Sunday, December 31, 2006

happy noodles!!!

my niece would always say "happy noodles" instead of "happy new year" when she was little. it stuck. i like it.


i love new years! i love new years eve! i think it's so fun! so exciting! i love being in different places for new years, although i haven't done shit the past few. so this year, we've decided to have an impromptu party! on such last minute notice, only a few couples are coming over- but it's way better than nothing! we went out and got a ton of snack foods, and drinks and i can't wait!

you know what this means, right? it's going to be 2007. THE YEAR OF THE WEDDING??!! speaking of. we ordered invitations today. and i am not designing them! or printing them! and i love them! :)

be safe everyone! SMOOCH!

Friday, December 29, 2006


good god. .you hear me?!?! GOOD.GOD.

i have never cried so hard and so often in a movie, as i did in this one. and honestly, it wasn't even that great of a movie. but dammit. i was, and still am, bawling. i cannot stop crying. it was just so sad.

my only complaint about this movie was that we didn't get to know really anything about the people who died before they died. the movie starts off with the end of the game before they board the plane that crashes. we get about 5 minutes of the team and coaches before we lose them all forever. boyfriend insists that i enjoy torturing myself and he doesn't understand how i could want to be more involved in a story that is already as heartwrenching as it is. but i guess the way i see it is- this movie was made because of this huge loss. and while it is about moving on after an incredible tragedy.... and how not only individuals must move past this, but a whole entire town.... i guess i just want to know WHO they're moving on from. i want to be more emotionally involved. i want to care about the people who died. and i can't care about them when i'm not given anything at all to know about them. and i think that sucks. i want to know the girl and her fiance's relationship before he dies. i want to know what kind of coach the coach was. i want to know and like these boys before they are killed.

maybe boyfriend's right? no, he's not. it's not that i enjoy torturing myself. it's just that i enjoy learning all about someone when i'm supposed to care that they're gone. know what i mean? you want me to care that this town lost 75 people? show me 75 people to care about. teach me about them. let me love them too. and then yeah...... i'll be crying even harder. but dammit, i might feel better too. i know that doesn't make any sense, but it does in my head.

Thursday, December 28, 2006!

even when i look wretched. good gravy, warm clothes DO NOT flatter me. this is why i wear tank tops all the time, thank you very much.

my mom.. me.. ceecee (my niece)

achoo (my nephew).. and boyfriend

blakey face!

more blake
blake boarding

why does everyone else look totally normal and cute in winter clothes, EXCEPT me?!?!?!

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

snowboarding superstar!

yes everyone, i'm still sick. it's pathetic. i feel terrible.

we went snowboarding over christmas. it was blake's first time. my mom tried it too! but soon after attempting and falling too many times, she took a snowmobile down the mountain. her boyfriend traded in the snowboard for ski's and then went ski crazy like a superstar! but how fun is it that they tried to snowboard?!?! super fun, i think.

blake was so over his lessons. all he wanted to do was GO GO GO! when the instructor asked the kids if they wanted to stop and look at animal tracks, they all yelled, "NOOOO!!!" he made them stop anyway. once his lessons were over he asked me, "can i do what you guys were doing and just go down the mountain without stopping???" so he did. apparently he can't turn or stop very well, but he sure points that board down the mountain and takes off like a bat outta hell. i think it's funny. he's such a cool kid. my sister has all the pictures, so i can't show you any. (hint hint sis)

i realize this post sucks, but i'm sick. and i have no voice. so i shouldn't be typing. HAH

Sunday, December 24, 2006

merry ho-ho 2006

Merry Christmas Everyone!!!!!

May all your dreams come true!!!

Friday, December 22, 2006


given by stupidhead noah (guy i work with) to a freaking TWELVE YEAR OLD BOY (not to mention, the big boss' son).

"girls are like cats. if you try to pet them, they'll run away. but if you ignore them, they'll rub up against your leg."

way to go noah. said in my best napoleon dynamite voice.. "iddddddddddddiot."

Thursday, December 21, 2006

don't have much to say

except that i still feel icky. and those damn 3 climbers in the oregon mountains have made me very, very sad.

why do people have to go and die around christmas? it makes me feel so bad because now, for those families, christmas will never be the same again. no longer will christmas be filled with good thoughts and love and all things positive and happy. it will be forever intertwined with the trip the dad's never came back from. makes me sad. so, so, sad.


Wednesday, December 20, 2006

sick i am

yoda i am not. but i'm not feeling well so it's back to bed i go. i hope y'all have a better day than i will!!! i would kiss you, but i might get you sick... so NO KISSES FOR YOU!

no radio show tonight. i'm sure you'll live.

i switched to the new blogger. does anyone know how to add a list of the labels you put on actually INTO your template? like, how i have a list for my recent posts and my archives? how can i have a list of my categories (ie, labels)?! let me know if you know!

i swear i had something good to say, but i forget.

Monday, December 18, 2006

um, you guys- where are you?!

seriously. do i smell? do i suck at writing lately? has my life become.. dare i say it.. BORING?!?!

because where the hell is everyone? you sure as shit aren't reading this blog. and that's fine. no really. don't mind me. i'll just post to myself because well, if i don't have anyone to talk too, i'll just talk to myself. kind of like this past weekend, at my xmas party, boyfriend kept disappearing on me- so i would introduce my hand to people as boyfriend. "this is my boyfriend, chris. oh, he says it's really nice to meet you. oh yeah, he really likes your top too!" and my hand would move up and down. it was great.

it was 28 fucking degrees this morning. my car was covered in ice. ice i couldn't get off. ice people. THIS STER OF JENN IS NOT MADE FOR ICE OR WEATHER THIS DAMN CHILLY. DO YOU HEAR ME? oh yeah, you don't.. because you aren't reading this blog!

okay, reassurance time. please tell me no one is reading your blog either and it's just the time of year. if it's not true, lie to me. thanks!

Sunday, December 17, 2006

i donated

did you?

ps- i have to put the stupid word (that is so NEVER a word) verification up for now because i am overloaded with stupid, fucking spammers.

Friday, December 15, 2006

the ole switch'aroo

are you selfish during the holiday's or do you switch off family visits each year?? we're here. and by we- i mean my fabulous hot mom self, and my pain in the ass boyfriend.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

wait, milf is a bad thing?!?

how come i'm always the last to know?!? none of you ever tell me anything! i didn't even know this was going around blogland and people were upset at being called a milf (or the hot moms club). kristen made a great post here talking about her perspective on the issue. issue? why is being a milf an issue?!

good gravy people- who doesn't want to feel good about themselves? for me, when someone calls me a milf, i laugh. i laugh because it's funny and well, i don't really believe them. but carrying on... why is being hot, or sexy, or feeling good, a bad thing? i take being a mom completely out of the picture because how come it's okay to be hot when you're not a mom? but once you're a mom, you can't be? or is it because the hot mom's club are called just that? hot.moms. and that offends people?

let me tell you something- i'm not as thin as i'd like to be and there are certainly things i'd like to change about how i look physically, but i still think i'm cute! and i think my fabulous personality adds to my cuteness. :) am i hot? eh.. i don't think so, but i sure as shit joined that hot mom's club. why? because i think it's fun! i think some of the women on there are FAR too skinny and i would personally never want to be that thin, but who doesn't want to feel sexy?

i just don't think it's wrong. i don't think being called or considering yourself a milf is something that is setting back feminism billions of years. who cares?!? wouldn't you think that as women- feeling good, feeling sexy, feeling do-able, would be a positive part of feminism? why is being hot, bad?

ah hell, i don't know. but what i do know is, i'm never offended when someone calls me a milf. are you?

role model, schmole model

thank you to everyone who listened and participated in the show. big special thanks to ashley for being a good sport and answering a million questions about her husband, david. if you missed the show,just go here and click the play button accordingly (you know, to match the show).

next week at 7:30pm PST (i'm trying to negotiate here folks), we'll be talking about survival skills. when you're in your car. in the wake of the death of james kim and what could have been his whole family, we'll talk about what could help save your life if you get stranded in your car. if you know any survival tips, please call in and share! let's help everyone have a safe christmas and new years!

