not my fault. at least not entirely.

there really are reasons for this - and no, they don't consist of me not being able to get my kid to school on time. but the reasons aren't funny, and this post would have a lot of bitching in it and i feel like i've done that enough lately (think, little league). so yeah, i'm not posting the reasons. you can just think i suck at driving or telling time, or something- cause honestly, that would be more fun anyways!

kids are rotten.. and i was too

for those of you who don't know- the road to/from my work is a 2 lane, windy, mountain like road. there aren't places to pull over, unless you'd like to plummet down the mountainside. so i was driving home last night and these 2 guys start flagging me down. they're just standing on the road, with no car around and i'm wondering where the fuck they came from? so i stopped and asked them what was up. they said that a car went over the side of the road- but i couldn't see anything. (of course, i'm thinking this is all a lie and as soon as i step out of my jeep they're going to club me over the head with a bat- kill me and steal my car.) so i drive further towards the edge of the road and there it is- a car down the side, crashed into a tree and completely flipped upside down, tire still spinning, car still smoking. then i notice that one kid was bleeding from the leg and the other was bleeding from his arm and hand. i accept the fact that they aren't going to hack me into little pieces when one of them asks if i can give him a ride to his house at the bottom of the hill. it then enters my mind that maybe he is going to hack me into pieces when he hops in the back of my car. (i'm easier to attack from behind while i'm driving you know.) i realize that they are both in such complete shock that trying to have a conversation with either one of them is like trying to talk to a newborn about well.. anything.

the kid i'm driving home tells me that he can't tell his mom he was with this other kid. his parents don't like him (hmmm, i wonder why.. he almost killed you) and he'll be in trouble. i'm trying to talk to him, drive, and stare at him in my rear view to make sure he doesn't try to hack me. i know, i know- i'm mental. he's talking about how he can't tell his parents, and how the other kid doesn't want to call his mom and i'm just thinking- kids are such shits.

it amazes me the things we try to keep from our parents. the things we don't want to tell them because they'll be upset, they'll be worried, or mad. i told him that he had to tell his parents about this. especially because he was so shaken up and he couldn't hide that from them. and while they might be mad that he was with the other shithead friend, they'd be happy he wasn't dead. they just want him to be safe.

and then i fast forwarded about 8 years to blake being a teenager and wondered what stupid things he would do and try to keep from me? and dammit, i don't like that one bit! but then i think about all the stupid things i did and didn't tell my parents. i like to think it was for the sake of their sanity. i was just looking out for their mental health. i had their best interests in mind. yeah, that's it.

i'm doing it- and you should too!

i'm applying for that mom blog thing. i don't think in a million years i'll actually get chosen, but i figured what the hell- why not apply?! what do i have to lose, right?

my hope for this is that they don't choose bloggers that already have an audience. bloggers that everyone already knows about. you see, those blogs are already read on a daily basis. those bloggers are already in the blog public eye. in my opinion, that would be fucking retarded to choose one of them. what would be the point? oh, you chose heather from dooce? how original. cause she doesn't have enough of a following? i hope that people who are relatively unknowns are chosen. people who this would be an "opportunity" for, not people who already have opportunity beating down their doors. and i hope the blogs chosen are actually worth reading, cause like i've said before- some of the popular blogs in my opinion are a fucking waste of cyber space. and i'll never understand for the life of me, WHY they even have an audience aside from the fact that maybe dooce mentioned them in a post once or something. i've given them more than one chance too. maybe they had a bad blogging day- an off day- mercury is in retrograde, whatever. but that's not it. unless their bad day has lasted a good 3 months, i'm inclined to say that these particular bloggers just suck. good lord ladies- if you're going to give certain bloggers this much attention, at least make sure their blogs are worth the time to read. cause for me, i want that time back.

i really do wonder how much of this is a fad? and how quickly it will all fade? or will it do the opposite and just continue to grow and get more popular? i guess time will tell!

ps- i will be really disappointed if becky, stephanie, ventura mom, jenn, sam and midwestern mom don't apply.

pss- i'd really love for these people (virigina belle, charming but single, dating hell ) to apply too, but they're not moms. suckers.

other people's kids.. and your own.

oh.my.gosh. this is quite possibly, the funniest freaking post i've read in a long time. (she has since taken down the post i posted about- click here to read why) #1 is hilarious to me (The boy likes to cram 15 Matchbox cars in his underwear. The more the better. Then he walks around for a bit and cries that this is uncomfortable.) because blake did this too- except for the crying part. my son obviously enjoyed having multiple matchbox cars crammed in his junk. he would stuff and stuff, until you couldn't possibly fit another car in there. and then he'd just walk around like that. and on his creative days, he'd stick blankets in there too. maybe the cars needed something soft to park on? who knows. kids are weird. but they're fun to laugh at. especially when they aren't your own.

can blogs change the world?

it could happen! i think blogs are getting more and more recognition daily and are becoming a more influential form of media. i found this survey at suburbanbliss and thought i'd post it here as well (but i can't, so you'll have to go there to get the link and take it. don't forget to link your own blog as one of your favorites, as well as this one, DUR!). it's an interesting questionaire about blogs and other types of media... but mostly about blogs.