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

when you're famous

and you're in the public eye, would you think about your actions? how would you handle being an actress and being married to a professional baseball player? do you think it would change you? would you live your life differently if you knew that kids were looking up to you and watching your every move?

so many questions, and so many answers.

tonight on blogtalkradio, i'll be talking with ashley drane. she's an actress from los angeles who has been in such shows as drake & josh, that's so raven, and the wb's, blue collar tv. she's also married to david eckstein (major league baseball player for the st. louis cardinals). in today's society where it seems that young actresses don't even think twice about the roles they are offered, ashley stands out above the rest.

i'll be talking to her about the pressures of being a role model. about turning down parts to stay true to your ideals.

don't forget to call in, because ashley would love to take your calls and answer your questions!

** don't forget to call in and talk to ashley!**
talk to you tonight at 8pm PST! please call (646) 915-8654 to be part of our show, or live comment in this blog post!!

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

i need your help blogland!

invitations. the wedding ones. i'm struggling here. don't you think that a quote of $6oo dollars for 100 invitations is a little steep? cause i sure do. here is my question:

to pay someone that money, i'll have total say over how the invitations are designed. the color scheme, the monogram, all of it. total control. AND, they'll look freaking amazing. but does it really matter how amazing they look, when all they do is end up in people's trash cans?

my problem is that i look at things and think "i can do that." and i can. i mean, i know i could design my own monogram.. incorporate it into the tent cards, the table numbers, etc. i could do all of that. but at what expense? it would be financially cheaper, but that's a hell of a lot of work and a hell of a lot of time. and i don't know if i want to do all of that. not to mention the fact that while i could do all of those things, a professional graphic designer could do them better.

did you make anything yourself when it came to your wedding? are you totally sick and tired of hearing about this crap already?!?!

Monday, December 11, 2006


first of all, thank you all SO incredibly much for the comments in the post below. you're all so freaking awesome and you get so damn personal in my comments, and i love you for it.

i want y'all to know that i don't hate my dad. i'm sorry if i gave that impression in the post. i was angry for a long time. so mad at what he did and how he did it, but sometimes more than that- how it hurt my mom. i couldn't even deal with my own emotions in regards to what happened when i was so wrapped up in helping my mom deal with hers. the pain in which this has caused her, is heartbreaking. i can't even put into words how much her pain hurts me.

but i have come to realize that while their relationship is over, my relationship with my father, is not. it's not about taking sides. i'll never agree that he did a good thing. i'll never think that how he did what he did was okay. because it wasn't. but it's done now. he's done it. and he did it the way he did, and he can't take it back. sometimes, you just have to accept things and move past them. because they can't be changed. life is just hard sometimes. full of lessons to be learned. and this is one of them. i don't want to shut my dad out of my life. he knows i was mad at him. he knows i don't agree with what he did. he knows because i've told him. but he also knows that i love him. because i can't just stop loving the only father i've ever known. and it's not like he was a bad father to me. you know? so i can't just suddenly hate someone that i've loved my whole life. plus, i don't want to hate him. i don't want to hate anyone. life is too short for that. and i don't want to have regrets. so while it is still hard to talk to him about certain things in regards to his life..... at least we're talking.

and so many of you who have been through this before know what it feels like to feel like you're in the middle. if i'm talking to my dad, that upsets my mom. and even though she knows logically that i have every "right" to have a relationship with my father, it still hurts her because subconsciously she wants me to still be mad at him. i understand all of that. i understand the feelings of someone doing something so wrong to you, that you want everyone else to be mad at that person for as long as you are. i get it. but in choosing to have a relationship with my dad, it doesn't mean that i'm choosing to not support my mom. it doesn't mean that i agree with what he did. it doesn't mean that i think it's okay. i think it sucks, and i will always think that. i never want to deal with that in my own personal relationship and future marriage. i never want to know that kind of pain. i never want to feel that helplessness, that betrayal. i don't want to inflict any more pain on my mom. she doesn't need it. but i also can't take any more pain. so i want it to be okay that i talk to him. and i think with time, it will be.

i freaked out in regards to everything at my wedding because i have literally seen my dad 1 time since all of this has happened. it's emotional enough to think about the wedding and all that that day represents without thinking about adding the dad factor into things. i feel like i need to talk and see him more, otherwise that day will be an overload of all sorts of emotions. the last thing i want is some fucked up breakdown that day. and for the record, my dad and i were very, very close- so that is what makes this even more difficult. he went from the main man in my life that i could count on and call for anything, to the one person i didn't want to call for anything. that was my decision though at the time. and at the time, i agreed with it. but now that almost 3 years have passed- i'm not in the same place.

so many thoughts. so many emotions. only 1 head. it's a work in progress like i said before. and i think that's a good thing.

ps- boyfriend bought his wedding ring this weekend! if that's not enough to turn you on, i don't know what is! it's so freaking hot, i love it! tungsten ring in gunmetal grey. how freaking boyfriend is that?!?!

Sunday, December 10, 2006

my heart, it hurts

i don't talk about all of this stuff much because sometimes, when i feel it creeping into my head, i push it out so fast that i forget it was even there in the first place. but i can only ignore it for so long, because i have to deal with it. and i'm not normally the person who doesn't confront things. i take my emotion... i live with it.. i live in it.. i accept it.. i fight it.. i do whatever.. but at least i acknowledge it. and with this, well i haven't done a lot of those things.

ever since my dad cheated on my mom a few years ago and left, his and my relationship has been barely existant. i went over a year without talking to him. and even though he deserved every bit of it, it hurt me. what he did to my mom, and the way in which he hurt her, is something i'll never forget. and i shouldn't be expected too. but i can only hold onto anger for so long before it starts to tear away at who i am. i'm not the type to hold a grudge. i'm the type of person who has deals with her emotions and works through them. otherwise, i can't function.

my dad and i have talked more in the last year or so and while it's not the way it used to be, it's better than it was. i would classify our relationship as a definite work in progress. while i hate what he did, and the way that he did it- nothing changes the fact that he is my dad and he's the only dad i've ever known. and so my heart, it hurts. my head, it hurts. because there is so much hurt and pain surrounding his actions that it's almost to hard to breathe sometimes.

and my wedding. good god, this wedding. things i never thought i'd have to think about before, i suddenly have to think about. i always figured my dad would walk me down the aisle. and now, that's just not something i can have him do. yes, he's my dad, but i don't want someone to walk me down the aisle and "give me away" when they haven't really been in my life for the last 3 years- and not to mention the whole cheating thing. i hate cheating so much. everything about it is so awful. the lies, the dishonesty, the conniving, the running around with another person.. ugh.. everything. i just hate it. and i just want purity, honesty, trust and everything good to surround me on my wedding day. that's why blake is walking me down the aisle and "sharing" me instead of giving me away. and then there's the fucking seating chart. i mean, i never had to think about where i'd sit my dad before. and now, i'm in tears trying to figure out who to put him with that won't want to stab his eyes out with hot pokers. and the father/daughter dance. and how he'll feel at my wedding. and how my mom will feel. and how they'll be seeing eachother for the first time in years that day. and how i don't want to think about either of them and i only want to think about myself and boyfriend and blake. but ALL OF THIS AFFECTS ME. and i hate it all. because it's just so painful and it's just so hard. and it's my fucking wedding day, and i shouldn't have to even think about things like this.

and i know that my dad made his bed and how everyone treats him is a result of his actions.. i know all of this. i know that he has to take responsibility for what he did. he has to accept that his actions have consequences. BUT THEY AFFECT ME TOO. if he's at my wedding miserable because people who were once his friends will no longer associate with him, that will affect me. because even though what he did was wrong, if he is hurting and around me, it will hurt me. and if my mom is hurting, that will hurt me. and i don't know what to do. and i just hate all of this. and i'm tired.

Friday, December 08, 2006

i boyfriend, take thee jennster & the dyson..

i put a dyson on our gift registry. yes, i have no shame. but what if we get it? and what if we get it BEFORE the wedding? someone asked me that and out came this response:

"well... i'll haul the damn thing up to tahoe and walk it down the aisle with me. that dyson will be an instant bridesmaid! i can find a pretty dress to put on it! think i'm joking?"

that's not crazy, right? i mean, that's just love.