ALSO- do you want to get paid to blog? then you should go here. but apparently, only if you're a mommy blogger. cause if you're not a mommy blogger, then you suck. i am a mom. and a blogger. and someone's future wife. and someone's employee. and i hate being in the category of mommy blogger because it's not how i define myself. i am so much more than just someone's mom so please don't pigeon hold me in that bullshit category - and STOP trying to categorize all moms into these peachy, betty crocker types who would never in a million years say a single cuss word. FUCK THAT. people swear. moms swear. I SWEAR. there is so much focus on being a mommy blogger that i just don't get it. can only mom's write influential and cool blogs? or are they just trying to fill a void they think exists because there are so many moms out there, with no one to talk to, or relate too? too many stay at home mom's with too much time on their hands? that's an oxymoron if i've ever written one! whatever it is, we're apparently some sort of marketing godsend.... or something like that.

so yeah. get paid to blog. fill out the survey. read blogs. write blogs. but for goddess sake, be a mom when you do it all.

jimmy

eatjimmy
Originally uploaded by jennnster.

jimmy is boyfriend's best friend. you've read about jimmy before here. blake luffs jimmy so much that he wants to eat his hair. see? jimmy is single and wicked hot, and also really shy when it comes to random girls. so we're constantly pressuring him to talk to people, flirt, do anything basically that will get him a date. to no avail. jimmy remains single. he is super scrumptious though, so anyone interested please email me for a rigorous and harsh online interview. ooh, scary.

anyways, a group of us went out to eat on saturday night and after orders of turkey/avocado sandwiches, fish & chips, and beer, it was jimmy's turn. the waitress asks for jimmy's order and he says, "i'll have the beef strokin' off." the best part about this was that it was a total accident. when you're with a group of people who would say that on purpose just to be funny and embarassing, it's apparently MORE embarassing when you truly didn't mean to say it, but you still do. haha! strokin' off. nice one jimmy. that will get you all the ladies.

he loves me, he loves me NOT

boyfriend has decided he loves me most in the mornings. he claims it's something about me being so cute and cuddly it makes him not want to get out of bed. i'm so sure me sprawled across the bed, drooling on my pillow is super attractive. who wouldn't want to leave that?

i think he loves me most in the morning because i'm practically incoherent. i can barely respond when he speaks to me (note- this means no sass or smartass comments) and i can barely move either. it's like my entire body is in a state of dead weight. he lifts my arm up-and down it crashes back onto the bed without me so much as moving an inch from where i lay. he could probably do whatever he wanted to me and i wouldn't budge (ew, there's something entirely wrong about that thought). but really, who loves a person most when they can't speak or move? apparently the man i'm going to marry does. yeah yeah, the same guy who's afraid of tampons and doesn't let me beat him.

i think something is wrong with me mentally

i mean seriously. who goes to the gym.. works out like a maniac.. and then for the entire walk back from the gym thinks about baking brownies, chocolate chip cookies, and streusal cake????! who cares that i just worked out? who cares that i just burned calories? i.want.chocolate. and then it's all i think about!
something is not right in my head! for reals. unless i'm not the only one who does this, then i'll accept the fact that i'm perfectly normal. ha!

ps- miss incognito- please give me the correct link to that cake. dammit, if you're going to give me a fucking recipe to something that is going to make me explode with chocolate goodness, at least make sure it's the right link! and oh yeah.. thank you. :)