Thursday, December 07, 2006

i just don't understand

**issa, little miss "i'm not drinking coffee anymore and if anyone in this universe blogs about coffee or starbucks, i will hunt them down and murder them in their sleep!!!" you might wanna skip this post. thanks**

how the one, single think i like at suckbuck's, can be so apparently damn difficult to make. everytime i order my chai tea latte, it's like a freaking crapshoot. i feel like i'm taking a risk with every order.

is it going to be good? too watered down? barely hot? no foam? too much chai flavoring? not enough chai flavoring?

i ask for the same thing everytime. venti chai tea latte, extra hot and extra foam. (omg, i've turned into one of those people who add shit to their shit. i can't believe i even say the word "venti" out loud. i'm such a sellout.) carrying on...

suckbucks- when i give you the honor of gracing your preppie establishment with my presence (not to mention hard earned money), please do me the honor of making my order correctly. it can't be that fucking hard. and when i ask for extra foam, that does not mean i don't want any. that means be generous with the stupid foamy stuff at the top of my cup. i like it when the tea has to work hard to get through the foam to come out of the cup. yes, i'm a freak.. but i'm a freak who gives you money to make me tea. please make it right. or i'll stop coming here. and actually, that might not be a bad idea. my wallet might thank me. i can't believe i pay y'all as much money as i do to make me this drink. maybe we should register for something that lets me make my own chai tea latte's at home! oooh, foam galore!!!

here is last night's radio show. just click the play button to listen to me and izzy talking to everyone about their significant others! "this one time.. at band camp..."

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

things i've learned about blog talk radio

it's super fun and i really like it.. but i need to start the show about an hour later. that means i need to do the show at 8pm PST. i realize that makes it late for some of you east coasters, but it's either your sleep time, or my sanity. i win!

i get home from work close to 7 and it's just too much to literally walk in the door, say hi to my boys and then run upstairs and start my show. boyfriend understands, but blake doesn't. and it's not fair to him. it's not fair to either of them. so no more 7pm starts. i can't handle it.

i'm also going to rethink how often i do the shows, but for now- i'll keep them weekly. i'll see how changing the time i start feels. we'll roll with it.

i had lots more to say, but now i can't remember! tonight's show was really fun though! izzy did great, per usual. (thank you izzy) and everyone who live commented in the thread below- THANK YOU! even if you can't call in, the comments are fun and crack me up!

you can listen to the show here- and any of the past ones as well!

how'd you meet your significant other?

that's the topic for tonight's radio show! izzymom will be co-hosting with me!!! so don't forget to dial in, or just listen.. or heck, live comment like rwa always does (it makes me laugh the most). and if you don't have a significant other, then what are you doing to try and find one? let's talk love tonight people. and let's talk it gooooood.

7pm PST tonight!!
the number to reach izzy & myself is: (646) 915-8654
my blog talk radio page
speaking of love, i have to tell you how much i love and adore boyfriend. blake had a little thing at school this morning recognizing his awesomeness in regards to teamwork in and out of the classroom. it's a small assembly where 1 kid from each class gets recognized. i wouldn't have even gone, but blake specifically asked me to. and when he asked boyfriend, boyfriend said he had a deadline at work and couldn't make it. so i'm standing there in the auditorium and i feel a little ping in my stomach. i turn for no reason and look to my left and there's boyfriend walking in with our friend kathleen! i got so giddy and excited to see him there. first of all, i never get to see boyfriend at that time of day, and second of all, how cool was it of him to show up for that?!?! see, this is why i'm marrying this man!!!

don't forget to call tonight and get mushy with me live!!!! :)

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Monday, December 04, 2006

the ster house is christmafied!!

the decorations are up!!!! i'm so excited because our little place looks so stinking cute, i could eat it up! you know, and gain more weight. do you think it would look bad if my wedding dress was safety pinned in the back to close it? haha

i guess this post means nothing really without pictures. and well, i didn't take any. but i will. and then i'll post them. because music box row is so cute this year! blake decorated it and he did such a fabulous job! and then boyfriend.. oh my goodness, don't even get me started on how freaking fabulous he was yesterday. we have a fake tree. but it's so cute and fun and you only know it's fake because it doesn't smell yummy. he spent HOURS (literally) making the branches look like a real freaking tree. i made them look like a firecracker blew them up. you see, i just wanted to fill up the holes and spaces- so i made each branch thing go a direction that filled up holes. so the branches were just all over the place. but hey, no holes! boyfriend would get to my piece of crap branch, sigh, and then fix it appropriately. only after he'd spent over 2 hours on the damn thing, did i finally realize and see just what it was he was doing. he was making it damn near perfect. he's such a hot piece of ass!

we didn't put up the train this year or the department 56 stuff because in all honesty, we just don't have the space. and i thought we would have a particular piece of furniture by now that i could turn into dept 56 haven, but we don't have it. and i don't want the 1 room we spend all of our time in to be so damn full of christmas goodness that you can't even walk! i'm fully against my house looking like santa barfed in it.

ooh, speaking of xmas goodies and barfing, i did some baking this weekend! my very first gingerbread men (from a box) were delicious! and i made the 5 minute fudge that i posted here awhile back. all is yummy! all is fattening! all is well!! :) merry christmas. ha!

Saturday, December 02, 2006

where have all the good role models gone?

i certainly don't know, but i can tell you this... i found 2 yesterday.

as any parent knows- good role models for our kids are scarce these days. you can find an amazing athlete for your child to look up to, but how do they behave off the court? or off the field? kobe bryant is a great example. there was a guy that no one had anything bad to say about on or off the court. and then we all know what happened. in that instant, he became someone in my eyes, that i didn't want blake to look up to anymore. but how do you go about explaining to your child that someone he thought was awesome, sucks in real life?
"yes blake, kobe is an amazing basketball player. but you know what, it's not enough. he has to be amazing off the court too. and he's not. he's not a very nice person off the court."
and in my opinion, you need to be both. you need to be just as amazing off the field as you are on it. because it's not enough to just be a good athlete. you also need to be a good person. and i think it's rare to find both in someone. which is sad, but true.

and then i don't even know where to begin when it comes to the role models for girls in our society. in this day and age where the singers our girls love dress like whores (and act like them) it's so hard to find someone good and nice for them to want to be like. where the actresses are daily tabloid news for their awful behavior, and the toys our girls are supposed to want to play with (bratz dolls anyone?) are wearing next to nothing- what do we have left to give our girls?!?

i don't have the answer. i don't have the solution. i do believe that our kids look up to us, their parents, most of all. i do believe that good behavior begins at home. i do believe that the most influential role models are those of us who are around them the most. i try to be someone that blake can look up to and respect. and as of yesterday, i found 2 more people i'd be thrilled for him to feel that way about.

i spent a large part of my day yesterday with david eckstein and ashley drane. david is a major league baseball player. he is currently on the st. louis cardinals and was the MVP of the 2006 world series. ashley is an actress who has been on shows like drake & josh, phil of the future, that's so raven, and blue collar tv. these are 2 people who are immersed in a world where they could completely lose themselves. they could be those stars that end up on the front page of the tabloids with embarassing pictures, or have stories printed about how awful and rude they are. but, they're not. and you want to know why? because it's not in either of their character to be that way. take their jobs out of the picture completely, and what you have are 2 people who are so genuinely kind and good, it's almost unreal. i believe that if either of them had different careers, nothing about their personalities, or their character, would be any different. you would never know that david was the superstar baseball player that he is. he is so humble and modest. and he's just NICE. there is no ego that follows him around. he doesn't act as if the world owes him what he's getting. if anything, he'd like to give back. i honestly don't know how to put into words how down to earth and cool he was... i mean, the only way i can think of it is, he's someone you'd want to be friends with. they're both someone you'd want to be friends with. ashley is a stand up woman. she is so good hearted, thoughtful and kind. it was truly a joy to spend time with her. i learned from ashley that you can be who you want to be, without sacrificing who you are. you can follow and achieve your dreams without giving up your ideals. the many conversations we had yesterday were priceless. all i can say, and i can't say it enough, is how truly wonderful these 2 people are inside and out. they have good values, cherish their families, and i believe they know what really matters in life.

i'm telling all of you this, because i know as parents, we struggle with finding good role models for our kids. and even though i don't have a daughter, a lot of you do. and maybe you don't know who ashley is, but it's worth it in my opinion for you to find out. if i had a daughter, i'd pay her to adore ashley. and i would definitely buy blake anything david eckstein he wants.

you know what though? these aren't just people for our kids to look up to. these are people that we could all learn something from. humility, humbleness, kindness, being genuine, strength of self and character.... all qualities they both have. in abundance. because it's not only important for our kids to learn these things, some of us could re-learn them as well.

Friday, December 01, 2006

friday goodies!

after all my bitching about my fat ass and thighs yesterday... i baked rice krispie treats and brownies last night. see? me = mental.

i'm having lunch with david eckstein (2006 world series MVP) and his wife ashley today and i'm super excited!!!! anything you want me to tell david "superstar" eckstein or his adorable wife? no, i can't make out with either of them for you, so don't even ask.

i'm decorating the house for christmas tomorrow and i can't wait! i love putting it all up, but i get so sick of it by the time christmas finally comes around, that i can't wait to take it all down. i hate knowing i have all this work to do that's just lingering and i swear, all of it is down the day after christmas. what the hell is the point of keeping it up past xmas anyway? christmas is OVER by then. decorations = dead to me.

still obsessed with all things wedding and designing monograms. although someone designed a really killer monogram that was far cooler than anything i could have ever designed and i love it! even boyfriend likes it, which makes it that much more fun!

and one last note about the radio shows i've been doing. many of you are bummed out when you miss the show and you tend to think that you can't hear it if you miss it live. but that's not true at all. all you have to do is click here- and go to the archives. all the shows i've done in the past will show up there, and you can listen to any of them! what are you waiting for.. go listen now! what do you mean you have a life that doesn't revolve around me? fine, listen to them whenever you want! *winks*

Thursday, November 30, 2006

my fat ass... aaaand, the rest of me

i know i know, who wants to hear another freaking woman bitch and complain about her weight? but listen, i have to get this all out so that maybe i can figure out just why the fuck i'm so mental?!?!?

okay. so back in the day- (you know, when i was 20 something) it took no effort to lose weight. i was never that super skinny girl. i always had a ghetto bootie (thank you grandma and mom) but i was never really "thick." i just had one hell of an ass. but if i wanted to shed a few pounds, it literally took no effort at all. watch what i eat for like a day or two and the pounds would start to fall. at least looking back it seems like it was that way.

now that i'm older, i've still got the ass, but i've got the thick thighs to go along with it. and i'm so dammed out of porportioned, it's annoying (tiny waist.. tiny boobs.. big ass.. big thighs). but don't get me wrong. .. with the size of my ass and thighs i do not want the rest of me to be in porportion with that! my point is, ever since having blake, losing weight is a freaking battle. a struggle. what was once effortless, is now the ultimate challenge. and i hate it. yes, i want losing weight to be easy. i won't lie. i want to do very little and get a lot of results. i'm lazy like that. plus, as we learned before, i have no patience so i loathe waiting for results.

it's not really even the getting older part, although i'm sure that has a lot to do with it. i noticed the changes in how i lose weight and everything about my body and how it reacts to foods after i birthed the boy wonder. what once took 1 day to show results, now takes at least 3. and that's not even the worst part. the worst part is that ever since having blake, i'm mental. lol no really. i feel like a freaking gemini when it comes to how i feel about my weight. one day i'm totally fine with eating whatever i want and looking this way, and the next i can't stand to look at my body one more second.

my main problem is staying focused and maintaining consistancy. i get really focused for a short amount of time. once i set my mind to something, i can kick ass at it. but then i get tired of working that hard and not eating anything i want to eat. even with the great results, it's like it's not enough. i get frustrated because i don't want to live like that. i want to eat whatever the hell i want to eat. and i want to feel okay with that. and i don't want to be a fat, fucking cow either. not to mention the fact that i should probably want to fit into my wedding dress, eh? but yeah. that's the main battle that goes in inside my mind. i want to look good. no wait, scratch that. i want to feel like i look good. i want to feel good about how i look AND i want to be able to eat food and splurge sometimes. there has to be a way to maintain that? i know, you'll tell me to start excercising. let's pretend that isn't an option. let's pretend the devil (aka excercise) doesn't exist, k? thanks. besides, i can't lose weight with excercise alone. my body totally loses weight dependant upon what i shove down its throat. i guess i could eat what i wanted, and work out- then i would maintain? argh.

sometimes i just wish that i felt like it was okay to look this way. and that way i could feel good about how i look right now- and i would be eating whatever i wanted to eat. but that's not the reality. because i am eating what i want, but i think i look disgusting. well, i think a portion of my body looks disgusting. the rest looks fine. i just wonder if i'm the only one who gets frustrated with "dieting" even when you see the results you want? because if losing the weight and looking better isn't enough of a motivation to keep me going, then what the hell is!??!? and what the hell is wrong with me?!?!?

ps- i want to be perfectly clear that i don't wish i had no ass at all. that's not a goal or a desire.. i love my shapely curves. i really do- i just desire to be a tad less curvy. a tad less bodacious in the ass.. but not assless- i love me the ghetto bootie.. i'd just a little less ghetto.

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

countdown to tonight's radio show!


**TONIGHT is the radio show of all radio shows!!!!!!**

russ from will be co-hosting with me tonight and i'm so excited, i could just pee myself!!!!! if you don't know who russ is, get to know him. he is crazy, insane, wickedly creative and has an amazing voice!!

join us tonight at 7pm PST- which is in tminus 1 hour and counting (give or take a few minutes)

call us at (646) 915-8654

it's wednesday babble time!

i love the fact that almost daily someone finds my blog by searching for "bachelor party boyfriends." "strippers at bachelor parties." "boyfriend wants a bachelor party in vegas." "vegas strippers for bachelor party." "my boyfriend cheated with a vegas stripper at his bachelor party." and so on and so forth.

makes me feel like i should start a support system for all the women out there who have to deal with all of this bullshit. not that i would be a part of it anymore, because the vegas bach party has been nixed. you heard me. IT'S NOT HAPPENING! thank you and goodnight. LOL

okay, just so you all don't think i'm not consumed with all things wedding.. i'll have you know that i am, in fact, consumed with all things wedding. it's because i just had a new idea of designing a monogram type of thing to use as a subtle theme for all sorts of decor at the reception. and well, once i get an idea, i can't stop. and the sucky part is- i look at all these examples of designs and i immediately think "i can do that myself." and then i try. and then hours go by and i've ignored my family and friends all for the sake of trying to design something myself that i could have had someone else design in like 5 minutes. i will tell you that for as overwhelming as is- their message boards have been pretty invaluable when it comes to advice, tips, tricks, and talented people who can design pretty much anything for you. but once again, do i let them design anything for me? NO. little miss, "i can learn photoshop and pretend i'm a fabulous designer" attempts to do it herself. hmph.

it's cold here. like fucking freezing. my car temp said 33 degrees. i would cry, but i'm afraid my tears would freeze.

somedays i wish i could just stay home all day and bake goodies. fudge, sugar cookies, gingerbread men, peanut butter rice krispie treats and peppermint patty balls. that's my holiday treat list. and today i just wanted to stay home and bake them all!!!!! but i didn't. carry on.

**and last but not least- TONIGHT is the radio show of all radio shows!!!!!!!**
russ from will be co-hosting with me tonight and i'm so excited, i could just pee myself!!!!! if you don't know who russ is, get to know him. he is crazy, insane, wickedly creative and has an amazing voice!! join us tonight at 7pm PST (or whatever time it says on your computer when you visit my blogtalk radio page .... it adjusts the time zone according to the clock on your computer).
call us at (646) 915-8654. don't forget and we'll talk to you tonight!!!!!

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

life lessons

do you ever look at your life, and the way you live it, and have that instant recognition about what your lessons are? as in, what you're here to learn? .. or teach people?

i mean, i know that i definitely need to learn patience. but i'm not giving in lightly. nothing comes easy for me. i've never been the type to want something and then get it with a snap of the fingers. you know the type.... they always seem "lucky." they get all that they want without really having to work for it. even though it seems like everything in my life is here to teach me patience in one form or another, i fear that i'm going to have to relearn it all over again in the next life. i am just an impatient person. and i know i have many other lessons to learn and that i'll most likely, never stop learning throughout this whole life.

my point? oh yeah.. my point. it isn't really even about me. it's more about how we view and see other people- and their actions. i mean, i was thinking about a particular friend this morning and i was thinking that one of her predominent lessons she has to learn in this life, is letting go. she has to learn how to let go of her control issues. in almost every aspect of her life.

and that stemmed to my thinking that it seems a hell of a lot easier to look at others and see their "flaws" then it is to look within and see our own. i mean, can we see other people's life lessons far clearer than we can see ours? because in my example above, that particular friend does not see her behavior as a flaw. she sees it as empowering. and she sees it as herself doing everyone around her a favor. so what if i'm wrong in assuming that that particular thing is a lesson for her? what if it all comes back to perception and how we each see things in others and ourselves based on how we view things?

i really don't know where i'm going with this. i guess i want to know if any of you can see clearly lessons you think you have to learn in this life? or are you perfect? HA!