random thoughts for thursday

• if i don't stop eating these freaking animal crackers (they are so NOT crackers, why do they call them animal crackers? liars!) i won't fit in my wedding dress. ever.
• that big bright thing in the sky that i saw today is something you people like to call THE SUN. who knew?
• i have really weird dreams sometimes. (last nights was someone trying to kidnap me and the good guy in the dream had a HUGE, black, st. bernard!)
• which reminds me.. i really really really want a puppy! (cause my life apparently isn't busy enough.. kid.. fiance.. wedding..)
• people who try to sell columbine killer's cars on websites are fucking assholes and should be run over by said car.
• i am still pissy over this nick & jessica thing
• i pee like every 20 minutes. do you realize how time consuming that is?!?!
• i started this blog for my grandpa, and now i wonder if he even still reads it?
• i really want to go workout, but i can't. (this is why britney allowed fuckfed to knock her up again, i just know it.)
• i think myspace is retarded, but i still go there- hypocrit anyone? *raises hand*
• i really want to bake something sweet.. like cinnamon buns with gooey frosting or something like that! oooh, frosting!
• i have a message board that has been open for 5 years! that's probably why i never thought to start a blog- i talk so much there, who knew i'd still have stuff to say here?
• which leads me to think that maybe i talk too much?
• it baffles me how some of the really "popular" blogs are popular when i don't think they're even remotely entertaining or fun to read.
• and then i think that i must be the only one, otherwise they wouldn't be so "popular."
• but then i don't care because i know they suck and i think you know too- you just read them because you think you're supposed too.
• and then i'm jealous because i wish my blog was that popular. (my blog is like the new kid in high school who wants the makeover by cher in clueless so all the kids will love her)
• i blame mercury retrograde for my lack of funniness today. it's almost embarassing to be this non funny, but i'm posting this anyways. fuck it.

please tell me this isn't true

please!!! nick (lachey) is fucking kristin (from laguna beach)?!?!! i can't handle that nonsense. she is such a stupid little girl, who does not deserve to be in the public eye, please tell me that this man is not dating this child!!!!!! and someone please tell me how this is "revenge" on jessica? oooooh i'll show you jess, i'll date an 18 year old kid i have nothing in common with that is just as spoiled and stupid as you are! i have officially come to the conclusion that nick is a fucking waste of space.
my head can only handle so much, and it's about to explode because i know that trash britney married knocked her up again! she is ruining all my theories about her and justin getting back together! CURSE YOU BRITNEY!!!!!! i will now officially blame her for my lack of working out this week. no justin and britney reunion, no working out! i'm going to the gym first thing in the morning! i'm fixin' to save the world.. 1 workout at a time!

psycho baseball mom

that's me.
we moved from southern cali to northern cali in august and when i signed blake up for baseball here, i assumed it would be just like home. i mean, i knew he played pony ball in so cal- but i didn't realize little league was something different. i figured a freaking baseball league, was a baseball league.
reality check, meet jenn. hi!
so i'm frustrated because little league up here means the following things: kids don't pitch to eachother (it's coach pitch).. the coach pitches 8 balls to them and if they don't/can't hit it, they get a walk.. they don't keep score.. you can't slide head first (when i asked what they would do when blake slides head first into home plate because he will.. they said they would discourage it. the fuck you will discourage something that is completely natural and normal to do when you play baseball).. you can't steal or lead off.. the first inning consists of both teams batting around completely (instead of 3 outs and the inning is over).. there are no pick offs cause there are no lead offs.. it basically consists of coddling your kids into little pussies so that they have fun instead of play competitive ball. i don't care if that sounds nice and sweet. i don't want nice and sweet. i want competitive, follow the fucking rules, teach my kid something, challenge my kid, REAL baseball. they try to say that kids this age don't have the attention span and they make up all these excuses as to why they have the stupid rules they do. they don't have the attention span because you don't let them. you keep these kids in the dark when it comes to the basic fundamental rules of how you play real baseball. i'm super frustrated because i'm afraid that blake will be confused this season. the things he's been taught to do, and how he's been taught to play, all of a sudden aren't "right" in this league. and he can't do them anymore. and that's crap. because they ARE right. it's how you play baseball, it's just not apparently how you play little league. i.just.worry. my sister told me this morning that in our pony leagues at home- they tell the parents that if this league is too competitive for them, they should take their kid over to little league. i think that says it all.

here is a picture of blake doing something he won't be able to do this year as a 7 year old, that he did when he was 5.

ps- all of this could completely change once the season starts. it might not even be a big deal at all and i am just pre-freaking out. it might not affect blake in the slightest and he'll just be so happy to be playing baseball that he won't even notice the rule differences. so if that turns out to be the case, please disregard this post.

pss- i wish i could blame this on pms, but i can't. this craziness is just me.

they don't make animal cookies anymore!

at least that's obviously what my brain thinks. i haven't been able to stop shoving these bites of animal goodness into my mouth since I fucking bought them at costco.
i think i just sprouted a tail. i hope it's made out of animal cookies so i can eat it!