Sunday, November 26, 2006

i'm back-

and warm! well, as long as i'm inside the house anyway. camping was good. it was freaking freezing and 1 pig is dead. or 1 new york subway rat on steroids is dead. i think they look the same. long lost cousins maybe? maybe.

we did wedding stuff today and it was so freaking exciting! boyfriend tried on tux's. omg, i almost mounted him in the dressing room. i got very teary eyed just looking at his sexiness in a tux. it was very emotional and i cannot wait until our wedding day. he got so uncomfortable with the amount of compliments that kept spewing out of my mouth.... which made it that much more fun, honestly. and i can only hope that he'll feel the same way that i did today, when he sees me walking down the aisle.

after the tux excitement, we went to bed bath and beyond to register. we kept saying we'd wait until after the holiday's, but the little scanner gun thing was way too fun to resist. we're registered. in a serious way. in a way too, oh my gosh please edit this registry, kind of way. it was so super fun at first, but then it got really overwhelming and it took us almost 3 hours to get through the store. our excited selves were soon replaced with exhausted ones. we went home to try out our new pillows that go with our new mattress topper. and i thought our sex life was over before. now we're double doomed!

Friday, November 24, 2006

dear blogland & beyond

i'm going camping now.

with my boyfriend.

you know, the one who hunts and kills things.

wish me luck.

the end.

Thursday, November 23, 2006

twas the night before thanksgiving

and all through the speakers..
were the sound of jennster and elizabeth..
being total tweekers!
they talked about turkey
and stuffing its butt..
"take a picture of you putting it on your hand!" jennster said
she's a nut!
sue bob called in...
tofurkey she hates
she's eating something else
but it has a weird name
then there was becky
who said YOU MUST FRY IT!
the turkey that is
fry it- you'll like it!
don't forget about pickleness
she called in too
dinner for 8 on friday
with her son hugo and jack black .. woo hoo!!!
and then there was jenn
who called in at last
making mongrammed pumpkins all day
please.. don't ask.

did you miss the show? did you? well now you don't have to!

click here to visit and listen to the show in archives! next blog talk radio show is next wednesday at 7pm PST. don't miss it.. you'll be sorry you did!!

happy thanksgiving everyone! hope it's wonderful! :)

Wednesday, November 22, 2006


do you get them often? do you take them well? what is your favorite compliment to receive, physically?

yes, you have to pick a favorite. and it's completely okay to enjoy hearing someone say something nice about you. even if getting compliments makes you uncomfortable, some part of you must think it's nice, right? so what is it for you? what one compliment just blows you out of the water everytime you hear it? it's feel good about yourself day here at ster's! :)

for me, it is so extremely rare that anyone compliments me on my eyes. and i really do love my eye color. so when someone does say something nice about them, i genuinely think it's so cool, kind and sweet. i don't care what their reasons are, but eye compliments make me swoony!

i remember when boyfriend complimented me on my eyes the first day i met him. i tried to call his bullshit by closing my eyes and asking him, "oh really? what color are they, then?" he answered immediately. and he was right! guess he showed me.

so that's what it is for me. the eyes. what is it for you?

***let's talk thanksgiving plans, irritations, etc TONIGHT! 7pm PST this evening is the next blog talk radio show! you can always see when my upcoming shows are by visiting my blog talk host page- it lists the upcoming shows at the bottom! make sure you tune in to hear who my co-host for the evening is! :)

Dial In Number (646) 915-8654

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

tuxedo shops are the devil!

okay, not really. they aren't even the spawn of satan... but they are annoying!!!

who knew that there were so many freaking styles of tuxes these days? the guys have almost as many choices as we women do for our dresses. something i thought would be a really simple experience, was out of control.

"what kind of tie do you want? what about jacket length? 2 button? 3 button? 4 button? NO BUTTON??? how about the collar type? this one is really important. do you want the collar to be straight? sharp? kiss you on the neck while you walk?? cumberbun? vest? and if a vest, what style? solid color, or a pattern?"

the kicker of all of this was- with all of these questions to answer, they have nothing for you to try on. they actually expect you to look at a picture of a tux, or swatches of vest pattern, and choose it all that way. and anyone who has looked at a swatch of anything knows how deceiving that pattern can be. it looks good that small, but put it on something large and all of a sudden a once cute pattern looks terribly cheesy. who does this? could you imagine if that's how we had to get our dresses? oh honey, just pick it from a picture- i'm sure it will look just fine on you. we went to more than one place and called others. they're all the same. you don't try anything on. well what if you're thinking that a really light pinstriping might look great, so you order it, only to find that you look completely fucking stupid in pinstripes? i find it hard to believe that every single male on the face of this earth who has rented a tux got it solely from looking at a picture. it's enough to make me want to open a shop where everything is in store. and you try it on and pick what you like.

is this really how it's done?!?

Monday, November 20, 2006

it's one of those days

my mind races at night. all the thoughts that i've pushed out of my head during the day come screaming into it during the nighttime. everything i try to avoid. everything i try not to think about. they all flood my mind when i'm trying to find peace in my sleep.

last night i was consumed with mommy guilt. the feeling that no matter what i do, it's never enough. i never spend enough time with blake. i could always hang out with him more. just sit on his bed and watch him draw. or watch tv with him. or just do anything with him... MORE. and i often wonder what messages i'm sending him with my actions. is my son going to grow up thinking that lost was more important than he was? will he think that work was more important? the computer? the things i choose to maintain my sanity and have some balance of self.... at what cost?

listen, i know the reality of why i do things i do. i know that having some jennster time = a much nicer, calmer, patient (ha) mom. and when you take all of these things away from me, i stress out. i can't relax. i feel wound up. the logical side of me knows the reasons for all of my actions.. even if they're sometimes selfish. but the emotional side of me wants to bitch slap me almost nightly.

and i hate the battle. i hate the battle between my emotions and my logic. because sometimes, i feel like no matter what i did- it would never be enough. i could spend all day with blake and i'd still find something to feel guilty about. i guess lately i've just been thinking more and more about how precious all of this time together is. because as he gets older, i know one day it will just stop. he won't want me to come watch him draw anymore. he won't want me to watch tv with him. he'll probably pay me to stay out of his room. and then i'm sure i'll have a billions times more mommy guilt for the past.

i'm just having one of those days. i'll be fine tomorrow i'm sure, but today.. it's just a bummer.

Saturday, November 18, 2006

the thing that kills our sex life...

won't be marriage.. and it won't be the kid(s).

it will be this damn tempur-pedic mattress topper we just got from our neighbors!!!! the thing is so freaking heavenly, that neither one of us wants to move once we get in it. i do believe that we actually had a conversation that went somewhere along of the lines of this the other night:

ster: you come here. i am WAY too comfy to move. come to me.
boyfriend: no way. you come here.
ster: YOU. HERE.
boyfriend: too comfy. not moving.
*we both fall asleep*

we are so screwed.

Friday, November 17, 2006

more blog radio stuff!

i just wanted to let y'all know that i chose to take down the very first radio show. if you click on any of the links below, you'll notice that the show is no longer available. there was far too much revealed in terms of my occupation and that's not something i really want out there in that type of format. i don't want to be associated with my job and that's not why i blog, or do blog talk radio. wait, that sounds funny. it's not that i don't want to be associated with my job.. because i love it (even though it kicks my ass on a daily basis).. but i don't blog about my work. i don't talk about my job. and i really need to keep it that way. i'm sorry to those of you who missed it, but i promise that you will have plenty of other opportunities to hear and participate in future shows!

last night was a great first show and i learned a lot. i definitely know what to expect and how to handle certain things going forward. i've also been contacted by blog talk radio, so you might hear far more than you ever wanted to of me in the near future. (lord help us all)..

i'm still very serious about the co-host idea and i almost think i will not do a show if i don't have a co-host with me. i definitely feed off other people and am not entertaining enough all by lonesome. so don't forget that if you're interested in co-hosting with me, just let me know and i'll work you in! and thanks! i promise it will be fun! you guys are the best!!! xoxoox

omg- the radio chat that took over the world!

or the radio show that was so completely fucked up that it wasn't working at all for 30 minutes. i have no clue what i did (i have a small clue, but anyway), but when i tried to call my host number, it wouldn't work. i mean, the number worked, but i have to put this code in. the stupid lady with the accent told me that i had no shows scheduled. so then i tried to schedule a new show- but it said i can't have two shows scheduled for the same day. AHHHHHHHHH!

i was about to give up when pickleness told me she'd let me use her account which made me think that i could make an account for boyfriend and use his. cheese & rice, i am shutting up soon. anyway, i did that and it worked!

the show is here and you click archives and jennster's first show is there! hopefully you can click the play button and it will work for you (IT SHOULD WORK NOW!!! click the play button!)

thank you elizabeth and izzy for pretty much co-hosting the show with me and giving me the idea that everytime i do one of these, i want a co-host! so please let me know if you'd be interested in co-hosting a show with me! all you need is a mouth that speaks and a phone!

thank you boyfriend and rwa for live commenting the whole time while we were doing the show. that was awesome and it made it SO much more fun!!!!! seriously, i would randomly crack up thanks to those comments! thanks to jenn & mike and everyone who tolerated me saying "porn cock" as often as i could get it out there! HAHAHAH!

until next time...