my weekend in 8 points

1. when the sign entering the parking lot reads "DISNEYLAND IS VERY BUSY, PLEASE PLAN YOUR DAY".. just accept defeat and turn the car around and go home. cause it's not "very" busy.. it's unseasonably, ridiculously, how do they fit this many fucking strollers in one place, busy... not to mention the fact that your kid won't want to do anything accept eat cotton candy and drink sour watermelon icee's because he can't even see where the line ends for the ride he wants to go on- and the thought of waiting 45 minutes in line is an eternity to a 7 year old and is apparently not going to happen. ever. at least not while he's 7.
2. it is inevitable that people who should not be wearing spandex, will most assuredly, wear spandex. most likely from head to toe. and more likely, it will gross you out.
3. the monster's inc. ride will make absolutely no sense to you if you haven't seen the movie. and even if you have, it's still not worth the wait.
4. two 7 year old boys who haven't seen eachother in 3 months will not stop touching eachother the whole time they're around eachother. we're talking 12 hours of pure hugging, wrestling, and hand holding here people.
5. paying $6 for a SLICE of pizza is ridiculous and should be illegal and my former employers should be ashamed.
6. it's never a good thing to get hit on by the scary guy at a rest stop. *shivers*
7. when sleeping in my nephews bed.. the only option according to boyfriend is "spoon, or be spooned."
8. and last, but most definitely, not least- if your legs look like they are about to explode from being forced into your knee high boots, please have pity on those of us who have to witness it. think of the kids. think of me.. and keep those boots at home and never, ever, wear them out in public again.

oscar recap. well, not really.

i was driving back from LA, so i missed the whole entire oscar show. i figure i hear all the best parts the day after anyways so i'm not upset about it. anyways, after scouring the pictures at yahoo, i have come to the following conclusions:

• just in case you forgot, or didn't know, or are living under a rock on crack- keira knightley is simply one of the most beautiful women i've ever seen in my life. and she is just as stunning in person, as she is in pics... if not moreso.
• jennifer garner is on the of the cutest and friendliest people ever. she is always so smiley and happy and her freaking dimples kill me! love.her.
• while jennifer aniston looked super pretty.. someone remind why she was there again? niether her, nor brad pitt should be allowed to attend these types of things without the other on their arm. i'm still in denial about their divorce.
• jennifer lopez should not be allowed to bring skeletor (her husband) in public. seriously. ever. well unless he wears a paper bag over his head, then i guess it would be alright.
• could hillary swank even walk in her dress?
• i think i'm in love with charlize theron. if she proposed, i might say yes.
• poor michelle williams. she does realize that heath doesn't even like her anymore, doesn't she?
• the other gay cowboy, jake geharlesdsajdflskafsdfs looked hot.

the end.

my heart is happy

we're leaving for LA tonight and going to the land of dis tomorrow! i.can't.wait. YAY for home! i will think of you all as i'm stuffing my face with ridiculous amounts of churro's and mickey mouse shaped pretzels. and you thought i went there for the rides?

understanding eachother

"i can't leave early to get to blake's practice today, sorry."
"it's okay.. i'll just make sure i tell him that he wasn't important enough, and that work is more important than he is."
"ooooh, and make sure you tell him i don't love him too, k?"

the life of my ass

the cd in the gym goes from a kick ass workout song, to a slow, let me make love to you right this instant, song. i felt like i should start grinding on the treadmill all seductively or something. so i turn around and look at the only guy in the gym with me and start blaming him for bringing in his "date night" cd from home. he's cracking up telling me it's not his cd (which i already knew, i just think i'm funny). the conversation goes from that cd, to rap music, and how there's good workout rap, and bad workout rap. and how if there was a rap cd with a ton of cuss words in it, everyone in the gym would turn around and blame him, even if it wasn't his cd. i said, "of course they would. you'd be the only black man in here, so it would HAVE to be your cd! it couldn't possibly be the white girl with the ghetto booty's!"
"i did notice that."
"notice what?"
"your... your"
"my ass?"
"yeah"
"well i would have been offended if you hadn't."
"really???"
"i've been told my whole life by black men that i have an ass so nice it makes grown men cry. if you hadn't noticed it.. well, i would have wondered what the fuck was wrong with you."

sometimes, it's just really fun to be a white girl with a big ole booty.

make mine a double- can you do that with tea?

i'm turning into one of those people who actually goes out of her way to go to starbucks. (another sign that the apocolypse is coming, or britney & justin are getting back together!) it's not very often at all, BUT STILL! up until about 2 years ago, i'd never even been inside a freaking starbucks before. i hate coffee. still do. but i'm obsessed with their chai tea lattes. even though it's a really random occasion that i do go there, i always feel completely out of place. like i'm trying to be some sort of trendy, yuppy dork who hangs out in there all day and reads a paper, instead of going to work. if every starbucks had a drive thru, i'd never go inside one again. i never realized that you could honestly feel like a fraud in a coffee shop, but apparently you can. or apparently i can.