Thursday, November 16, 2006

and we're LIVE! call in now!

okay- i created an account for boyfriend and hopefully this will work! !! please let it work!

orrr not. it won't let me connect. i have a different number than you guys do to call into- and it's saying i have no shows scheduled. i'm trying to be smarter than the system so hang in there with me for a minute. if you're holding, hang up until you hear me actually fucking TALKING! good gravy i'm going to cry

yes.. now. or just listen. whatever tickles your fancy! you'll need window's media, or if you're a mac user, see izzy's comment in the post below on how to listen (thanks iz!!).

Dial In Number (646) 915-8950

you don't have to be super tech savvy to participate.. all you have to do is pick up the phone and dial (and remember that it's a long distance call, so normal, long distance charges apply). so there you go! YAY!

blog chat radio

i've had an account for about a month and figured that i just didn't really have the time to do this consistantly (like i wanted too). thus, i've been waiting... you know, until i do have the time... which really means, if i keep waiting, i'll never have the time, and it will never happen!

i don't want to wait anymore- because kristin's radio show was SO MUCH FUN! so i am ready!!!!! we'll start with this show and who knows where it will go from there, but i'm ready!!! are you ready?!??!?!

i swear to the goddess people.. IF YOU DO NOT CALL ME AND TALK TO ME, I WILL CRY!!! and no, i'm not having a topic. it's all about open discussion.. open chat.. open blog love. first time talking to eachother and hearing eachother's voices.. laughing.. dishing the dirt, etc. let's bring it!

so when should i do this? tonight (thursday)? hell yeah... let's go for tonight! but wait, tonight is grey's anatomy. hmmm.. if it's my 7:30pm (pacific standard time) it's a lot of your 10:30pm and grey's is over by then. and the kids are sleeping and the husband's are trying to sleep. that's right. who's with me???

Gotta Get Something Off Your Chest?

ps-How do I listen to a show?
Your computer must have the Windows Media Player. You can download the latest version at the Windows Media Download Site. There is a version of Windows Media Player for Mac users as well.

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

the post with pictures

of the hot and sexy bitches that i miss so much.. especially lately.

blogher 108

the girls- izzy, kristen, jennster, liz

blogher 012

blogher 074

blogher 079

her bad mother, ster, mom-101

blogher 018


ps- who puts the pregnant person in the BACK SEAT of a convertible?!!! um, yeah.. me and izzy do. she should have killed us. girlfriend, i am so sorry that we sucked and put you in the back. wtf were we thinking?
blogher 061

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

because laughing is always fun!

grandpa- you can probably skip this post. lol

it's that time again! the ROFL awards for october!

i nominated kevin, fucktard, charnas for his freaking hilarious post about becoming super flame! if anyone grew up watching the heat miser cartoon during christmas, you'll appreciate this post.

don't forget to visit mommy off the record, or izzy for the whole list of nominees and fun posts! who doesn't like to laugh?

Sunday, November 12, 2006

the seating chart

okay, listen up. you already know i'm a little crazy so none of this should surprise you. i asked our reception place to send me a sample seating chart for our wedding so i would know what i have to work with, what the table set up is like, etc. i don't even know who is, or who is not coming to the wedding yet (and we don't even have invitations)- but in my psycho mind, none of that matters.

working on this chart is making me sick to my stomach. this is freaking ridiculous and NOT fun at all. how come no one ever told me?!?! YOU GUYS! i expect some forwarning about what is not going to be easy.. what is going to suck.. what is going to make me cry, etc and you have not been helping!!!

so in this chart- there are 2 tables that are behind a fucking fireplace. as in, i don't think they'll be able to see anything or anyone other than eachother's table. who the hell am i supposed to put behind a fireplace so they can't see anything?!?!! HELLO! and then there is this other table that is so far in exile in the corner of the room- i'm almost embarassed to put anyone there. how the hell did you choose who to sit where?! it sucks. this sucks. maybe i should put a note on the exiled tables telling them that even though they are far enough away to be in a completely different zip code, i still love them? should i set up a webcam so they don't miss anything? i mean seriously people! this seating stuff is making me crazy...... er.

Saturday, November 11, 2006

dear rain

normally when i wake up to the beautiful sound of you falling, i am pleasantly surprised. normally, i can sit there in bed and be lulled right back to sleep by you. listening to you fall takes me back to when i was a kid. i had this ridiculously ugly metal shade that hung over my window.... and when you fell, you would hit that shade with such force, it would make the loudest sound. but i always loved it. and i've always loved you. rain for me has always brought me a certain kind of peace. normally, you're good for my soul. normally.
but when i woke up this morning to the sound of you- i wasn't pleasantly surprised. my normal happy, peaceful feeling was replaced by a ping of horror and uncertainty. i found myself unable to get back to sleep and my insides were clenched at the sound of you. and i realize why.

last year you didn't stop falling for 8 months. EIGHT MONTHS! i did not move to seattle, do you hear me rain? if this is a sign that you aren't going to stop falling until freaking may, our love affair might be over. yes, i'm threatening a break up here. because while i love you and i honestly don't get tired of hearing of you fall.... i do get tired of not seeing the sun and having the cloudy, dreary days that accompany you. i'm too happy of a person to be surrounded by darkness for that long. so i am begging you. please don't do to me what you did to me last year. i don't think i can take it.

your warm weather loving soon to be ex-girlfriend

Friday, November 10, 2006

hit the snooze button and die!

hey you, we're over here! and by we, i mean myself and boyfriend. you know, the one i'm going to kill if he hits snooze one more time.....

Thursday, November 09, 2006

From the files of “Nothing Can Ever Be Easy” (On The Road Edition)

**the post below is from the brilliantly funny, charming, and first time dad, tony. when he isn't hogging up all my blog space, he can be found on his blog, from the files of nothing can ever be easy. although he sucks at actually posting regularly. which is why he's here. and wherever else you might see him. *coughs*becky's*coughs*

Allie and I have been searching for the past few weeks for someone we are both comfortable with to watch Kaci when Allie goes back to work (which is very soon actually.) We have searched classifieds and online listings and we have even placed ads on Craigslist, to which we have gotten many replies…so with that in mind, here’s a little advice for any potential childcare providers.

When replying to either an online listing or a direct email….SPELL CHECK…geez its not that hard…because there’s no freakin way in hell I’m leaving Kaci with someone who “liv in nice hose” I mean seriously…Kaci probably could type better than this person…whoever it was. Don’t get me wrong, she could be a great person…but horrible spelling gets you nowhere in my book.

I’m Christian, Allie is Catholic and we want our daughter to grow up knowing God, but please do not mention God, the bible, or Christianity in every single sentence you type. I’ll admit that this probably means there’s something wrong with me when it completely freaks me out at how much this person mentioned her religion, the bible and such in her reply….but it did….so please tone down the bible-thumping. Example “I will do my best as a Christian, to help care for your daughter, and help her learn the teachings of the bible so that she can know God better.” Why does this creep me out you might ask? Ever hear of David Koresh or Jim Jones? (Or that one chick from either Trading Spouses or Wife Swap…you know..the “Christian Warrior!!”

When we get as far as meeting in person…how about covering up that tattoo you have on your thigh? You know…the one that spelled out “Trashy” (it didn’t actually spell out trashy, but it was very tasteless). I have no problem with tattoos…Allie has 2 and I have always wanted one….but this person’s tattoo was a huge red flag to me…not that she has one…but that she has one and didn’t bother covering it up…I mean if it were a butterfly or something well-drawn or meaningful…I might understand…but this tattoo probably meant she was the property of some local biker gang.

And finally...never EVER accuse me of accusing you of being a scam. I can’t help it if I bone headedly forwarded your email back to you instead of to Allie with the words “I don’t know about this one…read it very carefully.” Just because I sounded skeptical, doesn’t mean I was skeptical…I was just letting Allie know that I wasn’t sure if this person was the right fit for us…so instead what do I get in return…”Are you accusing me of being a scam?” Well if you’re the type of person that needlessly rushes to ridiculous (not “rediculus”) conclusions….then you’re nowhere near suitable to care for my child.

Thus, the search continues…wish me luck.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006


MLB paraphenalia... $20

dinner for 4 at taco bell... $16

getting a 9 year old born and raised giant fan to wear an LA DODGERS hat out in public.. PRICELESS!


Tuesday, November 07, 2006

we interrupt your regularly scheduled blog to tell you

please please please don't let this be a joke! please let this be real!!!!!!!!!!!
the world is a happy place! *shakes booty*
oh yeah! go britney.. get justin back! :)

the post where i bring you into our bedroom

because it's a scary, crazy, oh so fun place to be!

it's about 1:30 in the morning and i'm sleeping peacefully. suddenly, i am awoken by the sound of boyfriend saying "baby??" i open my eyes and he is looking over me. like he is out of bed, standing over me, staring at me. once he confirms it's me- he gets back into bed and proceeds to tell me the following:

he said that when he woke up, he turned and looked at me. apparently my hair was in a super weird position, so it looked like i had a buzz cut. he didn't think it was me so he got out of bed and went into blake's room to look for me. when he realized i wasn't there, he came back into our room and bent down to my face and discovered that it was, in fact, me. that was when he woke me up.

from the moment he woke up and came back to bed, he thought JIMMY was in the bed with him! freaking JIMMY!!! J I M M Y. he thought jimmy came over after work to talk, or something, and he fell asleep. what the hell?!! lol

at least he didn't lean in to kiss me while he thought i was jimmy, right?

Monday, November 06, 2006

i hate nopoblosmadsfjsljf

i'm sorry y'all, but this freaking november post everyday crap is killing me. first of all, way too many of you are playing along. secondly, you're just posting to post. and that alone is annoying.

i like to read what you blog about when you genuinely have something to say. not when you're posting because you're "supposed" to be. if you're participating in this madness, can you tell me why? because when i heard about it, absolutely nothing about it appealed to me. i'm wondering what appealed to you.

this is one time i'm encourage y'all to be quitters. k? my sanity.. my bloglines.. my eyes thank you.

Sunday, November 05, 2006

walking down memory lane

every so often, an old memory will pop into my head. it could be triggered by a song, a smell, something someone says, who knows. whenever i hear this one song, i'm instantly transported back to my dorm at cal state fullerton with my best friend melissa sitting on the floor next to me, rocking back and forth, as we dance and attempt to sing along.

for some reason, the following memory popped in my head and made me laugh this morning.

i was in a class at cal state fullerton. it had to be a communications class, but i have no clue which one anymore. i always sat in the back few rows of class. i don't like sitting in the front. and i hate the idea of people sitting behind me staring at the back of my head. cause i assume that's what they're doing all class. they're not listening to the teacher, they're staring at my hair. i'm a freak, i know. moving along. this classroom was pretty big. the size of a small movie theatre i think. brett was in this class with me. brett was a total smart ass. he's the guy who when i told him that it cost a quarter everytime he touched me, put about 50 quarters on my desk one day. he's the one who turned my smart ass comments around on me and "tricked" me into going to lunch with him.

we must have talked during class a lot. we must have because one day the teacher hopped off of the stage and started walking towards the back of the class where we were sitting. he was counting down from 10. the 10 was really mean and angry and scary. but by the time he got to us and got to 1, he was calm. i don't think any other words were said, but the teacher opened the door for us. brett and i gathered our stuff and walked out the door. once we got out there, the teacher turned around and walked back in the class. brett and i were standing there, dumbfounded. we just got kicked out of a college class. WHO GETS KICKED OUT OF A COLLEGE CLASS?!??! i couldn't stop laughing. brett whined like a girl. he bitched about how he knew everyone in that class and how they were going to give him so much shit. but honestly, i just thought it was funny. and rare.

but apparently not that rare, cause once i transferred to san jose state, i got kicked out of a screenwriting class one evening. i can't remember the details, but i do remember that the teacher was horrible and was basically calling all of us losers. she would say awful things to us about how untalented we were, and i think i said something about her being so talented at screenwriting that she was teaching a class about it. out i went. and i do remember getting kicked out of her class one more time that semester because i couldn't stop laughing. are you starting to see a trend here? obviously, i am the one who was the problem. heehee! that bitch hated me, but i still passed the class and i think i filed a complaint about her. as far as i can remember, she was not teaching there the following semester. don't mess with ster.

Saturday, November 04, 2006

football is finally over.. thank god

today is our last game of pop warner football for the season (and quite possibly forever). blake isn't sure he wants to play next year or not. bottom line, he loathes the running. apparently they run these nasty hills at practice and blake can't stand it. take the hills out, and he'd be fine with football, 100%. me however? i'm not so sure.

they weren't lying when they said that football was a commitment. i remember rolling my eyes and wondering just how much more of a commitment than any other sport can it be? but it truly is. if you enjoyed having august be a summer month, you won't anymore. because no longer is august a month of no school and family vacations- august belongs to football. 5 to 6 days a week. and once school starts, football still rules your life 4 days a week. it really is a lot and the pressure to get the kids to practice on time (which means 30 minutes early) is mentally draining. i feel a burdon lift off my shoulders now that the season is over (or at least i will at around 5pm today). i'm sure boyfriend does too since he's the one who has to haul ass out of work each day to get him to practice.

the thing that has been the most frustrating with football is how disorganized they are. it's unbelievable. and for a pyscho detail oriented virgo like myself, it makes me absolutely crazy. something inside me wants to take over and fix whatever the hell is wrong with this organization. the game days have constantly switched. the time of the game has changed. the locations have changed all the way up until the morning of the game. one time, the location changed back and forth 4 times. FOUR TIMES! and there is never an explanation. never any reasoning for what the hell the freaking problem is. i don't know about you, but i like reasons. it helps me understand just what the heck is going on. it can help me place blame where it is justly due, instead of automatically thinking that this football league is ridiculously chaotic.

even on the field, our team is out of control. we have about a thousand coaches and apparently they don't communicate with eachother. i can't even tell you how many times one coach has sent blake hauling ass onto the field to a position, only to have another coach yell at him to turn around and come back off the field. i honestly wish i could tell you this has only happened to him a handful of times. but i can't. because the truth is it happens to blake numerous times each and every game. but you know what? blake has never once complained to me about it. never seems frustrated when it happens. he just comes off the field and pays attention to the game, while i sit in the stands and curse under my breath.

the last straw for me was this week when i got an email (the same email...3 times... per usual.. someone kill me) saying how the jersey's we ordered for the kids got messed up so the kids weren't getting them. something about an error with the silkscreener. um, can't you start over? fix the error? DO SOMETHING? i mean, why isn't this something that can be fixed? instead i get an email saying there was a screw up and we'll all get our money back. how lame is that? but in my mind, it's just another one of the many screw ups of football.

don't get me wrong- football hasn't been all bad. and i don't sit around all day hating on it. because it has been really fun. i love that blake is playing another sport besides baseball. it's super fun to watch him play. and the football parents are unlike any other sport parents i've known. it's a crazy little community. a crazy little disorganized community. but it really is fun. i love the games, i love watching blake at practice- and well, there's always coach jason. i luff me some coach jason. he cracks me up when he gets all angry on the field and tries to yell at the boys. i just wanna laugh and hug him.*waves to boyfriend*

and football couldn't be more different from baseball, which is what i'm used too. speaking of, that battle is next on the list. but more on that later.

Friday, November 03, 2006

does anyone really care

what someone has to say when they do so anonymously?

wouldn't it be much more "insulting" (if that is their intention) to do it with a name? how much credit can you give someone when they do it under the anon umbrella? do they stay anon because they know what they're doing is mean and cruel and they don't want to admit that side of them? do they not want to be associated with their post or comment? and if they don't, then why write it in the first place? having the ability to post anonymously just gives you an easy out. you can be as mean spirited as you want without taking any responsibility over what you write or say. in other words, you can be a cold hearted bitch and still be a complete pussy.

when teri was bagging on me and being rude as hell, at least she had the balls to do it with her name and her blog linked (and at the time what i can only conclude as being a real picture of herself). i respect that action much more than i do someone bagging on me anonymously. anyone can rip someone or their kid apart when there is no name attached. it's easy to do any number of things when you don't have to own up to it.

but then, what's the point? because all of these anonymous people claim to stand by what they say. they claim to not give a shit who they hurt, or how their posts affect others. but if that was true, then they wouldn't be posting anonymously, would they?

i'm curious what your opinion is?

ps- this has nothing nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing to do with me, or anything that has or is being said about me. just wanted that to be clear because some of you think otherwise. it was just a general discussion

Thursday, November 02, 2006

if you haven't watched lost yet, don't read this

dear boyfriend,
please don't come upstairs before lost is over because it is most assuredly true that you will walk in right at a part where something so completely wacky and unexplainable is happening that i will have to listen to you make fun of it for the rest of the night. i don't know what the big black cloudy stupid thing is. no, it isn't a bunch of cartoon bees. i don't know why it can pick him up and throw him against trees. but you don't get to make fun of it!!! even though that part was lame and totally retarded, it's still my show that i love and adore. i am emotionally invested in this show, which is why the moment you start your heavy breathing or sighs of "this show is so unrealistic and stupid how can you watch it?" i get defensive. my show. MINE. you stay downstairs until it's over and i'll let you enjoy being married to me.

dear lost,
please don't ever give me an hours worth of backstory on a character before killing them off again. you wasted my time last night. apart from about 2 minutes of really good stuff, you have me all into this person's life and basically things i already knew (from the previous backstory on him) and then you toss him into trees and have him die!!! why did i have to know all of this stuff about him? WHY? i feel jipped. and just think about how i'll feel after you go on hiatus until like january or february or whatever it was that i read. your scheduling pisses me off. and well, that's all i have to bitch about for now.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

love thy neighbor

or the post where i talk about standing outside their front door with a video camera filming an extremely personal moment. love.. stalking- same difference.

our neighbors john and hayden got engaged last night!!!! and we got to observe, watch, stalk, be a part of the whole thing!

john wanted blake to be the one who gave hayden the ring. we decided to put it in blake's candy bucket and head on next door. blake asked hayden "trick or treat" and waited for her to give him candy- she had no idea what was coming next. after getting "one of each", blake shot me a look and i gave him a nod. he handed hayden a box. "what is this?" she asked and turned to see john down on one knee asking her to marry him.

IT WAS THE COOLEST THING! and i video taped it! i got so nervous and choked up and there is a part where i am shaking so badly i almost needed 4 hands to hold the damn camera still. i half felt like i was violating a very private moment, but the other half of me was so happy that i was able to video and take pictures of such a special moment for them. and another half of me (sure, i've got 3 halves) was so overjoyed that blake got to be a part of something like that. and blake loved it. he was so hesitant at first to even do it, but after he thought it was so neat. and he said, "that was the first time i've ever seen a grown up cry!!" he couldn't stop smiling. he even made up a song about it in the bathtub. i'd tell you the lyrics, but i forget.

anyway, it was a crazy romantic halloween for us last night! and hayden... your life will never be the same. welcome to wedding planning!

hayden 020

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

my first no

so this is what it feels like when someone tells you they can't come to your wedding.

i know it's still early and the damn invitations haven't even been picked out yet let alone mailed out, but i had assumed she would come. i was so looking forward to sharing the day with her, seeing her, spending time with her, etc. and now she can't make it. i appreciate her telling me so far in advance, but i'm still sad about it.

she's my first, and most assuredly not my last when it comes to "will not attend" on the wedding invites. do i feel sad because she's my first official no? or maybe it's because i thought she was coming, and am surprised that she's not? *sighs* hopefully the next one won't be this dramatic.

it won't be this dramatic, will it???

i know i know.. i have to change my focus to be happy about the people who will be able to spend the day with us, as opposed to the ones who can't. still, it's kinda sad.

ps... happy halloween! have a super fun and safe night!!!!! it was so fun taking blake to school this morning and seeing all the kids dressed up and so goofy and excited for halloween. HALLOWEEN IS SO FREAKING FUN!!!!!

Monday, October 30, 2006

i work with hot women!

our work halloween party was this past saturday evening and i just want to share some pictures with you. i work with such BEAUTIFUL women. beautiful inside and out. and we all get along! they are so much fun and such awesome people that i truly do consider myself lucky. i know that some people have terrible work environments, or work in places where the women don't get along with one another. i'm happy to say that i don't have any of that kind of drama here where i work. maybe it's because we're all way too damn busy to hate on eachother? or maybe it's the fact that they're all just awesome?

either way, working with all of these talented and wonderful women everyday makes me happy! and now you'll be happy too- cause they're all hot. lol


Saturday, October 28, 2006


y'all were SO AWESOME in the post below (thank you so, so, so, so much by the way) that i am rewarding you by making you slave away in the kitchen. your family will thank you for it. your ass, however, will not.

mint patties!
these are so fucking good. and so easy to make, but kind of time consuming. but so good. did i mention good? ps- i buy the large special dark chocolate bars and melt those for the chocolate to cover the mint. omg, to die for. but then again, i love me some dark chocolate!

3 1/2 tablespoons all purpose flour
6 tablespoons milk
3 cups icing sugar (powdered sugar)
3/4 teaspoon mint flavoring/peppermint extract
1 1/2 cups good quality milk or dark chocolate

mix flour and milk in saucepan until smooth. heat and stir on medium heat until the mixture becomes thick like playdough. remove from heat!

add mint flavoring and icing sugar, mix well. take small pieces and roll into balls then pressing into flat circles about the size of a quarter or slightly bigger (your preference.. ps-i leave mine in balls, screw the flattening part) set on waxed paper.

melt chocolate in microwave or in bowl over simmering water just until melted. dip patties into chocolate lifting with fork covering completely, set on wax paper to set. can chill in fridge for speed in setting.

mint mixture can be tinted with food coloring (i make green and red ones at xmas time!)

can drizzle melted white chocolate over tops to decorate.

cream cheese ball thing!!
once again, so freaking delicious. if you do not like cheesecake, you will not like this. and note that if you choose to use something like "country crock" instead of real butter, you will have something that is a big blob of yummy goodness, instead of something that actually forms a ball. yes, i know this from experience. it's still delicious, but it looks like one hell of a mess. but still good!

1 package softened cream chees (8 oz)
1/2 cups butter softened
1/4 teaspoon vanilla extract
3/4 cup mini chocolate chips
3/4 cup sugar
2 tablespoons brown sugar
3/4 cup finely chopped walnuts - ps, i don't use the walnuts
graham crackers

beat cream cheese, butter and vanilla until fluffy. gradually add sugars. beat until combined. stir in chocolate chips. cover and refridgerate for 2 hours. place mix on piece of plastic wrap; shape into ball. refridgerate 1 hour. just before serving, roll in walnuts.

serve with graham crackers.


Friday, October 27, 2006

another f'n wedding question?

yes. good god i'm making myself nauseous. but hopefully, not any of you. but if i am, i understand. just puke elsewhere.

so. i need to know. did you have a videographer at your wedding? if you did, are you glad you did? do you ever watch the damn thing? do you think it's a plus to have it? would you get one again if you were to do it all over again?

aaaand.. if you didn't have one, do you wish you did? and if you're not married, when you get married- do you want one? because currently, we don't have one booked. but my photographer (who hates working with videographers because they are always in her way) said that she wishes she had one at her wedding. she said that she regrets it.

so i need to know if i should get one or not?!? because i love and adore beautiful pictures, but there is something about real time. about watching people interact in real time and talk, walk, etc. lol @ walk. good lord. .

yes i know this is a lot of questions, shut up. wait, don't shut up cause i need answers. so help! and thanks! and smooches! and oooh, if you're good i'll give you those other recipe's that i completely forgot that i promised you!

Thursday, October 26, 2006

it seems like all of you

have realized at the same time that if you email me, i will answer. (how come everytime i read that line i hear "if you build it, he will come" in my head?)

no longer do you wonder what or who i'm referring to when i post. now, you all email and ask! and you're ballsy too! you say things like "ster, TELL ME WHO YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT RIGHT NOW OR I WILL CUT YOU!" it's so cool to be physically threatened via email!

so, to whomever sent y'all the memo that emailing me means you actually get a response- thanks! because y'all are so fucking funny and fun and wonderful and amazing and talented and awesome and i love ya!!!!!!